Diaries of a mad Umbreon
by Shiguya Retomasi
Summary: A continuation of Diaries of an exile, picking up right after the final entry. Taken from her point of view, find out just a bit more about the day to day activities in the manor. Summary sucks, but there isn't much to say about it. Rated T for language.
1. April

Diaries of a Mad Umbreon

Disclaimer: all characters, places, and recognized names are copy write their respective owners. Anything else is mine, so please don't be a thief; Shadowbane doesn't appreciate it.

_April 28:_

_Stayed outside again, couldn't face everyone just yet. The place still feels cold…even though Dracoris kept saying no one was mad at me… it's not home… not anymore… I'm sorry, William… for everything…_

_April 29:_

_Actually slept in the mansion last night, though it still feels awkward… I know William forgave me and all, but this place still doesn't feel quite like home. It's probably just me being stupid and not accepting that my life may have a happy ending to it. William invited me to sleep on his bed, but I refused; I can't take the slim chance of losing control and destroying what little chance I have at his love. He gave me that look again… both hurt and curious… does he know how hard it is for me… how much I want to knock him down and lick his face endlessly? How badly my heart yearns for his gentle touch? How just hearing his voice makes me feel so giddy inside? No… he's not the type to understand…_

_Which reminds me, one of my wayward sons returned while I was gone, though he's really… changed. For one, the he's getting along great with Dracoris, which is a welcome change. It's always nice to see siblings getting along. But that's not the strange part; he's reverted to an Eevee for some reason…if he hadn't called me 'Mama' I wouldn't have had any clue it was him. The only thing that didn't change were his eyes, brilliant blue with such depth to them… and such happiness… he was being really sweet on that Eevee next to him, guess whatever happened along his travels landed him a mate…and to be honest, I'm jealous of him for that. They're two of a kind apart from the eye colors and those weird stones in their foreheads… he wouldn't tell me much… wonder what he's hiding from me? In any case, it's good to see him alive and cheerful. _

_Stayed out of sight most of the day, even avoiding William when he came looking for me. I… I don't know… he seems to have some feelings in return, but at the same time… it may be him taking the first step toward things going back to how they were before… before I did that to him… with all my heart I hope it's more, but… I just don't know…_

_April 30:_

_What a day; found out why Charis reverted to being an Eevee, and nearly yelled at Kitsu for her horrendous part in the events leading up to it. I can't believe that the vile creature William killed had corrupted Charis so badly… and William… had to kill him… I remember wanting so bad to cry when he said that; no mother wants to hear about any of their children dying, especially so young. My sadness soon turned to anger when he told of Kitsu's brutal method of healing the damage done to his soul; my hatred and contempt for her grew as he spoke, paraphrasing and adding in his own comments to Charis' tale. If she was alive still, I would have killed her on the spot for doing that to my son! This soon went away when I found out more about that Eevee he was with…another male. My first reaction was revolution; what had that vile thing done to Charis?! This soon passed as I remembered how he was acting... how fondly he was licking and nibbling that other Eevee. But, why would he stay with another male? He's not gay… at least, I don't remember him acting that way growing up. Maybe something happened to him that caused such a change in him? In any case, it's his life and he will choose how to live it… no matter whom, or what he finds attractive._

_Karakof went straight back to his laptop once we returned, William said that no-ones heard from him since returning; hah, guess his time away did nothing for his addiction to it. At least he's not bugging me to drink with him… though that may be because Kitsu drank all of it on a bender, which doesn't add up. Why would she suddenly start drinking, and why so much? Eh, not that I care; maybe now she'll not be such a royal bitch around here, it would be nice not to have her walking with such an attitude. _

_Saw that weird Eevee again today, though when I approached he squeaked and ran, even though I was trying to be friendly. I'm not that intimidating… at least I don't think I am… oh well, try again tomorrow I suppose. Well, better cut it off here, William is getting annoyed with the book light._

_Azarus Ketchum_


	2. May

A/N: Yes, it's quite early to be doing this, but the first review kinda warrented it. If anyone recognizes this story from somewhere (other than saying I copied it/stole the general theme, as I will bite them), I posted this here once before, and it's also hosted on agnph. Now, I am not going to explain that here, so if you're curious why not type it in a search engine... just know that you may not like what you find. That's all I have to say on the matter here (though, if anyone wants to know, just drop me a line and I'll happily explain it).

_May 1:_

_Quiet day again, didn't see that Eevee; did find out his name though. Blackwind… odd name for a brown furred critter, though he's supposedly destined to become an Umbreon… maybe if he'll stand still long enough, I can talk to him. It would be nice to have someone else around that understands how good the night feels. William sure as hell doesn't, he won't even go out past dark most days… kinda disappointing, I would love to walk under the starry sky with him… and maybe more… but that's just me dreaming, like he would ever think of that. Oh well, not being hated or stuck in a frozen wasteland is nice; and one of my wayward children returning is a welcome turn of events… if not a bit strange. Still can't get over the fact of Charis being with another male like that… just the though of them… bleh, not a pretty mental image. _

_William still hasn't set a day for that date he wanted to take me on, maybe he forgot. Or maybe he was never planning on it in the first place… I doubt that, but it's still a possibility. The manor feels much more like home now, guess just letting go and accepting that William forgave me worked… it still hurts to be close for too long, but at the same time it's comforting. If only I could muster up the courage and ask him… but I'm scared of the answer…_

_Haven't seen much or Charis, wonder where he spends all his time? Not like there's THAT many places to be for long periods of time around here. When I do see him, he's with Blackwind. Kind of annoying seeing as I would like a chance to talk with either one separate. Eh, I'll give it some time. But not now… tired._

_May 2:_

_Boring day, nothing worth noting._

_May 3:_

_Finally got to talk with Blackwind without him running away; poor thing just cowered in fear at first, like I was going to bite or something. It took quite a bit of coaxing before he would even open his eyes, kinda felt strange to speak softly to a kit again… not in a bad way, just strange. Once he accepted that I wasn't going to hurt him, he just stood there, as if waiting for me to make the first move… guess everyone else has been a bit standoffish to him. Again, it was strange… why was he so quiet? Was it because he feared me being angry with him for being with Charis, or had someone told him nasty stories about me while I was gone? He didn't say much; mostly he listened, which also surprised me. He was so POLITE, and thoughtful; he never once complained about me rambling on, or asking about even the most personal things. I knew it was bothering him, but he didn't let it show; instead nodding in understanding. It… felt nice… there was another like me… one who loved someone so deeply… I probably sounded like an idiot rambling on about William, but it was too easy to… my heart feels lighter just having told another some of the things plaguing my mind right now, I just hope he doesn't think I'm trying to dump my problems on him. He's so cute too…_

_That reminds me; William actually managed to get reservations for us… how he found a restaurant that allows Pokèmon inside is beyond me. But, anything with him would be nice… especially alone… where I can try and ask him… but first things first; I have a week to prepare, so that means trying to regain Shadowbane's trust; easier said then done, but worth a shot, right? _

_May 4:_

_Talked with Blackwind again today, this time I offered him a bite to eat as an icebreaker; he politely declined, but smiled for the first time. Guess it's starting to sink in that I won't be mean to him. I still wonder what brought him and Charis together, but I didn't ask him; that's a bit too personal of a question when you're trying to make a friend. I did most of the talking again, which feels strange... but, maybe he's just shy. I swear here and now that if ANYONE dares even THINK that I would make an advance on him they will learn a new definition of pain! Beyond that, I think he's coming around a bit… and I'm still jealous that he can be with his love and I can't… simply out of fear…_

_Didn't see William around much… only once before bed, come to think of it. Saw him and Charis walking together down the staircase, talking quietly. It's good to see them getting along so well, but why were they in absence so long? Now that I think of it… I haven't seen Charis and Blackwind together much lately either… something's going on and it's driving me crazy; they're up to something and I know it. It would explain why Blackwind was so happy to talk with me after getting over his initial fear… I hope nothing happened between them…_

_One last noteworthy thing before I turn in; talked a bit with Shadowbane, nothing much beyond making sure she didn't hate me. By how hard she tackled me, I think all is forgiven. Oh well, better quit before William takes away my diary for keeping him up._

_May 5:_

_Tomorrow is the day; I'm feeling such a mix of emotions from the excitement. Happiness, doubt, and even fear; I've wanted to be with him for so long, but now that I have the chance; I felt scared. I mean, what if I screwed this up? Or what if he was doing this just to tell me doesn't like me in return? It would have been worse if I didn't have that little sweetheart to talk with. For being so young, he really understands; though that may be because of his full age, not just the six or so months of his reincarnated age. But still, he knows what it feels like, and that alone makes talking about it so much easier. It's like… he's my hyperactive little counselor; someone I can tell my problems so freely. It helped a lot, just verbalizing my stupid worries made them seem insignificant, and his advice helped too. 'Just tell him how you feel and let him decide; worrying only makes it that much harder to do.'_

_Dracoris hasn't been around much either, always wandering down to New Bark Town with that weird box in tow. Normally, I would have stopped him and asked about it, but Dracoris has always been a bit strange, so what's the point? Besides, maybe he met some others to hang around with; not like there's anyone around that likes goofing around all day… well, playing around. So long as he's not getting into trouble, it's fine with me; and he knows that. To think… one son has come home with a very different mate, and my other son here is always gone… kinda lonely really… but I have Blackwind to talk, to and hopefully William soon…_

_Well, better call it a night._

_May 6:_

_Today was… wonderful. We left around six, William teleported us out to downtown Goldenrod City, not sure exactly where beyond that. So many humans around… it was very intimidating, I may have freaked and run if William wasn't there. I had to stay close to avoid getting trampled in the commotion; why he thought that was a good time to be there is beyond me… but I'm getting off subject. For a bit, I thought he would take us to some weird place that didn't mind our kind, but William shocked me when I realized where we were going. He… how did he know… Etan's place… one of the highest class restaurants in Johto… how did he know I love this place… we've only been there once, and that was before it opened. Even then, the food was great, but I never showed how much I liked it… maybe I'm wrong about him… maybe he does have a romantic streak in him. Mind you, I still had my doubts; every human restaurant I've ever been to don't allow Pokèmon inside, just like those bastards at the library… but now's not the time to gripe about that. For some reason, they did let us in… oh yeah; it's owned by what's-her-name… Alicia I think… yeah, that's probably it. Anyway, the owner was very strict on the rules; Pokèmon were allowed inside, and to be treated the same as human guests… though, we did sit in a different section. Probably because of the translation problem, but I didn't mind; the simple fact that we were allowed in was enough for me._

_The place was simply gorgeous; I can't even begin to describe it… though I was too giddy from excitement to really notice anything, so bah. We sat in a small booth, seeing as chairs would have been a nuisance. He… leaned close to me… it was really nice… oh, how I wanted to tell him everything… but it was too much, so I simply leaned against him, savoring his silky fur. Hope I didn't embarrass him too much being so clingy, but it was so nice to be with him. He didn't complain or push me away, but I knew it bothered him; so I stopped. Just his very presence made me feel warm inside… for so long I wanted to be alone with him like this… well, away from the family…and here we were; in a fancy restaurant on a date… still a strange concept… but I liked it. The food was even better than I remembered… oh, such flavor… not better than William's cooking, but I'm being bias on that point. We got quite a few looks just because we could psionically manipulate the silverware rather than tearing into our meals; nearly told a few of them off, but held my tongue to avoid embarrassing William. Still, if I ever meet them again, they're in for it; I hate being stared at. _

_After our meal, he took us out to Olivine… how he knew I always wanted that I may never know. We walked together along the quiet beaches; the moonlight reflected by the quiet surf… it was magical. _

_Guess the scene was a bit too much, because I made the motions and ran off, expecting him to understand; he did pursue me, but mistook my intentions for a game. He knocked me over and pinned me in the cool sand, oh how I wanted him… but he simply said I was 'it'… I wanted to cry… he still didn't understand… but I kept my composure and went with it. We chased each other back and forth for a few hours, leaving a winding trail of paw prints in the sand. After that, we lay together for a bit, mainly to catch our breaths, but also to enjoy the scene… and he… he admitted a love for me in return… I was someone… who cared about him… not because of money or power, but because of who he was… he wasn't sure about himself, but he did want to explore those feelings further. My heart told me to make a move, but I simply leaned against him, purring softly in the moonlight…_

_God, I'm tired…_

_May 7:_

_Talked to Blackwind again today, and he's really not doing well. Seems Charis has been busy a lot lately and the poor dears been lonely. He really wasn't used to being away from him, so the two of us spent most of the day together; talking, exercising, and just lounging around on a deck chair together; for being… that way he's really sweet. He even spoke, which was a shocker... I was starting to think he was a mute, or something. Blackwind didn't say much, but it was all about Charis... and some feelings he couldn't express to the one he loves. It feels good to have someone that I could connect with on that level… someone I could tell my feelings to that wouldn't laugh at me. I guess we needed each other… his mate and my hopefully soon to be mate were being distant, so we both felt alone… even though there were others living here, none of them could really understand what it was like…_

_Again, Dracoris was not around most of the day; hope he's not getting into trouble. He's a good kid, but easily influenced; and that's why I worry about him. Not that he would fall into the wrong crowd, but he's still too trusting of others. And what's up with that box he hauls around… I never see it around the mansion… maybe he keeps it hidden? But that doesn't seem like him…_

_Beyond that, dull day; better quit before William takes my book light away._

_May 8:_

_Got up late, though it meant I missed some of the excitement. Blackwind tried to run away in the morning, though thankfully some Absol from Damitri's pack brought him back. The poor thing was trembling… probably from being carried by a predator; least that's what I thought. Took him out to the greenhouse for some time alone… he started crying harder, so I pulled him close and tried to comfort him. Turns out that Charis has been really distant, and he's lonely… the poor thing believed that nobody liked him, and that Charis just stayed with him out of pity… suppose I cried a bit too. That one hit a bit too close to my own heart… I tried to give him help, but love isn't exactly an area I know much about… hopefully he recovers. He's too young, and innocent to be heartbroken like that. Spent most of the day with him, though he slept through a lot of it… felt weird having a brown and cream puffball snuggling close… swear he called me mama, though I could be wrong. _

_Better quit, don't want to wake him with the scratching._

_May 9:_

_Thanos and Shadowbane are dead meat! I got caught in their latest prank today… fucking bucket of icy water over a doorway; took me hours to dry my fur. Good thing I store my diary and don't carry it around or they would have killed them on the spot. _

_Beyond that irritating event, it was another quiet day. The little dear is still lost in his thoughts most of the time, but he's coming around at least._

_May 10:_

_William gave me the best news today; he does want to be life mates… I knocked him down and kissed him passionately when he spoke those words… for so long I wanted him, and now he was mine… it was a dream come true. He also realized what I wanted on our date… not to be mean, but he's not great. I mean sure, it felt damn good, but it was over too fast for me. Then again, after you've had a two-hour massage, very little can compare to it. I even told him outright… it really hurt his pride, but it needed to be said. He did cheer up when I told him the rest… ooh; just thinking about his soft paws caressing every part of my body…bringing relief to muscles I didn't even know existed… it's amazing… at least he understood and took it pretty well; I half-expected him to make some excuse or something. _

_May 11:_

_Finally saw the two lovers together again; it felt really good to see Blackwind smile for the first time. I still find their relationship disturbing, but… sometimes you find love in the strangest places. But hey, Charis was happy and the little dear was looking better; that's what matters in the end. I still spent a bit of time with him; he's still quiet, but cute for it. _

_Again, Dracoris was gone most of the day… where does he go in New Bark town? It's not the library; I don't think he even has a card, nonetheless any interest in reading. Eh, he's home before dark so no harm done I guess. Which reminds me, I started teaching Blackwind how to read; mostly during the time Charis was off with William… it's funny, the student has become the teacher. He's not doing too bad either, guess he figured out a bit of it before ending up here._

_Well, better call it a night._

_May 12:_

_Bleh, same old, same old._

_May 13:_

_Went with William to some research place, he wanted to make his abilities tournament legal. Mainly I went with for the opportunity to spend some time alone with him; human science crap is really boring. Anyway, we took the tram down to New Bark town, then transferred and headed for Goldenrod. Lucky enough, we found a private car; good thing too, I was really getting pissed off at everyone staring at us. We talked the entire time, something I had wanted to do for a while. Around the manor, it's almost impossible to get any privacy, not with Shadowbane constantly looking for new prank victims. The trip gave us time to talk about things… I was worried that he felt awkward about being with me… what with his human form and all… my fears are stupid yes, but there nonetheless. His soft touch helped ease my fears… human or not, he's the only male I will ever love. The Lab he went to was boring, just sat around and read a magazine._

_Man, this next week is going to suck big time; William had to stay there for a week while they ran tests and other crap on him; it was the only way they would legalize his ability. I felt like giving them a piece of my mind but stayed quiet. He sent me back to the manor, promising that he would return as soon as the tests were done. Decided to sleep on his bed, it smells like him…_

_Wonder what we're having to eat tomorrow?_

_May 14:_

_Yuck, a week of leftovers and take-out, and not terribly good take out at that. With William gone, Thanos decided what to order and his taste is horrible. Thank GOD William had that greenhouse built, at least there's something edible around here besides leftovers and whatever else he had on hand for cooking. Maybe I should give cooking a paw? That is, if I want to burn the place down… it doesn't SEEM that hard, just follow the recipes and be careful. Maybe tomorrow, today wasn't worth it… it took most of my willpower not to pine over him begin gone. I know William will return, but why did he have to go so soon?_

_Chewed Dracoris out for coming home late; he knows it's dangerous to be out after dark around here. My heart wasn't into it though; he's perfectly capable of defending himself. I just worry about him, like any mother would. He apologized and gave me a cryptic reason for being late, so he's grounded for a few days; it feels weird to treat him like that, but it's what William would have done. Eh, if he behaves I'll let him go early. On a similar note, I know Charis and his… mate, God that sounds so wrong to say… well, Blackwind, I know they're up to something together… always in absence for hours on end. Dracoris said something about them playing in the attic… I wonder… what ARE they doing up there? It's none of my _

_business really; I just worry about him that's all._

_May 15:_

_Nearly set myself on fire trying to cook today; note to self: have the fire on LOW before adding anything flammable to the pan. Beyond that, it came out… edible. Nothing like William's cooking, but not much can compare to that. Maybe tomorrow I can cook something that tastes descent, already getting tired of pizza for most meals. Normally I would have hunted something down, but with Damitri still trying to bring order to the newly formed Shadow paws, it's not exactly safe to be alone out there. Bah, need to assert some authority tomorrow, and order something other than damn meat lover's pizza!_

_Kinda lonely now, Blackwind is usually with Charis now so I don't really have anyone to talk with. And with the instability in the forests, I'm landlocked. God, I hate it when packs can't cooperate. I really should bum a ride _

_down with Dracoris; it sure would beat reading through the same novel again. It's just embarrassing to ask your own son for help getting into town; but Dracoris hopefully won't mind, he's a good kid._

_God I miss him…_

_May 16:_

_Forgot how nauseous teleportation leaves me; felt like I puked up my lungs after landing. Oh well, it got me into town. I was half tempted to follow him and find out what he's been doing here, but by the time I could see straight again he was gone. Slippery rascal he is…ah well, he probably has his reasons. Nearly forgot my card in the mad rush, but grabbed it at the last minute. Checked out a few books: another romance novel, a good mystery short and a copy of 'idiots guide to cooking'. Figured might as well learn some time. Man, whoever wrote it is a genius; it had a number of simple tips that would immensely improve my quite horrible culinary skills._

_Still ordered out today, though this time we had Mexican; nearly burned a hole through my tongue on a pepper, but it tasted all right. I swear Shadowbane did that on purpose, no way to prove it but I'll get her back nonetheless. William's scent is fading from the sheets… I just hope his love for me doesn't fade too…_

_May 17:_

_Stupid grocery store wouldn't let me and Witchhazel in just because we're Pokèmon. I can kind of understand it, but it's still a fucking pain! Thankfully we had some stuff around, though had to get a bite in town before Dracoris headed back; really hate relying on another, but I'm not hiking up that trail right now._

_Karakof actually left his little 'den of solitude', guess he ran out of vodka down there and needed to find some more. Boy was he pissed off when he found out Kitsu had drank his entire stock; that stuff was direct import, very expensive. Couldn't understand half of what he was yelling, he kept mixing his normal tongue with Russian; damn hard to keep up with. Had to make a second trip back into town; only thing that would shut him up. Note: it's damn hard to find a liquor store that will sell to Pokèmon; resorted to threatening one place to get a bottle._

_Think I drank too much… need sleep…_

_May 18:_

_Fucking head hurts… stayed in bed most of the day. Blackwind dropped by in the morning. Guess he was concerned about me... though, why Charis wasn't with him... bah, doesn't matter. Didn't stay long though; guess the smell of alcohol was pretty bad on my fur. Took a shower a bit ago, felt weird._

_May 19:_

_Still had a hangover in the morning, though it was much better. Got out of bed around noon; God the sheets reeked. Dragged them downstairs and left them in the laundry room. Stunk up the whole kitchen… how much did I have to drink a few days ago?_

_Got into a fight with the bitch, she started grumbling about how humans and Pokèmon shouldn't be together in 'that way'; with William gone she couldn't do her vanishing act, so she's gonna be walking around with a few nasty scars for a bit. Bitch. Maybe drinking isn't so bad, once you get past the taste and the hangover; it makes standing up to someone you hate much easier._

_May 20:_

_Tomorrow is the day William returns home; and if those scientists dared do ANYTHING to harm him, they'll find out just how powerful dark types REALLY are! True I can only really do shadow walking, but that would be enough to make anyone daring to hurt MY William regret even seeing him. Man, I really need to work on my temper; good thing he didn't hear me say that. I just love him so much; I don't want to ever lose him. At least I know there are no rivals to fend off, all the females around here either have mates or are not really interested in him; Kenya's too busy chasing after Dracoris. And Witchhazel… I don't know really, she's an odd one._

_Speaking of Dracoris saw him hauling another box today; I know he has his own account, but what would he be buying other than food? Eh, if he wants to tell me then he will; why worry about it? Also, haven't seen Kenya for a couple weeks; guess she's making a pest of herself for Damitri; he's too soft with her._

_My thoughts are always with you, William…_

_May 21:_

_Fun day; once William returned we went out together and saw the town. Probably looked extremely strange, but William just passed us off as twilight lovers… hey, I like that. Ended staying out extremely late… I think it was three a.m. when we stumbled in, tired, a bit tipsy and loving it. Shadowbane and Thanos decided to give us a 'warm' welcome back by acting like a pair of worried parents scolding their daughter for staying out late. All I remember was staring at her for a second before dragging myself upstairs…_

_May 22:_

_Morning came around much too soon. I had forgotten how annoying it is to be woken up by two hyperactive kits. If they weren't so damn cute I may have snapped at them, but instead I just rolled out of bed and fell asleep in the hall. Woke up again to the sound of a shower running; which gave me a mischievous idea. Once I had confirmed it was William, I snuck in and jumped in the shower with him. He didn't even look back, he simply shifted into my favorite form and we showered together. God the warm water felt so good… well, his miracle paws contributed greatly of course. Hope he knows that may become a habit._

_  
Returned all but the cooking book early, still want to figure out how to do it right. William tried explaining it, but he's not good at technical details; more of a visual instructor. Helped out with dinner, though I stayed clear of that demon stove; didn't turn out too bad considering._

_May 23:_

_Not a great day. Dracoris got hauled in by the Jenny police today; something about wandering around without a trainer or any identification. Once she was gone, William blew up; he thought that Dracoris was getting into trouble or something. Turns out all he was doing is hanging around something called a card shop; weird concept involving games that use pieces of colored cardboard. Kits these days. It does explain the box he always took with him; he had made a few human friends down there that shared his interest. Surprisingly enough, William only made him get a collar and tag that gave his 'owners' address; I feel sorry for anyone coming up here to find him though. Went with and got one for myself; midnight blue, my favorite color._

_Ate in town, not bad really for smelling like old grease. We got a few looks, guess humans aren't used to seeing two Espeon and an Umbreon walking down the street together. William kept an eye on him, mostly as a joke but his trust did waver a bit from this incident. I stuck up for him, Dracoris didn't do anything wrong, he just didn't know that the police would haul him in… wonder why then never bothered me?_

_May 24:_

_Slept in, nothing much to do otherwise. Damn White fin pack started making trouble; had to rough up a few of their fighters before they gave up. Felt good to battle again; been missing the thrill of combat. Guess that hole the Black fangs destruction left is taking its toll finally… then why did their alpha give William such a harsh look? Eh, he's always been a bit unstable. At least Damitri is still holding on as alpha for the Shadow paws; it was his idea after all._

_Had a few drinks with Karakof again, though I stopped before getting drunk… unlike him. I swear, not much beats watching a full-grown Sneasel stumble around, singing off key. Sure beats paying to watch a show any time. Showered before bed, didn't want to smell like a distillery all night. Sleeping next to William for the first time… it was so comfortable, lying up against him… his forelegs wrapped gently around my chest… his warm body held tight against mine… better call it a night, don't want to wake him up._

_May 25:_

_Nothing beats waking up in the morning next to my love. It's like… having a lovely dream and waking up still in it. Kinda lame, but Dracoris rubbed off on me; his analogies are confusing… Anyway, it was a crazy day; Kera returned. At first I didn't think it was her… those ravaged ears… and those eyes… so filled with sadness… it couldn't have been her, but it was… and she had a trainer. Before any of us could say something, she panicked and ran. I wanted to follow, but William stopped both me and her trainer, saying that Dracoris was the one who needed to follow her. At first I was really mad, she was my daughter and I had the right to find out what was wrong… but he was right. Dracoris found her and brought her back, looking a bit better than she did when she arrived. I didn't say anything, but I could see it on her face; she liked her trainer… in that way. I'm still torn on that issue; on the one paw, I'm extremely happy to see her again, and in such good spirits. On the other, she likes a human… true so do I, but the object of my affection isn't really a human any more. Bah… why try to explain it. She's happy for the first time in her life, and I'm glad for her._

_They're staying over in the guest room tonight. She's sleeping in his arms… which is weird. I'm not sure he knows… but hopefully Kera will say something before her emotions overtake her… just like mine did. The kid SEEMS really nice, so polite and caring… I wish her happiness…_

_May 26:_

_Boring day. Kera and her trainer… Kyle, I think… well, they left after breakfast, but not before saying a proper goodbye and promising to stop by next time they were in the area. It kinda bothered me to see her go again, but this time… she's not angry with us._

_Those two fur balls were running around most of the day, chasing each other and wrestling like there was no tomorrow; I'm glad they're happy together. I still wish Charis had found a nice female, but he's happy and that's what matters in the end. No matter how many times I see them kissing, it still makes me a bit nauseous; just… thinking about them… having sex just turns my stomach; and I know they are, I can smell it from five feet away on them. I never say anything, that's William's business to stop, not mine. Which reminds me, William was going to give me one of his massages tomorrow…_

_May 27:_

_God… so relaxed… can barely feel anything… his paws are miracle workers… and ooh GOD, after the massage… it was heavenly… need sleep… can't feel brain…_

_May 28:_

_I'm so glad things turned out good in the end, these last few days being with him have been so nice…we don't really do anything different, it's just… falling asleep embraced with my mate… man, that's hard to get used to… well, next to William is so nice… such a simple thing yet so wonderful. I just hope he's happy too; I wouldn't want him being with me because I want it…_

_Stupid self pity aside, not a bad day; actually cooked a meal start to finish today, though I nearly killed myself with a butcher knife in the process. It actually came out all right, definitely better than my first attempt, that's for sure. We were the only ones willing to try it though, even Dracoris shied away from my second attempt. At least William tried it, I ended up eating most of it because I flatly refused to use his Tamato paste; unlike him, I like being able to taste things the next day._

_Going to bed early, just… tired for some reason._

_May 29:_

_Went out on the town again, this time up to Blackthorn city. Beautiful by night, you can see so many stars up there… I felt so alive lying under the full moon, like my body had been craving this for so long… maybe that's why I was sluggish? That reminds me; William announced that he's now a certified Gym leader. Almost forgot about that; only reason I remembered is because of the name of his badge, the Midnight badge. He won't openly admit it, but he made it for me; a full moon…_

_Dull day otherwise, mostly bummed around the manor; dodging both Shadowbane's pranks and the twin fur balls running after each other. Dracoris started going back into town again; guess his fear of getting yelled at finally faded. Still not sure why any human would want to mess around with cardboard images of Pokèmon when the real think is all around them? Humans are so weird sometimes… then again, I'm weird for loving one… so, bah; we're even._

_God… so comfortable…_

_May 30:_

_Got my first real kiss from him today… well, other than the one William gave me the night I evolved, but that was different. And when I kissed him for wanting to be my life mate... that doesn't count, either. It just happened… I was relaxing on a deck chair, watching the two fur balls run around… I felt his presence next to me… he licked my cheek a few times, so I turned and… wow… our lips met… it was heavenly… I never wanted it to end, but it must… he looked away, embarrassed after that; so I tackled him and returned the gesture, ignoring the gagging sounds Charis was making; note to self, get him back for that._

_It's finally safe to head out to serene lake again; Damitri gained unquestioned control of the Shadow paws earlier today, ending the civil war. It felt good to be back there, even though a few Vaporeon were watching me warily; so I just returned the stare until they left. Bastards; if it wouldn't have messed up the tense peace, I would have attacked them up for staring. In retrospect, I should have anyway; bastards were probably spying on me, looking for a reason to cause trouble. You can't trust the White fins anymore, from what I hear, their leader went insane. Why they don't just find a new leader I don't know, and I don't really care that much either; so long as they leave us alone I won't kill any of them._

_Well, the batteries are running low, so I'll call it a night._

_May 31:_

_It must be fate or something, because the last of my wayward children returned; Thanos found Derano collapsed on the lawn this morning, looking worse for the wear. He wasn't injured, just half starved; what the hell had he been thinking? Once he regained consciousness, he smiled faintly; must have been overjoyed to see friendly faces again. He wouldn't tell us how he had made it back, just that he was here and needed somewhere to crash for a few days. In a way… I think that bitch Kitsu has something to do with these events… there's no way that Charis, Kera AND Derano would return home within such a short period of time… it's too convenient… what is she up to…_

_Derano slept most of the day; he must have gone through hell and back, judging by how bad a shape he's in. I stayed with him…I just couldn't believe it… my last son was home… He finally ate something, not much because of how bad he felt, but something was a definite improvement. I know he'll be fine, he's a fighter; but I still worry… I can't stand to lose him… not now, that he's returned…_

_Dracoris was gone most of the day, so we kept Derano's arrival quiet; he needs rest and if Dracoris found out he's home he wouldn't get any. I wish…I had said something… I knew he didn't want to leave, but it was their decision… I made sure no-one told him that Kera had been back; from what he did say about his travel, he held a deep rooted grudge against her, one that may drive him to his grave if he knew she had been here…_

_Well, better get some sleep; tomorrow is going to be a pain in the ass, I know it._

_Azarus Ketchum_


	3. June

_June 1:_

_I was right; this day was a pain in the ass. Between Charis and his mate… God, it STILL sounds wrong, well, between the two fur balls running around getting underfoot and caring for Derano there wasn't much time to do anything I wanted. Still, I'm really glad he's all right; though the scars Kera left in him may never full heal. He never complained, it's just the constant stress of making sure he doesn't overdue himself that got to me; he hates being cooped up inside, and I don't really blame him. Good thing he knows not to try anything, I'd break one of his legs if that's what it took; and he knows it._

_William wasn't much better off; with his new gym leader status; this area has been chaotic, what with any number of hotshot trainers thinking they could just waltz in and beat him. He hasn't lost yet, but it's been stressful on him, along with the family. Even now it's past midnight and he's still out there mopping up the final challengers; kinda wish he'd just tell them off and come to bed, but it's part of the job I guess. I just hope this doesn't become a routine; he's my William, not theirs. It's so bad that Charis and Blackwind both took refuge in the attic, trying not to be called out to help… then again; they spend a lot of time up there anyway, so it's kinda hard to tell the difference._

_Tired… need sleep._

_June 2:_

_God, I hate obnoxious trainers. Some asshole waltzed in here today, thinking that he was just so smart bringing a team of fighting types for an easy win. True, he beat the hell out of Karakof, but that's mostly because the bum is really out of practice, what with his waking hours being wrapped up in that stupid laptop of his. I only heard about it, seeing as Derano kept trying to get out there and fight; not a chance in hell in his current condition. Anyway, I can just imagine the look on that bastards face when Dracoris walked onto the field; bet the idiot had never heard of covering your weaknesses. Suffice to say it was all downhill from there. Kinda wish I was out there, just to be with William… but, Derano needs me; he's making great progress at least._

_Beyond that it was surprisingly normal around here; still hate the stove, but I'm getting better with it. Cooked dinner without any help, didn't even say anything until everyone was eating just to make sure they didn't act bias about it. Even Derano liked it… then again; it's probably been months since he's had a decent meal… so he doesn't really count._

_Write later… miracle paws…_

_June 3:_

_How he does it, I'll never know. God his paws are amazing… but, enough on that. Today wasn't too bad. Derano started showing some real progress, even managing to walk on his own again. Good thing too, it's getting really tough to keep both Dracoris and Charis from finding out about him, though to be honest, the former isn't around enough to make that tough. He's usually in New Bark Town, hanging out with his human friends, playing that silly game he likes. He started asking questions about how things on the outside were going; guess being cooped up is starting to bother him even more now. Told him what I knew; Damitri controlled most of the forest leading toward the lake, though the White fins were still in power there. He just nodded and relaxed, mumbling to himself quietly. His progress has been fast; already he's looking much better than when Thanos found him… though, I still worry he'll do something stupid and get killed out there._

_William was grouchy all day, guess being barraged by challengers was more annoying than he expected. Got into a small argument over my battle performance, though he apologized afterward… after I won of course. He needs a vacation, or at least some relief from the idiot challengers. He suggested we take a few days off, but with Derano still recovering I can't leave; and William won't leave me behind either. _

_That reminds me, William called in the strangest doctor on his lunch break; some older human by the name of… Louis I think; only remember because of that weird Sandslash… reminded me of Dracoris, only with different mismatched colors. Eh, the guy knew more about medicinal herbs than Shadowbane; and that's saying something… she wanted to talk with him, but the doc had other calls to meet._

_Need sleep… chest still hurts…_

_June 4:_

_Bleh… hate bastard type matchers. Thought humans had SOME sense of challenge, but no; another fucking trainer using a heavy fighting/bug team showed up today. It felt DAMN good to show him a few things about type variety… though sending his Machamp head first into a tree with a nice psychic attack also felt good. Took down his entire team myself, only four but still satisfying. Hurt like hell when his Hitmonchan nailed me in the _

_back, but pain is a part of the game, right?_

_Derano headed out a few hours ago, said he was gonna look for a den by the lake. Made sure to get a message to Damitri first; don't want him getting attacked by mistake. He's still deathly skinny, but it's only been a few days since he somehow made it back here; so it's not surprising, just worrisome. But… knowing that all of my kits are both alive and doing fairly well is a load off my mind. Speaking of kits, I started up Blackwind's lessons today. I mixed in some other things with the reading, since I knew he didn't really like it that much. God I forgot how hard hunting was; especially when you are trying to teach at the same time. Made a pretty good fool of myself missing a Rattata, but I just shrugged it off and continued._

_God… so tired…_

_June 5:_

_Slept in, didn't feel like dealing with more idiot trainers. Once I dragged myself out of bed, had to deal with yet another one of Thanos' pranks; the jerk switched the ketchup with William's special hot sauce. God damnit, that stuff burns like hell. Felt like I drank a gallon of milk before it finally went away. If I could only prove it was him… bah, I'll get him back later… or just ask Shadowbane to do it for me. Eh, either way he'll pay for that; my tongue still hurts._

_Headed into town today, mostly out of need for something to do around the manor besides lessons. Almost asked Dracoris for help, but decided better of it at the last minute; not willing to feel that nauseous just to save some walking. Pretty uneventful trip; guess with Damitri's pack in control, the other minor packs are just too afraid to confront a lone dark type…or what I do to anyone messing with me got around. Eh, either or. Wore my new collar just in case some human tried to hassle me; last thing I need is to be hauled in like Dracoris was. Picked up a long novel and a few more cookbooks for reference, need something to pass the time with William busy most of the day._

_June 6:_

_Dull day, avoided the arena and just read. Hopefully tomorrow will be more interesting._

_June 7:_

_God… hate that hellish racket William calls music. He was playing it during one of his battles; thankfully only just instrumental. That horrible racket could wake the dead… or deafen you, just depends on how close you are to it. How he and Dracoris both can stand it, nevertheless like it is completely beyond me. But beyond that, dull day; not really much to do besides deal with idiot challengers, though the number per day is dying down._

_Hope he comes to bed soon, kinda lonely._

_June 8:_

_Went grocery shopping today; dragged William along in his human form mainly to avoid more hassle. Still gets on my nerves that we were watched the entire time; it's not like we're not intelligent. Damn prejudice. At least they didn't throw me out this time, though more than once I caught them following us. Anyway… took over cooking for now, give William a small break around here. He gave me some advice in between matches, just a few pointers and ideas, but greatly appreciated nonetheless. Definitely turned out better with his 'over the shoulder' teaching… reminds me of older times. _

_He's out there even now; beating off the last midnight challengers… it's colder without him…_

_June 9:_

_Been feeling down lately, though today changed that. William fell victim to one of Thanos and Shadowbane's pranks today. Guess after getting the wrong target with dyed shampoo they tried the conditioner this time, seeing as William went around with neon green hair. I swear, most of the challengers lost just because of how distracting it was… though he just laughed it off and went out anyway. That's something I really admire about him; he can laugh off just about anything._

_Beyond that, just another dull day of fending of hotshot trainers… heh, who knew it would be this fun being in the arena again?_

_June 10:_

_Stayed indoors most of the day, that novel really has me hooked. Really good…_

_June 11:_

_Still reading… William's getting annoyed at me though, so I may need to put it off for now… but I must know who did it…_

_June 12:_

_DAMNIT. CRAPPY ENDING! Hate it when a story dumps a contrived twist on you in the last few chapters. Fucking dick of a writer!_

_Anyway, moving on from quick vent. Finally got a break in the flood of morons thinking that William would be a pushover just because he's a starting gym leader. Damn guy actually won… well, William conceded defeat. Still, he actually handed out a badge to someone. In a way I feel bad that he lost finally, after holding a perfect record against so many challengers… but he was right about it being too long. Hell, now that he lost maybe the flow of challengers will slow a bit; he's MY William damnit. Which reminds me, he's taking me out tomorrow… Can't wait…_

_June 13:_

_ It was really nice to be alone with William again. We went out to Cyanwood this time… God I forgot how nice the feeling of warm sand under my paws felt. We didn't really bother going for a meal, more just for the change of scenery. Just being away somewhere different was great, and having my mate there to share it with me made the scene perfect. We watched the sunset together, his silky fur brushing against mine every time I moved… God I love him… It was dark by the time we got back, and yet I can't sleep. I just feel like something's missing…guess having the little dear around brought back the desire to raise another litter…though I don't know how William would feel about that. _

_Better quit; don't want to wake up William._

_June 14:_

_Nothing really notable happened… need sleep…_

_June 15:_

_Crazy day… Thanos collapsed early into a battle. Freaked Shadowbane out, seeing as he hadn't even taken a single hit. Spent a lot of the day with her, trying my damndest to reassure her it was nothing… and yet, I doubt it myself. He may be really old, but still in excellent health… at least he seems to be. Then again… his past is really mysterious; only Shadowbane knows the real story, and she keeps that to herself. Hopefully it's nothing, she'd have a nervous breakdown if anything happened to him. It really makes you think… even the strongest of us isn't invulnerable. _

_Beyond that it was not too bad, just repetitive. Dracoris went back to hanging out in town again, leaving us pretty vulnerable to those fighting/bug using bastards… unless William gets irritated and takes them out good. Heh, just the look of shock his ability causes is enough to cheer me up._

_God I love how soft he is…_

_June 16:_

_It happened again, only this time from just walking down the stairs. Thank God Dracoris was home, I don't want to think about what would have happened otherwise. It's odd… he hasn't been eating much lately… maybe something IS wrong. Whatever's going on, it's already taking its toll on Shadowbane; she won't even talk to anyone, instead just staring off for hours on end… lost in her own world. Tried to shake her out of it… but that look chilled me to the bone… that same empty stare she used to have, before they became mates. _

_With that dark cloud hanging over the manor, the day was really slow. I just hope he's all right…_

_June 17:_

_Still no improvement in Thanos. Shadowbane refuses to even leave his side for very long anymore. I tried convincing her to get him to a doctor, but she just stares blankly… I have a feeling she's regressing back to when William found her. William cancelled all challenges for his badge to watch over them; he finally ate something, but it wasn't much… If this goes on much longer, he may need to be hauled in like it or not…_

_June 18:_

_Nearly had a heart attack today. Both Thanos and Shadowbane had slipped off early in the morning, not even bothering to tell anyone. Normally this wouldn't have been unusual; those two disappear on and off like most of us, but with Thanos being so weak suddenly… no one heard from them all day, even now they're not back yet. I just hope that nothing bad happened to them, not likely but still…_

_June 19:_

_Someone up there either hates us or just thinks it's funny to cause misery for us I swear. William finally received word from Thanos and Shadowbane; turns out he has cirrhosis of the liver, his heavy drinking finally caught up with a vengeance. Man… to think that someone tough like Thanos could be felled like that…_

_Shadowbane refused to leave his side, so William worked out the details for them. He's undergoing pretty major surgery in a few days… He'll pull through it, I know he will. Everyone stayed home today; Dracoris even missed a tournament, which is saying something. Everyone is really pulling for him; Thanos is just as much a part of this family as any one of us…_

_I just hope fate doesn't do that to me…_

_June 20:_

_Still no word, though the earlier outlook was good. William had to start up again, though he lost five battles in a row because he was distracted. Think I fought a bit too hard myself; the day is hazy, but I remember having to help free a Wartortle from a tree. Hope he pulls through fine; it wouldn't be the same without having to watch every move I make around here. I dunno, it just doesn't quite feel the same right now… then again, it may have been that slice of pizza I found in the fridge… Ugh… speaking of which, I think it's about to take it's vengeance on me…_

_God… I knew it tasted funny going down, but that was just vile. Felt like my stomach was going to turn inside out before it finally stopped… need sleep._

_June 21:_

_Think I threw up stuff I ate last week… slept most of the day as a result. Still feel like crap… though probably better than Thanos._

_June 22:_

_Feel better today, mostly because of William's miracle paws. God, without him I probably wouldn't have recovered so fast. Note to self; NEVER eat any leftovers more than a day or two old ever again. _

_Thanos had that surgery today. Just, damn, I knew Pokèmon medical technology was good, but growing a whole new organ? Then again… with some of the injuries I've seen healed in minutes, I guess it isn't that much of a stretch, so I guess it's not that much different. Still creepy to think about in any case. Even so, it's a real wake up call to everyone around here; Thanos seemed really healthy until this happened… so any of us could be next. Not like it's inevitable unless you're that bitch Kitsu, but death is just one of those things I don't like thinking about…_

_On a happier note, Thanos should be released tomorrow pending him having complications. Not likely really, but still a possibility. It'll be a mixed blessing having him back. Sure, our strange family will be complete again, but those two will go right back to their pranking ways almost immediately. Eh, you can't really win them all I guess…_

_June 23:_

_Kitsu was acting strange, even for that bitch. I was heading downstairs a bit earlier than normal... damn Charis and Blackwind woke me up early again, when I heard her muttering and growling from the bathroom. I thought she was just fuming about one thing or another, never know with her… anyway, when I walked by, she was yelling at her reflection; didn't even notice me for a moment. Didn't bother sticking around to hear much of it, though she did growl something about keys. Eh, guess the stress of all the misery she's caused is finally catching up with her. _

_Too bad that was the only interesting event of the day… wait, I did have to take an unexpected shower after being sprayed with orange paint; yep, Thanos and Shadowbane are already back at it. Would have killed her normally for that one, but somehow it only annoyed me… this time._

_June 24:_

_Damn White fins started making trouble again today. You'd think that Razor fin would have learned already, but no; that cracked bastard is still trying to win a land battle against the Shadow paws. And what's even worse; Derano got himself caught in the fighting… too bad the fools that picked a fight with him didn't realize how strong he is. From the report Damitri sent us, he fended off a trio of Politoed himself, though they ran once the first one fell. Kinda hope the fighting makes it here; sure would beat dealing with obnoxious trainers all the time. The messenger was weird, some new Absol I've never seen before; said his name was Dusk, I think. _

_June 25:_

_Boring day overall, stayed indoors seeing as William was using that horrendous music in the arena again. Head hurts from too much exposure._

_June 26:_

_More training combined with cooking lessons for me today. Overall not a bad day, though extremely tiring. Turning in early just to recover._

_June 27:_

_Finally got some real fighting in today: and not from another hotshot trainer either. Helped Damitri repel Razor fin's forces; too bad the cowardly bastard didn't even show up, kinda wonder what Vaporeon tastes like… Damnit, Karakof really rubbed off on me. I wonder… would eating something you're related to by way of branch evolution be considered cannibalism? Anyway, it felt damn good not having to restrict my true strength for a bit. _

_From that really good combat back to the arena, not a pleasant change really. For one, having to deal with type disadvantage all the time is boring; why can't humans try new things? For another, I HATE fighting types being used against me; for them I don't hold back as much. Either that, or Dracoris punished whoever was that much of an asshole._

_Need sleep…_

_June 28:_

_No matter how many times he does it, I never get tired of William's massages… His soft paws moving skillfully over my entire body… silky fur brushing against me slowly… his warm breath running down my neck… even now I can barely feel my legs… God I love him…_

_June 29:_

_Kitsu's been acting really strange lately, even for her. She's been absent a lot, probably out searching for whatever in the hell keeps her around here. But today she was staring at that mirror again; talking as if it was answering her… crazy bitch. Maybe she's raiding Karakof's Vodka again, wouldn't put it past her anymore. Eh, so long as she doesn't bother me I'll just ignore her._

_Man it sucks to have black fur in summer; especially when you have to battle in the sun a lot, damn Cerberus was being a smart ass about it too. Ah well, beating up morons for fun is worth it right now; and with the White fins rightfully fearing me, the lake is a great place to cool off… or pick a few fights, either or._

_June 30:_

_Lazy day for once; no challengers. Watched William doing some major lawn care today, and it was by far the strangest thing I've ever seen. There's just something about watching various equipment both moving seemingly on their own and operating without a sound that really worries me. I knew for a fact that he was just psionically manipulating them, but it was definitely different. He's extremely fastidious about it too, won't let anyone else do it. Thought about giving a hard time, but found lying next to him and sharing a glass of sun tea to be better. _


	4. July

July 1:

_July 1:_

_Back to the usual moron challengers and hotshots. Wish they would try something other than type advantage or brute power one of these days; we all could use the challenge. Still feels good to see the shocked look when their 'perfect fighter' goes down without even landing a single blow. Even better is the knowledge that I'm defending William's honor, I mean sure it's just a badge, but if I lose out there it's like I failed him… bah, some of Kitsu's damn sob story is rubbing off on me._

_Speaking of which, she's been absent more; not a bad thing, just kind of strange. Guess she can't stand Charis and Blackwind being together. Don't see what her problem is, I think its sweet…_

_in a kinda creepy way. Caught her shouting about 'her hatred having nothing to do with Kentako' before she saw me. She tried to act confident, so I just walked away slowly, trying hard not to laugh. _

_Drank a bit too much again, still haven't found just the right time to stop. Sure as hell beats feeling like shit and smelling like a distillery though. Need sleep…_

_July 2:_

_Man… waking up with a minor hangover isn't too bad, unless it was because a pair of kits decided to get you up; then it sucks. Would have yelled at them, but the little sneaks were gone before I could even remember where I was… ah well, waking up to next to my mate eased my urge to get even. Heh, after a very… warming shower the both of us woke up fully, though it took me three tries to get out of the tub… so relaxed…_

_William let me rest part of the day and wait for my hangover go away, for which I was grateful. The last thing I needed was to be feeling sick AND have to deal with more morons; on or the other is fine, but never both. Kinda felt bad about Karakof though, he didn't make his bleary eyed appearance until late in the day; but knowing him, he'll do it again… makes you wonder if he likes getting drunk or he's trying to forget something… nah, he likes getting drunk; loosens his tongue nicely… though his singing voice could use improvement._

_Beyond that, not a bad day really. Could have done without the early wake up call or the headache, but it comes with living here I guess… I know you're reading this dear, and if you don't stop I will hurt you…_

_July 3:_

_There's something to be said about having a psychic as a mate… both good and bad. Bad is that he can read your mind… good is that I'm a dark type and immune to his other tricks. He knows I wouldn't do more than bite him roughly, but still. Eh, doubt he'll do it again; I meant that threat. It's not the act, more of the thought; this diary is where I can let out my deepest thoughts and feelings… many of which I would never express any other way. I know he was just curious… but curiosity can be fatal._

_But enough of my griping. Long, boring day today; got up early just to warm up before the more obnoxious trainers started showing up. Hell, I was up before the SUN decided to grace us with its presence. Mind you, I do like the predawn gloom; makes practicing shadow leaps a helluva lot simpler. That, and with everyone else still asleep, I have the arena to myself… or so I thought. Wouldn't have known William was watching if he hadn't sneezed. It's eerie in a way… I'm a creature of the night and yet, he managed to hide from me in my own element… ah well, it was only slightly embarrassing._

_Spent the day training on and off; Charis and his mate… still not quite used to that; well, the lovers even joined in for a bit. It was more of them chasing each other around and playing tag than actual training… and once Dracoris joined them it fell apart completely. It was fun at least… something we've had too little of lately. _

_July 4:_

_Bleh… tired… need sleep… hate fighting types…_

_July 5:_

_God, yesterday was the worst yet; some asshole came in with a full fighting team, and then had the GALL to accuse William of cheating when he lost. Was QUITE tempted to send him on a one-way trip to the afterlife for his sheer nerve, but William beat me to the punch. Don't remember much cause I was too tired, but he did say something about league complaints… and illegal drugs… not sure. I though that Machamp did seem a bit strange…_

_Guess that was the last straw for William, so he and I are going on a week long vacation to 'get away from the fighting and relax.' Kinda surprised me it would be just us, but I know what he's thinking; alone together… away from th-_

_Rrh, now I'm REALLY looking forward to that vacation; damn Charis stole my pen right in front of me. Took me a damn half hour or so to catch him and wrestle it back. Yelled at him till I was hoarse, though I doubt it did much good; he's young, and I have a feeling Dracoris put him up to it. _

_July 6:_

_Tomorrow is the day we leave, and already I'm feeling slightly nervous. We've never really been… alone together; even those many years ago, Cerberus and/or Padfoot were within earshot. But being just us together… it's been a dream of mine, but now that it'll happen… I'm kinda nervous. What if he's different alone… I've known him for so long it can't be true, but still… I worry._

_He closed down the gym for a few hours to go shopping. Didn't know why until we got into town, but I nearly started laughing when I found out. It seems… he was worried about what happened to Dracoris happening to him, so he bought a collar of his own; lime green. When he came showed me, I nearly started laughing again; the color was horrible. But… he likes it, so no reason to argue. Besides, if he can take Shadowbane laughing her head off at it, then he can take anything. _

_Had one helluva sendoff earlier; probably because everyone wanted a break from the repetitive fighting, but it was worth it. Even Kitsu joined in, though it took her downing a few shots to loosen up. Everything was going fine until Karakof started singing those horrid drinking songs… then William joined in… and everything went downhill from there. Sad thing is, all William had was a few shots; he has NO tolerance for alcohol. _

_If I didn't care about him so much, he'd be sleeping outside just to air out…_

_July 7:_

_Amazing… that's the only thing that can truly describe this place. It was like a city from a fairy tale… an enchanted island paradise free of the normal confusion of mainland life. It was hard to take everything in at once… the amazing architecture, the scent of salt water hanging over the area, and the sounds; humans chatting, various Pokèmon calling out to each other, boats running along the network of canals that wound through the city… We wandered for hours, drawing our fair share of looks from locals and other tourists alike; guess they've never seen and Espeon and Umbreon walking together… or maybe it was the bag on his back with our stuff in it… don't really care either way._

_At least the local restaurants didn't hassle us too much; William flashed the money and ordered, and they served it up with only a questioning look. God… it was more than worth the look… nearly as good as Williams' cooking… if not slightly better. And the dessert… oh… it melted on my tongue, leaving behind such a delicate flavor… so good… We spent a bit longer there, sharing an Italian soda and chatting quietly. I wonder if it was the change of pace or something about this place specifically, but William was so much different… so sad… I mean, he doesn't regret becoming life mates-no, it's more of what he's done in his lifetime weighing down on him. I didn't know what to say… so I listened instead. _

_He booked us a room in a nice hotel; only took a well placed threat along with his ID to get it done too. Heh, never seen a human go that pale before; wonder what he said to her? Ah well, we got our room and that's what matters. Ahhh, a soft bed and softer mate… what else could I want?_

_July 8:_

_Went sightseeing today, though half the time was spent chasing each other through the maze of alleyways and side paths. The city itself always seems abuzz with activity; humans walking through the streets, vendors selling their wares in open air displays… it's an isolated place; one where the worlds troubles have yet to reach. Maybe it's the way everyone seems so friendly to each other, or maybe it's the fact that none of them have bothered either of us yet for wandering without a 'human owner' nearby. _

_We ate at a different restaurant today, though this one wasn't as good; maybe whatever that dessert from yesterday spoiled me a bit… William did get a little ticked when the owner called us 'strays', yet the man still accepted the money. Just not sure why his eyes were glazed over when he served us… eh, definetly won't be going there again at least. _

_We spent a few hours on the roof of our hotel, watching the sun set over the quiet sea… well, tried watching; spent half the time cuddled and kissing in the fading light. Heh, we should go on vacation more often… I like being this close to him. It was a bit embarrassing when our collars became tangled, but it was worth it. We spent a few more hours just talking, mostly about what was most likely happening back at the manor; I still wonder myself what's going on… I hope Charis and the little dear are okay. William tried to reassure me, but it didn't help much. _

_Write more tomorrow, gonna show William just how much I love this vacation…_

_July 9:_

_Mmm, nothing beats the morning afterglow of having a little fun with your mate. He slept in longer… guess it took a lot out of him as well. It did give me enough time to compose myself a bit; didn't want to see more of the city looking disheveled. I'm quite glad the room we're in has good water pressure; I quit the habit of tongue bathing long ago… well, doing it to myself at least. Nearly leapt out of my fur when he jumped in with me; guess that's how he felt the first time I did it to him. _

_We took a detour from our original plans and checked out the town's museum; I'm not a big fan of that historic junk myself, but William's fascinated with it; besides, he promised me we'd do something I wanted to next. I was right about one thing… it was a bunch of historic junk; some huge chunk of machinery and a few bones… but the place had a very eerie feel, like there was something almost… magical about this place. I've experienced it before, back when Kitsu lured us into her little illusion of a home… but, that place was different. I can't place a paw on it, but it's something… evil. Beyond that it was interesting; something about being built nearly a hundred years ago, defense mechanism… I just spaced out about there. _

_Dragged William around a few of the shops after that; didn't really find anything, but it was fun to look at least. Why humans think punching holes in themselves and hanging things there is fashionable is beyond me. The shop owner had enough stuck in his face to count as a half steel type… he might be, to cause that much pain to himself for no reason. But, beyond the inhuman shopkeeper, the place had this beautiful stain glass window hang. I didn't even have to ask; William knew I really liked it and he bought it, even though the price was pretty steep. It's currently packed away, though I was tempted to hang it on our hotel room's window… it's safer this way._

_Turning in pretty late, but we're free of schedules and unexpected wake up calls for now, so why not?_

_July 10:_

_God… it's hard to think just after one of William's full body massages… What did we do today… oh, right; we took a gondola ride through the canals… that was fun. Right now the rest is hazy… along with the tingling… need sleep…_

_July 11:_

_More sightseeing today… though I could have sworn someone was following us most of the day. I'm probably just being paranoid, but I know that crawling feeling too well. Bah, not like it really matters. Wandered through an older part of the city for a while, mostly to avoid the crowds but also to take in the different architecture… oh, who am I kidding? We went down there for the privacy; both of us were sick of the looks. _

_It took us a few hours to find our way through the network of back alleys and intersections, and we were both quite hungry once we did. Ate at a fish place; not my taste but it was good anyway. Heh, William had to practically scare the cook to get our orders taken; shifted back into a human on the spot, made the order, then shifted back. Guy turned pale faster than a Kecleon changes color. Felt good to get some proper respect at least; William's abilities, along with his reputation are known even out here. Too bad our vacation's almost over…_

_He turned in earlier than me; so here I am now, lying on the roof, watching the stars slowly fill the sky. Already I'm going to miss this place, though I also would never care to live here; too much water._

_July 12:_

_Ehehehe, stupid trainer… thought we would make a good catch. I didn't see the look on his face when William tore through his Politoed; only caught William telling him off good. Wonder where he came up with half the threats he hurled before the coward turned and ran? No matter, it was an… interesting experience, to say the least. Guess he wasn't terribly popular in the area, seeing as a few jeered at him as he ran before calling out their thanks. A few humans that had seen the fight also cheered; more from the fight than the threats I'm sure, but still._

_Word of his exploit spread like a plague, changing how the town treated us in a mixed manner. Guess the bastard had some friends, cause more than one place refused us service with one lame excuse or another, so fuck em. Most of the town was with the other opinion; that we were all right. Heh, I even heard a few mutter 'twilight lovers' just within earshot… I like that, I like that a lot. Hell, the restaurants that used to give us a hard time warmly welcomed us in now… though, I suspect it's also because we order high ticket meals. _

_William half dragged me to that same museum again, though this time I waited outside for him; it gives me the creeps being near that machine. At least he understood… but, why does that thing fascinate him? Eh, sometimes it's better to just not question things; a few headache inducing conversations with Dracoris taught me that the hard way. He wasn't long, no more than ten minutes or so I think; just long enough for me to get that same feeling of being followed… rrh, it was odd once; now it was really getting annoying._

_Too bad tomorrow is our last day here…_

_July 13:_

_Spend the last day here living high. We toured some of the other historic parts of the city, mostly by boat but a bit on foot. Man… for being so quiet this place has some serious history behind it; said to be guarded by a pair of legendaries, this city was once plagued by a trainer using his Pokèmon to attack humans; Both fossil types. The residents were helpless to defend themselves against such an assault. Then, just when it seemed hopeless; a single Latios came to their aid, standing up against the trainer where any other would have fled. The battle raged on, costing the Latios dearly… he gave his life to cast down the evil creatures and bury the one who commanded them under the sea. As one final act, he locked his soul in a gem, using it to bring water to the town and start a new way of life… even now, they say his children watch over this place, unseen yet always there… wait… then that creeping feeling…? Nah._

_The rest of our time was spent drifting through the city, William made quite sure to pick up a number of ingredients and spices that were much harder to find on the mainland before we retired. Even found myself a place that made ID tags; took a bit of effort to get what I wanted across, but the price was right so it was worth it. It feels strange still, but if Thanos can get used to an earring, I can get used to sometimes wearing a tag._

_Miracle paws…_

_July 14:_

_Well, being home is a shock; mostly cause we both half expected the place to be a wreck, and it _

_wasn't. Dracoris managed to keep everyone in line… hell, even Karakof didn't question him; and that's saying something. I bet William taught him that trick to cut through a dark type's psychic resistance and mess with them anyway… though, I doubt he taught Dracoris ALL of its uses…_

_Turns out Dracoris also kept the gym going in our absence; racking up a perfect win streak. Then again… most of the trainers that show up looking for a battle are either hotshots or inexperienced, so I'm not sure how much of an accomplishment that really is. Eh, he didn't burn the place down and slapped around a few of the idiots that plague us now, so I guess he did good._

_Turning in early tonight, teleportation doesn't agree with me…_

_July 15:_

_Man, being on vacation can really make you soft. Nearly took a nasty blow to the head before my full fighting instinct kicked in. Mind you, after that happened, it was a whole new battle. Felt like letting a few of my blows hit a bit too hard, but out of respect for William I only dealt knockout blows. I can say one thing though; the challengers are starting to try a variety; mainly because it's become obvious that we're more than just dark types with dark type attacks; it takes strategy to win up here, not just power and type advantage._

_Took a break in the afternoon, more to give everyone else a chance than from need of rest. Heh, with how weak most of them are, I could probably handle a day's worth of them… maybe… Glad I quit when I did; not ten minutes later, that horrible racket William calls music started blaring from the arena. God… hate that racket, can still hear it now._

_Rest of the day was dull; the music scared off the last challengers before they tried. Heh, guess it has uses after all._

_July 16:_

_Slept in; couldn't find the energy to get up and face the arena today. That… and I didn't get my usual wake up call of two furry bodies crashing into me. Even when I did get up, it took another hour or so for me to wake up enough to do anything beyond shuffle along and grunt out responses. _

_Other than that slow start, it was an average day. Fewer challengers than usual, though the ones that showed actually had some skill. Actually had to try for once to win rather than being able to dodge a few poorly aimed attacks and knock em out in one hit. Felt good to earn my victories and not have them practically handed over for once. That… and it feels DAMN good to kick the snot out of an opponent that's strong. Prideful? Yes. Do I care? No._

_The two little lovers were around for most of them, though William flatly refused to let them fight. I'm glad he put his paw down about that one; they're both too young to be taking on fully trained opponents… though it didn't help that they started playing around every fifteen minutes._

_July 17:_

_Well, back to the five a.m. furball wake-up calls. I could live without them, but it'll be hard to get used to them not being around in a few months… William didn't even flinch this time; he just grumbled something and rolled over, not even waking up. How he could sleep through that I'll never know._

_Slow day at least; only a few challengers showed up, and they were pretty weak. Spend most of the day lounging around in the shade with William. Went through a lot of sun tea, but it was fun. The lazy way today went by was really nice; definetly nothing like our vacation, but still a relief. Watched Charis and Blackwind double team Dracoris… though, he still pinned both of them without much effort. _

_Turning in early, mostly because I know those two are going to wake me up early, but also because I'm not interested in any of William's 'midnight challenges' at the moment._

_July 18:_

_Rrh, hate it when things don't go as you planned. Thought I was going to get the usual wake up pounce, but the little furballs waited until I got up before piling on… I swear they planned it. At least I was awake enough to chase them out, though they lost me in the hall by using the dumb waiter as an escape device. _

_Too bad that was the only interesting thing that happened; guess the fact that the indigo league is starting soon is taking the pressure off of the gym leaders for a bit. It is nice to be free from challenges, but I've really grown used to that being my daily grind. Oh well, having William to myself is DEFINETLY a nice change. _

_Kinda sick of sun tea, and not willing to risk getting drunk any time soon… so,had to face the frustration of picking something different up in town. I swear, for being so advanced and such, they can be very bias when it comes to new things. All I want is to be able to go into a simple store and purchase a few things without a damn human accompanying me. Can I get that? Hell no; the bastards followed me around, trying to act like they were doing other stuff, but really making sure I didn't cause trouble. Would have told them off or worse if it would have done anything, but I just got what I came for and left. Definitely not shopping there again; worse than the library giving me a load of shit… bah, fuck 'em all. Need sleep._

_July 19:_

_Damn White fins, thinking they own the lake. I'd like to see them swim good with a broken leg… or tail. Well, that one should show them; not sure how bad it was, all I heard was a crack. Heh, thought they learned I don't put up with their harassment… well, they know now. Sad thing is, I went down to relax and see Derano, but I'm not knocking a good fight. Besides, can't let myself go soft with the lack of challengers, can I?_

_Stayed around there for most of the day, mostly to avoid that horrible music; I would destroy every copy William has, but he keeps it locked up… something about those being the only in existence. With how bad they sound, I wonder why. Either way, I hope whoever made them was killed for the injustice. _

_July 20:_

_Slow day again; went to the library and got myself a few books. Nothing major, a new mystery novel and a couple of more advanced cookbooks. Might as well work on that again, hell, I may actually get decent at it. A pipe dream maybe, but at least I have yet to set myself on fire… the food is another matter. Threw away my first attempt… and aired out the kitchen before trying a second time. Round two with the stove was much better; it actually tasted like food. _

_Manor smells like smoke still… I really need to check how high the fire is next time._

_July 21:_

_Damnit, I'll get Shadowbane good this time. Thinking it's funny to steal my diary and hide it from me… at least she can't read. It was NOT funny; in the least. This diary is my only sanctuary, a place where I can let out my deepest thoughts and darkest feelings… not just a book with blank pages. And to take that and hide it… like a simple possession really hurts… hell, I almost cried when I thought it was gone. That diary and was a gift from William; he gave it to me so I could practice my handwriting…_

_But, enough of my sob stories. Beyond me seriously considering beating Shadowbane within an inch of her life for that cruel prank, it wasn't a bad day. Started up my lessons with Blackwind again; actually have time now. Too bad it broke down to us talking about our respective other halves… which sadly was more interesting Heh, maybe later down the road we can get together and swap other stories… bah, Charis is my son; if only by adoption. I think that would classify under… oh, what's that word…ah; incest. But I'm talking with HIS mate, not doing the acts myself. Bah, head hurts so I'll think about it later._

_July 22:_

_Stopped trying to teach Blackwind to read; it's both a headache, and really he wouldn't have much need of it, so we switched more to hunting techniques. Well… theories of hunting techniques, seeing as an Eevee, he's kinda limited on what he can practice. I did skim over some other stuff; such as that trick I figured out in the snow, and how to use shadows to your advantage. He understood most of it I think, though it's hard to explain something that comes naturally._

_Got a straggler trainer in today. Fresh from the indigo league, probably knocked out first round judging by the sour look on his face. Dumb kid challenged William with nothing more than his starter; didn't even break a sweat taking that Blastoise down. _

_Cooked dinner today and it came out pretty good for once… with William's help, of course. Would have been easier if he didn't decide to juggle a few knives… heh, hope that nasty cut heals._

_July 23:_

_I hate summer with a passion; it wouldn't be so bad if Cerberus wasn't still being a dick about his heat resistance. Not all of us find having black fur to be bearable. Thank God the White fins stopped bothering me altogether after what happened a few days ago; nothing beats a good swim in that cold lake midday. _

_More Indigo league rejects stopped by to challenge William today; and every one left in a worse mood. Guess being pounded after losing in a tournament does that to you… Then again, challenging a dark type gym and having a psychic take the field probably didn't help. League doesn't have rules against it; I checked, but one idiot still complained until Dracoris did something to him… not sure exactly what, but the guy's eyes glazed over for a second, and then he just muttered an apology and left… weird. Eh, hope it doesn't come and bite him later._

_July 24:_

_Bleh, boring day again. Only thing interesting was teaching Blackwind how to execute a sharp turn while pursuing your prey; and even that didn't go far before we retired into the manor. From there, he wandered off with Charis up to the attic… nearly followed them, but I just couldn't muster up the nerve. I wonder what it's like for them… Bah; don't need to start THAT again… though, it would be interesting…_

_July 25:_

_The two fuzz balls thought it would be funny to play their 'alarm clock' game on me again; though this time I was already awake and ready to chase them off. They still lost me, though they took a flying leap off the stairs to do it. Rrh, I'll get them one of these times…_

_Sadly, that was the highlight of my day. Stupid tournament… too bad William had to stay here as a gym leader; bet he could have really cleaned house. Ah well, still have Blackwind to talk with… well, when he's around. Damn it… can't stop wondering what they're doing up there._

_July 26:_

_Scouted out the attic; God, William REALLY needs to clean that place out. The dust isn't too bad, mostly because those two have been chasing each other a lot, judging by the maze of paw prints I found. But, the sheer amount of junk up there was baffling; how had we missed it during the renovation? Eh, not really my problem. I just hope they don't accidentally hurt themselves up there._

_Dracoris came in late tonight; probably close to midnight. Even now, I can hear William chewing him out for being out that long and not letting us know he was all right. Would have stuck up for him, but I was pretty worried myself. He may be an adult, but we're still in charge around here… well, William is the head, but I'm his mother. Eh, write more tomorrow; better go out there now and make sure William doesn't say something stupid._

_July 27:_

_Lazy day. Got up early and got some good exercise in before anyone else was up. Figured on beating the heat and relaxing midday with William, but ended up in a drinking contest with Karakof. I won mind you, but it cost me pretty big; threw up only a few_

_Ugh, think I threw up my stomach along with the liquor… need sleep, feel like crap._

_July 28:_

_Feeling better now… God, having Shadowbane around is a blessing. She showed me a good remedy for helping with hangovers. Stuff tasted worse than the vomit, but it cleared my head out within an hour… I think. That time is really hazy, hell; I don't even remember most of today. _

_Still trying to work up the nerve to find out what those two are doing…_

_July 29:_

_More challengers came around today, different than the last batch but, still weak. That doesn't mean the change of pace wasn't welcome; hell, it was just the opposite. It felt really good to be back in the flow of things, even though most of them were pretty depresses about losing the tournament and then losing again to a gym leader… well, that one trainer actually won. Heh, it felt good to see William admit defeat._

_Charis and Blackwind weren't around most of the day… I still can't quite muster up the nerve to find out myself… it's wrong of me to even think about it, but it's a motherly concern for her son… and a morbid curiosity as well._

_July 30:_

_Another nice day of challengers; they're getting harder to deal with now that the tournament is winding down. I think one of them lost in the semi-finals judging by the cocky attitude that Sceptile had. Too bad his 'attitude' didn't see that Psychic blast coming… idiot._

_I retired early; mostly because I still had a minor headache, but also to plan out tomorrow. I know that they usually are on that pillow Dracoris left up there, I could smell it ten feet away, even over the dust. I should be able to use the shadows as cover, and with the haphazard way things are stacked up there it shouldn't be hard to find a good spot to hide in. It feels wrong still, but if I don't find this way I may never know; Blackwind and I don't know each other well enough just yet to talk about that kind of thing… and with him, I know he's still sensitive about being with Charis. Hopefully our friendship gets to that point…_

_July 31:_

_Oh God… I still can't believe what I saw… those two… so passionate… if I close my eyes I can still see it… hear it… smell it. A part of me was disgusted with their actions, but it was drowned out by the sound of Blackwinds' loving moans… his voice carrying a deep lust… one that only Charis could fulfill… Mind you, I thought that what they were doing was quite wrong; sex with another male is just… bad. But, seeing how much Blackwind liked it… no, loved it changed my mind. Makes you wonder…what is it like? _

_How they managed to go at it that long is beyond me. Well… I guess getting used to William being rather… quick did that to me. Heh, maybe I should see if he's up for trying something new? Doubtful, but it never hurts to try. I had to drag myself away when they fell asleep… though, I'm already considering watching again… just for the thrill of it… Nah. It's their private time; I know it would bother me if someone spied on me and William. _

_Mmm, speaking of William…_


	5. August

August 1:

_August 1: _

_Man… I don't quite see what they like about it; still sore. Oh well, once you get used to it it's not so bad really. At least, he seemed to like it. But anyway, definitely NOT going out of my way to experience that again… well, maybe once in a while._

_Spent most of the day lying around, both due to soreness and to having nothing better to do. I knew he had challengers today, but I'm glad William let me rest. Speaking of William, I'll write more later; he's headed up the stairs right now with dinner…_

_August 2:_

_Back to gym fighting in the arena today, slow day for it but better than reading all day. Guess the peak of summer heat is driving most trainers away from open-air battles right now, or maybe William's reputation finally got out. Either way, half the day was spent lying next to William in the shade. Weird thing is, I woke up late in the afternoon with him holding me close… I don't remember falling asleep like that, but it was nice. Hang on, night battles starting…_

_Bleh, hate bug types. Better than damn fighting types, but still annoying. It's a serious pain when challengers just HAVE to type match us. It did make me feel better to watch that Heracross flying around on fire. And the look on that trainers face when Cerberus walked onto the field was priceless; guess he'd never seen a shiny Houndoom before… or maybe he realized his 'strategy' was about to fall apart. Need sleep…_

_August 3:_

_I swear nothing beats a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream on a hot day. I made sure to scoop my own; William has a habit of adding his own 'topping' to it. How he can stand spicy ice cream is beyond me. Oh well, my mate is a nutter, simple as that. We took the day off, shifting gym challenges to evening and night to avoid the heat, which left the day to relaxing. Dracoris wandered into town, only reason I remember is because I went with him; had to return a few books and get some new ones. Note: black fur in summer sucks. Thank God the library was air-conditioned; felt like I was going to bake before entering that cooled haven. _

_Beyond that it was a dull day. Only one challenger showed up, and Thanos beat the guy's entire team on his own. Too bad, could have used the exercise; guess I'll have to speak up faster next time._

_August 4: _

_Long day. William started playing his saxophone in the morning; he was extremely rusty so everyone including me fled. I don't care he's my mate; that sound nearly made my ears bleed. It did give me some time to relax by the lake; damn White fin patrols kept watching me, but a curled lip chased them off. Talked with Derano a bit, mostly a catch up of how he was doing, but it was still nice seeing him. He seemed cheerful, but I couldn't help but feel like something was bothering him; I didn't pry because it's his business, but I still worry. Guess it's a mother's instinct. _

_Finally dared to return in the afternoon; thank God William had either given up on trying to play that infernal instrument or he'd left. Either way it was safe to return. I don't understand what humans see in that racke-_

_Scratch that last part. I'm currently up on the roof with him, listening to what couldn't possibly be the same saxophone playing a fast tune. Guess he was just rusty, or he did it to practice on his own; can't quite be sure with him. Oh well, the night air feels good, and being next to my love makes it even nicer._

_August 5:_

_Ugh… tiring day. A competent trainer came looking for a battle today; surprisingly enough, he didn't try just type matching. What did he say her name was… Karen I think… yeah, that sounds right. Anyway, she used dark types like William does; only her strategies were a bit different. Heh, we all got a pretty nasty shock when her Houndoom's attract didn't do a thing to Shadowbane… weird thing is, that necklace she wears was glowing when the attack hit. Ah well, none of my business really. It was pretty cool to watch her own Umbreon go down in that double battle; never quite get tired of seeing Cerberus and Padfoot pull off their solar flare attack. _

_Didn't fight in the first round, but she came back later in the day for another try. That Umbreon of hers has some pretty slick moves; I still won, but she gave me a real fight, unlike most challengers. Strangest thing was how well the human took it; said something about William having a true bond with us… felt like telling her 'well duh, any closer and we would be blood related', but I kept quiet. _

_Thank God she was the only one; that Umbreon took too much out of me to go on willingly. That reminds me, she mentioned something about knowing William from a long time ago, but I don't remember ever seeing her… maybe they met before I met him?_

_August 6:_

_The furry alarm clocks struck again, this time leading me on a wild chase through the living room before hiding under the couch. Would have gone after them longer, but I was still half asleep. Oh well, it did have some use; I was the first one up that could raid the fridge, so first crack at leftovers was mine. I made sure to avoid anything William had put in there; one experience with Nine Alarm Texas Tomato berry inferno sauce is enough for a lifetime. _

_Too bad that was the highlight of my day. No challengers showed up, so William and I spent the morning lying on a deck chair together. Well… that was pretty fun, so I guess it wasn't a total loss. Those two are so cute together, just the was Blackwind follows Charis like a shadow… I just hope he's happy; I mean, he seems like it… but, I just worry about him. He's too sweet and innocent to be hurt like that._

_Turning in early tonight, I'll get them this time…_

_August 7:_

_Damnit, they got away again! Man, for being small they're really fast. Oh well, they can't escape every time. But enough of my petty griping; finally remembered that window hand William bought me. Just seeing it again brings back such wonderful memories, though just waking up next to him in the morning is wonderful in itself. But still, the first rays of dawn's light shining through the colored glass, sending its pattern dancing across our bed brings a tear to my eye. In a way it's us; an Espeon and an Umbreon, sun and moon coming together in perfect harmony… well, sometimes._

_Note to self: vodka and taking on challengers do not mix. I won that fight just because the guy's Minun passed out when I threw up. It's not my fault most of it struck him dead in the face. Oh well, lesson learned and reflected on. I still wonder what happened after… I passed out and woke up late in the evening. Shadowbane said I was disqualified, but she couldn't hold back a smirk, so I knew she was lying. Bah, doesn't matter in the end really._

_Spent the remaining hours of light resting; didn't trust myself not to throw up again. Mmm… miracle paws…_

_August 8:_

_Slept in pretty late; couldn't feel most of my body until around noon. William's massage last night really did a number on me; not that I'm complaining… ohh, even thinking about how soft his touch was sends a shiver down my spine. It's things like that, which make me really look back on things and wonder… what if things had happened differently? I know it's pointless, but still; what if I hadn't admitted my feelings finally… what if William had exiled me for good? He's much too soft hearted to do that, but it could have happened. Bah, here I go again angsting away about stupid things. He always says verbalizing what's bothering you is the first step to getting over it._

_Anyway, it was a pretty dull day. Thanos and Shadowbane were absent for most of the day, not surprising really; everyone but me, William and Dracoris for the most part stay home as a general rule. It's just annoying when you expect someone to be around only to find out they slipped off earlier. It was more peaceful otherwise, which was a nice change. William ordered out rather than cooking, mostly to scare some poor delivery person but out of laziness even though he won't admit that part. Man it felt good to watch that poor teenager turn that pale; a guilty pleasure, sure._

_Need sleep…_

_August 9:_

_Boring day, nothing of note other than my hatred of fighting types grew._

_August 10:_

_Stupid challengers showing up at noon. It should be illegal to make Pokèmon with black fur fight in the heat. Oh well, it was enough motivation for all of us to send him packing even faster than normal; never knew a Blastoise was flammable. He had a fighting type too, and that Machamp didn't see that psychic blast coming until it was too late. It felt DAMN good to send him flying about 20 feet into the woods, if only to satisfy my ego. The kid ran away after that one; hope he doesn't come back seeking any action against us._

_William made it up to us by cooking up a superb lunch. Personally, I know he did it more for himself, but we all enjoyed it. I helped a bit as well; made sure not to tell anyone else until they were eating, seeing as everyone besides Dracoris hasn't gotten over my first attempt. It was an accident, I swear it. Oh well, everyone here has a very long memory for things, though maybe today's actual good food I made will help them forget. _

_Right now I'm waiting for my turn to come up to take on one of the dozen or so challengers that showed up around 10. Heh, it feels good in the night air, full moon tonight and everything. Well, write more tomorrow; William wants me in for the next round._

_August 11:_

_I swear Shadowbane has some serious connections or is just really lucky. Somehow she managed to get a hold of a box of… firecrackers I think they're called… not sure. Anyway, she set off a few during a morning gym fight; scared the hell out of everyone including me. I mean, what the hell? It sounded like someone was shooting at us. Needless to say we didn't have any more challengers until evening, guess something about being deafened like that will chase them away. William chewed her out pretty good for it… not that she really cared; Shadowbane only pretends to listen while devising her next prank._

_Lounging in the shade with William is nice, even when he's busy concentrating on maintaining the lawn. Mind you, I don't understand what he sees in it, but he's crazy. Oh well, more sun tea for me in that situation. No matter how many times I see that equipment moving silently on its own it still weirds me out. Sometimes his psionic abilities scare me… not that he would ever use them against me, but just knowing that he has abilities like that worries me a lot. _

_Still dealing with challengers right not, though I already took my turn in the ring so I get to relax. William better not start playing that retched music._

_August 12:_

_Today was pretty rough; Dracoris got hauled in again today for getting into a fight. William was really calm about it until the officer left, and then he went ballistic. My ears were ringing for a few hours, but that was nothing compared to how long he was at it; poor Dracoris is grounded again, and he didn't even start the fight. I'll talk with him tomorrow once he calms down more. Poor Dracoris was nearly in tears when William finished; I took him aside and calmed him down, which was hard. _

_I stayed with him most of the day, trying hard to cheer him up. He was quiet the entire time, only staring at the wall for hours. Why William had to do that to him is beyond me; I can understand being angry, but making his own son cry over something is just… mean. I'm torn between a love for my mate and a mother's instinct to protect my son. It hurts a lot… I feel like my heart is being torn in two directions at once, and I don't like it one bit. _

_Sleeping on the couch tonight, I can't share a bed with William tonight. Just thinking about it brings back echoes of his yelling… I can't be near him just yet. Besides, Dracoris needs some comfort still. Well, I'm turning in so my scratching doesn't wake him up._

_August 13:_

_Took Dracoris into town today… well, he got us there but I stayed with him this time. It took a while for him to cheer up, but I know his secrets. All it takes is going down the store and picking up a quart of rocky road to bring a smile to his face. He's so simple that way… really mature yet so easy to please, he's just a big kid. We split it under a large tree, mostly to avoid the heat but also for the scenery. It was kind of nice… he really opened up to me today; and not his usual hard to understand logic. I really felt honored by it… it's the only time I can remember that he's talked about his feelings to anyone. _

_Besides that, the day was pretty dull; with no challengers to tear apart and Shadowbane under close watch for the firecracker incident things were unusually quiet when we got back. Dracoris slipped off somewhere almost immediately, but at least I know he's feeling better. Didn't say a word to William again, though I did give him a sharp look before heading in myself. I'm not really mad at him, just still a little annoyed that he would be that mean to Dracoris. Anyway, I'm cutting it off here; tomorrow should be a nicer day… and I'm expecting a very unwanted wake up call as usual._

_August 14:_

_Finally got the jump on those two today; felt really good to be the one doing the startling for once. I highly doubt those two will be sleeping in the open like that for a long time… I just hope their shouts didn't wake anyone else up. Heh, maybe now they'll stop waking me up in the mornings like that… or plot some revenge; never quite sure with Charis. Oh well, revenge is good enough for me. Besides, they know it was only in jest that I leapt from a shadow and grabbed Blackwind by the scruff… at least I hope so._

_Dracoris didn't make an appearance until late in the day, which was very unusual. Either he has something to eat stashed or he skipped both breakfast and lunch. Judging by how much he took from the fridge before slinking away, I have a bad feeling it's the latter. Tried talking with him, but he turned around a corner and vanished; sometimes I really hate that William taught him how to teleport. He's strong at least, and I know he'll work through it in his own way, but I'm still worried about him. _

_Finally gave up and spoke to William today; and I didn't tell him off or give him an attitude either, which surprised even me. Even stranger was how quiet he was, very reserved; only once has he acted like that, and it was when his human wife left him. A part of me says it serves him right for being mean, but the other can see it from his point. Oh well, at least both of them seem to be getting over it; I'm already getting tired of playing the patch up game with them. He's warmer to be next to than the couch, though not as warm as he usually is. Maybe tomorrow things will be better…_

_August 15:_

_Well, today did go better… and worse at the same time. William and Dracoris finally sat down and talked about what happened a few days ago. I stayed out of it; that was for those two to work out in their own way… and I knew from experience that they were just going to use telepathy so bah. I did feel really left out, but what can you do? It did give me some time to talk with Shadowbane; mostly to see if I could find out how she was going to weasel out of the trouble she got herself into this time. Sadly… all I got was a sly grin and a cryptic reply before she changed the subject on me. Rrh, sometimes…_

_Spent the afternoon reading quietly in my room. Mostly to avoid the heat, but also for some time alone. Sometimes I just like being asocial as a change of pace… that, and you have to sometimes just to get some peace when you live with eleven others under one roof. Don't get me wrong, we're all family here; it's just that once in a while it's nice to be alone with your thoughts, and maybe an engaging mystery novel. I did feel a bit bad about ditching everyone like that, but at the same time it was nice to have some peace for once._

_Well, I'll write tomorrow later; William is complaining about the book light._

_August 16:_

_Long day, which hasn't even ended yet seeing as some jerk trainer decided to show up at nearly midnight for a challenge. Wouldn't have been so bad if the furry alarm clocks hadn't woken me up even earlier in retaliation for what I did to them the other day. Oh well, at least besides this minor annoyance it was a decent day. Now that William and Dracoris worked things out together he's his usual cheerful self again; which is nice to see. He's a good kid, just not quite all there in the head sometimes. Oh well, he's back to his old self again and that's what really matters._

_Shadowbane has been acting a bit shifty again, which can't be a good thing. Something tells me that she either has another prank started, or she didn't use all of those firecrackers; never can tell with her. Whatever she's up do, I don't want a part of it; after the shampoo, incident I've been quite wary of her. We're friends yes, but those two don't discriminate when it comes to prank targets. Oh well, hopefully whatever is going on behind that single eye of hers isn't too dangerous this time… then again, she did set off explosives last time… Well, hopefully she'll at least give everyone some warning if she tries that one again; or maybe we'll all get lucky and William will stop her before anyone gets hurt._

_Bah, I'm up; write more later._

_August 17:_

_Tired… long night combined with having to repeat it again definitely does not agree with me. Need sleep…_

_August 18:_

_Finally had a day with no challengers; guess it was because of the intense heat… or maybe how badly I injured the last guy's Machamp got around. Either way, it feels DAMN good to just lie around for once. True I did have to deal with the heat, but a bowl of ice cream and a tall glass of spiked sun tea goes a long way. Well… a little attention from William doesn't hurt either… mmm, mint chip and miracle paws… a wonderful combination._

_\_

_Head hurts a bit still, but at least I didn't get stone drunk; it's too hot. Stupid summer; it's the only season that having black fur is a downside. And the fact that there's less night time is another downer; it's damn hard to get enough basking in with so little moonlight hours. Oh well, griping about it won't change a thing; now getting out there during dusk will. Man… William isn't half bad a musician when he's warmed up; it's just the time it takes that I can't stand. Mmm… I can feel his emotions flowing through the notes, mostly cheerful with a haunting echo… he must still be down about something… eh, I'll find out later; for now I'm just enjoying being near him._

_August 19:_

_Back to the routine, in more ways than one. Between the furry alarm clocks and having a few early morning challenges; I was beat by noon. Thankfully no one disturbed me until about 5, when William needed everyone up and ready just in case. Still tired from it… need sleep._

_August 20:_

_There's just such a feeling of satisfaction knowing that you've helped defend the honor of your love… or maybe it's knowing that every challenger didn't really stand a chance; either way I'm feeling good today. Maybe it's the high from battle, or maybe it's the five shots I had about an hour ago. Oh well, doesn't matter really. Now… as for the day leading up to now, it wasn't bad. It's kinda hazy right now, so I'll just leave it at nothing really bad or really good happened… God, William is sexy…_

_August 21:_

_Ugh, woke up with a headache this morning. Guess I had more to drink last night than I thought. Can't remember anything past closing my diary either… eh, must have had more after I quit writing. Doesn't matter really; William let me sleep in and recover, so that helped a lot. Just with I knew what happened…_

_Most of the day was pretty slow. Today was the hottest day of the year so far, so I bugged Dracoris to take me into town so I could drop off my due books and pick up a few new ones. Thankfully he didn't argue or complain; mostly because I slipped him a few bucks for his trouble. He wandered off to play cards for a while and I made a beeline for the library. Forgot my card, but thankfully they know me well enough to not need it. Then again… I'm probably the only Umbreon within a hundred miles that can both read AND has her own library card. And yes, I'm being vain. Bite me._

_Cooked dinner again tonight, and everyone at least ate it without cringing; which is a good sign. Then again, William did help me a bit with it so maybe-NO; I've got to stop doubting my own skill, at least that's what William always says. I know he's right, but it's hard when everyone else doesn't trust me with anything edible; I mean come on, it was just ONE time I screwed up. You'd think they'd get over it by now. Oh well, too tired to care at the moment._

_August 22:_

_Ooh… so relaxed… William's paws are amazing. It's like he can sense every bit of tension in my body, relaxing away a day's worth of fighting in only minutes… then he really started. What happened today again? Oh, that's right; Karakof managed to do something… what was it? Something to do with gates… gatecrashers. Yeah, someone was trying to break into Silph co.'s main database, but Karakof managed to lock them out. Then Karakof said something about gatecrashers; not sure what the hell that means, but he started typing even faster. Not sure what happened after that, mostly because he started using technical terms and grumbling in Russian under his breath. _

_Beyond that it was a normal day. Had to deal with another dozen or so challengers throughout; mostly during the morning and evening at least. Still takes a lot out of you tearing though opponent after opponent without much of a rest. Eh, it's good exercise; better than sitting in front of a laptop all day like a certain lazy Sneasel I know. _

_August 23:_

_I'm getting worried about what Shadowbane has planned. Caught the tail end of a conversation between her and Thanos; something about a nice surprise. Whatever they're up to, I doubt it's good. Eh, whatever it is it'll be good; she has the firecracker incident to top. _

_Most of the day was boring after that; it's become routine for challengers to show up, be beaten, rinse, repeat and call it a day. Without family to make the in between time bearable I'd probably lose my mind from boredom. But… when you live in a manor full of nut jobs, there's always something to find amusing. Such as Kenya still chasing after Dracoris even though he never expresses even the slightest interest in her. Why she doesn't just give up is beyond me, but it's her business; and Dracoris either doesn't mind or doesn't get it. Then there's Cerberus and his macho attitude; even though he lost Padfoot over a pretty stupid argument. Then there's Karakof; quiet until he hits the vodka. After that, you get a floor show. And Witchhazel… what to say about her? Well, she's clingy; not in a way that I find threatening, but still a common presence. She's really attached to William, for different reasons than I am, but her bond with him is strong nonetheless._

_Enough of my silly analysis of everyone living here; time for bed. _

_August 24:_

_Shadowbane and Thanos slipped off early this morning, more irritating than anything but sill odd. It's not like them to leave without at least telling someone for more than a few hours. Eh, maybe they're off on some wild fling… or scrounging up more materials. Either way, William may light into them for leaving us 2 fighters short without notice. And I plan on being right there when he does; his arguing and yelling is good entertainment, so long as you're it's not me or Dracoris being yelled at._

_I was able to take the day off seeing as there weren't too many challengers; so I used the time to practice cooking. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it; what I made actually looked edible for once AND it didn't taste half bad. Even the others agreed; Cerberus didn't say anything which counts as passing for him. Guess those extra lessons really helped. Just so long as they don't start expecting me to do it every day, though with everyone's addiction to takeout food I highly doubt that'll happen. _

_Staying up late to spend some alone time with William tonight; we don't really get to do it often with the Gym and dealing with various problems, so it's kind of special. _

_August 25:_

_Long day. The heat drove off most challengers until evening, so I at least got to sleep in again. Man, now that I think about it life here has become almost monotonous. It's get up, eat, beat challengers, rest, more challengers, bed. Damn… something needs to be done about that. Mind you, I'm not the one to do it; stirring up trouble is one thing that I avoid if possible. Heh, it wasn't always like that; thinking about how boring things are brings back memories from so many years ago. I remember… I used to be so playful; always hiding things from William, just a bolt or maybe a few coins. Never anything serious, just small objects I could carry off in my mouth. It was fun. He never got mad at me for it; which was a bit surprising. I quit because William sat me down and said that I shouldn't hide certain things like his keys… that's when I stopped. It seems so silly of a reason looking back, but then I had a silly crush on William and seeing him so serious really shook me up. It's funny how things can turn out really. Back then I never would have guessed we would end up being mates… then again, how could I have known that accident would happen?_

_Maybe I should start stirring up my own trouble; Shadowbane can't have all the fun, right? Eh, it's something to think about at least. That, and maybe it'll help stir up some other memories… it's been so long since I remember my days before evolving. But for now I'm too tired to care._

_August 26:_

_Shadowbane carried out her 'master plan' as I'm sure she called it. Those two… if they weren't family I'd skin the pair alive. About 6 in the morning she somehow managed to set off not only more firecrackers, but also a few other extremely loud fireworks on the front lawn. Nearly had a heart attack from the first set of explosions; it was like a miniature war was happening just outside the window. William wasn't much happier about it; he started shouting and cursing right after falling out of bed. No offense to him, but it was really funny watching as he struggled to untangle himself from the sheet._

_Turns out there was an actual reason to her madness; William's birthday is coming up. I'm a bit embarrassed for forgetting, but at least I'm not the only one. It seems… only Shadowbane remembered; and that's because she had Karakof look it up. It's in three days, so I had to really start hustling to get ready. I just don't know what to get him…he's not really into owning a bunch of junk, and my culinary skills are still weak so making a meal is out. Hmm… eh, I've got a few days to think about it at least._

_August 27:_

_  
Think I have an idea for what to get him. Maybe a nice collar… it's corny I know, but I want my gift to be something thought out and not just expensive or nice looking. Besides, I think he would look really good in blue… or something else dark; so long as it accents his eyes. Not sure what color yet, but I've decided on the tag. Sterling silver; gold is both kinda tacky and overdone, no offense to Thanos' earring. And, if I can find a good enough jeweler, I also want to have his name engraved on the front. The major problem is getting somewhere in time that I can find all that. _

_William has been more cautious than usual; guess he suspects Shadowbane to pull something even worse on him before the 29th. Like she would try something that obvious; I bet she'll either spike whatever birthday food we have or give him some really obnoxious gift. Or maybe she won't; never can tell with her. Shadowbane better know that if she does try anything, it better not ruin it for William, or there WILL be hell to pay. At least she's the worst thing that could go wrong; everyone else either doesn't really care or has other plans already. It's kind of disappointing to see so little enthusiasm, but none of us have really been big on… hey! I bet that sneak pulled that stunt just to let me know! Bah, figure it out later._

_August 28:_

_Well, I got it. Had to bribe Dracoris both to keep get me into Saffron and to keep his mouth shut, but it's worth it. Heh, he even helped me pick you the color; Hunter green, I think the shopkeeper said; not sure, but it's a nice shade at least. Cost a bit to get the one I wanted; hand woven wool. That's nothing to what the tag cost. I didn't know sterling silver cost that much… or maybe it was the engraving. I did ask for a pretty long one, but that was worth it too. Hopefully he likes it, Dracoris laughed at how corny it was… kinda made me feel bad, but I meant every word. I have trouble expressing my true feelings verbally, but writing them down is another thing… it's like I'm more relaxed… more confident. At least it can be taken off if he wants._

_It's really hard to keep anything hidden in the manor; I resorted to stuffing it under a floorboard with my diary just to keep it safe. William wouldn't go looking for it, but between Shadowbane, the two fur balls, and Kenya poking their noses around it was the only safe thing to do. Speaking of which, she was unusually quiet today, and that's cause for concern. I can't really do anything without some proof, and she's extremely good at covering her trail. _

_Tomorrow is his big day, even though I'm the one losing a bit of sleep over it. I'm just worried he'll laugh at what I got him… or hate it. I know him; if William doesn't like something, he'll be polite about it and dump it in a drawer or give it to someone else discreetly… it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I put my deepest feelings on the back of that tag… and I don't know what I'd do if he doesn't like it…_

_August 29:_

_Well… today was interesting, to say the least. The furry alarm clocks waited an extra hour at least to pounce on me, though they made sure William was up too before running off. Would have chased them down again, but I remembered what day it was in time. He didn't so I reminded him in my own way… and gave him his first gift at the same time. Mmm… it was fun for both of us._

_He closed the Gym for today; annoyed a few challengers but they got rain checks on it at least. Besides, we deserve a day off once in a while. Anyway, amazingly Shadowbane didn't pull any stunts; all the stealth was her arranging for a few things to be delivered. Just a decent cake and some drinks; nothing particularly expensive, but still nice. Mind you, I was wary to try any until she took the first bite… sure, she could have slipped herself an antidote ahead of time, but that's not her style. Never thought of her as having any sense of what would be good, but she proved me wrong today; that cake was DAMN good….s o good in fact I should really get some serious exercise in tomorrow to work it off. Worth it though._

_William really liked my gift, though I could have done without him reading the inscription out loud. Shadowbane started teasing me about it, but at least the one it was intended for understood; he even put it on right away. Glad I got the adjustable one, seeing as I have no idea what his exact neck measurement or desired fit is. I didn't say anything… but, he looked especially sexy with it on… then again, he looks that way all the time to me. I'm just glad he didn't think it was stupid… guess my fears were pointless._

_Things dragged on pretty late, mostly because everyone knew it was a damn good excuse to really unwind. Well… Karakof took it as a reason to get drunk, but that's not uncommon with him. Overall, everyone had a good time; even the usually reserved Cerberus loosened up a bit. Not so much as to be much fun, but better than his normal attitude. The two fur balls were absent, probably using the distraction to have their own fun. Eh, would have been nice if everyone was here, but you really can't make them do anything. _

_William and I retired early, more to avoid Karakof's drunken antics than anything but also to spend some time alone…_

_August 30:_

_Mmm… last night was great… just thinking about it brings such a warm feeling. He's so soft… so warm… Every day I wake up next to him is wonderful. Too bad that doesn't mean the day itself is; between being woken up stupidly early and dealing with jerk off challengers it was tiring. Oh well, least the heat is dying down in the daytime; about time too. Fall should start soon, which means really cold mornings and tolerable sunlight; better than blazing heat if you have black fur. _

_August 31:_

_Boring as hell day; no challengers and Dracoris slipped off before I could bum a ride into town. Resorted to reading through the latest cookbook to pass the time. Humans think some of the strangest things are good to eat… and they consider Pokémon to be a lower class? Man, talk about ass backwards logic; least most carnivore and omnivore Pokémon eat everything from what they kill. _

_But enough of my griping; did pick up a few good ideas from it, even one William didn't think of. Heh, not that I would try rubbing it in his face; he has a natural talent for the kitchen that most can only dream of. That and he's still teaching me so it wouldn't be wise to piss him off like that. Oh well, I doubt something like that would really bother him; mostly because we've known each other so long… that reminds me of something else. There was a white box in the fridge sealed with tape. Only reason I remember was it had a small 'don't open' sign taped to the front. Wonder what's in it? Looked like his handwriting so I left it alone, but things like that just bother me for some reason… kind of a nagging curiosity. Eh, find out later. Right now sleep calls._

_Azarus Ketchum_


	6. September

September 1:

_September 1:_

_Boring day again. With most of the major events being either over or still a month away it leaves very little to do; even the usual flow to challengers dried up. Oh well, being able to stay indoors and avoid the heat was a good change. William wasn't around until late, which was a bit surprising; he usually likes to kick back on slow days like this. I really missed him… so when he returned I pounced on him good and wouldn't let go until he promised to stay. Heh, if we were alone I would have demanded something different… but, Dracoris was in the other room so it'll have to wait. _

_I still wonder about that box; I asked William but he just shrugged and said he didn't know anything about it. He wouldn't look me in the eyes after that, so he was lying… but, what could he have to hide from me?_

_September 2:_

_I guess peace really can't hold out forever, at least when it comes to a newly formed pack. No one really knows exactly what's happening out there, but it's pretty bad. The messenger Damitri sent bore a nasty wound on his side; guess someone didn't want him to talk. Only thing he could tell us before the shock hit was that there was some dissent between a few high ranked members in the Shadow paw pack. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad, we were all just getting used to the forest being a safe place, and Shadowbane would really lose it if any of her pups were killed._

_Really that was the only excitement of the day. William kept disappearing for hours at a time before finally coming home for good around midnight, just enough time for me to snuggle up to where I am now. He's too tired to even mind the night-light, so at least I can finish up before turning in myself. I love how his silky fur feels against my body… it even makes up for him being gone so long with no explanation. _

_Tired…_

_September 3:_

_Again with William being absent most of the day. I know it's not business; Karakof has been surprisingly sociable today and only two trainers came for challenges. The latter was handled by Dracoris, who is technically in charge when William's gone. That's not the actual rule; we just let him think that; it's easier than having Cerberus gripe about being the oldest, which is a bunch of Tauros shit… but enough on that. It still bothers me that he's being so distant lately, but he probably has a reason for it. _

_The woods have been too silent lately, which is cause for worry. Usually we can hear at least a few hunting calls from the Shadow paws, but not today. Hopefully that wasn't a sign of things to come; it's rather nice being on good terms with the closest pack. I mean sure, the White Fins are still being pretty bitchy about things, but fuck 'em I say; good riddance to bad blood…well, it's just their leader but it's enough. The messenger from yesterday finally recovered, but opted to stay close by for a few days. He said it was to make sure he healed right, but his eyes said different. What did he see out there?_

_The rest of today sucked. No challengers again and no William to pass the time with. Tomorrow I'm going to pin him down and find out what he's up to._

_September 4:_

_Bah, he's such a cheater. I should have known William would break out his secret weapon the moment I asked the first question, but I didn't. Oh well, I got something out of it…and it made the day better anyway, so it's no problem he was gone… I couldn't really move for a few minutes anyway. It really was weak of me giving in, but his paws are too soft…_

_Anyway, total lack of internal strength aside today wasn't half bad. With the flow of challengers relaxing heavily it left the day free for relaxing. Most of it for me was spent relaxing on the couch listening to the radio and leaving through a magazine; mostly just to give my mind a rest, but I do enjoy a couple of the writers. For being such an arrogant species, humans still can come up with the most ingenious food ideas. And yes, I do think with my stomach when bored; bite me._

_Well, write more tomorrow; William just got back._

_September 5:_

_Today finally broke the small monotony streak; a pair of trainers showed up looking for a double battle. Couldn't tell them apart really, both were dressed in identical cloths; the red didn't look good but that really doesn't matter. What did matter was how damn hard it was to understand them; it was like listening to the two furballs without the coherency. God I hate twins now… Anyway, they used the old Plusle/Minun setup against us, not really a good idea when it gave Shadowbane and Thanos an excuse to fight together. Man, I'll never get tired of watching those two fight together; it's like they blend together into one blur of black and white fur. Mind you, I've never been on the receiving end of their 'Shade Duet' attack, so the beauty of it was probably lost on the rodents. Eh, their loss._

_Really that was the only major action of the day, but it was enough to chase away the aura of boredom that had settled over me. Who knew watching a pair of very obnoxious colorful rats be thrown around like rag dolls could be so fun… or, maybe it was how the twin trainers were just dumbstruck by how fast they had lost. Heh, it almost made up for William not being home until dinner again; he covered that one with take out food. Though I do wonder what was in that other bag he walked away with…it wasn't that big so at first I thought it was sauces… but he dropped everything on the table and made a beeline for the stairs. Would have followed, but I was too hungry to care. _

_Bah, feeling too good to care. Worry about it tomorrow. _

_September 6:_

_Bleh… more furry alarm clocks… writing early just so I don't forget about getting them back later. William slept through it all, figures they would go after just me. And as for that lazy bum of a mate… I'll get him as well… tired…_

_Man, beyond being woken up rather violently the day wasn't bad. William was home the entire day, which meant I stuck close to him the entire time; it's kinda lonely without him. I know everyone living here is my friend, but there's nothing quite like the one who shares your heart… he's warm, and soft, if not a bit dense… but no one could ever take his place for me. Speaking of which, he got his ample revenge for sleeping through the wake-up call… though he didn't seem to mind much._

_Karakof made one of his rare appearances around eight, which was surprising as he also came up for dinner today; maybe William is finally weaning him back into the land of the living? Or more likely he ran out of Vodka in his basement hideaway and needed more; not sure as he coaxed me to drink with him. Anything after eleven is hazy, but at least I'm not… really drunk… just a bit tipsy… and nauseous…_

_Bleh… throwing up never gets easier… God I feel horrible… need sleep…_

_September 7:_

_Thank GOD for William and his paws… he's better than a stomach medicine any day… too bad he can't do anything about… the headache… never mind, he found a way… Oohh, so relaxing… maybe I should get sick more often…_

_Man I feel better, though being sick wasn't really worth it in the end. It does feel really good to know he cares though, sure I've known that all along… but there's just something about hearing his voice in my ear, really more of a quiet whine than anything, but comforting nonetheless. I know that no matter what happens, even in the darkest of times or the worst of health my William will always be with me… But enough of my sappy daydreaming._

_Finally found out what the bag from yesterday was… and I'm still torn between kissing him and biting him. It seems… that Shadowbane's little 'reminder' about his birthday got him wondering about mind. And, as I was born in a breeding farm there is no exact date for it… he made one up. Now where as I don't mind the idea, it's the fact that he went behind my back and just 'picked' a day that bothers me. Isn't the day you were born supposed to be special to humans, and more than just another random blip? There's no arguing at this point, he said that everything is set up so I suppose there's no going back._

_Well, sleep calls so I guess tomorrow is my 'birthday'._

_September 8:_

_Well… what to say really? No furry alarm clocks was nice, though William filled in that role nicely. Mmm… waking up to his voice is much better than being pounced on at five in the morning. The real surprise came later when he pulled a small box from under a floorboard; guess he got that idea from me. It was really hard not to shed a few tears of happiness when he showed me that pen… sure it was beat up and nearly out of ink… but it was the same one I learned to write with. I though it had been thrown out long ago, but… he had saved it… I settled for knocking him over and showing him how much I appreciated it another way…_

_Man… he really went out of his way for me too; more by getting everyone to behave for a change than any actual cost, but when you live with all predators it can be hard to make anyone cooperate. Even Karakof showed up… probably for the spiked drinks, but also because William 'persuaded' him to. Really, today was just a day spent as a family; something we haven't had time to do for a while now with the Gym and various local problems. I just wish Kera and Derano could have been here, but one is off God knows where with her trainer and the other…well, Charis can't know he's back just yet. God he thought of everything, even down to having my favorite ice cream…which of course I had WAY too much of._

_Turning in pretty soon, I just wanted to jot down how today went and make a few other notes before it has to end. I did find out why he picked today…it was the day we first met back in the lab, so many years ago. I guess that would be a birthday… it was the day I became Azarus, though the Ketchum only came this year. Bah, here I go getting all weepy over stuff… but, it feels nice at least._

_September 9:_

_Back to the same old grind, though with William around to make it bearable. Stupid heat is finally going away; though noon is still pretty hell out on the battlefield. The day was slow except for a few punk trainers thinking they were hot using fighting types against us. The look on the first guys face was priceless when his Machamp 'accidentally' crashed through a tree when I tossed him with a psychic attack. The other punks fell about the same; haven't they ever heard of an Umbreon knowing psychic moves? The last guy was kind of tough… he had this funny looking bipedal dog… didn't catch its name, but it looked weird. Whatever it was, it sure caught fire nicely. Note: burned fur smells horrible._

_Meh, beyond that the day was nice I suppose. Watching the two furballs run around chasing after Dracoris was fun, though unfair in a way…not sure who really had the advantage._

_September 10:_

_Long day again… nothing to do, combined with heat makes it hard to care about much. Oh well, least I bummed a ride into town with Dracoris in the afternoon; something to liven things up. Well, and I was nearly overdue on a few books and in desperate need of a good read. That and it was a good reason to soak up a few hours of cooled air seeing as William doesn't run any at the manor. Can't blame him really, it's too hard to cool down that entire place and pointless at that; Cerberus hates the cold and is very grouchy about it._

_Meh, once I got back it was late enough that stretching out on the couch and reading was in order. William joined me once I was comfortable, which was nice except, for that feeling of him reading over my shoulder blade. He knows I hate that, which is precisely why he kept it up. Bah, would have bit him if it wasn't so comfortable being snuggled up close… God I'm weak._

_Warm…_

_September 11:_

_Dull day again, mostly read my new novel to pass the time._

_September 12:_

_Bah, my hate of fighting types just got worse. Can't trainers try something called strategy these days, or is it all 'win with cheap shots'? Bah, doesn't matter seeing as we cleaned house again. I'd think our reputation for trashing anyone using type advantage would have gotten around by now. Maybe once the colder weather starts serious trainers will begin challenging again; fighting these rejects has been more of a chore than anything remotely fun. Oh well, at least the commentary Thanos started doing made it worthwhile._

_About halfway through my new novel, I want to read it all now but its 600 pages long and there's just not enough time with the Gym being run. Eh, I still have two weeks before it's due so that's not a problem. But having the furballs trampling me every time I get comfortable is another matter… I've lost two bookmarks to them, thankfully they only steal it when it's not marking my page; Charis at least has that much consideration for me. One of these days I'll catch them hopefully._

_Soft William…_

_September 13:_

_That book was great; too bad it's the only one that our local branch has by that author. I reserved a few that sounded good, but it'll be a few days before they arrive. Meh, checked out a couple of barbeque cookbooks to tide me over; might as well do some outdoor stuff as it's getting on toward fall. That, and I can probably adapt most of it and still cook indoors during the winter. If there's one thing William taught me, it's that books are only a guideline not the law._

_William's been really affectionate today; not the wanting something style, just hanging around me a lot. I guess he want's to make up for being really distant those past few days… he really doesn't need to, but it's nice anyway. Or, maybe he's planning something… never can quite tell with him; must be that whole 'glimpse the future' crap Espeon can do. I hope it's nothing bad, he's too soft to lose…_

_September 14:_

_Slept in for once, mostly because I made sure the door was secured the night before. Knowing Charis, he'll figure some way of waking me up tomorrow, but I won this round at least. Now if only William had stayed in bed longer it would have been really nice, but he got up regular time. Ugh, then again maybe I slept in too long… still a bit stiff. _

_Finished off what was left of the ice cream today, it was surprising that any was left but only myself, William and Shadowbane like mint. Eh, knowing him William had it saved just for me… or Shadowbane did something to it. It didn't taste funny, which isn't saying much really… but it's been several hours and I feel fine. Bah, doesn't matter._

_Paws…_

_September 15:_

_Well… something finally happened today. Damitri and that weird Absol took up residence just behind the greenhouse today; something about dissention and general collapse of order. None of my business in the long run, but that's just because I'm not a part of his pack. William said he can stay as long as he likes, but Damitri just needed somewhere to rest and plan for a day. Damnit, now I kind of wonder what's going on out there. Oh well, hopefully if it's really bad Damitri can keep it under control; the last thing I want to deal with is another unfriendly pack. _

_Sadly, that was the day's highlight. Dracoris was gone most of the day, probably playing with those cards of his in town and William was really distracted with Damitri's trouble, which left me with nothing to do. Even the two furballs weren't around much; I spotted them a few times but never long enough to start a conversation… it got bad enough for me to have a few shots with Karakof. That went… well I suppose; both of us stayed relatively sober for once, though a lot of the time was spent talking about other things… he's smarter than I would have thought, guess liquor makes him open up._

_Mmm… write more tomorrow, William is looking just too sexy right now…_

_September 16:_

_Mmm… woke up with William snuggled extra close; actually he's still asleep, I'm just writing to pass the time. No matter how often it happens, when he gets this 'cuddly' I have to laugh. Normally, he's not really emotional; even cuddling close on the couch is a slight stretch in his behavior. But… moments like this I wouldn't trade for anything else in the world; being held close, secure in his soft limbs… not having to worry about anything… I'll write more later, he's just waking up._

_Meh, can't really complain about the day too much. Dracoris drifted off mid morning, thankfully not before I could get into town with him. While he hung out playing that strange card game he likes I picked up a few groceries and looked in on my reserved book; wasn't in but they said try back tomorrow. That reminds me, those bastards at the store tried to throw me out, but one look at my last name and they backed off… you'd figure they would remember that I'm the only Umbreon who shops there; probably the only Pokèmon overall, but that's just me being vain. Must have gotten a new manager or something. No matter, only one human followed me, and a nasty look got rid of her. _

_Beyond that it was a dull day; the challengers are barely worth more than a laugh. I mean, what type of moron brings a psychic to an all dark type gym? Well… one of them used some move that made me feel funny, but that Alakazam went down hard for it. Tired…_

_September 17:_

_My book came today, so obviously I parked myself on the couch and read the entire day. So not much happened beyond that I suppose… oh yeah, there was something about the Shadow Paws fighting among themselves, but I didn't pay much attention… I had to find out who was murdered next. Bah, now I want to read some more._

_September 18:_

_Crazy ending; wouldn't have expected the murderer be such an innocent seeming character. Ah well, that's what made it good; keeps you hooked until the end. Now…what else happened today again? Oh yeah, some of the Shadow paw fighting spilled over into our back yard; nothing major, just a few White Fins trying to take advantage of the chaos. Stupid Razor fin, even in the worst of times true Shadow Paw members are dangerous fighters… mostly because Shadowbane's pups passed on their techniques to the others. Kinda sucked, the Vaporeon pair turned tail and ran before I could get a piece of them_

_Dracoris was absent yet again, this time he holed up in that stupid dumb waiter and slept most of the day. Would have dragged him out, but eh; he probably had a reason. I worry about him, but he's a semi-mature adult now; doesn't change the fact that I still worry about him every so often. He's… well, different in many ways. I have a feeling that what Kera did to him left some real damage, but he's usually so cheerful… that's why it struck me as odd for him to sleep so long. Maybe tomorrow I'll see if he's depressed about something._

_September 19:_

_Sadly no change in Dracoris, even offering him a bowl of his favorite ice cream didn't do a thing; and that's rare. He refused to come out, even going so far as to change the dumbwaiters level to ignore me. I was pissed at that, but on the other paw it was pretty rude of me… maybe it would be best to let him work it out. The less than cheery mood around the manor only got worse with Shadowbane and her incessant worry; her pups are fully grown and quite capable of handling things on their own… but, I know how she feels. No matter how old they get, or how strong a mother will always care about her children. Sure, it's probably just a corny human emotion that rubbed off on us, but so what? I kind of like having more than just a physical attraction to William… well, that's really fun too. There are so many times when we're just lying together, maybe sharing a glass of something or even just relaxing in the setting sun I start to wonder about things like that. _

_Maybe tomorrow will go better for Dracoris…_

_September 20:_

_Well, he improved a bit; actually came out of his solitude for a while, though still really reserved. Dracoris… what to say about him that's not pointless… he grew up pretty rough and I still worry that affected him. Between Kera's bullying and Charis' downright cruelty, it's a wonder he's still so cheerful. Man…looking back I realize just how bad parents we were; both William and I had no experience and it cost our kits dearly. So far, most of them seem to be getting over it, but the damage will always be there… maybe I'm just not cut out to be a mother? _

_Bah, there I go whining about 'oh, I was bad and shouldn't have a second chance'; if that was true I would be living in that frozen hell or dead by now and not life mates with William. I screwed up and am admitting that, learning from those mistakes and becoming stronger for it is just a part of life. And… I kind of like the idea of being a mother again; hopefully a better one than before._

_Speaking of kits, the two furballs have been oddly quiet lately; not even their usual wake up calls the past few days. They're probably just spending a lot of time having fun before their time comes, but it's still disappointing. I really don't like admitting it, but I'm going to miss the 5 A.M. wake up pounces._

_September 21:_

_Dracoris finally came out of his depression, though he wouldn't tell anyone what was bothering him; he's open about everything except his own feelings as a general rule. Kinda makes it tough to help him get over things, but what am I to do? Prying until he won't even speak to me would be a bad idea… so am I to just sit back and watch his self-destructing cycle of cheeriness/depression? Knowing Dracoris, he'll find a way out of it; I just hope that he does before doing any more damage to himself…_

_Things are picking up a bit gym wise, probably because cooler weather is really taking hold making it plausible to hold battles in the afternoon. The heat really didn't stop William, but apparently other trainers don't like standing and shouting out orders in hot weather… not like I want to either, but it didn't stop me often. Feels good to be back in the arena for more than a few minutes a day… minus the damn fighting types. _

_Started back into the little dears lessons, mostly a few final hunting techniques for fast prey… ones that had other uses. Heh, why wouldn't I pass on a few 'other' tricks of mine? Who knows with them, maybe I can call in a favor at a later time… sure, it's wrong to think about what those two do but, eh; it's both sweet and quite a turn on… but, enough of that. I know already that there's nothing could tear them apart, or even dent their feelings for each other already; the little dear is just too sweet for Charis to hurt. _

_I'm up again, write more tomorrow._

_September 22:_

_Fighting all day… too tired to write… or think…_

_September 23:_

_Rrh, those two… Up early because the furry alarm clocks decided to get a few more pounces in. would have gone back to sleep, but William already took my warm spot so breakfast sounded good. Good thing I went shopping a few days back; the fridge was bare except for what I picked up, meaning scavengers special. I would have hunted something instead, but with the forest still being in a state of chaos it was not a good idea. Meh; bacon, eggs, a few links of sausage, some fried vegetables and a pancake make for a fine breakfast. Teasing William at the moment by eating in bed. Write more later, sleepyhead's finally waking up…_

_Meh, breakfast in bed was the highlight of my day… even though William stole my sausages; well, technically I made them for him, but I did want one. It did brighten the day when he said I did a good job, though that was probably his way of making up for pigging out on my breakfast. _

_One quick note; syrup makes his breath smell funny._

_September 24:_

_Long day again, more challengers and some inter-pack fighting can do that. It wasn't so bad for once; only that beat up Houndoom being chased by Damitri was tiring; mostly because we had just finished off the seventh challenger and were hoping for a break. Thankfully they only ran across the battlefield before Damitri caught up with him. He mentioned something about a traitor, but I was heading indoors when he said it so I'm not sure. Eh, not my problem really; though the howls of pain I heard were pretty bad… guess Damitri was pretty pissed._

_Challenges went late into the night; it's already one in the morning and we still have a few to clean up. Oh well, William said we can all sleep in so that makes up for it. Well, I'm up; write later._

_September 25:_

_God… William's paws never cease to amaze me… better than sleep any day… what happened today again…? Oh, right… more challengers. Yeah, we kicked ass again… they had no chance… write tomorrow, can't feel anything…_

_September 26:_

_William and I spent part of the day relaxing in the greenhouse. He left Dracoris in charge of the Gym for today, mostly because we both needed a small break but also to make sure it was ready for winter. I'd forgotten how nice it was to be surrounded by blooms, so many different scents drifting through the air… makes me sneeze a lot. But, getting to eat a few hondew barriers right off the bush made it worthwhile… they're much better than the ones I get at the market; fresher for one, and grown right. I must have fallen asleep, because most of the day is a blank; well worth it when the next thing I remember is William snuggled close. He's weird sometimes, but I love him anyway. I know it's said and done, but I felt like the luckiest female in the world at that moment. Not many can wake up next to their love, dozing peacefully; snuggled against you, his warm breath just tickling your left ear… a sliver of heaven if there is one in this life. If only he was a bit more romantic… oh well, I just have to look at the stain glass window hang he bought me and even that desire is filled…_

_Need sleep, tomorrow is back to the monotony…_

_September 27:_

_Well, crap… guess I was wrong yesterday; today was insane. How was I supposed to know that the Shadow paws and the White fins would suddenly start fighting over territory again? Jeez, you'd think Razorfin would learn that he can't beat them… or any of us at that; heard rumors of Derano still being attacked and beating them off… it's sad that all of this happened due to one sick Houndoom. I guess those last chilling words were true… even in death, he would have the last laugh… I thought he was just talking about laughing until he died. _

_Too bad the near constant howls, barks, and other various war cries didn't stop the flow of challengers much; guess it's become common knowledge that the woods are dangerous more often than not. Oh well, it would get quite boring around here without them to pick on I suppose. Just wish they would stop using fighting types…God I hate them. Most trainers at least try to have strategy, but it's always ruined by the 'power trainers' who like using type matches to win. They really ruin it for everyone, walking in all big and bad thinking the win will be easy; stupid trainers, the lot of that type. Meh, it's always worth a laugh to see their face when Dracoris walks out… they still haven't heard of covering your weaknesses._

_It's eerie lying in bed at nearly midnight and still hearing war howls… hopefully Damitri can get things settled down soon…_

_September 28:_

_Today was quieter at least, mostly because the entire family went out and put a stop to the fighting ourselves. Guess they kept Shadowbane up too long because she looked mad enough to kill… well, she usually looks like that in the morning, only this time she actually would do it. And a pissed off Shadowbane is best left alone. Thanos wasn't much better; I've never seen him look quite as grumpy, even when nursing a hangover… note to self: never keep them up all night._

_Mostly we just drove the White fins back to the lake, which was a lot more entertaining than dealing with challengers all the time I'm here to tell you. For one, open fighting beats organized battles because there's so many variables; who's a threat, not hitting allies, etc. really, I felt more alive out there than I have in a long time; like fighting for my life is something my body has been craving… strange really, but it felt good. Then again, taking out some serious stress on worthy enemies doesn't hurt either. Whatever it was, I'm quite worn out still but satisfied… though, being worn out is from the victory party William threw together. Nothing beats digging whatever desserts and other goodies are hiding in the fridge, some alcoholic and non drinks, and a few other things lurking in cupboards and relaxing. _

_Went to bed early, mostly to avoid Karakof trying to persuade me to drink with him, but also to have some time alone… it's hard to write when everyone is pestering you to join in, or batting at the pen… sadly, that was Dracoris this time, though I know Charis put him up to it. _

_September 29:_

_Calmer day today, mostly because not even challengers would approach the manor today; guess yesterday's violence scared them off. Meh, having a day to really unwind and enjoy life is really nice… if not tough to accomplish when two very bored furballs think you're worth annoying part of the day. Not that I mind the attention that much, it's just they have a habit of somehow communication without making a sound. Rather frustrating when they keep double-team pouncing you that way… oh well, I'll probably miss it later. _

_Later on, in fact even now I'm curled up with William on the roof, watching the first stars appear… and listening to his sax playing. It's cute how he hangs onto the thing midair while playing it, if not a bit nerve wracking. One false move and he has a long fall down… then again he could just teleport so what am I worried about? Eh, might as well just relax and enjoy the music… his notes always carry just a hint of sadness, no matter how lively the song… I'm so lucky to have him; even though he can be a pain at times, I wouldn't trade him for anyone else in the world. _

_September 30:_

_Started planning another vacation today, mostly a quick two-day getaway to clear our heads, but even that is nice. Shadowbane and Thanos opted to stay…come to think of it; only I'm going with William… I bet he planned that too. Typical, he just decided out of thin air to take me on vacation WITHOUT even thinking about what I would want to do… it's sweet of him. Though, it does annoy me a bit that everyone else knew but me; guess it would be wise to get back on Shadowbane's little network again. I'd forgotten how useful it can be._

_He wouldn't say where we were going, only promising it would be nice… maybe it's another trip to that really beautiful water city… Alto-something, though only a few days isn't really enough. Just so long as it's not a business only trip and I'll be happy… well, just being alone with him again at all would be nice too. Bah, why am I worrying? He may be a lunkhead when it comes to romance, but William always finds a way to make anything special. I still remember… that first night as life mates… he didn't even understand what it meant but asked anyway; it's what you would expect from a human, but it meant so much to me. Now he knows what it means and is a devoted mate, but at times I wonder if he's keeping secrets from me? I know it's bad… but, sometimes I just wonder about him._

_Eh, we're leaving pretty early in the morning so I'm getting to bed early. Wonder what he has planned?_

_Azarus Ketchum_


	7. October

October 1:

_October 1:_

_Bleh, I thought the furry alarm clocks were bad…boy was I wrong. Being woken up stupidly early only to travel via teleport is extremely low on my list of fun things to do. I don't remember much beyond crashing in a small room he had rented… I think; was half asleep until noon or so. Turned out William and I are on vacation, though not as nice a one as that water city. He didn't explain why the sudden change of scenery, though getting away from the manor for a few days feels nice. _

_UGH, I'm going to KILL William when he returns. That was NOT FUNNY! Rrh…or should I say 'Gloria', William's new alter ego. Sure, it's amusing that he decided to try being on the other end of the gender spectrum, but coming back to the motel room pretending to be someone he 'met' wasn't! Rrh… I love him to death, but there are just some things he shouldn't joke about; and faking finding another female to 'do things' with is one of them. Should have seen through it… and what was he thinking? Being life mates means you stick with one partner, not run off and find yourself a few 'flings'. I… it really hurt me; he's never given me reason to doubt him until now. _

_Well, I didn't kill her; surprised even me. But she still needs to be punished for that mean prank, so she's sleeping on the floor until we leave. I'm not so much mad at her as hurt; that was a really mean prank to pull. Maybe a good night's sleep will make me up to sitting her down and explaining my anger._

_October 2:_

_Well, 'Gloria' was out of the room before I got up so no talking with her just yet. Figures she would make a run for it after how I blew up yesterday; guess tempers run in the family. Maybe it's for the best; she's not in the line of fire and I have some time to cool off. Well… I wonder… nah, she wouldn't go for that. It's more the thought that William MIGHT run off with another female rather than a random one showing up here that bothered me. sigh I shouldn't doubt him; the real William is too kind to cheat on me._

_Spent most of the day alone, Gloria made a few brief appearances to see if I needed anything; didn't tear her head off this time. Still, I couldn't quite face her… needed a bit more time to organize my thoughts in a calm and fair manner. She understood at least; maybe I was wrong in this one… it was kinda funny seeing my William talking like a human ditz. Ugh… I just hope this doesn't become a habit; she's pretty cute, but I prefer my mate to be male._

_Well… it took a good hour to get my point to sink into her thick skull; I swear 'she' was faking half the stupidity… anyway, 'Gloria' finally understood why I was so upset yesterday. She's still sleeping on the floor as punishment mind you; I'm not that forgiving. Which reminds me, William refused to stop being Gloria until we got back home; even the threat of me using a few dark type attacks didn't phase her… now I'm slightly worried. Eh, he/she isn't stupid enough to take any prank too far… I think._

_October 3:_

_Feels good to be home again, if only to see William and not Gloria wandering around. I don't know why, but the thought of my quite male mate posing as a female so well… it just worries me. Meh, could be worse really; he could have been stuck like that; idiot said he's done it before, but I know he was lying. He's reckless at times, if not downright stupid… yet I love him for it. _

_Most of the day was pretty dull; Dracoris and the others really kept the gym going with an iron paw in our slight absence. Didn't see more than three challengers today, which is surprising. Then again… from what Shadowbane told me in between fits of laughter, they barely took a scratch of damage the entire weekend. Would have tried to get more information out of her, but the laughing was too much. Eh, figure it out later; right now I need to figure out something to get her back for getting William to pull that prank on me. _

_Sleeping next to 'William' tonight; still wonder how soft 'Gloria' is… DAMNIT! He opened up a can of worms with this one. Screw it, going to sleep._

_October 4:_

_Back to the usual, boring as it gets. Ah well, a midday cool off consisting of a large glass of iced tea a gentle massage helped. Sure, William was just kissing up to try and cool off my non-existent anger, but like I'm going to tell him that. Besides, I think he liked the attention I returned when he was done; not as much as I loved the massage, but it was still nice. Today was one of those times I really began to understand what having a mate was. Sure, they're someone warm to cuddle with on a cold night, but there's so much more to it. Even the simplest things are so much nicer with that special someone next to you. Maybe it's just me being clingy after William scaring me like that, but I'm just a tad edgier… I know the other females that live in the manor would never make a pass at him, but the feeling of jealousy is still there. Eh, he knows I'll kill anyone who tried to take him and that's good enough._

_With the main gym leader back Dracoris wasted no time in going to his usual hangout in New Bark town. Would have hitched a ride for something else to do besides beat up moron challengers, but he vanished too early for me. Probably for the best really; being stuck in town all day would have been worse. Which reminds me, the two furballs didn't pull their five A.M. wake up call today. Struck me as odd mostly because I got a full night of rest for once. I know already that once they're gone I'm going to miss it, mostly because it means my little Charis has grown up… again. That didn't sound quite right._

_Turning in kind of late, mostly because we had to wait up for Dracoris. William was going to yell at him for being so late, but I stopped him before the tirade began; don't want Dracoris becoming depressed again just because his Dad couldn't hold his temper. Mind you, I was pretty ticked myself; but just grounding him for a week is a much better solution than waking up half the mountainside. Tired…_

_October 5:_

_Ugh… no matter how many times I say that it will be kinda lonely without the morning pounces, I want to skin them alive when it happens. Meh, tired anger aside the day didn't start off too badly; breakfast in bed and taunting William with his favorite foods makes for a good day starter. Well… and having a playful tug of war over a sausage doesn't hurt_

_Again it was another slow day; more challengers trickled in, but they were just idiots who like using 'power' over strategy. There was one that actually beat William fair and square; never seen a Mightyena that quick; could have given Thanos a run for his money… and that last Iron Tail hurt like hell! Some good came out of it; got to take the day off after that to let my ribs heal a bit more. Smarts to breathe right now, but pain comes with the job I figure. _

_Dracoris stayed with me on and off through it; he's a good kid, and even though I've said that quite a few times, it's good to note. How one son could be the sweetest thing in the world and another can be a pain is beyond me; probably just another one of those things I'm not meant to understand. Still feel bad about not telling him his older brother was back, but Derano still needs time, and with Dracoris grounded it would be mean to tell him right now._

_Ooh… I knew there was more than one reason I can't stay mad at William… paws…_

_October 6:_

_Long day, too tired to write about it._

_October 7:_

_Yesterday sucked even more than normal. Between the parade of witless trainers and their damn obsession of type advantage, and my ribs protesting every time I tried to fight it was hell. Oh well, Shadowbane and Thanos cleaned house on the double matches. Karakof even made a rare appearance, probably because the colder weather is better for his style of fighting… or William threatened to cut off his Vodka. Either or. Anyway, I hate being stuck on the sidelines; felt like deadweight having to watch everyone else fighting while this stupid injury kept me down. _

_Felt better today at least; still can't do much more than walk and breathe without pain but I'm getting there. Probably should have Kitsu just patch me up, but I stopped trusting her devil magic some time ago. If I can't smell it, then you can keep it. Besides, the medicine William gave me today is helping…though the stuff tasted awful. Currently I'm lying on the sidelines again, watching William deal with a particularly nasty Arcanine. Damnit… just the worst time to start thinking about him…_

_Rest of the day was a bore; if you can't fight there's practically nothing to do. And with Dracoris grounded for another five days I'm stuck here. But, that doesn't mean I can go back on punishing him; he needs to understand both William and myself will not tolerate him wandering in at whatever hour he feels like, no matter how old he gets… human ideals are weird, but eh. Took some of Shadowbane's painkiller… can't remember what it was called but my mouth went numb from it; glad I can still write though._

_Turning in a bit earlier today, mostly to try and avoid the five a.m. pounces. _

_October 8:_

_Well, it sorta worked; they got me up at 4:30 this time. They know just when I start to wake up I know it… or Charis is a good guesser. Either way it was a pain; got to sleep all right, but the two furballs decided I made a good pillow, so it wasn't that comfortable. If this is what raising your own litter is like I just might rethink it. I love the feeling of being needed, but the hyperactivity is something I can't take at times… hang on, it didn't hurt when they landed; maybe my ribs are finally getting there?_

_Nope, still sore; guess some traces of the painkiller I took hadn't quite worn off. Oh well, least I can run now; whatever that foul gunk that William gave me is, sure did one hell of a number on my injury. Even got to fight today; didn't turn out well, mostly I didn't see that last punch coming until too late. On the plus side, my reactionary psychic blast knocked that bastard Machamp out. Head hurt something fierce for a while, but so long as I took that bastard with me it was well worth it. Think I'll take a nap._

_Slept through our normal dinner time, so I just got into the leftovers; mmm… cold pizza is good. Wish they didn't have the olives, but beggars can't be choosers. Felt surprisingly good aside from a small headache; knowing William, he probably used that little healing trick of his to lessen the pain. He's sweet that way, though not the deepest thinker; my big gray clod. Eh, least tonight I can relax in the moonlight without any random fights going on._

_October 9:_

_Ugh… the problem with staying up half the night in this manor? Everyone else is set to a daytime schedule; had to curl up in the attic to get enough sleep so I can function. Still can't get the mustiness out of my fur. Eh, the two furballs weren't around at least, so that was a minor plus. Being up there did remind me of something though… in a few weeks, they'll be off to spend their life together. I suppose it's like…losing a friend, but hopefully gaining another in his place. I'm sure they'll be happy together, and that's what matters in the end._

_Headache from yesterday went away finally… only to be replaced by a nasty case of brain freeze; shouldn't have eaten so much ice cream, but I just had a sweet tooth today. Ah well, gives me a damn good excuse to get back into the arena tomorrow; have to watch my figure, right? May just go out there right now, kinda wired. Now, what else happened today… oh, right; Cerberus and Padfoot tried patching things up between them. Doubt it'll last if you ask me, he's too stubborn to admit being wrong, and he's against raising a family; I know that much from how gruff he is around Charis and the little dear. Eh, her life; if Padfoot wants to waste it chasing after an opposite she will. _

_Tonight looks like it'll stay clear, so I'm currently relaxing on the roof; sadly William turned in early so it's a bit lonely. Oh well, if I concentrate the sound of his saxophone still drifts along the night air. sigh I feel so lucky at times like this. Starting out at a breeding center was better than some places to grow up, but it also carried a hidden danger we all knew about. Unlike in the wild, we were all destined to end up being owned by a human one day; the center did try to make sure we didn't end up with ones that would abuse us, or so the elders said. We still knew it could happen… I wonder what happened to my brothers. Did they find loving homes too? sigh, Its nights like this that I just wonder about them… but, I'm alive and happy so maybe that's the only thing worth worrying about? Family ties outside of a pack environment don't mean a lot to Pokèmon, but living with humans so long can change that. I can only pray to the moon and stars above that they have known at least some of the true happiness I have._

_October 10:_

_Felt kinda funny this morning, and not because I woke up with several pounds of brown furball sitting on my chest; more of a long forgotten loneliness coming back to haunt me for a bit. Shouldn't have spent so much time dwelling on the past last night; it only drags up past worries. Got out of bed before William and went outside to think for a bit. I just… I shouldn't worry too much about them; Derias and Kyner were always tougher than me, so I'm sure they could survive what life threw at them. Doesn't ease that worry though… The greenhouse is warm at least, and a few choice plants are in full bloom…it's _

_relaxing…_

_…Dracoris… there's definitely more to him that anyone knows. For being so hyperactive and dense most of the time, he knows just what to say… I suppose he would understand how I feeling. I just never would have expected him to make so much sense, especially after the countless times I've just stared blankly at him, trying to understand what the hell he had just said. But just a few hours ago… it was just that time in New Bark Town all over again; the normal outward cheeriness had vanished, revealing someone so mature beneath. Only this time, I was the one who started crying, but it felt good. It felt good to talk with him, even though it's a bit strange to talk with your son about being young. He still understood, and that's what I really needed… someone who could relate to the feelings welling up inside. _

_Spent the afternoon fighting again, and I can't describe how damn good if feels. Even the damned type matches didn't piss me off as much; mostly because I love throwing them around like rag dolls with that unexpected Psychic attack. Guilty pleasure yes, but I don't really care; bastards deserve it. Probably overdid it today, but eh; need the exercise. And I do hate admitting it, but one kid managed to beat me; not making excuses for it, but still sucked. Need sleep…_

_October 11:_

_Lazy fall days are nice once in a while; must have been my overzealous nature in the arena yesterday that scared most of them off. Meh, a nice day spent cuddled up in the paws of a warm mate makes up for it. Well and sipping on a glass of spiked iced tea doesn't hurt either. Poor Dracoris was the only one who didn't enjoy the peace; I think cabin fever is starting to set in for him. Would feel sorry for him, but he knows the rules and what happens when they're broken. Besides, in a few days he'll be free to roam again. Well… he's not allowed outside of the Ketchum territory, so at least Charis and the little dear weren't caught in his punishment._

_Did get one challenger before going to bed; only remember because he was really strange… can't place a paw on it, but there was something very wrong about him. William thankfully gave the creepy human a rain check; really don't feel up to fighting a trainer who feels so… evil right now. Maybe in the morning._

_October 12:_

_I just… I can't believe that any human could be that cruel… His Pokèmon were driven to the point of madness, that poor Sandslash had more scars than even Karakof… it was sad Thanos had to hill her, but she had to be stopped. That human… I could have ended up with one like him, and even though he's gone that thought sends a chill down my spine. He had three in total; a Sandslash driven to the point of madness; Thanos had to put her down, an Absol who fled once his former 'master' was killed and the most ragged Umbreon I had ever seen in my life. She… she couldn't have had anything to eat for days, yet that horrible human forced her to fight anyway, saying the hunger would make her work harder, even kicking her in the side when she couldn't move. I'm glad William did what he did; nobody, Pokèmon or human alike deserves to live after inflicting such terrible wounds on another living thing. _

_We took the Umbreon in, mostly because she could barely walk… but, also because even if she managed to find the Shadow Paws they couldn't do a thing for her. The strange thing was, I didn't feel even a twinge of jealousy at another female being under this roof. Something about the broken look in her eyes chased away any thoughts beyond trying to heal some of the damage done in her lifetime. She was terrified of William in his human form, so I'm the one tending to her; mainly because the general consensus was that interacting with a member of her own species might aid her recovery. So long as she never makes a move on MY William everything will be fine._

_Right now I'm still with her in the laundry room; Shadowbane and Thanos are taking up residence in the living room while our guest recovers. She ate at least, though it was barely more than a mouthful. This reminds me of Derano… the way I helped him recover a few months ago; kinda like fate meant me to be a healer… nah, just call it coincidence. Anyway, she seems nice… though I don't even know a name to call her by; she either refuses to speak or just doesn't have the energy to yet. Either way, I'll call her Rose; it was my mother's name… though, she was a Flareon. Sleeping down here with her, really want to be in my own bed with William but Rose needs the company._

_October 13:_

_Slow day; Rose shrinks away from everyone else, so I have to miss out on fighting to take care of her. In truth I don't mind that much, but it would be nice if she would say at least something… especially when she starts looking over my shoulder blade when I'm writing, such as now. Dunno of she can read or not, it's more the invasion of privacy that annoys me. The worst part is I can't just snap at her, she's already physically ailing and I have my doubts about her mental health too; being yelled at for something she doesn't even know is wrong would probably push her over the edge. _

_What made it worse was Dracoris remembering he was no longer grounded and heading into town this morning; would have loved to go with, but Rose needs to be watched. I shouldn't think like that though, what if something happened while I was gone? That, and just lying here and scribbling down my thoughts feels a bit mean; eh, she hasn't-she spoke… I'm in awe._

_Well, I think it's around eight right now, judging by the how my stomach finally stopped threatening to make a play to take over my throat. Bleh, wherever the hell tonight's take out came from was horrible. Lucky Rose didn't have to eat it; doubt her stomach could handle anything that close to being road kill any time soon. Speaking of Rose, she hasn't said anything since mumbling that quiet thank you earlier; still, it's good to know she's beginning to come around. Sure as hell glad Rose didn't fight the medicine I was told to administer; it was that or the devil magic, and my opinions of Kitsu are well known on that point. It seems to be taking effect, but she's still so thin; I can count her ribs even without her stomach sucked in. she's eating a bit more now, so that's a plus at least. Maybe another week or so and Rose will be healthy enough to decide what she wants to do from here._

_Need sleep, mostly to escape the boredom._

_October 14:_

_Rose is walking better, so I don't have to help her as much. She still refuses to go further than just outside the kitchen, probably because of the arena being the last place she experienced pain at the hands of that horrible human. I just hope Rose can put it behind her; every day is a new experience that should be embraced, not shunned. And for that matter, I really wonder what her real name is. I bet it's something nice, though definitely not given to her by that foul creature. Tried asking her, but she just looked away from me, probably thinking I was being too invasive. Oh well, maybe she'll be more talkative later._

_Didn't see hide nor hair of Dracoris until past dinner; he's smart enough to take money for food when he goes into town, but it still makes me nervous for him to be gone so long. Mostly I worry about William blowing a blood vessel over him being gone so much right now, but I can understand it. Just wish he would check in at least once before returning before it got too dark. Then again, I spent most of the day in the laundry room with Rose again… so yeah. _

_Sleeping down here with her again, though this time she asked in her own way if I would stay close; maybe she's finally warming up to the fact that she won't be hurt here? Either way, it feels kinda weird to have another female curled against my chest… damnit, now I can't get Gloria off my mind. Bah, need to sleep it off._

_October 15:_

_Nearly had a heart attack when I woke up and there was an Umbreon cuddling me. Thankfully I was sound enough of mind to not bite the foreign Eon before realizing whom it was. Didn't help much, but at least I could get myself under control. Matters only got more complicated when she woke up while I was trying to get free; the glazed look in her eyes and that innocent smile really creeped me out. Did my best to just brush it off as a morning daze but… I don't know. She's just starting to feel what it's like to be wanted yes, but I really don't want her latching onto me like that; I have a mate for one, and honestly… I can't see being with another female. Maybe I should introduce her to Dracoris slowly… would do him a lot of good. Then again… she doesn't need anything more complicating her life just yet. _

_Man today was awkward, mostly because Rose followed me around like a puppy the entire time; even after I told her we could only be friends. Well, it sure beat her being super shy and timid, that's for sure. Didn't help with Shadowbane and her rather off color humor about the entire situation, especially when Rose literally clings to me when anyone else gets close. sigh Very tricky situation to deal with, though not the worst I've been through. And with this one, I have everyone's support… in their own way. _

_Showed Rose around the manor, she was distant most of the time but I think she was at least listening. It was odd though… when I started on the upstairs rooms she stared at the tub, shivering uncontrollably; had to drag her away by the scruff before it stopped. Just another mystery on the stack… more questions without answers. Oh well, maybe… just maybe she'll come around a bit more. Hopefully before things become too awkward._

_Well, it's probably around midnight right now, not sure exactly as I just managed to get Rose back to sleep. She woke me up, thrashing around and crying out loudly; scared me half to death until I realized it was just a nightmare. She cried for what felt like hours before finally drifting off again… REALLY hope whatever memories that bathtub brought up weren't the cause. Have to use the light from my own rings to see; pain in the ass, but I'd rather struggle with the dim light than wake her up again. Might as well get a few hours in myself, got another long day ahead of me._

_October 16:_

_Woke up with Rose clinging to me, surprisingly enough I took it in stride. Clinging I can handle; that's a normal reaction if you had a bad dream or something, but being cuddled… that just weirds me out. Anyway, I literally had to pry her loose; for being so skinny she has an iron grip. Weird thing is, she finally spoke again; was barely above a whisper, but I could still make it out… chilling comes to mind. 'Please don't let him hurt me anymore… it's so cold…' that's all she said. I tried to coax her into saying more, but she just gave me a hollow look and curled against my chest. sigh Even though it's only been a few days, I already wonder if she'll ever recover mentally. _

_Managed to get a few hours alone with William today, I really don't like to just abandon Rose like that, but I have emotional needs as well. There really is nothing quite like being in the protective paws of a soft mate, well… there are a FEW things but that was still nice. We talked about a lot of things, yet it always managed to turn back toward what to do with Rose. William wanted to ship her off to a Pokèmon recovery center; one of those places where they take in abused Pokèmon and tend to them. Mind you, I put my paw down hard on that one; she's just starting to come around, and just suddenly moving the poor thing somewhere new might send Rose over the edge. He didn't agree or disagree; instead just nibbling my ear to drop the conversation entirely… he's a cheater._

_Spent the rest of the day with Rose, wish she was more talkative though. It gets boring being the one speaking all the time; she was listening so I continued, just gets frustrating after a while. It's like talking to a wall one moment and something closer to a soft pillow the next. Weird thing is… the look in her eyes had changed slightly just before bed. Maybe I was imagining things, but just for a moment… a glimmer of hope was in those normally hollow red patches. Eh, probably just a combination of my imagination and it being late. Eh, figure it out later; need sleep… and to make Rose stop snuggling so close._

_October 17:_

_Eh, morning wasn't so bad today, mostly because I could sleep in just a bit. Between getting up later than five a.m. and Rose managing to get a full night's rest without another nightmare I felt pretty good. Heh, she was out long enough for me to enjoy a calm breakfast for once; and by calm I mean a slightly quieter squabble over who gets the last strips of bacon. Made sure to steal some of it for Rose later, not sure if the leftovers are edible today or not. And really, eating cold junk food just isn't a proper meal for a guest. A family member, sure. She didn't eat much until I reassured her I had already eaten. Took a bit of work of course, I guess she' still alien to having food to eat every day that's not poisoned or something. I really feel bad for her… who is she, what name resides behind those sunken eyes?_

_I introduced her to Dracoris today; might as well try to help Rose adjust to life here. Probably not the best choice to start with, but he's the only one I could corner that wouldn't scare her too badly. It… sort of worked; I think there might be a few ribs Rose didn't break from that nearly lethal grip she used on me. Poor Dracoris looked hurt, but I believe he understood. Should have seen that reaction coming, but I had my hopes. Oh well, maybe tomorrow then. _

_Turning in a bit early, mostly because Rose started shaking all of a sudden; don't and her losing any of the progress she's made. Warmed a blanket in the dryer for a few minutes, thankfully the noise didn't seem to bother her much; shouldn't have taken that chance, but I want her to be comfortable. That and my hope WAS that the warm blanket would help ease her away from a need to snuggle up to me, but sadly it didn't work. Right now she's sound asleep under the blanket, lying there with such a pained expression on her face… what is she dreaming about that's so horrible? Whatever it is, hopefully being in a home that wants her will ease the suffering she still endures. Calling it a night, need to make sure she doesn't start thrashing around and hurt herself by accident._

_October 18:_

_Ugh… more cuddling last night, this time it wasn't as much of a shock. Maybe… she sees me as a motherly figure or something? I can't read anything from her eyes, and Rose's body language is chaotic at best. Just so long as she doesn't start acting too funny toward me and everything will be fine… Gloria is one thing, as I know who's behind those velvety purple eyes, but Rose… I like her as a friend and wish to see her recover, but nothing more. I have a mate, and am completely devoted to the clod; sure, he gets on my nerves a lot, but I love him anyway. Hang on… Yeah, she actually spoke again. It was in that same whisper, but at least there was a trace of warmth in her words; which is an improvement. 'Thank you for being so nice…' almost didn't catch the end of it; she started trailing off after the first few words. I just have to wonder…what could have made her so reluctant to speak? Kinda hard to switch between making sure she's okay and writing, so I'll pick this up later._

_Tried introducing Rose to Dracoris again today, though he wouldn't come any closer than peeking around a door frame. To her credit I didn't end up with a crushed ribcage this time, which was nice. She still wouldn't go near him, so Dracoris ended up slinking away… which really hurt. I'm torn between a mothers concern for her son, and a friends concern for someone who's hurting. And believe me; it does a serious number on you. Like your heart is trying to tear itself in two over the issue. And truth be told… I would have to choose Dracoris. No bond of friendship can ever hold strong against the devotion of a mother. Probably won't come to that though; Rose, at least the bit of her I can read seems to understand how I feel. Oh well, it might be nice to have someone else to lie in the moonlight with… wish it was William, though._

_Tomorrow's the big day for Charis and Blackwind… and I'm not sure how to feel. On the one paw I'm glad that their about to start a new life together… on the other, it means I won't get to see them very often. Guess I'm just thinking about them as kits still; both Charis and Blackwind are mature adults beneath the puffy fur, and as such I know that they will make it though the trials of wild living. And… I'm sure both of them will spend many years together, each day spent with the one who makes them complete… even though that 'someone' is another male. Eh, I'm mated to a gender swapping, species changing, human turned Pokèmon so I can't really say anything, now can I? Better believe Kitsu has her tails in a knot about making sure things go right. doubt anyone but her is that worried, but when you have a very old and VERY wound up Ninetails mumbling to herself, you just not and move on. _

_Most of the day beyond that was uneventful, mostly because everyone else made it a point to find something that got them out of the manor. I think… Kitsu was around, along with William and maybe Dracoris; the two furballs are a given. Felt empty with so few in such a large home. On the plus side, I could gently coax Rose into the living room to relax in the sun for a bit without worrying about her too much. Mmm… it's not quite like the warmth of a mate, but close enough to be relaxing. And since it was so warm, Rose stretched out and basked for a while; meaning I didn't get clung to for a bit, which was a relief. She's putting on a bit of weight, but still far from what could be considered a healthy body structure. Hasn't made herself sick overeating so that's a positive thing; wonder if William will let her live here rather than some human facility? It's not like we're short on room; there's still a few smaller bedrooms past the staircase that are unoccupied. Don't dare suggest she sleep upstairs near the main bathtub. Oh well, all in due time._

_Bloody tired from being woken up again, right now Rose is still trembling and leaning against me pretty heavily; must have been a pretty bad nightmare. I'm doing what I can to calm her, but it's not easy; she's pretty spooked this time. Poor thing… hang on… _

_Okay, you know those ghost stories humans tell when out in the woods to spook each other? The few words Rose just said make me feel like that right now. 'No… please make him stop… I won't lose again… please…' she fell silent again after that, burrowing under my right foreleg and starting to cry. I barely got her to calm down this time. She's asleep at the moment curled up in a few blankets; still shaking slightly. I… I've never felt this scared before… well, only once and that was a long time ago. I really need to get more out of her than random outbursts… but how? Maybe in the morning I'll think of something._

_October 19:_

_Well, today's the day; it's still early so I at least have some time to write down my thoughts about if beforepaw. I have really mixed feelings right now; a bit of sadness at having to say goodbye to my little brown counselor, a twinge of worry for my son going back to living wild, and… a lot of happiness. I know sort of how Charis feels, true my mate is usually the opposite gender, but that doesn't mean the feelings he has for Blackwind are any different. I know that they love each other deeply, and that Blackwind would never do anything to hurt Charis… he's too sweet for anything like that. Oh well, there's no real reason for me to worry; it's not my life to live. But… that doesn't mean I don't wonder about Kitsu's motives. She's not one to be charitable in the least, and her rather…unusual amount of attention she's putting into this stands out. Eh, she tries something and we get to see just how ghostly her body is._

_Rose won't be there, mostly because I know she couldn't handle being around the entire family when even one causes her to cling like a vice to me. As such, I'm spending as much time as possible with her right now. I really am getting worried; her nose had a little blood crusted in the nostrils when she woke up. I hope that was just from hitting something last night and not something more serious. Hmm… might have to convince Rose to stay both still and calm enough for that witch to at least give her an examination. Should have when we first brought her in, but everyone was too shaken up from seeing that horrible human to think clearly. I just hope our negligence hasn't furthered the damage already done to her._

_Well, everything went as planned… as planned as destined evolution can go at least. Everyone was set in a semi-circle; something about being like a council or something, didn't really care enough to listen. Anyway, it started snowing maybe an hour before Kitsu's predicted time came up, creating a nice backdrop to the drama indoors. Those two… I swear, even in the most serious situation they find something to make light of it. Eh, it's their last day here so I can see not taking it that serious. Bah, getting off track. They both look normal at least; Blackwind ended up with orange rings, the origin of which I have my theories on… but, they compliment him well. He's cute… no, I don't have any sort of crush on him, just noting something different about Blackwind after his evolution. I know the two of them will be happy out there, just wish Charis had found a nice female… eh, not my business._

_Rose is getting there slowly though said 'progress' is damn hard to see unless you've spent the kind of time I have with her. Mainly, it's in how she reacts when anyone gets close; used to be a range of maybe five feet before I was latched onto, it's down to four feet with Dracoris, so she's slowly getting used to him. That's damn good progress, mainly because my hope is that his weird way with everyone else might do something for Rose. Or he might just fracture her already shattered mental state further, even I don't quite know how he would react… beyond being hurt that someone didn't like him. Oh well, getting her physical health checked is top priority. Speaking of which, she's eating better every day; never noted that before, mostly because I haven't had enough time to really think about it. Just about everything aside from the bloody nose is looking up physically, but that trend could only be external. Eh, work more on that tomorrow; Rose is looking drowsy and it's getting to me._

_October 20:_

_Bleh, for being my first morning without the two furballs to worry about it doesn't feel much different. Probably because I've been with rose for over a week, meaning the morning pounces had stopped before they left… in a way I'm glad they had the sense to not make it worse. Dunno if it was because I wasn't upstairs in my normal bed or because of Rose; either way, I got used to it before their departure. Doesn't mean I mess seeing them around, no mother likes to see her children; blood related or not, leave. Hmm… do I see Rose like a friend or a daughter… damn, never thought about it until just now. Really, I would have to say friend; her health matters a lot to me, but that connection is missing; I don't feel a kinda warm, kinda like falling sensation when I see her. Sure as hell did with Blackwind, least after that awkward moment… I guess he would be… then again, that would mean that he and Charis… Ugh, I need breakfast; too many confusing thoughts to deal with just after waking up._

_It's maybe a half past noon, going by the chimes from the main hall clock. Did some more thinking about that half-baked junk that came to mind… not much progress, sadly. Mostly it was because Rose was feeling a bit more cheerful than she has before, like hell I was going to ruin that by being a jerk and pay attention to my diary and not her. It was the… second time I've ever seen her smile; first being the morning I woke up and she was cuddling me. Still doesn't quite fit her current status; that being still damn skinny and a bit shaky walking on her own. Oh well, unless she's faking it that smile is a good indication about her mental health's progress. Didn't have the heart to ask Rose to let Kitsu take a look at her, I REALLY didn't want to see that glimmer of happiness turn back to fear; it was selfish of me yes, but you try looking someone who's just beginning to feel loved and tell them to trust a complete and possibly dangerous stranger. Maybe later…_

_Yeah, I finally broached the idea to Rose; she took it pretty hard, which was to be expected… doesn't mean it didn't hurt. That look she gave me before starting to tear up… like I had just betrayed her… I cried along with her, for different reasons sure but both from the same subject. Don't even ask me how long that lasted, cause I only remember trying to console her but being pushed away a few times. She finally just relented and let me hold her… okay, I cuddled her. Fuck if I care what anyone thinks, she needed it right then; it was my fault Rose broke down like that and it was my responsibility to do what it took to repair the damage. She calmed down finally, though it took a few licks to the cheek before she would even look at me. I really fucked up on that one…hopefully she still trusts me… well, more than curling up against my chest and just lying there. Hang on…_

_Well hell, something came out of it; Rose spoke again, and not just a seemingly random thing either. She asked me if she really did have to meet the weird fox… and I told her the truth. Rose took it surprisingly well after breaking down like that; maybe the part of her mind that isn't fractured took over in than instant, maybe she is healing more than I've noticed, or maybe she just was going with it; whatever the reason, tomorrow I'm going to work the details out with Kitsu; I have to be right there the entire time of course, Rose REALLY wants the support. Right now she's asleep, tangled pretty good in the blankets; have to write by ring light again, which is damn hard. Oh well, it's better than waking Rose up from actually getting some much needed rest. I take back what I said earlier; Rose is like a surrogate daughter to me. And as such, I'm going to do whatever it takes to bring her back into the warmth of being cared about. That's something no one should have denied to them… tired._

_October 21:_

_Didn't sleep great last night, and I've been paying for it all day. Ugh, kept waking up for some reason; got maybe four hours of sleep total, and even that wasn't very pleasant. Can't even remember what kept waking me up… oh well, I've made it through breakfast without falling asleep on the plate, a much harder task than it sounds. I swear the scrambled eggs looked like pillows… can't remember anything between that and waking up after a nap with Rose curled up nearby. One of my cheeks was damp though, which struck me as odd… must have passed out or something. Eh, can't think of a reason to care. Anyway, felt a lot better afterward; must have been around noon when I woke up, judging by the way my stomach was growling. Figured it was best to leave quietly and let Rose sleep some more, but when I got was about to leave she just… appeared next to me. Better believe it nearly scared the fur off my back turning around and seeing those sunken eyes staring at me…yet that same flicker of hope was back… even a bit stronger this time. Damnit, what DID I do before passing out? _

_Apparently everything is arranged with Kitsu for tomorrow; she wouldn't repeat whatever I said in my sleep-deprived state, but if it made that bitch do something useful it must have been good. Either that or I made some sort of threat; can't be sure. Either way, Rose is going to get checked out soon so that worry can be relieved or confirmed… hoping for the former. Speaking of Rose, she seems better than ever right now; watching her toss around an old catnip mouse from when Kera and her brothers were still young; only Dracoris paid any attention to it, so it's still in good shape. It feels funny watching her have fun with such a simple thing…kind or warm too. Maybe, just maybe she's another like Dracoris; locked within her own mind and only able to normally show very childish emotions… nah, I think she's just warming up to the idea of being wanted. It's only been barely over a week since chance brought her to us and already she_

_Well, after getting clonked in the head with the mouse I had to chase down Rose as she careened through the manor's main floor; didn't even bother her as Shadowbane literally leapt out of the way of being trampled. Didn't catch what she yelled as I ran past, but it doesn't take a genius to know it was not very nice. Took me three laps around the manor, including a final mad dash through the back garden when Dracoris just 'happened' to be heading out there; swear he knew we were coming. Didn't exactly have time to ask so whatever. Was pretty winded after that wild chase, but both of us just laughed it off and collapsed near the greenhouse; it's the first time I've ever heard Rose laugh, which shook off any shred of anger I might have had. She was having fun… and just being a normal Umbreon again, not a thing beaten and starved within inches of her life, not someone under the dominance of a cruel human. A normal, happy Umbreon. Don't know or care how long we were out there, I was too happy about Rose finally starting to turn around, least I think she was; hard to tell. All I know was the sun was setting by the time we reluctantly got back up. Hell, right now she's lying with her head against my stomach, watching my pen move with interest. Hmm… maybe she would be more interested than the little dear about learning to read? I like it… then again, my reasons for working so hard were not because of the knowledge. Eh, another time. Right now both of us need a good nights sleep, Rose especially._

_October 22:_

_I hate morning, no particular reason beyond it existing simply to make my life suck. Normally they're not that bad, but today was one of those times I was QUITE reluctant to wake up. Going from a good dream to a somewhat pain in the ass reality sucks, but hunger won over my desire to put it off for a bit… well, and Rose kept nudging my side. I really need to get her to accept the others, enough at least so she can get her own breakfast. Eh, least I didn't snap at her for bugging me; she may know better, but that's no reason to yell or be mean. Weird thing is, she actually followed me to the dining room… swear she broke a rib from clamping down on me when Shadowbane got too close, but she at least was trying to be a bit more social… even though 'social' ended up her sharing a chair AND a plate with me. If I hadn't spend over a week trying to help Rose feel welcome and get over whatever horrible trauma suffered I would have been deeply offended. I normally hate anyone besides William being that close, but Rose… she's something special. I do get mad at her every so often, but it never stays…something about those eyes…the look of despair slowly being replaced with that spark, that glimmer of hope breaking through those red pools…and I'm responsible for it. Her road to being happy again is still a long one, but I plan on being at her side the entire way… but William is still my mate, nothing will EVER change that._

_Took some coaxing still, but Rose managed to sit still while Kitsu used that devil magic of hers. The actual cost was low, though still a bit higher than I would have preferred. Kitsu traded both giving Rose a check-up and anything she would need above just rest and medicine… and I have to talk with William ease his annoyance about the Vodka incident. Doesn't seem like much, but that involves me pretending to think Kitsu isn't a bitch; quite hard when she's proven it true on several occasions. But… swallowing both my pride, and my lunch is fair price for Rose's health. Kitsu did note a few other things of importance once Rose was settled in her basket… and 'm glad she waited. Rose will never be able to fight again; her body simply can't take the strain after being in a weakened state for so long. I have my doubts her mind could handle the strain either, but a physical excuse holds more power than just what some might call a little fear. But… if you've ever looked into those hollow red pools like I have, you would understand just how fractured her mind is… anyway, enough of me being creeped out. Rose was a bit scared of having to be around Kitsu more, but somehow I know that if another presence is by her she'll hold strong. _

_Rest of the day was more or less uneventful. Well, finally realizing that the rather irritating holiday of Halloween is coming up did get me pretty pissed off for a bit. I hate it, mostly because it's the one-day a year Dark types, especially Umbreon's are targeted for being attacked, hated and generally looked down upon. Something about witches and our species being evil… bunch of bullshit if you ask me. Witchhazel was moody today as well, seeing as Murkrow's are caught in that same superstition, if not worse. Thankfully I probably won't be able to get away from the manor until after that stupid holiday is past, so there is something bright to think about. That and I know for a fact that Shadowbane and Thanos just CAN'T resist the chance to cause trouble with no repercussions. Of course, that will likely involve the pair trying to drag me in the middle as I'm one of 'those evil Umbreon', fat chance of it…why did I just get a chill down my spine at the thought of William? Eh, he's… mostly smart enough to not do something dumb… Okay, Rose worries me sometimes, yet makes up for it in strange ways. Write about it tomorrow, don't want to act like I don't care right now._

_October 23:_

_Last night was a breakthrough with Rose; she actually started talking beyond just a few bursts. God I'm glad my hearing is still sharp; her voice was barely above a whisper the entire time. Thinking back on it, her whisper of a voice makes me think of a graveyard for some reason, probably the stupid holiday messing with me, but also because every word sent a chill down my spine… she can be spooky when serious. Either way, it felt good to hear her voice finally; sure, it was just mainly her thanking me for being so nice and an apology for taking up so much of my time… the latter I made very sure Rose knew was not a problem. The time I've spent watching over her could have been used differently, but the experience is still interesting. That, and I still feel bad for her; having to endure so much pain until now…no one deserves such a fate. I could have done without Rose cuddling up to me again, but it was tolerable. Oh well, the way she said good night was warm… damnit, now I REALLY want to be alone with William… it's hot in here._

_Breakfast was a bit nicer than the last two, mainly because I actually made it through without passing out from lack of sleep, and Rose sat in a separate chair; right next to mine, but at least we weren't smashed onto one this time. Heh, Rose went back to her silent mode, but she was at least beginning to make attempts at being social; a big step for her. Mmm… can still taste William's damn good Cheri pancakes if I lick my gums, God I love living with a good cook. Dunno what Rose thought about them, she didn't eat too much but I suppose her body is still getting used to having food on a daily basis. Oh well, shouldn't worry so much still; Rose may not show her emotions outright, but I'm sure that the healing process is still going. That and she did smile when William offered her seconds. So overall it went over well, which does worry me; any time things go smoothly in the manor, either Shadowbane is up to something or fate is going to drop another few bricks on my head. _

_Well, it's evening and so far I'm headache free; Shadowbane and Thanos were talking to William quietly, but that could be one of a dozen things… most of which are not good. He had better not try and drag me into any plans of theirs; I have things to do AND this holiday is one I prefer staying indoors for. Heard too many rumors about humans grabbing Umbreon's and other similar species for sick rituals that do nothing beyond slaughter innocent Pokèmon. Hmm… maybe if Rose will be okay for a few hours I'll go deal with a few of them myself… nah, William has enough trouble on his hands most of the time. Eh, it can't be worse than the last few times he's listened to them; wonder if anyone figured out who let out the Mightyena down at the race track? Was funny as hell to watch a dozen or so of the canines running around with a couple of humans trying to catch them at least, if not kinda pitiful… I know there were probably some other incidents after that, but either their tracks were covered or Shadowbane didn't play them up too much; either way, that's the only major one I can remember._

_Staying up a bit late, mostly because I wanted to get Rose out of the manor for a bit, but also to get try and ease out some of the stress. Nothing quite like stretching out and letting the moonlight do it's magic… well, I know what I REALLY want, but can't have that right now. Still, the cold air was quite refreshing. And the silence… besides a few hunting calls from various Pokèmon in the woods it was silent… quite the opposite of day in the manor. Rose is lying with her back against mine, and unless we're having a really minor earthquake I think she's actually purring… yeah, she's purring, and asleep. sigh I think she's got the right idea._

_October 24:_

_Woke up on in the laundry room, which surprised me for a bit until I saw the note taped to the door… I'm torn between kissing William and biting right now for it. 'If you feel like sleeping on the roof, at least take a blanked; I doubt Rose likes cold that much'. I know he was just kidding about leaving my name out, but still… Anyway, still feeling pretty good from it, if not a bit stiff; lying on a tile for several hours is not very comfortable. Still, how did he know we were up there? I didn't see him around when we went up… eh, better not question it; too hungry to care right now._

_Mmm… full stomach feels nice, and being able to actually relax and let it all settle is a major bonus. Everyone else is outside, probably mopping up the newest batch of challengers; I stayed inside to give Rose some company. Mind you, I'm doing it for myself as well… but her comfort did play a pretty big role in it. Currently she's tossing that mouse around like a kit, but she's having fun so I'm not going to argue it. It's… heartwarming to see her really getting over the abuse; I just wonder how much of it is still there? She's still not very talkative, but at least her cringing at anyone else getting close is not so bad; it's down to two feet before I get latched onto now, and with Dracoris that gap is smaller. I'm noting this stuff mostly for to make a chart of sorts; a progress report for Rose. But… since I'm still kinda full and not up to running around a bunch, this is killing time nicely… better quit for now, Rose is watching my pen with 'that' look in her eyes._

_I think that bit of playing around worked off today's breakfast nicely… along with a few weeks of laziness; swear we were at it for an hour or so. Only the clock announcing it was noon stopped us. And even then… it took the entire family coming in and shouting out their opinions on what we should have it what broke up our fun. Oh well, beats getting trampled by Shadowbane, Thanos, and William all making a dash for the shower…never knew sweaty fur could smell that good… damnit, need to stop thinking about that. Anyway, lunch was pretty good; kept Rose occupied when the pizzas arrived; didn't want her freaking out at seeing a human… need to help her understand that they won't harm her again. Pizza was a bit burned, but William DID ask for it to be done quickly… Nah, I'm just spoiled by good cuisine in general, what with him doing a heavier amount of cooking lately. Eh, food is food really; tasting like crap is just something you deal with. Besides, I like being able to appreciate the finer things after going through a greasy mess like that… like Ice cream… Mmm… speaking of which…_

_Yep, a bowl of the good stuff after a meal is nice. Couldn't convince Rose to try it, so her loss. Heh, faked not feeling great so I didn't have to go out there; feeling lazy, and I'm more than a bit out of shape from watching Rose this last week… our wrestling match proved it. Thank God nobody was around to see get pinned down several times by someone smaller and still weaker. Can't even use the 'she cheated' angle, so yeah. Eh, maybe in a few days I can broach the idea of Rose having her own room and the run of the manor… I do worry she'll still be too latched onto me, but eventually she needs to find her own way, so long as I don't lose her completely it should be fine. Reminds me, Kitsu gave her another check-up/healing booster today. Rose still was fidgety and kept glancing at me, but she seemed a bit more comfortable with the process. That or maybe she was still a bit high from the catnip; not sure. Either way, her progress report was positive and her mental state is improving by the hour it feels like sometimes. All around good news. Now if only I could get her to stop clinging to me when anyone gets too close and wanting to cuddle at night…_

_Did a bit of spying late today, mostly to try and find out about any 'plans' for that irritating holiday that's approaching. Heard something about going into town on that night, but nothing else of actual use. Doesn't SOUND like those two are plotting anything involving me, but I'm still suspicious. Oh well, too tired to care and the blankets look so warm…_

_October 25:_

_Woke up in a tangle of blankets and limbs today, not the best way to greet the morning, but better than some I've gone through. On the plus side Rose wasn't trying to hug me really close as she was dead asleep in the middle of the tangle. Didn't take long to get myself loose, so it was more the embarrassment of being stuck in the first place. Ah well, got out and stretched nicely before anyone noticed, and Rose probably didn't care either way beyond being trapped for a bit… she did freak out for a moment until she saw me though… probably brought up something less than pleasant. That hollow look stayed for a few seconds, but thankfully faded back into a warmer glint… yes, I still worry about her even after she's been doing so well. Write more in a bit, breakfast smells really good…_

_Ahh, back to the home cooked goodness that is William's power breakfast, mind you I still like the fight over good leftovers, but ever since the gym opened he's been a bit more insistent on us having more home made meals. You won't see me complaining though, not much can beat a full spread of bacon, sausage, eggs, cheri pancakes, orange juice, and hash browns… all of which you have to fight tooth and claw to get at first. Made sure to get Rose what she would like first; didn't want her feeling intimidated with several utensils along with the food floating around the table. Not like there was much chance of anything falling, between William and Dracoris with me for backup it was… pretty safe. Does remind me of that one time a rouge fork found its way into Thanos' tail… swear William did it on purpose. Food was good, conversation was… understandable if you've been around that dull roar before; in short, it was another nice morning spent together as a very strange family, one that I hope Rose felt a part of. Hell, it's already past eleven and I'm still stuffed…eh, lying in a warm patch feels nice…_

_Skipped lunch, so I'm just gonna grab something from the fridge later. Couldn't make myself move from my warm spot, and even if I could there's no WAY I was about to eat anything more… okay, I'm lying a bit; had a small bowl of ice cream again… God I need to either cut back or start working out again. Either way, I'm actually starting to miss the arena; not the pain mind you, but the thrill of combat and the sense of accomplishment when whatever thought it would be a good idea to challenge me goes down. Hell, even losing doesn't suck that much; long as I know it was my best effort… and maybe a warm embrace later from William makes it better. Eh, here I go getting sentimental about a rather brutal sport humans devised, but somehow being out there makes me feel alive. Speaking of which, Kitsu gave Rose another healing booster today and didn't even bitch once about it. Then again, the witch is a pretty good actor so who can really tell. Either way I doubt she would dare lie about Rose's health to me… mainly because I would revoke our deal if she did. As for how it turned out, Rose should be back to what is going to be 'normal' for the rest of her life; in truth, that means her body is still a bit frail, but unless she has to fight or heavily exert herself the damage is going to heal. As for her mental state… I know she's trying to hide some of it from me, but beyond that maybe she'll warm up to the family soon. Speaking of which, maybe now would be a good time to broach my idea. _

_Well… she SEEMS okay with it, and of course I made sure we had some free rooms downstairs ahead of time; don't need another bathtub incident just yet. Now if only I could find a way to find out why-_

_Well crap, I swear she's either psychic on some level or can actually read… Rose was nudging me earlier so I stopped to see what she wanted; sure glad I did. Rose… she actually wanted to talk, and it was more than just thanking me for being nice. She told me the story of what she went through, at least what she could remember of it… my God, I'm going to have trouble sleeping for weeks now. I won't repeat most of it here, as it was told to me in confidence… but, some of it HAS to be recorded somehow. The only truly horrifying thing, and the reason Rose is so afraid of bathtubs is… is that the horrible human who used to 'own' her would force her head under as punishment for losing. She fought back once and nearly died when he wouldn't let go… I count my blessings ending up with William… and not just because we're mates. No, he NEVER would have done anything as awful as that to me, even in a fit of anger… how any living thing could think that was suitable treatment…she also told me her name, the one her parents gave her; Tythamus… but she wants to be called Rose now, probably to put her entire past behind her. I'm going to bed now; hopefully I won't have nightmares about what she told me…_

_October 26:_

_Woke up feeling cold, and not because of the manor's heater not working right. I don't remember having any particularly bad dreams last night, but there's still a chill in the air right now… probably because I'll never look at Rose the same again. I don't understand how she can still smile after living through that hell… maybe it's because I've been loved my entire life that I take it for granted sometimes. Being there for her has been a real learning experience, and not just for her… no, I still have a lot of things to understand about the world… such as how DAMN lucky I am. Mind you, I'm not trying to pretend to even begin understanding the horrors she's faced, not in the least. I hugged her before we got up, not sure why but it felt like the right thing to do._

_Breakfast was good like always, though I made sure not to utterly stuff myself this time… which was harder than it sounds. God those muffins were too good…and with that jam he bought a few days ago I didn't even know about… damnit, now I'm drooling over them again. Hmm… I wonder if there are any left over… probably not what with there being a full line-up of challengers the Shadowbane/Thanos tag team being about half of them. Oh well, maybe he'll make another batch tomorrow… I'm pitiful, being so obsessed with his cooking. Anyway, I've decided to start a workout program for myself, seeing as I want to be there for Rose still and really need to get back in shape; can't have two lazy dark types living here, now can we? Shouldn't be that tough; just cut down on the really bad food and figure some sort or exercise routine I can do indoors… which is the tricky part. Can't think of anything both effective and possible right now…eh, figure something out along the way; dieting is the tough part… can't stop drooling over breakfast still… I really need to just stop thinking for a bit._

_Most of the day was dull as usual, being stuck out of the arena and unable to get into town sucks. Mind you, I didn't tell Rose that because that's just mean… getting on her about the choices I make isn't right. Currently I'm relaxing with her in one of the smaller spare rooms, just past the main staircase and tucked a bit out of the way for privacy. We're still going to sleep on a nice pile of blankets and pillows for now, still need to get Rose her own basket as we don't have any spares around right now… probably should bug William about that, what with our average new guest/family member rate. Then again, it's going to be hard not to just cling to him for a while once Rose is settled in… haven't slept in my own bed for nearly two weeks now. Reminds me, tomorrow should be the last booster Rose needs… which means I have to try and hold up my end of the deal. Bleh, the words already taste foul, but a deal is a deal…no matter how little I like it. Oh well, I'm sure there are a few things that aren't… total bullshit I could say… but, knowing William he'll either see through it or already agree with whatever I say. Bottom line is, Rose will be doing better than she has since ending up here and that's all I really care about right now. It'll be kinda weird not waking up to another female Umbreon… God I hope William doesn't try it on me though, Gloria was weird enough. _

_Can't sleep, so I guess writing a bit more about the day sounds good. It's around midnight right now, so everyone who would be up to talking is asleep, including Rose. It still feels weird that tonight is the last night I'm going to be away from my own bed… kinda have mixed feelings about it. These past weeks I've come to really care about Rose; not in THAT way of course, more like she's a daughter to me. Yeah, it's kind of a strange thing to feel, but it's hard to explain… it's like I've watched her grow up again; turning from the trembling cre4ature that was easily afraid of her own shadow to someone… happy. True, I'm not really sure if Rose feels like a part of the family or not, and I'm not about to ask. But, that really doesn't matter in the end; Rose is, as she should be, the one deciding how her life should be. And yes, I know that she'll likely stay here, if only to be around the first other to really try and make her feel safe…after what she's been through, it's all I can do to be there for her. _

_October 27:_

_Woke up feeling pretty good, even though I was still being held pretty tight by Rose. Guess she had another nightmare or something; it's hard to think about much beyond being able to breathe when you have another Umbreon latched quite strongly onto you. Then again, thinking back she was snoring a bit… how the hell can she keep an iron grip like that while dead asleep? And for that matter… why the hell doesn't it bother me? I mean sure, she's done it to me quite a bit ever since being here, but this time I look back… hell, on every time it happened and just don't care. It seems so silly now… sure, it was anything from an annoyance to downright a pain in the ass, but… Rose couldn't help it. Even today, her clinging to me was probably just a reaction; something she did to try and make whatever was plaguing her go away. Hmm…nah, that's kinda strange… but, it seems to be good for young humans… eh, think about it more later. Breakfast is almost done._

_Damnit, I bet Shadowbane got wind of my self imposed diet and is trying to use it against me or something. I swear she was trying to taunt me by not shutting up about how good it was; nearly had to leave the table before finishing. Well, might as well get used to it now; at least Shadowbane will be good-natured about her joking. Though her choice of things to joke about could use help. But… they're family, and like it or not I have to just ignore her… something that is DAMN hard to do, believe me. Hmm… maybe I was just imagining things; was pretty grumpy about having to hold back on the foods I like. God I hate dieting already. Will be worth it to get back into the arena at full strength… damnit, now I want to bust a few heads. Eh, exercise and controlled eating habits now; kick the crap out of more wannabe trainers later._

_Note to self; trying to do what humans call push-ups is very hard on your joints. Gave up after the first few, mainly because it seemed pointless…and it hurt way the hell too much. Sticking with running laps around the manor for now; really would like a sparring partner, but everyone else is too busy with the gym fighting and Rose can't because of her condition, so it'll have to do. Mind you, seeing the action with every lap was a good motivator; especially after I spotted yet another fighting type in the ring…took a lot of will not to jump right back into the mix JUST to trash that trainer. But… being prepared for the heavy exertion needed is better than just getting thrashed for wanting a splash of fun. Speaking of fun, I get to sleep next to William for the first time in at least two weeks… God I miss his soft fur… sigh, Not the time to be thinking about that. Anyway, ran myself half dead today, combined with a conservative lunch should hopefully do me a bit of good… physically at least, it's damn lethal for my mood. Managed not to snap at or around Rose, but I DID get rather short with Witchhazel today; couldn't stand her damn grumbling any longer… why the hell does SHE know about being hated anyway? I'm right in the same stereotype boat as she is, but you don't see me going around and grumbling just because everyone else is getting into the holiday. Speaking of which, Dracoris seemed REALLY into it today… then again, I haven't seen him beyond meals and a few moments here and there, so yeah. Anyway, he seemed happier than I've seen him in a while… scary really._

_Can't sleep again, though at least now I can use my book light again. It's damn hard when you have to write with only a pale glow to see by; even WITH good night vision. Doesn't mean I like not being able to fall asleep at a decent hour, though. William is already curled up under the blanket… damn he looks cute like that… okay, I really need to figure out why I can't sleep; don't need weird thoughts like that going through my head. Hmm… one second… Ehehe, William's fun to tease when he's asleep; never knew licking the base of his ears would make his hind legs twitch like that. And nibbling the tips made him really squirm around… he makes really weird sounds when I do it; kind of a purr/squeak… okay, I'm going to just stop before anything REALLY weird comes to mind._

_October 28:_

_ William is really pushing his luck now, I swear. Gloria was one thing… but waking up to a different species is something else. I remember finally stretching out against his back last night; he was an Espeon then… but, this morning I just start to wake up and there's a Jolteon staring at me. Mind you, once I got up off the floor he got a good piece of my mind… I swear he listens to that trickster too much. I look back now and it was kinda funny, but like hell I'm going to tell him that. Should have looked at the eyes; William has trouble changing the color of them, but I was still half asleep and feeling pretty groggy from being up really late, so bah. He ran out of the room pretty fast, but I think he was laughing so I locked the door and went back to bed. Missed breakfast for it, but eh; grabbed some fruit and a bit of leftover… something, not really going to ask what it was from the fridge and made my own brunch. He's a dead Eon later…_

_Managed to get into town about midday; went with Dracoris as William was still in his new spiky mode… jerk. Felt a bit wobbly at first, mostly because it's been weeks since I've been teleported… forgot how weird it feels too. Ah well, he wanted to hit the card shop and I had some errands to run. Mainly wanted to get Rose her own basket and maybe something to cuddle with at night; that one was still up in the air because it didn't seem right to assume she needed it. But… I still got her something anyway. Hope she likes it… I'm going to give it to her once things settle down again. Mind you, I did debate it the entire time while getting groceries… but, that Zangoose doll was too cute and so soft… got a few strange looks for adding it to my basket, but a hard stare made them leave me alone. Bastards better not have made any sort of chew toy jokes about it behind my back… Anyway, saving it for later as a surprise. _

_Managed to get a decent sparring match in with Karakof today; guess William cracked down on him again, not like he's going to actually leave his basement hideaway without a good reason. Least he put up a decent fight; more than I was expecting from him, though no doubt if he's even upstairs William either cracked down at times I was with Rose or Karakof actually wanted to get a few fights in himself… can never tell with that Sneasel. Wasn't the best challenge, but still beat just running a lot; he was actually useful in that aspect, which is strange in a way. Karakof and useful are two things I rarely use in the same sentence, mostly because I have no need for his computer skills, nor do I want to go drinking with him any time before this God awful holiday is over. Damn hard not to get bitchy and ruin the fun for everyone else but every time I see how excited Dracoris is about it I find a way to just swallow my gripes and move on. Anyway, Karakof proved one thing to me; I'm still in decent shape, but that bit of extra weight from eating the same but being inactive really reduced my endurance. _

_Not sure I want to sleep next to William tonight, not after his last prank. Swear he got the idea from Shadowbane… then again, half the weird thing around here usually lead back to her one way or another. Then again… he does look extra soft today… bah, I'm so weak sometimes. That, and why should I torment myself about… crap, didn't give Rose the plush. Eh, one moment… hope she doesn't freak out waking up with that nearby. Made sure to leave it in such a way that she hopefully won't think of it as a threat… not sure though, she's not the most stable type. Eh, wasn't that much so unless Rose hurts herself it should be fine… damnit, I can't resist him… that, and the hell if I'm going to let a little paranoia stop me from relaxing next to him. That, and if he does it again I'm going to give him a good piece of my mind…probably. Just depends on the form… mmm, Flareon._

_October 29:_

_sigh, I think he's either trying to tell me something or REALLY wants a thrashing; it happened again today, this time a Vaporeon. Didn't fall out of bed this time, but I won't speak to him until he changes back or apologizes. Doubt either will happen today, so bah to him. Hell, I'm sorta punishing myself by not eating breakfast down there; not about to admit I'm not super pissed at him being in that form. But… since he never reads my diary, and if he did I would make very sure he never repeated it, I might as well say it here. I still find him kinda hot like that… not so much as his Espeon form, but there's something about that pale blue fur that makes his eyes really stand out. Yes, I'm weak, so what? I have an attraction to who he is on the inside… the outside mostly determines how hot he is… damnit, now I'm not as mad._

_…I'm so weak; couldn't resist his newest turn of forms long enough. sigh, it was the damn tail…and the fin collar, and the blue fur… yeah, I'm hopeless… paws were a bit bigger, but the massage was so nice… God I forgot how good it feels… still can't feel my toes… or my legs very well for that matter. Oh well, totally worth it… quick note: Water types smell kinda funny, but that was just part of the attraction in the end. Fur has a sort of oiliness to it, but that's just part of the experience… no, not writing THAT thought down… I do wonder if he's going to pull that trick again tomorrow or not; sadly, I almost hope he does…wonder what it'd be life to wake up cuddled by a Flareon… okay, stopping that thought before it gets bad. Anyway, did some more running today, sparred a bit with Dracoris, but quit when he became just too distracted with something or other. Didn't bother asking, mainly because I'm sure it has to do with that damnable holiday coming up. So long as he stays out of trouble I don't mind, Dracoris is a good kit, but not the greatest thinker. Oh well, if I can't trust my own son to fly right who can I trust? Besides, he has his ID tag so unless it gets forgotten there's little chance of another surprise visit from the jenny force. _

_Well… should have noted it before, but I was still kinda out of it from William's treatment. Rose really likes the stuffed animal… I won't soon forget seeing a grown Eon hauling around a plushie in her mouth like a possessive kit. It was cute to say the least; guess it was a good thing to pick up for her… okay, the mental image of her cuddling it now worries me. Yeah… moving on, don't need weird dreams tonight. Swear Shadowbane and Thanos are up to something, but what I'm not sure is safe to know. Spotted them talking with William, but that's not exactly unusual. Caught a few words of it … something about a morph or form; Dracoris had a CD player going near me, so I couldn't make much of it out. Another note: remember to tell Dracoris not to listen to music so loud, it's bad for his hearing. They haven't approached me about anything yet, so either William is going to do the talking or I'm not their target for this one… not sure which is worse, funny enough. Oh well, I have another day to prepare for whatever insane plan they came up with… just hoping it doesn't involve anything explosive this time… still remember the early morning firecracker incident._

_Most of the day beyond that was pretty dull. Maybe in another week I'll get back in the arena; for now I just need to keep eating sensibly and keep up a decent exercise routine. Not that hard with nothing else to do…though now that Rose is starting to really settle in I can go into town more… ah crap, I have a book due. Have to take care of that tomorrow, including paying whatever late fees it has. Damn, I guess watching over Rose made me forget about it. Oh well, I have some cash on paw so it shouldn't be TOO much of a problem…just have to ask/bribe Dracoris to get me into town in the morning. Right now I'm going to bed next to William-who refuses to go back to his Espeon form…_

_October 30:_

_Yep, it happened again; woke up next to yet another different mate… hmm, if it's the same one on the inside just with a different form IS it a different mate? Ugh, I hate it when his stupid antics make me thing about things like that…oh well, just go with it; he's kinda sexy with black fur… sigh. I really need to get better at keeping my anger, or just admit somewhere besides here that I love him for who he is and not just what he looks like… not sure that would be a good idea, what with his shifting abilities, but still. Would make waking up next to a different Eon three days in a row a bit more tolerable. Still going to yell at him every time, though. It's just the annoyance factor of not knowing what will be next to you in the morning that does it, I think he's kinda good looking as any of the Eons… so long as he doesn't regress we're good._

_Well, got that ride into town at least; didn't even cost me anything… something about him needing to meet up with a few friends of his. Doesn't concern me too much and it got me into town at a decent time. He's going to be busy here until maybe dinner, could have pushed getting back before but it's not a problem; he's my son yes, but that doesn't mean I should be demanding to get home when he's the one bringing me here. Besides, maybe a few hours in a different environment will help clear my head a bit… hate orange and black now, no offense to Blackwind. Hmm… we need to do SOMETHING though, if only to try and make the holiday a tad more pleasant. Now what was it that humans like doing? Oh right… carving up perfectly good pumpkins and putting them on the porch. Why they would do that is beyond me, but I could use them for making a few pies… Mmm… eh, think about that later. Right now I'm still pissed about having to shell out six bucks in late fees. Stupid two-week overdue fee. Would have argued, but most humans won't put up with being told off in writing by something they see as a common animal for long. Broke my diet and had a small carton of mint chip to calm my nerves. Write more later, have some shopping to do._

_Well… I broke down and bought a pair of pumpkins; funny looking things, but they smelled kinda good. Still don't see the attraction to slicing them up to make weird faces; saw a few around town, and more toward the area that humans had their homes. Just another thing to annoy me about this holiday I suppose. Speaking of tomorrow, Dracoris seemed extra happy about something; he wouldn't say what, but knowing him it's probably card related. Then again… he did forget about it when he saw my purchase. sigh For being a psychic type he can be almost dumb at times. He's still young yes, but becoming THAT excited over something so simple seems silly even for him. I'd rather see him obsessing over disfiguring a perfectly good vegetable than doing something really stupid, so maybe I shouldn't complain. I WILL complain about how dangerous Dracoris and William made the kitchen only minutes after we got back. It wouldn't have been so bad if William was just supervising Dracoris, but no… they both were having way too much fun twirling knives in the air and splattering each other with the 'guts'; weird term for the seeds and pulp, but humans do strange things. Anyway, I'm not cleaning up the mess those two made; they chose to fling the globs at each other, they can scrub it down. I swear those two were doing it to annoy me… Dracoris' came out a lot better, though that's mostly because he's had a lot more practice manipulating small objects telekinetically. That, and William wasn't really trying; I can tell… eh, they both look good in their own ways. _

_Once the two troublemakers cleaned up their mess we dried and roasted the seeds, so I suppose some good has come from their antics so far. Mmm… should be a few minutes before the next batch is done; it's hard to stick to my diet when they smell so good… Dracoris set up their creations by the front porch, not sure why it matters as we're practically the only ones living in a human building for maybe half a mile. Eh, it makes him happy and doesn't involve anything really dangerous or illegal so why not? Don't know how he managed to convince Kitsu to create a pair of foxfires as candles for them, but maybe I don't want to know. Looks pretty neat though; the flames change color every so often, casting some pretty neat light out from the leering faces… Damnit, now I kinda like this holiday. sigh, It's fun because Dracoris can really be himself for once; usually he tries to act grown up around the manor, though those cards he likes kinda destroys that image. At least for today and tomorrow he can be his natural childish self without looking out of place. Hell, he's been happier today then I've seen him in a while. Which reminds me; I saw him hauling a lump of clothes to the laundry room a few minutes ago… what are those tricksters up to now? Didn't get a chance to ask… and I kinda got distracted by Rose getting me in the head with her catnip mouse again so bah. _

_William stayed an Umbreon until bed, when he finally went back to the form I know him best… he looks good with black fur yes, but the gray REALLY accents his eyes… and the tail… I'm going to bed before that thought gets any worse._

_October 31:_

_sigh You'd think I would have expected to wake up next to yet another different Eon, but no. This time though… I didn't mind that much; turns out that Flareon are both really soft and REALLY warm, especially on a cold morning. I swear either he read my diary or just managed to guess I kinda wanted to be cuddled… never can tell with him. Either way it was nice… being held close to his warm body as he licked and nipped my ears…that rough tongue running down my cheek…even kissing softly a few times, all the while being surrounded by his warmth. I still think him as an Espeon is really attractive, but this is a nice change. His fur smells really good warmed like that… doesn't do anything for his morning breath, however. I think it was maybe nine by the time we even considered getting up… can't believe I suggested what I did, but it was still fun… so warm… I wonder if that's what Blackwind feels like with Charis? I have my doubts, simply because he's male; doesn't make it any less nice though… felt like a bubble of heat was around us, both heightening the moment and bringing us so much closer at the same time…felt weird with that extra lump, but not in a bad way. Eh, I'll have to remember that one for a later date; could be fun on a nice winter night. Anyway, I really gave into his antics this morning and can care less for it; we're mates, doing a few odd things together is just part of that. That doesn't excuse him for scaring me half to death a few days ago… though I look back and find it funny. In any case, that was one hell of a way to start a day._

_Brunch went well, even though we had to eat alone… and I had to do the cooking, as William 'conveniently' couldn't work the stove. Told him to light a fire outside and do it the hard way. Had to grab him by the scruff before he actually did it, though. I know he would have and it would have worked, but it's too damn cold outside still to leave the manor. Besides, I was keeping a close eye on him just in case he tried any new tricks. It's bad enough with Dracoris being even more hyper than usual; I don't need William being a pain on top of that. Still not sure why he was running around with that metal helmet on his head… must have something to do with tonight; which I'm staying home for. No way Shadowbane is dragging me out there, even if it does mean spending some time with William. Been making my opinions about this stupid holiday known for a while, so it would be bad to suddenly turn around. Besides, I think it'd be nice to have the manor mostly to myself; Rose is staying, I know that. Not sure about Witchhazel, but going by how she's been in absence so far I think it's safe to say it'll be the three of us. Reminds me; Karakof was getting into his personal stash a bit ago, so either he's planning on getting wasted in his room or someone is forcing him to go out as well; no way that Sneasel would do anything off the wall sober. Come to think of it, he was with Kitsu… why did I just get a sudden chill thinking about that?_

_Lunch was good as usual; a bit lighter, probably because we're going to have an early dinner to give Dracoris time to get ready and hang out in town… or whatever it is they're planning. Couldn't help but smile a bit when Rose dragged that plushie up onto her chair and sat with it. Who knew she'd become attached to it so quickly? Least she has something to call her own… something to cuddle at that, but I wouldn't come out and say that one. Had do help with lunch; again, because William refused to go back to his Espeon form… if he didn't look so cute… Dracoris at least pitched in with the heavier work, big relief when you're managing several pots at the same time AND trying to fetch more ingredients. Surprised he didn't order out, but I suppose home cooked meals are better for everyone's health. Doesn't excuse him lazing out and making me and Dracoris do the work, need to get back at him for that. Anyway, lunch was good even though Dracoris still had that funny helmet on. Why where was a playing card taped to it I didn't ask…sometimes just going with what you see is the safest bet with him. Shadowbane and Thanos were pretty reserved, which was unusual as well. Eh, whatever demented plan they came up with is probably coming up, so what can you do?_

_sigh… A soldier, a pirate captain and her first mate, a flaming Houndoom, a nurse, a cowboy and a morphic Palkia; family can be weird. William as the morphic Palkia, whatever that is; he said the name, but I've never heard of it. Anyway, William's 'costume' is damn freaky to say the least. As for the others… Dracoris looked pretty cute with that modded helmet and brown coat on. Wasn't too happy about the unlit cigar or fake… I hope gun on his back though. Cerberus… I don't know what to say about his besides he didn't seem happy until Padfoot commented about the studs. Swear she did that on purpose…the flaming skull effect was a nice touch compliment of the demon fox… that I think was drunk. Her and Karakof the cowboy both. Never thought I'd see the day he went along with one of Shadowbane and Thanos' schemes. He looked… weird with boots on for one; the gun belt and hat weren't too bad though. As for Kitsu, she just went as herself sorta… I think she was going for a ghost theme, but not sure; don't know old lore that well. Those pearly balls of light looked cool though… can't believe I just said two things she did were cool. Padfoot the nurse… creepy comes to mind at first, then almost cute after that, then back to creepy with a vengeance. Horns and a nurse's headdress do not mix very well…nor does black fur and a forked tail with the white getup. As for the ringleaders… a pirate captain and what I'm guessing is her first mate; want to hurt her so badly for that pun right now… It wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't insist on actually acting the part, bad accent and all. Thank GOD they weren't around for more than a few minutes; not sure I could hold in the anger/laughter for much longer than that. That smiling face helped a lot; it's been a long time since I've seen Dracoris that happy… I think it was when Kera returned. Oh well, they're going to be out for a few hours so I can just settle down and-_

_Figures the moment I get a little peace Rose would start feeling playful. Not that I minded that much, just getting hit in the head with that catnip mouse gets old. Ran around for a few minutes and ended up on the couch where we still are. Guess she was a bit lonely, what with the normal manor chaos starting up again… and to be honest, I kinda missed lying quietly with her; no cuddling as she has her plushie, so it's quite nice. Just a quiet evening mostly to myself; too damn cold to be outside and I'm not desperate enough to drag a heavy enough blanket out there either. Eh, this is just really nice… want to take a nap, but I need to stay awake for when they get back._

_It's maybe around eleven; everyone else finally got back… apparently they went 'trick or treating', whatever the hell that is through New Bark town and Cherrygrove both. Didn't understand half of what Dracoris was saying because he was on a sugar rush… weird holiday. Made very sure to keep my diet even though a few of the items they brought back smelled pretty good. Ah well, the only one really grumbling was Cerberus… something about the magical fire itching like mad, not sure exactly. Glad I'm not the one who has to stow all that stuff though, hell I don't have to do anything… probably will end up doing a bit just because though. Made me feel good to see him come home in such high spirits…even though I think most of it was the candy… Anyway, I'm calling it a night; I get to sleep with my own living furnace tonight._

_Azarus Ketchum_


	8. November

_November 1_

_Okay… stay calm, murder is not an acceptable punishment for a pain in the ass mate… something nearly as drastic may be in order, but not that. *sigh* William really knows how to get under my skin; whether he intends it or not I can't tell. I don't mind waking up to him being weird; I don't mind waking up to a different adult Eon… much. But I DO mind waking up with an Eevee curled against my chest and no Flareon… or Espeon in sight. Hmm… right now I have him pinned against me as punishment, but since he wants to play like that… ehe, this is going to be fun. And since I'm being honest AND not letting him read this…he's really cute as an Eevee. Not in the same life mate sense as the others, but more cuddly. Weird thing is he's not even trying to squirm away… or arguing for that matter… I bet he planned this too. I just feel funny holding him close, more… complete. Damnit… I really miss having kits of my own. Sure, the little buggers have really sharp teeth… but there's just something about those tiny forms relying on you for life that gives me a warm feeling to think about. Even as they grow up there's just something nice about being called mommy…or mama in Charis' case. That…and it would be nice to have a second chance at motherhood; one taken from the beginning. I'll talk with William about that one later, right now I have some practice mothering to do._

_Breakfast was pretty eventful, mostly because I had to get a rather groggy Dracoris to help me. Never let a tired psychic near anything sharp or heavy; nearly lost half my tail to a falling cleaver. I didn't yell for once, mostly because he looked pretty out of it, but also because I know he was trying his best. Beyond that…and dodging a low flying pot it went smoothly; had William close by to keep an eye on him. After all, he's too small to be running around on his own… yeah; I made that up but its part of his punishment for freaking me out. Thankfully we had some leftovers to reheat, because we were pretty low on ingredients I know how to use… and I wasn't about to let William near the stove, or Dracoris for that matter. A sugar crashing Espeon is very dangerous, especially around heavy objects. Anyway, we got enough food on the table that everyone had something, though nothing quite like William's power breakfasts…still have no idea how he manages it. Ah well, I'll have to run into town a bit later; it's about nine right now and I'm damn tired… cooking for ten, including yourself is hard work. Thankfully Dracoris and William are playing that card game together… it's funny to watch him move cards almost half his size._

_Did the shopping once Dracoris pulled himself together; was around eleven when we headed out, so that meant bringing back take out. Got the strangest look when I ordered three dozen hamburgers from a local fast food restaurant, but least at they didn't question my ATM card… or the fact that I had to write out my order. Eh, still got the food; Dracoris ran it home for me while I did some grocery shopping, good thing too as I'm not sure the market would have appreciated a second Eon wandering the isles. I get enough looks as it is, though most of those are easy enough to match with a good glare of my own. Note: pushing a cart meant for human use with a psychic attack is really hard. Ah well, hopefully next time William will not be screwing around and able to help me with this job. Then again, maybe next time we won't need to do so much shopping at once; usually it's a stock up on when we're a bit low and taking care of other things, but with Rose needing so much attention I just haven't had the time. Eh, bitch at William later, right now its time for his bath._

_Well, some good has come of William's little regression. For whatever reason Rose seems less scared of him than before. I'm guessing it's because now he's a lot smaller than her, but who knows. Doesn't matter much really, he's having fun in a way I can supervise and Rose is being a bit more social, which is really nice. Lunch was good, even though I had to make something from scratch; stupid diet. Ah well, being able to pound some more fighting types is well worth the watching what I eat for a bit longer. Doesn't taste quite the same as when William cooks, but that's to be expected; I have a much lighter paw with spices than he does. As well, least the days of nearly setting myself on fire/chopping a toe or two off/blowing up the manor are behind me. It's actually kind of relaxing to cook, even with a very naughty kit leaping at the salt shaker when it gets low enough… didn't yell, which surprised even me. He was too cute hitting the floor in a brown and cream pile, only to get up and try again. Didn't help the humor any as his paws kept slipping on the slick tile, either resulting in him landing on his stomach or sliding after his next landing. Sometimes I wonder about his sanity…_

_Dracoris handled the gym as the normal leader was 'indisposed', which translated to him being curled up by me for a nap. Then again, most of the challengers never would have believed such an explanation, or would demand he fight them anyway; I'm not letting anything happen to my little William. He started whining about me mothering him so much, but all it took was a few well placed licks to reduce it to a dull whine mixed with such a cute little purr… okay, that sounded kinda creepy I know; I was just licking his ears, that's all. I mean come on, I may have given into the Flareon… and the Vaporeon form, but he looks too cute and innocent to do anything but hold chose and cuddle. I miss having kits even more now, though with how things have been going on around here lately… I can wait a bit longer. I'd rather we both have the time and energy to raise them properly, plus… that's a pretty big decision to make when you live as a gym leader's Pokèmon. Heh, I wonder how many Pokèmon can say their trainer is also their mate… well, legally; I'm sure some of that goes on behind the scenes. Damnit… shouldn't have thought about that… *sigh* it's going to be a long afternoon now…_

_William stayed as the puffball all day, to Dracoris' delight as well as mine. There's nothing quite like being able to pick your mate up by the scruff and carry him around to make you feel big. He's cute that way… almost too cute, really. I'm gonna miss having my little vee to hug; I prefer by big gray clod for that usually, but there's just something really nice about being able to pull him close and just hug him. On the other hand, maybe it would be for the better… I mean, there ARE disadvantages to your male mate being quite a bit smaller than you. Ah well, I get to sleep with a little brown cutie and wake up to a bigger gray mate in the morning; a fair trade off in the end. Ah well, he's already drifted off so I might as well call it a night too._

_November 2:_

_I'll never get used to his ability… or his twisted sense of humor. Waking up to a different Pokèmon is pretty weird… but try looking over and there's a human hand on your chest. To make things worse, he decided to hold me close… human skin feels really weird against fur by the way. Yet thinking about it with him downstairs starting breakfast… I really didn't mind it that much. It's the same thing with him being different Eon's; I know who it is behind the physical appearance…damnit, that got me thinking about things best left for evening. Ah well, I can already smell breakfast from our room, so I'll gripe about that later._

_Bleh… broke my diet a bit today; couldn't resist his cheri pancakes again… God I'm weak about that. Ah well, just means I need to get out there and put in a bit more workout time…or just jump in the ring and hope for the best. Eh, we'll see what kind of idiot trainer's show up today, what with the days staying damn cold longer. Hmm… a few good fights are sounding really good right now, if only to work off some irritation due to William's little games… maybe I should have bit him good for the first one… nah, the later ones were kinda fun once I got used to it. Still, if he tries any more he's getting more than just yelled at… hmm; why not turn the tables on him? I'm sure Shadowbane has at least a few devious ideas in that skull of hers that don't involve anything too dangerous, plus I'd love to see the look on his face when I pull a good one on him. Meh, work on that later; right now I think a bit of exercise is in order… getting tired of lying around and writing so much._

_Feel sick. Drank too much again; damn Karakof and his 'target shot' game… you'd think by now I would know better than to listen to his ideas. That…and I swear he cheated; he's never been THAT accurate in the arena… then again, he did miss a few before becoming a damn crack shot… ugh, stupid ice weasel. Ah well, he still lost in the end; guess being build like a tank has its uses, besides the obvious ability to take enough punishment to take down just about anyone else in the family and still only be pissed. Speaking of being pissed, William was grumbling about something when I dragged a quite drunk Karakof to the porch…something about the league… figure it out later; run for the bathroom right now._

_God, that stuff Shadowbane makes is a lifesaver… well, and a nice warm shower doesn't hurt either; the latter being extra nice because William was there with me. God… I could have fallen asleep in there. Between the warm water and his paws… Anyway, after a nice hour or so, along with a nice mug of… whatever the hell herbs were in that tea and I feel pretty good. Stomach stopped making a break for my mouth and the tipsiness went away, so things are good. Mmm… I also cheated as a reward for not murdering Karakof… God; William's apicot pie is so good. Getting drunk is bad… sharing a slice of pie with your mate is good… great even, especially when you're the one controlling the fork. Sure, he grumbled that I got more, but it's his fault for making it so delicious… Another note; his breath smells really good after pie… tastes a bit funny, though that's probably from a bit of lunch mixed in… didn't stop me though. Did find out what he was grumbling about though…nearly fell off the bed laughing at it too. It seems that…we've been too hard to beat, and the league is finally cracking down on us; they're sending a Pokèmon representative as, in their own words, 'We feel that the leader of your particular gym would respond better to a Pokèmon than to a human representative.' What the hell is that suppose to mean? Ugh, humans can be downright stupid sometimes… hmm, a Pokèmon is easier to intimidate than a human, mainly as there are fewer laws against threats of violence… then again, it also means we have to actually fight fair… in other words, actually lose once in a while. I just know the weasel is going to love that, as he can blame his weaker fighting skills on having to 'balance' his wins. Ah well, it means I can't pound the damn fighting types so hard, which will suck. Mmm… pie breath…_

_Took a chance and entered the arena just before William shut down for the day; glad I did too. Yet another jerk thought it would be a good idea bringing in fighting types to a dark gym… ugh, just WHY he had to bring the king of ugly I don't know. Never could figure out the Speedos those Machoke wear…didn't feel like they had much to hide when I gave him a good groin smash, and it's definitely not fashionable at all…eh, not my problem. Was pretty funny to see him howling in pain though… stupid fighting types. The other pain in the ass on his team was at least worth fighting; not sure what the hell it was though… Gall-something, didn't catch the name, as I was far too busy trying not end up a head smaller; damn thing was trying to kill me, I swear. Sure, I made a comment about that shade of green, but that doesn't mean he had to haul off and try to skewer me. Damn thing was a lightweight once I got a few shots in… though it felt like I'd been skinned alive when that blade hit home; bastard. Last one I fought before William made me quit was another of those weird blue canines… Lucario, I think. For a fighting type they're… tolerable, I suppose. Not much in the looks department, but eh; she fought with a lot of restraint, even though her trainer kept ordering fighting moves…least one of them knew what combat was really about. Mind you, I still fought damn hard… and lost; just what the hell was that funny ball of energy she threw at me called? Whatever it was, it hurt worse that girly's arm blades. Weird thing is… beyond my head STILL hurting from the attack, and probably the drinking, I'm really not that mad. Sure, losing sucks. But, even though I'm sure it was a damned fighting move she still put up an honest fight; something I wouldn't have expected from a fighter trained under just another asshole human. Ah well, maybe I'm still drunk… would explain why I'm seeing double…Write more later, have to bite William for laughing and reading over my shoulder blade._

_Kicked back for the rest of the day, mainly because William shut the gym down early due to it being way the hell too cold outside; not like there's much else to do this time of year… well, that you can do in the living room. *sigh* I still think Rose and Dracoris would be good for each other, though convincing the former to do more than just watch him carefully isn't exactly an easy task. Oh well, she's not cuddling me… so I guess things are good enough at this point. Still… I want her to be happy AND a real member of this family. Maybe in the coming months she'll start warming up to the others. She's at least made vast improvements from the silent, nearly starved creature we first brought in. Hell, the only way I know that it's her is by the Zangoose plushie… who knew such a simple gesture would go so far? Just wish she would be a little more talkative, and a little less playful at times; I can only stand getting hit in the head with that catnip mouse so long… Beyond that and a worsening headache it was a nice evening. No furnace, which is a minor disappointment… oh well, I still have my heated gray pillow… need sleep, and maybe something to make the drums stop._

_November 3:_

_I hate cold mornings; it's not bad enough that the manor is pretty damn chilly in the morning as William only runs the heater when it gets unbearable. But having to deal with Karakof being so dismissive about it, even bragging about this being 'nothing like it could get back home' makes me want to pound him good. But… between getting to help in the kitchen, which meant being near the warm stove and being William's 'taste tester' for breakfast made settling for a dark look worthwhile. The worst part of a cold manor has to be the floor…its like walking on ice, only slightly warmer… stole a couple of his socks and held them by the oven when he was done; hard to walk in, but worth it. Swear I heard someone laughing behind my back, but eh; being able to feel my paws is well worth it… well, and they matched my fur pretty good. Besides the cold, breakfast was good as always; still watching what I eat, but God… muffins… Least I'm not a pig like Shadowbane; I'm still trying to figure out where she managed to put everything she ate. Ugh, least she's not taunting me about being some sort of food incinerator; the way she eats, yet still a respectable weight, even on days she takes it easy in the ring. Hmm… maybe she's just like that? Just seems weird, and annoying to boot, but eh._

_Well… the league representative showed up today, and he's obnoxious, to say the least. What is it with some Pokèmon, thinking they can come to someone else's home and expect royal treatment? I can understand being used to the league; hell, I can understand being used to the good life. But, showing up on 'official business', whatever that meant, then turning around and practically ordering us around… took a damn lot of will not to just knock the bastard out. Reminded myself that he would affect William's future as a gym leader… and that killing a houseguest only minutes after they arrived isn't polite. Besides, he's only suppose to be here for a few days; just long enough for William to prove he's running the gym legitimately, and that we're 'not being abused' Hang on… not being abused? What the hell; William kills that human who had obviously been abusing his Pokèmon horribly… I know the details of Rose, as she confided them to me, yet WE'RE coming under fire?! Ugh, you'd think that a group of humans who consider themselves so important would actually DO their jobs, rather than harassing us. But no, we have to both lay out a rather… twisted justice AND take in the one that was too weak to be a threat or flee… on top of keeping the incident quiet. From what William told me, what he did would get him in a serious amount of trouble. Humans have really stupid ways of doing things; punishing those who are trying to stop crimes, giving minor offenses and problems a lot of attention while serious things are happening, on TOP of being a general pain in the ass. No, I still haven't forgotten about the damn library giving me that load of bullshit. Bah, I need to go for a walk; wound up now._

_Okay, a long walk around the area, a warm meal made just for me… God I love it when William makes us something special… anyway, a walk, a meal and some quiet time later and I feel a lot better. Still pissed off at how idiotic this 'league' is running things, but there's not much beyond keeping my thoughts, and teeth to myself that can be done. *sigh* I feel sorry for Witchhazel; that jerk of a Pokèmon decided that she was worth making his 'assistant'; just what the hell? I mean, showing up here and acting like an ass is one thing, but practically singling one of us out to help him… glad it wasn't me. No way in hell is someone outside the family telling ME what to do without something more than a pompous attitude to back it up. And that puffed up excuse for a Pokèmon sure as HELL doesn't have it. Okay… just have to remind myself that he won't be here THAT long, hopefully the thought of him leaving eventually will help make it bearable. Write more in a bit, bastard bird is squawking about something._

_God I hate having to fight in a restricted manner. First of all, to hell with the league's rule about only four moves in an official fight. What happens if you're 'move set' leaves you at a severe disadvantage or completely helpless against an opponent, or your trainer, who would have to be a real idiot, decided that having only defensive and disabling moves was a good idea? I really doubt those humans know just how much it hurts to get the holy hell beaten out of you; something I wouldn't mind giving them a crash course on. But, that'll have to wait a while; right now I'm nursing a rather painful injury after getting thrashed worse than usual. I could have taken that ugly shark… dragon thing, but no; because that stupid representative was watching, I couldn't fight like I normally would. So as a result, I'm now resting inside, nursing a QUITE painful bite. I swear that thing was aiming for my head; can't trainers control they're damned Pokèmon anymore? Stupid representative…coming in here and ridiculing us and completely ignoring the thing that tried to kill me; I swear either he's been paid off or too damn stupid to see that thing thought I was lunch. Thank God I reacted in time, though those teeth REALLY hurt… can't move my left foreleg without wanting to scream right now. William bandaged it up and gave me something to help with the pain, promising to take a better look once the challengers were dealt with. Oh well, good thing I still have a book to read; it's going to be a while._

_Well, he did patch up my leg; which is nice. But, that damned representative needed to talk about something, so now I'm stuck lying on my side and waiting for the painkillers to kick in. Really, the wound wasn't that bad, just damned painful. Oh well, least that ugly shark-dragon thing got what was coming to him; Shadowbane trashed it pretty good, least from what William told me. Hmm… hopefully she went a little easy, though. Don't need a bunch of trouble, what with that ass of a rep now watching us. Stupid…what the hell was he called again? Honchkrow? Weird name, but what do you expect from the species from other regions? Don't get me wrong, a few of them seemed nice; like that… lucario, I think. Well, that blue and black bipedal canine thing that beat me. She was nice… girly wasn't, but eh. Ah well, there's some really butt ugly species around here too, so what am I complaining about? Kinda want something to eat, but it still hurts to move my bitten leg so I'm stuck. Stupid rep, stupid shark thing; I swear someone's out to get me right now. *sigh*, Might as well-_

_Okay, either Dracoris managed to perfect that funny future sight ability his species has, or my luck is changing. He brought me lunch, even stayed for a bit and ate with me; never expected him to think of me like that, but I'm not complaining. I've said it a lot, but it's still true; he's a good kid, well…good adult, but kid works in his case. Well, I have a feeling William gave him a hint, but still. Between the two, they might actually manage do have a decent amount of sense; not nice to think, I know. But, it's sadly true. Dracoris is pretty naïve about things, and William is a clod; alone, they're not terribly smart. Together… they could be really dangerous, or sweet… though, the latter is far more common. Like lunch, for instance; no doubt William couldn't get away from Crotchkrow, so he had Dracoris come up here to be with me instead. Then again, maybe it was his idea…bah, not worth nitpicking over. I got to have a nice meal with my son; hell, I got to eat without having to limp down there. Stupid rep. I don't mind limping that much, but it would look really bad if I had to stay mobile while injured; that jerk is going to try and dig up something anyway, so why give him any ammo? _

_Ugh, this day sucked. Between my injury, which is much better, thanks to William's little healing trick, dealing with the asshat of a Pokèmon, and having to eat dinner late, I'm not in a great mood. Understandably, William is currently watching me from the other end of the bed; I don't bite, really. I'm really wound up, yes. But, that doesn't mean I'd take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it… well, that's not quite true I guess. I wouldn't take it out on him or Dracoris, but anyone else is fair game. Hang on, gonna try to coax him over._

_Well…it worked, though in a very unexpected way. Mmm… warm… I get to sleep with a big, red, fluffy pillow tonight; and the rest of the time that ass is here, he promised. He smells so good… I love heated fur… well, his fur heated is almost intoxicating… I'm calling it a night, want to help him get over the day, too…_

_November 4:_

_God, there's nothing like waking up in the warm paws of your mate. His fur is so soft… not silky, like is Espeon form, but more like cotton. And that scent… It's almost intoxicating, like I could just lie with my nose buried in his mane for hours. Heck, it's already past nine in the morning, he's already made breakfast and everything, but I'm still in bed; it smells so good… Hmm, maybe it's not his fur that's so comforting… ah hell, I really should wash the sheets, as it's my fault. But I love that scent… Oh well, I'd do it again in a heartbeat, so losing it for a little while isn't the end of the world. So warm… Damnit, I'd better wait a little longer before going downstairs; can't let that ass know about this. Really, I don't give a shit what those humans who think they can push Pokèmon and their trainers around think, but it's better to keep things going smooth around here. That…and I REALLY don't want to act on impulse right now…_

_Bastard rep wouldn't let me fight today, something about needing longer to heal; total bullshit, as if William hadn't been kept so busy, I could have been patched up and back in the arena within the hour yesterday. But, what do you expect from pompous jerks who probably haven't seen a single day of hard combat. Probably one of those laid back, desk Pokèmon whose hardest task is getting the wrapper off a rare candy. And really, where the HELL does he get off, coming to our home and telling us how to do things? Ah well, I give it two days before Witchhazel finally snaps and thrashes him like I want to so badly right now. Never seen her that frustrated before; she didn't even notice me when I said hi. And if she's being rude or distant, than there's cause for alarm. Hmm…nah, I'd better stay out of this; she's gonna blow her top anyway, and adding fuel to that fire would only make me, and William for that matter, bad. I DO plan on being there, mostly because I've always wondered what a pissed off Murkrow would sound like. Oh well, write more later; want to watch the fights, as I can't participate today…_

_Lunch was good as always, even though asshat started into William about proper diet, or something. Was too busy resisting the urge to throw my knife at him to catch details. Damned windbag; telling us how to fight according to the stupid league rules is one thing, but NOBODY is taking me away from William's cooking. The take-out could be done away with, though the rush for leftovers is usually fun. And… it's always worth a laugh to terrify any greenhorn delivery humans. Which reminds me, what the hell does that Crotchkrow think we are, some sort of dumb animals? I mean come on, he tried bossing William into changing our diet to these ugly brown pellet things; think he called it pokèfood. For one, I actually tried the ugly things and they taste horrible. For another, how the hell is are little brown chunks that look like crap, literally, suppose to be good for you? The asshat tried saying that they contained the right balance of nutrition that Pokèmon need; bunch of bullshit humans made up, but I guess some species would have differing dietary needs. Still, how could nasty tasting lumps of… stuff contain the right nutrition? Bleh, I feel like throwing up just thinking about it. No offense to William, but right now I wish he hadn't applied to become a gym leader; sure, pushing my own physical limits and such in combat feels great… Aside from the pain, that is. But, we wouldn't be under the rather picky eye of the league if we were just living here. Ah well, best not to start playing that game; the only thing it'll do is make life start to suck. _

_Being a spectator sucks. Right now, I'm relaxing indoors as it's too damn cold to just sit around outside, watching the action through a window. What's worse is that I can almost hear the asshat complaining about us again; it was Shadowbane last I heard, so maybe he directed that attitude toward Thanos… I can only hope, really. Next to Karakof and his rather sour opinions, Thanos is the last family member you want to push around… Let alone even hint at threatening Shadowbane when he's there. On the other paw, I doubt Crotchkrow out there would be able to tell the subtle changes in his mood, what with his over inflated ego drowning out anything but what he wants to hear. Hmm… I wonder if being in a position of power does that to you, or if he's just a natural jerk like that? Doesn't matter, unless my luck decides to really turn for the worse once he's gone we'll never have to hear from him, and hopefully never from the league, again. Latter doesn't seem likely, but I can dream. Reminds me, I had a pretty weird one last night. It's become pretty hazy now, but I still remember bits of it… I was lying next to William, staring at what I think was the ocean, but it could have been a lake. Hard to tell, as the sun had set and my eyes hadn't adjusted. Weird thing was…when I turned to look at him… he was gone. Doesn't seem weird, I know; but, when I turned back toward the water, I could feel him by me… like he was a ghost or something. Only thing I can think of is no more late night fun… or cut back the sugar; latter sounds more likely to happen, so I'll just blame it on that. Still, it was kinda eerie. I wanna fight damnit… stupid asshat._

_Mmm… man, either William is pulling out all the stops, or being angry has kicked my appetite into overdrive. It usually takes one of his special meals to make my mouth water, and I know he's just cooking something average, but GOD it smells good! Heh, I bet he's trying to annoy that stupid Crotchkrow in his own way, one that I bet the asshat wouldn't have expected. I know for a fact that he refuses to eat any 'human food', as he put it; sticking to a supply of those vile brown pellets for meals. That… or I REALLY need to be careful; I'm not on one of those stupid starvation diets, but still watching what I eat. Hmm… do I really need to keep it going… yes, I know the answer to that even as I write it; yes. Winter's really kicking into high gear, and I give it another week or two after asshat leaves before William shuts down to the weather. And I'll be glad; fighting hard is fun, but not when you're toes are going numb from the snow. That… and I'm morbidly curious to see what happens when everyone has to find something to do during the day. Write more later, dinner's ready. _

_Lazy evening, mostly because Dracoris is hiding out with me. Poor William can't join the fun though, as asshat seems to know just when he's gonna try and sneak off and bring up some other stupid point. Well, stupid in my way of thinking. Who cares if we only have an outdoor arena; hasn't been a problem yet, and winter is too cold to do fighting anyway. Besides, adding an indoor ring would really ruin the scenery. Hmm…maybe William could look into renting or even buying a building somewhere else. Really out there, but it could solve that problem without having to ruin our home. Meh, I'll suggest it if I remember. Okay, Dracoris needs to get out more; he's been fiddling with those cards of his for a half hour straight, and don't even ask me what he's been muttering about; you'll only end up with a headache and ten minutes of your life lost to his explanation. I'll give him that some are really neat looking, but I honestly could care less about the game aspect; can't see the point to playing with pieces of paper when he's a living, breathing version of what they represent. Ah well, guess it's an acquired taste or something. Still, I wish he was a little less obsessed with it… But, that's like asking Shadowbane to give up pulling tricks on everyone, or Kitsu to not be a bitch; isn't going to happen, and wouldn't fit them to boot. Hmm…I just realized that besides meals, I haven't seen Rose around much. It's probably just that Crotchkrow being here, but I still worry. She's special to me, not in THAT way but, more like a daughter. A lost and hurt daughter, but nonetheless I worry about her well being. I want to go check on her, but… maybe she just needs a little time alone? Or she'll show up right as I'm thinking about her… write later, too dangerous right now._

_Mmm… heated blankets are so comfortable. Add having your own heated pillow with vibration… it's a slice of heaven for me. William's being sweet right now, even more so than normal. I have a feeling he wants to concentrate on things other than the asshat, but I'm happy he's still thinking about me. It's tempting to suggest something more for him, but it's hard to make myself move right now…so warm. God, that little tuft of fur is so cute on him… okay, need to either stop writing or try to keep my thoughts on topic…what's my topic, though? Hmm… God, he's so cute… that'll work. *sigh*, His Espeon form is my favorite, and always will be; but, there's just something about that puffy mane that's so inviting. William's cuteness from top to bottom Is: Espeon, Flareon, Vaporeon, Umbreon, and finally, Jolteon; heard there's suppose to be more from that other region, but I'm going by what I know. Feels weird that my own species would be so low, but it's the eyes for me. And that really thick tail is just too fun to hug. Yeah… I've been living with a human far too long, and wouldn't have it any other way y'know what, screw it; I'll get warm again later, he deserves something special for being so sweet. Write more tomorrow._

_November 5:_

_Okay… last night was weird; William wanted to cuddle. He never asks to cuddle, or anything major for that matter. But… I didn't argue; being close to him is so wonderful. I was right at least; warmed up really fast… and not from his body heat either. *sigh*, It's times like that, just being held so close by him that make my life feel so complete. Not only do I have a beautiful home, friends and even children of my own… I have a loving mate. Not just any mate though, William is the one who makes every morning just a bit brighter… the one who, no matter how angry I get, will always bring a smile to me. He's soft, sweet, a bit dense at times, but so kind… he even looked past my lack of self control that time; something few others would have been able to do. I can stare into his eyes and my troubles just melt away… heh, I owe him so much, yet he asks for nothing in return. I guess that's just the kind of mate he is; one who can look past the faults and embrace whatever beauty he finds within. Not to sound whiny, but I still don't know why he loves me… well, I do but I don't. Love, at least what my mother told me, is something you can't really define. For me, it's this funny feeling in my stomach every time I think about him, especially in the morning. That, and I don't have to think about him not being there for me; I know in my heart that William would never leave my side, even if a more suitable mate appeared. Yeah, I'm being sappy again, so what? The sunlight was shining through my stain glass window hang, and I started thinking about William… the artist titled it celestial dance, I think. *sigh*, It just reminds me of how much I love him, my big gray clod. _

_Fricken cold right now. Stupid Crotchkrow saying William needed to rotate his team a bit more. If it's so bad, why doesn't he get in the ring? I'm sure being a league Pokèmon would have given him ample time to develop some serious skill, other than flapping his beak and pointing. Not likely, as I can see the fat below his well-preened feathers; I bet he doesn't even have to raise a talon to do things most of the time. Hate Pokèmon like that, mostly because they're either really full of themselves like asshat, or so sheltered, the outside world is something completely alien to them. Either way, it's not how anyone should live. But, enough of my philosophy; waiting for my cocoa to cool down. William got me out a nice blanket and made a cup of it for me…guess I was shivering that bad after waiting half an hour in the snow. If that's what being part of the league is life, I'm not so sure I want to keep going in it. Hell, William looked pretty pissed off too, though I think that's because he actually felt how cold my toes were when I started stumbling on the way in. Kinda wish I could have him with me right now, but there were still two challengers to deal with, so I'm relaxing and warming up alone. He did take the time to get me a blanket and heat the water for me though… would have kissed him for it, but he was a human then; wouldn't look good, for either of us. Ah well, he won't be staying in that form all day, so I'll say thank you then. Heh, I can just hear that Crotchkrow going off about William giving me cocoa; either about how it's bad for me and I shouldn't be drinking it or yet another bout of bitching about general nutrition. Both are loads of bullshit; humans drink it all the time during the cold months, so why can't I? Hell, it's not like I haven't proven it won't harm me beyond a bit of weight gain; this is nothing compared to my birthday, or a few other binges…that I shouldn't have done, but still. Write more later, Rose is looking playful right now._

_Stayed under my blanket through lunch. Mostly because Rose looked too happy, but also because I was just starting to get warmed up again. Nobody argued that we ate in the living room, though Shadowbane did make a crack about being a messy eater; I just laughed along with her. I couldn't muster up the energy to get angry with her, so laughing along was the next best thing I could think of. Oh well, a hot meal and someone to relax with after feels good. Thank God Rose has her Zangoose plushie though; would have really ruined the moment if she started cuddling me in her sleep… ugh, don't want to think about that right now. I really wish it was William next to me right now, but you can't get everything you want, right? Oh well, it'll be a few more hours until he shuts the gym down; mostly it depends on how long everyone wants to keep going more than the fading light. I already miss the midnight combat, though I'm probably one of the few. Around here, things have settled into a daytime routine; kinda strange as most of us are dark types, but you get used to it. Hell, you get to liking it once it settles; I'll gladly force change my sleep patterns if it means Williams cooking, or being able to visit the library. Latter did take a bit more than just getting used to being active in the day, but still. Ah well, no sense in making a big deal out of it. Wonder what we're having for dinner, as nobody's done the grocery shopping…ah hell, write more in a bit; forgot until just now that it's my turn to do it. I just hope Dracoris isn't too cold and/or tired to take me into town._

_Since I had to do the shopping today, and everyone was already busy… I got to decide on what we were gonna have for the next few days. Only right, as Dracoris and myself were stuck with the job more often than not. Then again…besides William, I'm the only one allowed inside the market without a human escorting me. Yes, the bastards still follow me; a nasty glare usually makes them go back to faking getting a price check or something, but it's still a pain. *sigh* For being a species that is suppose to coexist with Pokèmon, they sure have a funny way of expressing it; bastards watching me all the time. Now I see why most Pokèmon who work for a living get help with things like this. Meh, it gets under their skin that they can't just throw me out, so that's a minor comfort. Besides, it's this or take-out, and I REALLY don't want to hear what asshat would start saying about us eating greasy food like that. And really, winter is not a good time of year to eat that junk; being cold and getting sick to your stomach do not mix. Add having to literally bite my tongue to keep from telling that asshat off every time he opens his beak… ugh, I'm going to be SO glad when he's gone. Mmm… write more in a bit, dinner's almost ready._

_Feel a little sick right now; probably ate too much at dinner, but it was really hard not to…I swear William really is pulling out the stops on his cooking right now. Heh, I'm not about to complain over a slightly cramping stomach; hell, I'd do it again…so good. Right now I'm lying on the couch under a blanket, as William doesn't like to turn the heat up in the manor much. Kinda wish he'd start up the fireplace, but it's really a pain to go out and split some wood for it. Mind you, between the warmth it puts out and the nice atmosphere it gives the room makes up for it, but try convincing anyone else of that. I really should just do it myself, but it's too comfy on the couch… maybe later. Hmm… maybe I can get Dracoris to help me? He's usually up for a bit of hard work, and it's not like I'd be asking him to do it for nothing…what is it humans call that… an allowance? Kinda makes sense, though I'd think simply hiring them like a job rather than giving it a different title would make more sense. Either way, it could work; give him some extra spending money for helping me with a rather unpleasant job. Heh, can't wait to see what Crotchkrow says about that. Pokèmon exhibiting behavior close to what humans would do… or is it Pokèmon mimicking human behavior? Bah, both sound stupid; we're just as intelligent as humans… well, most of us are, have my doubts about a few of the fighting types I've fought. I mean come on, if that much of their brain is devoted to controlling muscles, there can't be much left over for intelligent thinking, right? And yes, I'm being bias because I really hate fighting types; bite me. _

_Didn't get around to talking with Dracoris about my idea today, so I'll do it tomorrow. Maybe. Right now, too warm to care about much; God I love his Flareon form… so fun to snuggle up to. I feel so lucky right now; not just because my mate can be so much, but because I have someone who really cares about me. I know my mom and dad were close, but living in a breeder farm doesn't allow for really close relationships. I haven't thought about them much in so long, but being really close to William like this makes me wonder…how are they? Really, unless you're in a pack, ties to your parents are loose at best; it's such a struggle to survive that it gets put aside. But, I've been around humans my entire life, so a lot of their views have been ingrained in me. *sigh*, I hope they can have the same happiness I do…everyone deserves another they can call mate… no matter who that one is… why is it that only early morning or late at night, my brain starts wandering like this? Bah, best not to question it. Going to bed, I don't want to keep my pillow waiting._

_November 6_

_Ugh… want breakfast, but can't move… so relaxed… I thought William's massages couldn't get any better, but I was damn wrong. Heated paws make a difference, a really big one at that. Wanted to give him something in return, but he got away before I could come out of my trance…cheater. Oh well, there's always tonight… ehe, can't wait for that. Okay, so it's about nine at this point; his massage started around 7 or so, didn't get a good look at the clock, and took about the same amount of time as they usually do…add in the time I was still glazed over, so I've been truly awake for only a few minutes. Bah, just means I have to scrounge something up for myself, once I get around to moving. Which is harder than it sounds, as my legs still refuse to work properly. *sigh*, Either I need to figure out how to regain feeling faster, or somehow start resisting how good it feels…or just give in and enjoy it. Besides, I can always excuse it as his form of therapy if asshat starts giving up a bunch of trouble about it. _

_Man, home cooked leftovers are good; better than reheating take-out, that's for sure. Bit of potatoes, steamed broccoli, green beans and what was left of the roast beef; topped off with a thin sauce. Now THAT'S a breakfast. Probably could have made myself something, but really didn't feel like starting up the stove, preparing everything and then a lot of clean up. Plus, I figured it'd be less wasteful to finish off what he had already prepared rather than make something new. And, I like his cooking better than my own; still can't figure out how he makes everything so damn good. Ah well, no sense in just praising his skill while griping about my own, now is there? Getting up late like that did mean I couldn't join in the gym fights until after lunch, but after freezing my tail off yesterday for nothing… meh. I like fighting, even in the snow; sitting around and freezing while everyone else is in combat, now THAT I don't like. And, since Dracoris is out there right now, getting into town and getting a few books to pass the time is out of the question. Y'know what, screw it; I want a fire inside, and since more likely than not today will be a slow day I'm gonna do that job myself. Write more in a bit._

_Okay, note to self; when splitting wood, pay close attention to where the axe is striking. Dodging flying chunks of wood is NOT fun. Now I'm not sure I want Dracoris doing such a dangerous job… maybe with supervision, or at least someone to help catch any flying pieces. Oh well, aside from nearly getting close and personal with the wood a few times, it wasn't too hard. Took a bit to get the aim down, but I was below my target and not physically holding anything, so yeah. Hell, the hardest part was getting the damn fire started; took me a few minutes to scrounge up something to get the fire rolling and find the matches. Least it wasn't smashing rocks together again; didn't need even more frustration on top of being cold and having to look for supplies. Still, stretching out next to a blazing fire is nice…wish William was here to share it though, but he's mopping up the last challenger before lunch. Speaking of which, I'm hungry. Hmm… wonder what's for lunch? Only one way to find out._

_Mmm…feeling good right now. There's nothing quite like a hot meal to really relax you…well, a warm fire to lie by after helps a lot. William said I could have the day off, though it's probably because if I tried fighting right now I might throw up… ate too much. Probably shouldn't have had a second helping, but I can work it off later. I wish he was in here right now, and not out there being a gym leader; I'd love a nice, romantic afternoon by the fire with him. Just the two of us curled by the fire, watching the snow falling outside; warm and cozy in each other's paws… yes, I'm a dreamer. Still, it would be so nice…maybe once the asshat goes away I can suggest it…though it would be so romantic if he'd just bring it up out of the blue. Can't always have what you want though; that's just how life is. Oh well, good meal and time to relax afterward is good enough… hang on. _

_Okay, even HE can't be that good at reading minds. Meh, not arguing; I'd rather cuddled by him and not know how he knew than find out and spend the afternoon alone… Besides, I have a feeling he planned this out… would explain why lunch was mostly my favorite things, and why he let me stay out of the fighting right now; sneaky eon. Least it proves I'm not the only one besides Witchhazel who can't stand the asshat. And really, what better way to spend a winter afternoon? Besides, he came inside just for me… and to avoid the asshat, but mostly for me. He was so soft…the feeling of his teeth just brushing against my skin as he nipped, the smell of his breath washing over me… okay, I'm stopping right there before that thought gets much worse. Still, I'm glad he came in; being inside while everyone else is having a rather strange form of fun in the snow sucks. Write more later, need to stretch a bit from laying around so long. _

_Okay, either we get rid of asshat REAL soon or I'm gonna find out what roast honchkrow tastes like. Sticking his arrogant beak into our lives as gym Pokèmon I can handle. Making remarks about our diet I can tolerate; but NOBODY makes bad comments about my matehood with William. Period! *sigh* I don't mind Shadowbane's joking, or some of the funny looks we've gotten before… but what that asshole said is going too far. So what William sometimes takes the form of a human? So what he's a morphic? Am I supposed to pretend that those things actually matter? Took a lot of willpower not to kill him on the spot, but having William stand up for us helped a lot. Just… Ugh! I don't see where he had any RIGHT to say that we shouldn't be together, just because William has some human blood in him. William is bloody registered as a Pokèmon, minus the entry; how the hell do normal human laws about such things even apply to him? For that matter, I really wonder what the asshat would do about anything he sees as distasteful, as if we're such a problem to beat… what's to stop us from holding off most of the leagues top fighters for at least a while… or not, now that I think about it. Besides, what kind of example would it be for us to use violence to keep outsiders from being snide about our relationship, after trying to show Dracoris that violence is best kept in the arena? That… and I just know not blowing up, and even being extra affectionate with his Pokèmon forms will piss Crotchkrow off something fierce. Ehehe, I like that plan already, because it solves both problems AND gives me a bit more time to be close with him. Still…I bet with the right glaze, asshat would taste pretty good roasted over a log fire. Heh, I'll file that one away for later. Damnit, now I'm hungry and dinner isn't for a little while. Gonna go see if William will let me help; write more later._

_Feeling pretty good right now, even after the asshat started in on a new target… swear Thanos was gonna blow a blood vessel before she walked away. Most Pokèmon have enough sense to that if someone's missing an eye, they'd actually THINK before making rather rude suggestions. Then again… this is Crotchcrow we're talking about, the same one who made a comment about William's 'relationship' in front of me. Oh well, would have been funny if Shadowbane had snapped; she still has a bad reputation as a psychopath in some areas, so it could be passed off as a relapse… sure, it's a league Pokèmon, but he's been REALLY pushing his welcome even since arriving. Meh, least he didn't try to start up trouble over Shadowbane's remedies; no way in hell am I giving up that stuff she makes for headaches. Well… its give up that or drinking, and the latter isn't likely to happen if the asshat stays on the warpath. Meh, doesn't matter; one obnoxious, and rather puffed up asshat isn't going to change how we do things… I hope. Write later, living furnace wants me to turn off the light._

_November 7:_

_Hate mornings so much right now; stupid cold floor. Took one step out, and between what I just mentioned and the general chill in the air I retreated to the still warm bed, where I am right now. Currently writing while under the blankets; God I love my book light. Well, regarding what happened yesterday, as William wanted to get some sleep and my light was bugging him, it was pretty bad. For one, asshat just wouldn't stop going on about everything from her lack of 'control', which is bullshit; I know for a fact that her attacks are quite well aimed, along with being one of the best among us for actually controlling how much force she uses. Hell, I'd love to see Crotchkrow actually find another Absol who can hit around a moving partner to strike and STILL use just enough to hurt, but not kill. Bah, why do I even care… oh yeah, that lead into his second attack. The idiot tried blaming her missing eye on us of all things! I mean, she's been registered with that wound ever since William first brought her back to a human town; where the hell does he get off trying to accuse US of maiming one of our own family members? And if that wasn't bad enough, he started questioning William's near constant use of her on his gym team; she's the best damn fighter in our family, though I don't like to admit it. Isn't it a leaders duty to present the best challenge he can? Bah, think about it when my stomach stops growling._

_Taking a break right now, so this'll be quick. Asshat is still at it, though his new target is Dracoris…God, I want to rip his wings off for it too. Attacking me is one thing, but I won't stand for anyone like him badgering my son, not like that. Dracoris…he has problems, yes. We don't make a big deal of it, but of course the asshat brought them up. Eight in front of him, no less. Would have attacked, but he was across the table from me, and running across that much food didn't appeal to me… come to think of it, Dracoris retired early. I hope he's okay. Write later, I'm up._

_Okay, either William kicks that asshole out FAST, or I'm killing him. Dracoris locked himself in the dumbwaiter after heading in… took me a half hour to get him out. He's still with me right now, though silent; he won't even touch the ice cream I brought for him, which isn't normal. I really should try to comfort him, but Dracoris… it's best to let him start the process; reaching out to him usually results in it taking even longer. Doesn't make looking up to check on him, only to see that he hasn't moved at all, hurt less. I love Dracoris, as both a son and as someone very special to me; when he gets like this… it's like I'm feeling it too. Maybe it's because he's a psychic, or that I've grown so close to him; whatever it is, it hurts… I want to cry, but his strength comes from William and me; bad I know, but I'd rather suffer a little than see him hurt even worse. He's a good kid; I say that a lot, but it's worth repeating. Hmm… I wonder why a few comments about his needs would do that to him, though. Best not to question it right now. Write more later, need to do some mothering._

_A cuddly Dracoris… for that matter, a quiet, cuddly Dracoris…I'm officially worried now. *sigh*, It's definitely not panic inducing like Rose… but still weird. Still, it felt kinda nice… not in THAT way, more like a feeling of being needed. And, his fur is almost as soft as Williams, though not as well kept; really should talk to him about that, when he wakes up. But, right now he looks so cute… curled up, with his nose tucked under a paw. My son the kit at heart, and my mate the clod… not sure if I should feel lucky or screwed over right now. Eh, better than being alone I figure; they're not the best, but I'm still happy to have them. It does make me wonder… just why did he react like that? Dracoris is usually so bouncy about everything; the only time I've seen him really break down was when William yelled a few months back, but he DID go too far. But, that does NOT mean he needs any sort of special help; quite the opposite. The reason he does so well in spite of his mental shortfalls is because nobody treats him different. Sure, William and I do treat him like a human kid, but that's another matter; besides his curfew, he has the exact same status as anyone else in the manor. Hell, he works even harder on his own; not sure if it's to prove himself, or because it's fun for him. It is SO tempting to pluck that oversized turkey alive, but right now… Dracoris needs someone to lean on._

_Dinner went okay, even though I didn't sit at the table; don't trust myself not to take a shot or two at the Crotchkrow. And, I didn't trust Dracoris being alone; coaxing him out of the dumbwaiter once is enough. Would have liked William at my side, but between getting dinner made, setting it all on the table, and keeping everyone else in line he had his paws full. It was damn good, but just didn't taste the same, probably because I'm still really worried about Dracoris. I just… feel kinda helpless; he's hurting emotionally because of what asshat said, and I'm powerless to do anything beyond teaching that stuck up bastard a good lesson, which wouldn't solve anything. What he NEEDS is someone else to lean on; someone he could actually talk to about what's bothering him, besides his mom and dad…which isn't likely to happen with this family any time soon. Hmm… it's tempting to ask William if we can adopt someone, or find Dracoris a playmate… though with how this place can get, it might not be safe. Eh, it's something to think about once asshat goes away… or one of us kills him, whichever happens first. _

_A warm fire, a loving mate lying nearby, and a still depressed son trying to look happy; two out of three isn't bad at least. William said the rep still has about three more days of evaluation to do, but it's already looking iffy for us. Truth be known, I don't care that much if asshat tries to get us shut down, or worse; it's his word against ours… not great odds as he likely has influence, but still. Anyway, at least we can enjoy a quiet evening together; wish the mood was happier, but you can't always get what you want. Kinda want something to drink, but too lazy to get up and don't want to disturb either Espeon's fun. Still don't understand why pieces of colored paper are so interesting. Then again… they're both clods in their own ways… meh, must be a psychic thing. Hmm… wonder if William's playing because he likes the game, or because it's helping Dracoris feel better? For that matter, I just remembered that William wanted to celebrate something in December… some human holiday I can't place. I know that Thanksgiving is coming up…weird name for a holiday. I can understand the meaning, but why the hell name a specific day for it? Why not do it once a month, or even just pick a day whenever and get together for something? Bah, humans are weird. Still, it'll be nice to see Kera again…and even Derano if William can convince him to show up. That… and I just KNOW William is planning on pulling out all the stops on that day. Hope Rose can handle the extra activity, along with having a human around… if not, I'll keep her company._

_I really can't find the words to describe how weird it is to have Dracoris in our bed. I mean… he's an adult, yet he wanted to sleep by us; that alone is just weird. I don't mind really, he's nearly as soft as William… but it just seems weird, that's all. *sigh*, Something's bothering him I can feel it. It's more than Crotchkrow's words, something he doesn't want anyone to know but I'm not going to pry. I AM going to spend a bit more time trying to think of anything else to write about before going to bed; not sure I want to get sandwiched by those two just yet. Hmm… well, Witchhazel looked ready to kill when I passed her in the hall, so that's not a good sign. Ehe, maybe I'll get to find out what roast Honchkrow tastes like yet. Write more tomorrow, getting a bleary eyed glare from William._

_November 8:_

_Okay, being pinned between a Flareon and an Espeon might sound fun, but when the latter is latched onto you, and the former keeps making really cute sounds in his sleep… yeah, would have been fun if the Espeon wasn't my son. *sigh*, It's very embarrassing to get turned on while by your mate when your son is right next to you… reminds me of that really awkward dream I had last night. I don't mind… what's that term human's use? Warm dreams… something like that; anyway, being between two Eons, one of whom left me feeling a bit warm must have triggered something in my subconscious. I've never really thought of being sandwiched in that way…but, I'm devoted to William alone; no room for a second, even to satisfy curiosity. Still… NO, I really need to stop thinking about that. Well, breakfast in bed was good; we ate together as family, well… close-knit family, as the others are technically family by choice. Okay, for the sake of my own sanity it's time to actually straighten out how things work around here…and to distract myself. William, Myself, Dracoris, Charis, Kera, and Derano are the true Ketchum's of the manor. Shadowbane, Thanos, Cerberus, Padfoot, Witchhazel, Rose and Karakof are more like the family you choose. And Kitsu… what can I say about her that doesn't end with me swearing? Well… she just is; I hate her guts and wish in earnest that she wasn't around most of the time, but on the other paw… I owe Charis being alive still, and happy for the first time I can remember. Ah well, she's family… one I'd love to give a serious pounding to, but family nonetheless. Suffice to say we all use the last name, even though most humans wouldn't expect Pokèmon to do such a thing. Meh, kinda bored now so I'm gonna see if I can get into the rotation._

_Somehow everyone made it through lunch in one piece. Asshat decided to make himself even more obnoxious than before by DEMANDING we eat those foul brown pellets. Ugh, William went along with it, for which I'm going to bite him later; those things were foul. Thank GOD he stood his ground about his own cooking though, not sure I could have choked them down otherwise. Still… it's going to take a while to get that taste out of my mouth. Other than that, it hasn't been a terribly bad day so far; decent challengers and few fighting types. Would have been better if Crotchkrow's presence didn't make me have to throw one of them, but… it's better than dealing with yet another of his long winded and quite boring rants. Witchhazel had a damn short temper today… William had to recall her; she went berserk and tried pecking a Pidgeot's eyes out. Never knew she had that much rage in her… must be because of Crotchkrow. Oh well, she didn't have time to do anything serious, so besides a mildly scared challenger it was easy to smooth over. No doubt asshat is going to try and use that against us later._

_Well… we had one hell of an eventful afternoon today. Asshat found out about Rose and started getting really puffed up; even going so far as to blame US for her condition. I mean, the NERVE of him blaming US, when it should have been obvious that we're the ones taking care of her! If he wasn't so bloated by his own arrogance, maybe the fact that Rose actually tried hiding behind me would have sunk in, but no; he starts railing on about how she should be in a clinic equipped to take care of abused Pokèmon. That would be the worst thing for her right now: taken away somewhere she's cared about and dumped in some strange place, probably prodded by humans…makes me shudder thinking about it. On top of that, he threatened to report us to the league for abuse; THAT went too far… weird thing is, when asshat tried keeping his little tirade going, everyone stood by me about Rose staying here. *sigh*, It just proves we're a real family; one with enough problems to get us committed, but still functioning together. Best part of it was, Witchhazel snapped. And I don't mean just yelling or making gestures… she called him out. In all honesty, I expected the asshat to make some lame ass excuse as to why he couldn't, but I guess that over inflated ego of overrode whatever intelligence he has; sorry bastard actually took it, even saying he'd go easy on her. Swear that glare she shot him could have killed… Anyway, the gym was closed for the day do to it being damn cold, but William made an exception for them…and for us, as we all knew it was gonna be a show. Witchhazel didn't waste any time giving Crotchkrow the thrashing he so had coming; swear she wasn't even holding back anything at first…remind me to never get on her bad side. Best part was sharing a good-sized bowl of popcorn with Shadowbane and Thanos; I'll take watching someone we all hate getting thrashed over other forms of entertainment any day. Too bad it was short… though, watching asshat have to hop around was funny; something about pinion feathers… didn't bother asking. Oh well, he's gone finally; William headed out to the nearest center a half hour ago to drop his ball off… good riddance to that damn rep Write later, William just got back._

_Mmm… nothing quite like take-out. Don't get me wrong; I love Williams cooking, but after a while you start to develop a craving for flavors that only fast food places seem to create. Probably has to do with the less than high ethics I bet they have, but somehow it's still better than the shit bricks asshat tried making us eat. That and he made us fresh pie for putting up with the rep so long… and probably as a way to help blow off steam himself. Dracoris didn't have any… he's probably still hurt over what asshat said about him. *sigh*, I have a bad feeling it's going to be another awkward night… Still, now that the rep is gone, things can go back to whatever normal is around here. Hell, everyone is relaxing in the living room around the fire and laughing; currently I'm on the couch, as this is more interesting right now. They're all nuts… but, I wouldn't trade knowing any one of them for the world. Hell, I know even the standoffish Cerberus will back me up in a bad situation…weird thing to think about, but it's true. Anyway, Dracoris looks lonely, so I'm gonna go keep him company. Write later._

_Cuddly Dracoris is officially scaring me now. Had to squirm loose from his iron grip when he fell asleep in the living room; not a fun task when Shadowbane is laughing her head off at you. That and I didn't want him waking up while I extracted myself. Thankfully he sleeps nearly as heavy as his dad… only difference is, Dracoris'll wake up if you shake him; William just mumbles and keeps on sleeping. Pushing him off the bed might work, though. Eh, find out another time; right now, I'm trying to delay being in the middle of a psychic crush by writing. Well… since asshat isn't around anymore, William should be shutting down the gym for good, though I'm tempted to suggest looking into renting a small place for at least the coldest of the winter. Not having to deal with fighting or bug types for a while would be nice, but it gets boring just sitting around and reading or doing the grocery shopping. *sigh*, William's giving me THAT look again, so I'd better call it a night._

_November 9:_

_Oh God… which one did I kiss good morning? Note to self; when sleeping in a bed with two others who look nearly alike, don't kiss either until you're sure who's who. Felt like William, but then again… I WAS pretty out of it. Great, either I surprised my mate or really disturbed my son… thank GOD I that's all I did… I'm gonna go eat breakfast and pretend it never happened._

_*sigh* Things are back to normal all right; found one of those horrible brown pellet things in my cereal, no doubt compliments of the damnable duo. I was half tempted to see if she'd notice me nailing her on the head with it, but I settled for putting it aside quietly and not saying anything. Still getting her back for it, though preferably with less ammunition for a ranged fight present. Y'know I never really thought about things like that before… small arguments over who gets the last muffin, who's turn between Witchhazel, Dracoris or William has to do the translating and such. You know, the little things that are taken for granted, until some outside asshat decides to bring them into question. Hmm… I think Dracoris is rubbing off on me if I'm thinking about that and it's still daylight. Oh well, it beats thinking about less pleasant things. Write later, gonna see if Dracoris will take me into town._

_Took my dairy with just in case, and glad I did. Decided to make a day out of being in town rather than being cooped up. That, and it gave Dracoris a chance to go play cards or something… not sure. He tried explaining it once, but about five minutes in I just kinda blanked. Still, it means he can do something besides mope for a while and I can get some fresh air, not to mention pick up a few new books from the library. With all the chaos, I haven't had the time to sit down with a good mystery; winter is perfect for getting comfortable and relaxing. Then again… maybe with the gym closed I can spend some more quality time with William. We've only really had bedtime and a few random pockets in the day to just relax and enjoy life, what with the gym and asshat making things difficult. *sigh*, Kinda wish we could get away together for a few days again… so long as Gloria didn't show up and make me want to kill him. Still, when he's not trying to get under my skin William can be really sweet. Just wish he'd let that side show a little more often… Oh well, least we have that funny human holiday coming up, so that's something big to look forward to. Wonder what he's planning on making; probably will be something bit, if only to show off. Eh, think about it later. Gonna go meet Dracoris for lunch._

_Bleh, never let him pick where to eat; fries were too damn salty. Not to mention the buns tasted a bit stale, but he likes the place. Probably because they know him there. Can't blame Dracoris for eating at a fast food place that lets him in without argument, right? Still, once we split up I stopped at the market and picked up a bit to eat; gave him my fries and just ate the burger…didn't want salt poisoning. Currently relaxing outside the library with a small supplement lunch: two apples, one of those pre-done sandwiches and a carton of milk. Not bad really, just a bit bland. Swear I'm getting some of the funniest looks from passing humans. What's so odd about an Umbreon sitting in front of a library, writing in a diary and eating lunch anyway? I mean, it's not like I'm the only one enjoying what little warmth the noontime sun has to offer, but humans are weird like that. _

_Dracoris wanted to stay late, so I'm hiding out in the library until they close; too cold to sit around outside, and I really don't feel comfortable in that shop…something about a bunch of humans playing with pieces of paper and talking about things that make my head hurt just doesn't appeal. Besides, having your mom sitting around waiting for you is rude; he needs some time alone to enjoy things… sure, I think they're stupid, but he doesn't. So long as he doesn't blow too much money, I'll keep my nose out of it. _

_Picked up a new book; not sure how good it's going to be, but it's by the same author as the last few I've read, so that's a plus. It feels weird to think about reading again, what with the recent activity and all. For that matter… I haven't done much of anything today; even writing has been neglected. What a difference not being stressed out by some asshat coming in and making life difficult… or dealing with my mate pulling some quite disturbing, yet kinda funny pranks on me. Still, I'll take a few more days of nothing over even one more madness driven one like these last weeks. Hell, maybe if I'm lucky things might actually take on a bit more of what human families would call normal…well, whatever normal can be when your mate can change forms and genders at will. Ugh…really don't need to be thinking about THAT little fact right now… Anyway, it'd be damn nice to have some time to relax with a good book and unwind… and maybe some cuddling in between. Speaking of which… maybe I'll ask right now…_

_November 10_

_I'd almost forgotten how nice it is to wake up and know that you can take the day at a slow pace. God it feels good to just wander downstairs, sit down to a nice, kinda quiet breakfast before stretching out on the couch and enjoying life. Sure… I have that book to read, but it can come later; right now I'm having too much fun switching between writing in my diary and watching Dracoris dance… or just swing his head and move like he's lost it. Least he's not singing this time; I love him as a son, but his voice is NOT suited for that. It's better than Karakof when he gets drunk though… at least you can understand Dracoris. Which reminds me; need to have a talk with him about how loud he blasts that thing._

_Still putting off reading, just can't quite get into the right mood for it. It's one of those things; you want to do something the entire time another situation is preventing it, but once the opportunity arises… you just can't be bothered. Really annoying when the only major alternative is getting in some practice fights or listening to the radio; William never saw the point of getting a television. Don't blame him really; it'd be just another bit of junk to sit around most of the time, maybe used once in a while. Eh, I'm sure there are other things to get done, but I just can't be bothered right now. Hmm… that reminds me; I should probably suggest my idea to William soon, what with that human holiday coming up in a few weeks. Speaking of which, William said he's gonna try to get EVERYONE in the family together; meaning dragging Kera and her trainer from wherever the hell they are, along with having Derano back for a little while. Beyond the obvious problems that could cause, it might be nice to have most of us together… as I know William won't pester Charis and his mate so soon, even for such an important thing. It would be nice, but they're just starting out and need time… that, and I REALLY don't want to try and explain them to our guests. Write later, lunch is done._

_Started reading my book, but Shadowbane wanted some help in the greenhouse… swear she timed it JUST to distract me from reading. I don't blame her for wanting help checking on things, as her claws are not exactly suited for garden work, but it's still a nuisance to get a few pages in and have to quit. But, I'm not about to let something petty like that get to me. Really, it's just a book; Shadowbane's friendship, or at least considering me as the first one to ask for help is far more important. Doesn't help the fact that her timing wasn't great. Ah well, it got me out of the manor for a bit, better than sitting around like some lazy house Eon all day. After all, being a bum is Karakof's job, not mine. That, and there's something to be said about helping another who is DAMN good at telling which berries are the ripest. Spent some extra time in there, mostly doing less urgent chores, but also talking… it's been too long since we had a chance to just gossip. Write more later, gonna to get a bit of practice in._

_Finally got into that novel after dinner, though to be honest… it's not that good so far. Besides it being pretty obvious what happened, the characters just feel more forced than the authors earlier works. Hmm… I wonder how she would react to getting a letter from an Umbreon? Well, besides the obvious of not believing it; humans seem to have a hard time accepting that a Pokèmon can read and write; total racism if you ask me. I mean sure, there are a lot of species that are downright idiots… mostly fighting types, but even they have the fluke average brain mass. Hell, a lot of the psychics, though my son and mate aren't exactly great examples…fine, they're both clods in their own way; the psychic types are often intelligent. Hell, I'm sure that a lot of them could outthink a lot of humans I've met without trying hard. Eh, at the same time it's not like trying to prove a point like that is going to work; racism goes two ways, after all. Still, would be funny to see how they'd react to it. Maybe later though, too lazy right now. Write later… paws…_

_Relaxed… God, I just don't know how he does it. I can barely feel my legs right now… don't care either; felt too good. I still prefer his Espeon form, but something about those slightly larger paws… probably the difference in the motion made it so nice. That, and unlike his Espeon form, there was some serious weight behind it; makes a lot of difference. If I could move, I'd show him just how much I appreciated it… but, he's across the bed; feels like several miles right now. Hmm… wonder if I can make him come to me…write tomorrow, gonna try something._

_November 11:_

_Water types are a bit too chilly to be by for my liking in winter. Don't get me wrong, it felt so nice to be cuddled and held close, but that water repellent fur isn't as warm as Espeon fur… or living furnace fur. That, and it smells funny; no offense to him, but he kinda stunk… not really bad, more like oily hair. Not the best thing to sleep with I'm here to tell you; had this weird dreams about fish… thankfully most of it faded, but still. Now I'm hungry… wonder if breakfast is done?_

_Did a bit more reading; still can't really get into it though. At the same time, it's not like there's a lot else to do right now; Dracoris is too busy working on some special attack pattern with William, so I can't exactly get into town; a bus stops maybe two miles from here, but I doubt they'd let a lone Pokèmon on, even a paying one. Damn humans sometimes… Right now I'm relaxing and waiting for lunch, as that book is boring and I really don't feel like practicing in the snow. Hmm…wonder if afterward I can coax William into some quiet time together? Eh, gonna take a nap for now._

_Well, William headed straight back to training… so that was a bust. Hmm… then when did he have time to put a new book on top of the crap library novel? Hmm… eh, probably while I was asleep; he has weird ways of being romantic, though a book isn't exactly my idea of a good random gift. Maybe the title has something to do with it, but what "Gardens of the Moon" could mean is beyond me. Haven't started yet, but I did read the note on the inside… he's sweet, getting me something to chase away the boredom. Hell, what the title has to do with the cover still eludes me; maybe on the moon…cities are called gardens? Eh, I'm sure that'll be explained. Kinda wanna start reading it, but right now…that cover art scares me. *sigh*, Okay, might as well at least start; hopefully it isn't boring like that junk library book._

_November 12:_

_Head hurts, and not from drinking for once. That book… just what is it? I got through maybe fifty pages I think, least that's where my bookmark is… but I understood maybe a combined total of three. I know that there's a story in those words, but so far. Bah, if I find out it's some sort of crank book… nah, it kinda makes sense. Still, for being about gardens it hasn't done a lot yet besides introduce several characters, all of whom are… interesting, to say the least. Doesn't help that characters keep changing names on me, or that it feels like the plot is trying to throw me off at every turn. Good book so far, but it REALLY needs a better character list cheat sheet. _

_Okay, it's pretty late and William is getting annoyed, but he didn't have to kick me out for the night. Oh well, things are… kinda making sense. Something about sorcerers… I think my eyes glazed over around eleven. Still, if I can ever make heads or tails of this, I'm sure it's a damn good story…just wish the author would actually make it possible for a non-psychic to translate it. Gonna stop now before I simply pass out._

_November 13:_

_It just gets worse… between bridgeburning, which doesn't make ANY sense and something about a resurrection, I'm getting lost. It is VERY tempting to just throw that cursed book into the fireplace and forget I ever saw it… but William gave it to me. *sigh*, That… thing is pushing it, even for him. Oh well, I had to retreat to the roof to find any peace; Dracoris was in a slightly hyper mood and wanting to play, but I just can't make myself put that cruel and unusual punishment in printed form down just yet… if only to prove I CAN make sense of psychic level babble. Speaking of which, *sigh*._

_Chains…hounds…getting drawn into a sword…just WHAT THE HELL? I was fine with the earlier stuff, at least once you took about an hour to figure out who was what at that point it made sense… but that… ugh! I swear, if he even ASKS me how I like it so far he gets clobbered. Going to bed before I do something stupid._

_November 15:_

_*sigh*, I managed to finish it maybe an hour ago and I'm still confused. Right now it's nearing midnight; I'm on the couch both to write out my thoughts and keep from killing him… that book is cursed, I swear. I don't even want to BEGIN trying to pronounce, spell, or even copy down that one name… just what is the author's problem, anyway? And powered by gas? How the hell can you power a damn city with that? And for that matter, why do I even care? Not only did it end without really explaining half the events, it PURPOSLY makes you want to try and suffer through the next one; UGH! I'm gonna try reading it again tomorrow, though it's not likely to do much… damn book…should have just read the boring mystery, least it wouldn't have left me so angry… I want my William…_

_November 16:_

_Think I cried last night, or he was licking my face… not sure right now. All I know is, despite still being angry at him for that really awful prank, if felt good waking up to his warm attention. I know he didn't mean to make me so upset, but it's just… that book felt like he was trying to rub psychics ability to see through even the most illogical things in. Probably should still be mad, but I can't hold a grudge against that cute purr of his… or how he knows just the right spots to tease on my ears… I'm really weak, but don't care. I'll take letting go of things, even forgetting about things that once drove my anger just to be with him, my big gray clod. Still, once I'm feeling better and have shown that cursed book who's boss, I'm gonna get him back good. Hmm… maybe I should see if Shadowbane could offer some advice…would be kinda fun to plot with her. Worry about it later, William just brought me brunch in bed._

_Feeling a bit better, but still not ready to face the written nightmare. Currently hiding on the roof again, wrapped up in several blankets and watching the activity below. Besides having to fight the urge to squirm into the middle of the blankets its pretty fun; have a pidgey's eye view of William and the others doing basic workouts. Probably should be down there, but eh. Heh, whatever Dracoris is working on must be pretty hard to get; he's already been at it for half an hour without stopping longer than to catch his breath. Note: it's very distracting to write when your breath swirls around the page. Totally worth the peace and quiet, but still. Makes me wish it wasn't so cold at night; I miss sitting up here with William… so long as he's actually in tune with that saxophone of his. But, you can't have everything you want all the time; seemed silly the first time I heard that, but now it's making a lot more sense. Hmm… once I figure out how to get back inside without freezing or falling, I might as well take another crack at that book. _

_Hiding under the cover still, mostly because I think some of the outside cold decided to follow me in. That, and there's nothing to do… still avoiding the cursed book for now. Oh well, least William's next to me…wish he wasn't a quill fox, but arguing would just prove that it kinda bothers me. It's just not that cute to me, mainly because the spiny look just doesn't appeal. And his fur has a lot of static around it; I know it's because he's an electric type, but it just bugs me… doesn't hurt, just feels uncomfortable. The ears are cute though… and that white collar against bright yellow is nice too… almost sexy, but not really. *sigh*, Right now he's amusing himself by trying to control the shock problem while juggling a ball of stuffing; my mate is an idiot. Wait…does that make me an idiot for loving him, or am I simply attracted to the denser sorts? Bah, too comfortable to think about that right now. Hmm… maybe I should help him with the experiment… writer later._

_Tried reading the book…it didn't hurt as much this time, but it still made little sense. It wouldn't be so bad if the actual story or whatever the author calls that random feeling jumble of events mixed into a quite well, but damn near impossible to understand, plot. I mean really, is it THAT hard to create a plot with actual continuality? Oh well, no sense griping too much over it; only thing I can do is read it very carefully and hope to figure it out, or find someone who's read it and actually understands what the hell is going on in it. Hmm… I wonder if Karakof could be… coaxed into helping. Heh, either that or I threaten to give him a few good whacks with the book; it DOES have uses, after all. Eh, either way I'll do it tomorrow; too tired right now. Write in a bit, dinner's ready._

_William… I really don't know what to do with him. For how much I think he's not really that romantic, or even a bit insensitive at times… he really is sweet. I mean, coming downstairs to no arguing about who's sitting where, or who has dibs on what felt strange, but the entire dining room being dimmed was just eerie. But, seeing just him there, sitting by the near end of the table… I feel so lucky… He sent the entire family out for dinner somewhere, didn't bother asking, leaving just the two of us, as Rose was asleep, to share dinner alone. I mean, he even got out a few candles for light… just like in a few of those silly novels I took such bad advice from nearly a year ago. And the food… he went to the extra trouble of making everything fresh, just for me… I just don't know how to express what I'm feeling still. Right now he's already asleep, probably wore himself out with all the work he put into that beautiful meal. I think it's time to turn in myself… can't resist how soft he looks anymore._

_November 17_

_Mmm… I could get used to such a cuddly William, weird as it still feels. It feels so nice to wake up to a smiling face...one that's just begging to be kissed. Not even sure what time it is right now… probably around eight, judging by the really good smells coming from downstairs. I want to go down, but it's too warm in bed...and it smells so nice, too. So, I'm settling for killing a few minutes and soaking up the last warmth before finally joining the madness and fighting over whatever's left. Totally worth it in my book. I say it so much, even think it even more, but… every time, it feels so good to. I love him, even when he says thoughtless things, when he does REALLY stupid things… and even when he pulls those sometimes hurtful pranks on me, I still love him. Sure, I yell at him, even make threats that there's no way I'd see through, but in the end we get by. Hell, I think some of the fighting actually brings us a bit closer, strange as that sounds. Write more later, breakfast in bed._

_Well… it took less than I thought to convince Karakof to help me, though now I'm curious about what he was doing when I was down there. Heh, I can say this much; Shadowbane and I were quite wrong about him getting into some rather shady pics, though it does surprise me that he'd bother playing a game… least I think it was. Would have asked, but he agreed to help me out if I didn't say anything about it, so eh. Pretty suspicious though; Karakof really doesn't strike me as the type to simply help others, or even family without getting something out of it. Could be he's just tired of hiding down there all the time, or maybe whatever he was so hasty to cover up was embarrassing? Never really can tell with that Sneasel… anyway, I'm gonna do some quick training before lunch right now. _

_*sigh*, Good workout, good meal, and a soft mate to relax by afterward; that's the life for me. It almost feels like one of those cliché scenes right now; the two of us curled together, basking in the warmth of a wood fire, watching the snow fall lazily outside the living room window. And the best part? The cursed book is upstairs; meaning that I'd have to pry myself loose to continue my self-torture. Besides, this is the kind of season to just kick back and enjoy time together… or is that next month; never can remember what times humans seem to assign certain ideals to. I mean really, what does this Thanksgiving that's coming up have to do with anything? Sure, I've griped about it before, but right now it's on my mind and I'm too lazy to find something else to kill some time. Heh, the one thing I will agree to is William pulling out all the stops and really giving the kitchen a workout. Write later, gonna take a nap together._

_I feel really relaxed, and not just in the physical sense for once. It's like… a part of me was really craving time with him, weird as that sounds. There's just something about falling asleep next to him, being lulled by his scent being near that leaves behind such a calm feeling. That, and it doesn't hurt being lucky enough to be woken up by a soft purr vibrating against my head. Probably wasn't the smartest thing we've done leaving the fireplace unattended, but eh; there's enough others in the manor to take care of it. Reminds me, we really need to talk with Dracoris about a few things… mostly about not gagging when William and I are kissing. Totally killed the moment, which sucked. Oh well, I'll see about getting a rain check on that tonight. I wonder when dinner will be ready… gonna go check, write later._

_*sigh*, William is still in his newly acquired cuddly mode, but it seems that form changing is part of the deal. Really frustrating when you're just getting into being cuddled by one Eon and suddenly another's teasing you. Hmm… this could be interesting after all, though a bit difficult to pull off. _

_Let's see… I know of five Eon forms: Vaporeon, pretty sexy. Jolteon, okay once you get past the quills. Flareon, very Very warm. Espeon, aka my big gray clod. And Umbreon, what I am…and not super attractive in comparison. He's been all of them before, so that'll make things easier. Ehe, can't believe I'm planning on charting this out, but it could be a fun little challenge. Okay, obviously there's only so much that can be done, so it shouldn't be hard to do a complete roster by the end of the year… just depends on how well I can coax him. Call it poetic revenge, but at least we're both getting some serious fun out of this…mostly me, but that's part of the game. And, to make things interesting, I plan on starting with a clean sheet; going for it all or nothing. Maybe I've been around humans too long, or those books had a really bad influence on me…but I could care less. William is my mate, and like hell I'm letting a little worry stop us from having some fun. Write tomorrow, gonna start on my new game right now._

_November 18:_

_Two down, thirteen to go. I'm not going to detail much about my game, call it a female's honor. Kinda like how I won't repeat a lot of what Rose told me that night, but for different reasons; namely, a white furred, one-eyed reason. Don't need her managing to find my diary and read it… I'd never hear the end of it. Besides, I'm still feeling too good to really think much about it right now. Heh, he's gotten better at least. Anyway, woke up a bit stiff yet happy, embraced in the strong blue paws of William. Could have done without the oily stink, but a quick massage, followed by a longer one in the shower made up for it. well… and a little more for him being so sweet, but that's something else entirely. Right now I'm relaxing on the couch, waiting for breakfast to be finished; no sense in arguing with everyone right now, not terribly hungry. Smells good though… wait, fish for breakfast? Eh, maybe he just burned himself on a pan; Dracoris IS helping him right now, after all. I probably should be in there, if only for damage control… but eh. Write later; better make sure those two don't burn the manor down._

_Well, I was wrong; fish for breakfast. I'm not complaining, so much as questioning his sudden change of routine. Usually, breakfast is eggs, toast, sausage and/or bacon, pancakes of various flavors depending, hash browns, and often fresh muffins. But today, he switched it up for Goldeen and Seaking fillets, hash browns, a damn good sauce that I can't quite figure out, and these funny looking biscuit things. Guess trying out various forms is having a rather interesting side effect… or he's trying to make us eat a bit healthier; never can quite tell with him. Oh well, still the best damn food I've had in my life…next to some of his really specialty dishes that is. Can't say as I blame him if it is a slight health trend; with the Gym shut down right now, we're all exercising a lot less. Even with regular practice sparring and other activities, it's still a vacation. Damnit, that reminds me; still need to brooch the idea of renting somewhere for the Gym during the cold months. Eh, do it later. Right now I'm still a bit full from such a large breakfast… on top of other things. Really need to hold back better when it comes to meals._

_Well, Karakof kept his word about the cursed book research. And, surprisingly enough it actually helped. Okay, since I'm just too damn lazy to sit down and actually try to think out everything I learned, I'm just going to try and make a really basic summary. It's insane, but still interesting once you start to put together what's actually happening; along with keeping track of I think… 40 characters or so. Not exactly sure, as a couple of them changed names throughout the book. And you'd think a story based so far, as I haven't and won't read any of the others, about a rather nasty power struggle would be more coherent. I mean, now that I have an actual idea of what actually happened in that nightmare of literature, it feels like something Dracoris would read… and probably understand, knowing that weird sense he has. Mind you, just because I can actually look at the thing without shuddering doesn't mean I've forgiven William for it. Least he hasn't asked me about it; I swear he's getting it upside the head if he does; after the misery it put me through… Oh well, I should just put is behind me and move on; it's just a book, a very frustrating one, but still just a book. Wasn't the only thing I found out, though; Karakof slipped into his usual mode before I left… probably had forgotten I was there. Didn't catch the name of what he started playing, but it looked interesting. Never would have figured him for the cooperative game type, what with his habit of being very asocial when liquor isn't involved. Eh, worry about it later; William want's help in the kitchen right now._

_Getting burned sucks, but at least it was only minor. Probably should have paid a bit more attention to what I was doing, but at least the pan wasn't fully heated. Note to self: make sure the pan's fully cooled before trying to lick it. Wouldn't have been so bad if William wasn't both laughing and trying to find something to soothe my tongue at the same time… though, it is kinda funny. Got caught up thinking with my stomach again, and this time managed to hurt myself for it. Least I didn't try to push the thing up before licking… a burned tongue is one thing, but scalded paw pads are much harder to deal with…and not as fun to treat. Currently sucking on a small ice cream pop, which stings a bit but is still numbing the burn nicely. My current burn does mean missing lunch, but William promised to make something special later…probably medicated to help me recover, but I deserve it. Figures that I'd manage to hurt myself even outside of the arena, but eh. Speaking of hurting, that book still won't leave me alone. I mean sure, it makes sense now, but why did the author have to make it so damned confusing to read? Still, I'll give the author credit for making a damn good story…even though I still want to tear out my fur reading it. Oh well, even with the frustration it's probably a better read than the mystery novel from the library. Reminds me… I should probably get around to reading that book soon too. That weird human holiday is approaching, meaning that things are going to be pretty hectic around here soon. Write later, late lunch is served… smells good._

_Mmm… nothing quite like a good bowl of soup to make you feel better. Would have preferred something a bit more hearty, but I'm not about to complain. Especially because it wasn't fish, like I was expecting; chicken with broccoli, kind of a cheesy sauce… hard to describe really. Damn good though… Swear he's going to spoil me rotten with cooking like this, so I'm gonna thank him in my own way tonight. Hmm…that reminds me, STILL haven't suggested my gym idea just yet; keep getting distracted by various other things around here. Eh, probably for the best as in a few days it's gonna be a madhouse around here. It'll be nice to see Kera again, though hopefully her weird infatuation with that human has gone down a bit. I'm not one to try and say where you should look for love, but the way she was acting wasn't… normal. Still, he seemed like a nice human, and I know in my heart she's safe with him…I just worry about her, that's all. Hell, I worry about all my children, no matter how old they get. I guess that's just another part of being a mother, one that's surprisingly hard to really grasp. They've all grown up, yet it still feels like only yesterday I could hold them close to my chest…just hearing those voices calling me mommy…or mama in Charis' case. *sigh*, I miss those times… No sense in dwelling on it though, they all have their own lives and things to take care of, and in Charis' case he has a loving mate to be with… though honestly, I wish he had found a female. Love can be found just about anywhere, but it still bothers me that Charis would make that choice… but, the little dear really does need him. It's cute…and really sad, Blackwind is just so lost without Charis…like without his other half, he's nothing… Oh well, Charis would never hurt him, so I'm sure they'll have many years of good times together…just like I hope William and myself are destined for… Damnit, why am I thinking about that stuff again? Must be the soup._

_Took a good nap; feel better for it. Tongue still hurts a bit, but most of the pain is gone. Might wander downstairs in a bit and raid the fridge; slept through dinner, and I don't feel like bugging William right now. Not really sure what time it is… probably past eight, judging by how quiet it is right now. Not sure why, but it feels weird writing in bed like this without him here; kinda lonely, but also eerie. I've gotten so used to him being around, that being alone just feels so strange. Only one way to solve that problem._

_Mmm… cuddly William is nice… and warm. I'm glad he decided to pull another form change; Vaporeon aren't great to be cuddled by in the cold. Would have preferred something else besides an Umbreon, but at least he's close by. Too comfy to be intimate… but, gonna try anyway. Heh, I love how the blankets smell afterward…write tomorrow._

_November 19:_

_Feel good today, and not just because we don't have to get out in the cold to pound morons. Fell asleep being held by William last night, which meant I got to wake up to his cute muzzle right by mine. Could have done without the snoring, but that's just something I've come to accept about him, other than giving him a few gentle prods to make it stop. Still, nothing can quite compare to waking up from a good dream into an even better reality. Hope nobody saw us kissing… even though we're mates; it's still embarrassing to be affectionate in the morning around them. Wouldn't have stopped me after a bit, but Shadowbane doesn't need anything new to torment me with. Right now he's in the kitchen working on breakfast; I'm gonna go help in a minute, but writing down my thoughts comes first. That, and the blankets are warmer than the manor, so I'm quite reluctant to give that up. They smell so nice… better get up right now before it lulls me back to sleep._

_More breakfast surprises, though not as bad as yesterdays fish. Still a bit lighter than I'm used to; no pancakes or muffins, but he did make this really interesting fruit and berry salad. Wasn't too bad, though I did pick out the blueberries, don't really like them. Still licking my teeth from how good it was…this health food kick isn't so bad. Better than my diet, that's for sure… then again, I haven't had anything super sugary aside from the ice cream pop yesterday for a while now. I miss it a bit, but not enough to actually go out and get anything. Besides, I'd rather have his home cooking than the rather greasy take-out anyway. I have my doubts about how long this trend will last, but I'm gonna enjoy every last meal of it. Hmm… maybe I should start helping more in the kitchen; might even get to be his taste tester again. Write later, gonna go exercise with the family._

_Wish it wasn't so damn cold right now, I could really go for stretching out on a deck chair with William and sharing an iced tea… spiked of course. Oh well, relaxing in front of a blazing fire while he makes us some cocoa is a good substitute, though I know he prefers his plain. That, and chocolate doesn't taste very good with vodka in it. Tired but satisfied; haven't felt quite like this in a while, but I'm glad for it. Really, I can't quite remember the last time I've come indoors after a good sparring match laughing… well, that didn't involve me getting to thrash a damn fighting type or two. Practice today felt like what battling should really be about. Pushing your limits against another skilled opponent, trying to outwit and outfight them. Not playing types to get the upper paw, not using the biggest and most painful attacks you can to win; fighting for fun. Humans really don't understand it, even William isn't quite there…but there's just this feeling of completeness that comes with letting out that pent up instinct. Sounds weird I know, but it's not exactly something you can just sit down and categorize, no matter how much I wish it was. Damnit, there I go thinking about weird stuff again… swear it's becoming a habit. Write later, gonna help get lunch ready._

_Guess William decided to break some of his health trend, or more of that species taste is taking over. We had Shellder chowder in sourdough bowls for lunch, with iced tea or water for drinks. Personally, I'm not big on shellfish, but I still ate it; didn't want to insult him, or make a complete ass of myself. Hmm… maybe he's still trying to make up for that week of hell while the asshat was here… nah, that's not like William. He's just trying to get us eating a bit better, though I'm damn thankful it doesn't involve those putrid pellet things; they're not food so much as cruel and unusual punishment. Makes me want to puke just thinking about those damn things… Oh well, I know things that can make that feeling go away, but it'll have to wait…ate too much at lunch. Good sourdough._

_Haven't seen Rose around as much aside from meals, which kinda worries me. I know she's not really social, but other than food she's been staying in her room a lot more. It's probably just her way of getting ready for the coming madness, but still… I hope she's all right. I'll look in on her once I can move without my stomach protesting. I really need to learn to eat in moderation, but it's so damn hard when it's good… and you have Shadowbane giving you one of her dare looks. I swear she's some sort of food incinerator. Bleh, I think a nap is in order; write later._

_Nearly had a heart attack from waking up in William's paws; didn't freak out beyond flailing a bit, but still yelled a bit too much. It's not his fault… but I was having a rather unpleasant dream, and the sudden feeling of being held threw me over the edge. Hopefully it didn't hurt his feelings, but he did scare me pretty bad. Oh well, no sense dwelling on it…though, maybe writing it out will help me figure out what the hell that dream was. Don't remember much beyond being attacked by someone, probably a human bigger than even William judging by how easily it threw me around… I haven't been so scared in years. It was like…I was just a toy, something that could be picked up and thrown aside without a second thought. I hope it doesn't mean anything other than I had some bad shellfish… I want my William…_

_*sigh*… I just don't know how he does it. A few soft words, some licks in just the right spots, and like magic my troubles are gone. I love him so much… he's more than just a mate, he's that special someone who can make even the worst days better. Right now I can feel his purring vibrating my body, which feels kinda funny, but so comforting at the same time. He's like a big, dense guardian to me right now. Someone there to watch over me, even though, I yelled and nearly attacked him earlier. It's times like this I stop and count my blessings; I have a beautiful place to call home, an extended family that puts just about any pack to shame, and four grown up children. And most of all, I have William… my trainer turned mate. Putting it that way makes it sound so wrong, but I'm not about to cover up the fact that he was, and still is in some respects, my trainer. True, he's not really human anymore, but he was at one point. Not really sure if he was fully human when I started to like him, but that doesn't matter. We're here and now; two halves joined together by a still deepening bond, ready to face every turn life can throw our way together. Though, there are times I wish he wasn't so dense… but, that's just another thing I love about him. Speaking of love, I still owe him one for being so sweet…write later._

_Feeling a lot better, mostly because of how warm William is, but also because dinner was really good. No more shellfish for me, ever; not sure if that's what brought on that nightmare, but I'd rather pass up on a cuisine than have a repeat incident. Speaking of which, brought my score up to three out of fifteen, though I'm hoping to get another in tonight; I can't just give him just a small thank you for being so sweet and understanding, after all. Think I managed to agitate the last traces of my burn, though; Flareon rates low on my list of good snacks…that sounded really bad. Oh well, it's true. Really warms you up though, which is nice on a winter evening. And I simply love the smell of warm fur, especially when it's all around me…damnit; I really need to get better about controlling my emotions. Or just give up and admit I'm addicted to him, though that would involve actually telling him outright just how attached I am… eh, think about it later. Right now, I just want to relax a little longer before we have to get dinner ready… wonder if he'd be okay with ordering out tonight?_

_It's nearing ten at night now, but I just can't sleep. Currently on the floor and slightly under the bed so my book light doesn't disturb William. I'm feeling a bit worse about making up a sort of scores sheet about him, but it's too much fun…and really bad of me. William isn't just a thing to play with; he's my mate. And, even though he does things just to get under my skin, that doesn't mean I should use his games to my advantage… ah hell, I can't lie about it. I love trying out things with him, especially when he's feeling extra cuddly, kinda like the last few days. Heh, not like he's about to complain; a bit more fun than usual isn't hurting either of us, and it's a good way to chase off the gloomier feelings. Besides, it's not like we're actually doing anything wrong; just mates expressing our deep love for each other. Speaking of which, it's really cold on the floor. Write more tomorrow, gonna go back with my fluffy pillow._

_November 20:_

_Stupid phone scared the daylights out of me this morning. How was I supposed to know that Kera's trainer… Kyle I think, would be calling to let us know they were coming? Got tangled in the sheets, though William helped untangle me once the shock wore off and he managed to answer the accursed device. I'm adding having him put that damned thing on a quieter mode to the list of things to discuss. The news was worth it I guess; Kera, her trainer and that green lizard are set to be here in the afternoon, which means William is likely going to work on something special for their arrival. Which means heading into town for groceries… yay, I guess. Ah well, means I can drop off that boring novel I never got around to reading; probably won't bother getting any new books for a while, as gearing up for that holiday thing is gonna take up a lot of time. Write later, breakfast is almost done. _

_I know there's a good reason I shouldn't go back into town and maim the clerk at the grocery store, I'm just having trouble figuring out what it is. The jerk actually tried giving us trouble about me being in the store; I've shopped there several times, and they know DAMN well I'm not some stray. Rrh, must have been a newer employee… definitely going to think twice about shopping there for a while. You'd think they would be a bit nicer to customers…especially ones who bought a couple hundred bucks worth of food in one go. Eh, we have enough groceries for the next week or so, on top of whatever William's planning for that holiday thing, so screw them. Hmm… wonder if he needs a taste tester? Heh, if anything I'm sure he's going to enlist myself and Dracoris to help; cooking for the family here alone is a big job, but if I'm correct, he's gonna try and get EVERYONE together, aside from Charis and his mate. That would mean…about twenty, give or take a few. It's hard to remember everyone off the top of my head, especially as there's no real telling just who'll show up. Hoping for Derano, though…haven't seen him in several months; ever since he found a den by the lake, he's been out there alone. Kinda wish he would have stayed here, but I can understand his decision. Doesn't mean I don't miss him, though. _

_Well, Shadowbane actually had a good idea today that DIDN'T have the intent of getting someone good. Scary, really… A Thanksgiving tournament: one on one, elimination style. Who knew that skull of hers could actually produce a decent idea once in a while? Well… better than her idea of humor, at least. Still owe her one for the bucket incident. But, I'm already really into the idea of a good sparring match; nothing quite compliments a good meal like being good and hungry from fighting. There's probably some hidden motive behind it, but for now I'm just thinking about how it's going to work; with nearly twenty of us at max, it's going to be difficult to organize it right. Least we don't have to worry about type matching being a big issue; most of us are the same rough element, with a few exceptions. That and all of us, unlike most jackass human trainers can actually fight without needing some stupid advantage to pull us through. I just have to remember not to use Toxic on Thanos if I end up against him; his weakened liver can't handle it… and Shadowbane would probably skin me alive for it. I'm already itching to get started and it's still a few days away. Eh, I'll burn it off on more fun activities later. Mmm… something smells really good._

_Bleh, not a fan of salad. Grilled chicken with a nice sauce is fine, but what the point of eating a bunch of Bunnary food along with it still eludes me. The sauce, along with a light sprinkling of dried berries helped get it down at least. It just tastes so… green. Oh well, I guess being on a more carnivore based diet for so long left me less than interested in eating dull greens like that, but still. Could have been worse; the chicken made the meal actually work, though he could have left it out. Still hungry, but I'm not gonna go searching for anything more just yet. Hmm…I wonder what Eon form he's in right now… write later, gonna go find out._

_Ehe… nothing quite like a creamy chaser as a nice dessert to a bland meal. Wouldn't have expected the quill fox to be so nice, but it makes up for the less than attractive look. My scores up to four so far, though the actual points are pretty spread out. Hmm, does liking being so active with my mate make me bad… never really thought about it until now, but I feel kind of awkward being so driven lately. He's just been so sweet, and caring… I just can't seem to help myself. *sigh*, It's like a drug… the sweeter he is, the more I want him; it's a damn vicious cycle. I just hope he doesn't start thinking that's all I want from him, because it's not. Maybe I should just come clean about how I've been feeling lately… it's scary, though. I don't want things going back to the way they were; I love how cuddly he's been, and never want him to be distant again. At the same time, I want him being himself with me… not just playing a part to make me happy. *sigh*, Gonna go have a talk with him, if only for my own sanity._

_Rrh, why is it I can be feeling all warm and fuzzy one moment, then William opens his trap and ruins it? I mentioned the book to him as part of my confession, but he bloody denied knowing anything about it! I KNOW he's the one who gave it to me, yet he tried blowing it off as nothing! That damn book is the reason I was feeling so bad last week… UGH! Probably managed to worry everyone downstairs with my yelling, but he really pissed me off; hopefully I didn't break the door with the cursed book. I'm on the roof right now, trying my best to blow off steam before Kera arrives; he'd better believe it's the couch for him tonight. He's not insensitive, just really dense sometimes… doesn't mean I'm going to just up and forgive him, though. No, I think a little distance should get my point across nicely; a few days on the couch sounds good. Heh, how many Pokèmon can say they have the right to throw their trainer out of his own room? I just don't get it, though; why would he be super sweet for a couple days, then turn around and deny knowing anything about the thing that drove me to such frustration… unless he planned it out from the beginning… nah, he's not that smart, no offense to him. Now it's just a matter of what to do with the cursed book… eh, I'll see if Dracoris wants it; it's weird enough to be right up his alley. Write later; think I see Kera coming up the walkway._

_Well, Kera definitely looks better than the last time she was here. I guess having a trainer has really pulled her around, in more ways than one. She's still really reserved, and all but clings to that human, but she smiled a few times, even laughed once. True, it was at a particularly bad story about Dracoris, but it's good to see her getting better. Wish she would agree to having something done about her ears, though… makes it look like that human… Kyle, abused her. She still hasn't told anyone the story behind it, but in time maybe Kera will open up. For now though, it's nice to have my daughter back at home, even though it's only for a few days. Hmm… wonder if he's gonna challenge William for a badge or not? I'm hoping not, just because it would ruin the nice feeling of having family around. Hang on, William want's something._

_Damnit, he challenged William; right now I'm sitting in a few inches of snow while they decide on the rules. Kera's just sitting at his side, looking a little lost… it's totally different than the last time she was around while a battle was being set up. Then again, she was still an Eevee at that time too. Back then, she would pretend to ignore anyone trying to instruct her, often going against the rules… only now I see why. We were naïve back then, still too new at parenting to see really understand the problem, and they were the ones to suffer for it. *sigh*, If only we had a second chance… Write later, we're starting._

_Tired, sore and not feeling good. I'm already regretting banishing William to the couch for tonight, but going back on that would be stupid… I'm not really mad at him anymore, but right now I just need to be alone. Kera actually beat me in a fight; it damn felt like she was trying to kill me before whatever that attack was stopped… still having a little trouble with my left hind leg. I turned in early, even skipping dinner to try and recover a bit. Ugh… I may add electrics to my list of types that suck to fight. Suppose it's partially my fault for not seeing that final attack coming, but how could I know that the needles could create a shock net? Hurt like a bit_

_*sigh*, Why do I even bother trying to be mad at him? William… I swear either that sense of his has gotten better, or my needs are just that obvious. He's still sleeping on the couch, but I'm glad he brought me something to eat…and managed to make my leg stop twitching. Is this what real love is about? Being able to get so mad at your significant other you could kill him, yet still getting this funny warm feeling in your stomach when they're near? He knows me so well, even taking my anger in stride… he could have argued against me kicking him out for the night, but William just gave me a pained look and left again. Maybe… maybe I'm taking things the wrong way…maybe I need to just grow up a bit and get over my anger. *sigh*, Its another one of those times I start wondering why I'm so lucky to have him… he's sweet, a little dense but still caring enough to try and make up for it, and just so damn sexy…yeah, that last part was just the lust talking, but it's true. Oh well, I'm just gonna eat and turn in for the night; not feeling well._

_November 21:_

_It feels really weird waking up alone…it's lonely. I'm far too small to occupy this bed alone, and it still smells like him… but, at least I stood by my decision. It's four in the morning and I can't get back to sleep, so I'm just killing a little time and trying to wear myself out; really don't want to be stuck up for several hours before anyone else is up. Well, there's still two days before that holiday… Thanksgiving I think it's called. Probably going to see if Dracoris will go with me to see Derano; it seems pointless to just hope he'd show up, especially as we never really celebrated a lot of human holidays while they were growing up. That and I really want to see him again, if only for the peace of mind knowing he's doing all right. I think a bit of tea sounds good right now, so I'm gonna head downstairs. Write later._

_Feeling better than earlier, though still a little lonely. William didn't come up to let me know breakfast was on, though it's not terribly hard to tell when Dracoris thunders down the hall. Still, I hope he isn't holding yesterday against me or something. I know deep down he wouldn't, but that doesn't stop my damn brain from messing with my feelings… which sounds odd, now that I've written it out. Funny enough, I'm not really that hungry so skipping breakfast doesn't feel all that bad; guess that tea, combined with finishing off some leftovers earlier tided me over better than I was expecting. Still miss the social chaos, but maybe it's for the better. A little more time away from him, along with trying…and hopefully not failing to organize my thoughts should be nice. I want to just sit down and actually have a decent talk with him about things; especially how… affectionate I've been recently. It felt so good, but I'm worried he might start thinking I'm some sort of sex driven Eon. I just can't help myself when he's being so sweet and caring… it's like a drug, or a really good novel turned real. Write later, gonna go have that talk right now._

_Probably should have written my thoughts out earlier, but we were talking in the greenhouse for a few hours…had to stop when Shadowbane started tapping her horn on the glass to get our attention. Still, it was really nice; we haven't had a lot of time alone lately, and most of that's been spent either cuddling or other things… not a lot talking, like we did out there. It felt like the first time I confessed just how I felt about him all over again, minus the damn embarrassment of barely being able to look him in the eye. For being denser than a tree stump at times, he's a really good listener… probably those big ears of his. I just…can open up to him more than before, though it still feels weird actually saying so many of the things I've thought about. Doesn't help when he just kind of murmurs and licks my cheek a bit; swear he knows all the right spots, even without those miracle paws of his. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, though… *sigh*, I just can't hold anything against him; no matter how badly I try. How can you stay angry at such a cute face, or such soft gray eyes…or that forked tail, that just so happens to be a bit frisky itself…ooh, and that silky fur I just want to nuzzle up to. God, I'm hopeless. Still, that talk really helped put me at ease; I'm gonna get him back good for the book, and the other pranks he's been pulling still; just need time to talk with Shadowbane and Thanos first. Mmm, lunch._

_Managed to talk Dracoris into going with me to see Derano tomorrow; I was surprised how easy it was, though I'm sure he's really excited about seeing his big brother again. I really can't quite understand it, but there's no sense in complaining; Dracoris… is a weird one, even now I still can't quite figure him out. I mean, one minute he can be acting goofy and really childish, and the next he could be acting really mature. It's like there are two sides to him, though I really doubt he's THAT unstable; a bit messed up sure, but not anything too bad…I hope. Never really sat down with him and tried to figure things out; it's not really something you do, least that's how I feel. Why I'm thinking about that all of a sudden is beyond me; must be my curiosity getting the better of me again. I just need to leave things be, and be happy that Dracoris still wants to be close to his brothers and sister, even after all he's been through because of them. True, Derano was always the one trying to be nice to Dracoris, but they still weren't very close growing up. Worry about it later, right now I just want to take a nap._

_Nearly jumped out of my fur when I woke up; Rose had come out of wherever she's been hiding and curled up by me. Thought it was William trying to get close, but when I noticed the Zangoose plushie… ugh, scared the daylights out of me. Thankfully, I didn't yell or anything; just shuddered a bit and got into a more…comfortable position, making sure not to wake her up. While it was nice to see her out and about again, it wasn't very pleasant having a rather warm dream only to wake up with her…cuddling me again. I'm really glad she can't read…don't want her knowing just how I felt about that. Need a stiff drink, write more in a bit._

_Man, who knew a good shot of liquor could calm your nerves so well? Feels pretty good in your gut, but also managing to ease away the tenseness from that rather rude awakening… now I see why Karakof loves the stuff. Then again, it also has the effect of making him think he can sing… along with turning the normally reserved Sneasel into a chatterbox. Sure, most of it doesn't make a lick of sense, but that's because he keeps slurring in words in some other language, along with not being terribly easy to understand in the first place. Makes for a damn good bit of entertainment, I'm here to tell you…so long as he doesn't try to do anything particularly stupid, that is. Reminds me, better make sure that the vodka is safely locked up until our guests are gone; as much fun as it would be to see him make a jackass of himself, we really don't need the trouble it would cause. _

_Got to have a rematch with Kera, though technically William already lost and had to give up a badge. I feel a bit bad letting him down like that, but it's also his fault for making it a one on one like that; he should have been more careful. Then again, from what I know about gym battles, which isn't much as I haven't bothered paying a whole lot of attention to them, it's a good thing to lose once in a while. Still, getting a second chance to prove that I'm not a pushover was nice; managed to beat her, though whatever Kyle's been teaching her is pretty damn good. I'll have to be a lot more careful while fighting Jolteon in the future, that's for sure. Hmm… is that shock net attack she uses even legal? Hell is half the crap we do even legal, for that matter; never understood humans and their need to decide what can and can't be done in a fight, but it sure beats losing a limb… or worse to some dangerous attack. Probably not, which would help explain further why we had to put up with asshat for that week. Oh well, you can't have it all. Write later, gonna go talk with Shadowbane and Thanos while everyone else is busy._

_Ehehehehe… gonna have to wait until later to start getting my revenge, but Shadowbane actually had a few pretty good ideas…almost like she was expecting me to ask. Eh, she's a bloody genius when it comes to quick thinking in the arena, so why would that be different when it comes to thinking up a few gags that she so loves pulling on others? I trust her as a friend, though it would be nice if she didn't set her trickster sights on me so much in the past. Speaking of which, it's been pretty dull around here… too dull; she usually tries to get away with something at least once a week, but ever since asshat was here, nothing. I almost miss being extra wary when a door is just barely open. Almost. I still remember what those two did with the shampoo… and later the conditioner, though thankfully both didn't affect me. oh well, I'm just glad they agreed to help me; it means a lot knowing I have friends like them I can turn to. Sure, I'm planning on getting some serious revenge on my mate, but whom better to scheme with than a close friend? Write later, getting hungry._

_Gave up and compromised with William for tonight. I'm still a bit ticked with him, but I really don't want to face that empty bed again… so we're gonna give Kyle, Kera and that lizard… Gex I think, our bed for the night, and make up the guest room later. Should be nicer than them having to sleep on the floor like last night at least. Though, I REALLY hope Kera isn't super attached to him; don't want to think about that… damnit. Okay, really didn't need to start thinking about THAT just after eating. I mean, she's my daughter… ugh; maybe this holiday isn't such a good thing. Oh well, I don't think it'll cause me to throw up, but it sure as hell killed my mood for now; probably for the best, really. Mmm, I think a good meal, followed by a really nice evening spent in the warm paws of my gray clod is sounding even better right now… write tomorrow._

_November 22:_

_Really didn't want to get up this morning; was far too warm and comfortable to be bothered. But, it wasn't exactly in my power to say no…mostly because standing between a dozen or so very hungry Pokèmon, and one human isn't exactly good for your health. Least I got to stay on the warm patch until breakfast was ready; should have helped, but between Kyle and Dracoris helping it was pretty well under control. Besides, I didn't want to give up my spot until I absolutely had to. It smelled too nice… right now I'm waiting for it to warm up enough outside to head out; Dracoris is going to teleport us near where we think Derano has his den and just walk from there. Really wish we had a better idea of where it is though… too damn cold to be wandering around outside. Oh well, seeing Derano again is worth being cold for a bit. I wonder if he found himself a nice den. He mentioned wanting to live by the lake, but the damn Vaporeon pack there…think they went by the white fins, anyway the damn pack there had better not be giving him trouble. Their leader hasn't been terribly right in the head since I've known him, but the lake is neutral territory last I knew. Not sure really; keeping up with Shadow paw business isn't terribly high on my priority list. _

_Well, we found Derano without too much trouble. Turns out his den is right by the lake; dug out under an old tree stump, though he said it was more a choice of need than convenience. Not quite sure what he meant by that, but it was a reference to the rather dull view. His den sinks a bit below the shoreline, meaning you have to walk over a small ridge before the water comes into view. Anyway, Derano wasn't doing… bad, though I really was worried at first. He's… well, he's gained a lot of weight; I remember when Thanos first helped haul what was left of him into the manor… he was barely skin and bones. Now he's managed to really bounce back from that, though it can't be healthy. Swear I could hear him wheezing a bit, but maybe my imagination was just trying to make the situation seem worse. At least he seemed happy, though Dracoris and I both were very careful to not mention Kera was back… well, Dracoris was too busy talking with his big brother to really care about much else. I just wish he had a little more tact than to outright ask why Derano was so fat…least he took the question in stride, much to my relief. I was wondering it myself, but just couldn't find the right words to ask. It can't be good for him to be so overweight, though; guess having to starve for however long he was traveling took a pretty bad toll on him after all. Then there's just how calm he was… almost too calm. Even when Dracoris started talking about when they were growing up, he barely flinched at some of the really bad memories that were passed around. It's like…they just didn't bother him, or he was doing really well at hiding it. Only once though did it flicker… like a flash his eyes seemed to darken, but he just blinked a few times and the same warm look came back. Still makes me shiver thinking about it. I told him if he ever wanted to talk, I was willing to listen, but he just waived it off with a laugh… his voice is really husky, compared to how it was a few months ago. Oh well, not really my business. He declined coming back with us, though he promised to make the trip over tomorrow; gives me enough time to talk with William and figure out how to keep him from killing Kera. Write later, really hungry._

_Didn't even realize we missed lunch, though it would explain why Derano kept fidgeting near the end of our visit. He should have said something; Dracoris and I may be used to cooked meals, but we're both pretty good at hunting. Guess he was a bit embarrassed about it, or he just didn't think it would be right to impose on us. Eh, no matter really; living alone probably was causing him to feel awkward around us. Hopefully he stays for a while tomorrow; it would be the first time most of our children have been in the same place… I wish Charis and his mate could make it, but William made it very clear that we weren't going to bother them. I really don't agree with his logic, but it would only cause trouble to argue with him. Besides, there's always the next big human holiday to try and get them all together again; Christmas, I think. Where humans come up with this stuff, and why will never really make sense to me. Eh, it's a good excuse to see family that's moved on with their lives, if only for a little while. Reminds me; Shadowbane and Thanos weren't around when we got back; William mentioned something about them going to try and round up their pups…fat chance. I know Damitri might come, but the others I have my doubts. They were never as keen about family ties as their parents; seems weird, but I guess that's just how they are. Would be nice to see them all again, though that means I need to remember who's who. Let's see… there's Damitri, who's easily a bigger softie than his father. Nadia and her snide nature; she's just hiding behind a bit of bravado, but it's still annoying. Raiston…the only thing I can remember is he's really quiet, and damn shy. Mortimer… hell, I keep forgetting if he was an Absol or a Mightyena, so personality and such is out of the question. And last but not least; Astaroth…I think that's her name… his name… bah, don't really care that much. It shouldn't be hard to figure it out when and if they come tomorrow. _

_Dinner wasn't bad, though a bit light in comparison to what we normally have. Guess William wanted to get as much done now for tomorrow as possible; can't blame him, really. He's cooking for our normal family, plus Kera, her trainer, the lizard. And that's just who's here; we're expecting a max of six others, most of whom are pretty good sized. I hope he doesn't work too hard; it's already past nine and he's still at it. Really wish he would just come to bed, but that's like asking a Rhyhorn to do calculus… weird expression, but I guess calculus is some sort of really heavy thinking thing; I heard William use it once and figured it was a good analogy for this situation. Been busy myself; between scrounging around the junk heap of an attic for a couple table clothes, along with the extensions for the table that I'm now doubting ever existed, along with making sure Rose was all right with the increased activity I'm damn tired. Really want my William to curl up with, but he has things to do still. Gonna call it a night, mostly because I'm bored and there isn't much else I can do right now._

_November 23:_

_Woke up to an exhausted mate curled up next to me. Poor William… I wonder how long he was downstairs getting things ready? I'm kinda hungry, but right now being close to him is more important; not sure if he can tell or not, but I'd rather wait for a little while if it means he can sleep a bit better. Plus he looks just so cute, all curled up; I guess he didn't want to bother me, because he was sleeping on top of the blankets… I shook him awake enough when I got up to at least get him under the covers, though it involved him mumbling inaudibly as I dragged him close enough… His fur was really cold when I first touched him…he should have at least tried to get a bit warmer, but at least now he can rest and be warm. Write more later, right now I just want to curl up and help warm him. _

_Finally got out of bed around eleven, though I'm not sure just how much sleep he got. Didn't ask either, figured it'd be best to just move on with the day and enjoy having family around… and good food, but that's just a really nice bonus. Right now William and Dracoris are getting the table set up…outside of all things. It does make sense to eat out there, as it would be more comfortable for Damitri and siblings, but at the same time… eating in the cold sucks. Then again… Dracoris did make a cryptic remark about it being a nice day for a campfire. I wonder what those two are up to. Bah, it's not worth trying to question their logic; just enjoy the day and hope not to freeze. I offered to help out, but they said it was a good father/son bonding experience, translation: they didn't want me around making them work. It's not hard to figure out how those two planned on working; get it done quickly, probably goof off for a while, and finish it just in time to eat. *sigh*, I'm torn between grumbling about a lazy mate and son, and seeing if I can get in on the goofing off. Nah, I think being in the warm manor is better than playing around in the snow right now. Besides, those two deserve some time to bond; it's been pretty hectic lately, and I know how much Dracoris admires his dad. Kinda wish I had that with him too, but at the same time… it's really Derano I worry about the most. Even though Dracoris was picked on really bad, Derano was the one she pushed around; I've looked back on how we handled things, and sometimes I want to cry…we were such stupid parents. All of our children survived, yes… but at what cost? *sigh*, I'm going to go and find something to do before I manage to work myself up too much._

_The day turned really sour about an hour ago… Derano made it, but just left without saying a word. I did notice he stared at Kera for a moment before turning, which would explain his sudden change of mood… guess he still hasn't gotten over whatever she did to him. Only thing I know about is her bullying while they were growing up, but judging by just how cold the stare was, there's more history between them than I know. It was like the air, already cold from it being winter somehow gained an even worse chill to it in those moments. Kera took it even worse… she's still in the guest room, crying her eyes out. I tried to comfort her, but she wanted Kyle; kinda annoys me that she'd turn to some human she probably hasn't known very long over her mother, but… maybe it's better that way. After all, maybe they're closer than either of them said? It still put a real dampener on the entire manor, but we're still going to have a big meal together and try to laugh and be happy. Haven't seen hide nor hair of Karakof, but he's probably just getting loaded before coming upstairs. Stupid Sneasel… I'm not going to be the one reasonable for keeping him presentable, though a few of his hard to understand songs might really lighten the mood. The downside is that he usually reeks after enough shots, though he's not exactly the most cleanly one living here, so that might be part of it. Currently we're still waiting for Damitri and his siblings to either show up or at least send word that they're not going to make it. Almost asked about Kenya, but she's probably chasing after yet another male… no offense to her, but I'm glad she joined the Shadow paws; it was getting really annoying with her on and off appearances. Never did find out just where William dug her up; probably for the best, as that would also mean finding out more about his travels…damnit, that reminds me of that little incident in Orre… where I first met Gloria. God that was a bad time. Write later, I think someone finally showed up. _

_We ate a late lunch/dinner, though with how much food William had prepared, you'd think he was trying to feed at least thirty… not that I'm complaining, mind you. Between how damn good it was, and knowing we're going to have a good amount of leftovers I'm pretty happy right now. Probably ate far too much, but I'm sure my stomach will shrink back down in a while… I hope. How could I resist some of William's apicot pie, even after a at least trying more things than I can really remember right now? Besides, far as I'm concerned that's the real benefit to this holiday; eating food that you normally don't due to it taking a while to make, talking and laughing with family and enjoying life. I have to give Dracoris credit for thinking of having a few good sized fires going around a perimeter, while holding in some of the heat with a psychic bubble. It meant that he couldn't do as much, but I think only having Kera around put a dampener on his mood anyway. Hopefully he has fun in the arena later. Gonna skip the tournament, though…not sure I can move faster than a fast walk without puking just yet. Which reminds me; we had an interesting interruption just before eating. It seems… that William sent Dracoris to find Karakof, if only to drag him out and make him be social for an hour or so. Turns out the idiot had passed out in front of his laptop; Dracoris mentioned something called wow…whatever the hell that is. He looked quite proud of himself, having figured out a way to get the dark type up the stairs without using any psychic ability… bet Shadowbane put him up to it, though Karakof deserved it. Almost wish it was me… would have been fun to 'accidentally' knock his head against a few steps while getting him out of there. Then again, from the rather sour look Dracoris had, I doubt it smells very good down there. And you'd better believe I'm gonna be there when William lights into Karakof for doing that…whatever he did, that is. Hmm… passing out in front of his laptop could be due to a few things; drinking too much, trying to get something done before sleeping, or being really stupid and pushing off sleep until he finally conked out. Last one seems likely coming from him, and it would explain his absence these last few days. Ah well, not my problem in the end. Poor William, working himself half to death getting things ready, only to have more stress dumped on him… maybe I'll help him relax later. He's still outside, probably talking with Damitri, who somehow managed to get all four of his siblings to show up with him. I can't help feeling really jealous that Shadowbane got to see all of her children, when two of mine weren't here for different reasons. Thankfully didn't show it though; it wouldn't be right to make the day unpleasant over such a silly emotion. We all had a good visit; though Shadowbane had to really get on Nadia about her attitude… who knew her one eyed glare would still keep them in line? Need a nap, write more later._

_Karakof still hasn't come to, though he's breathing; just means he has a little more time before the shouting begins. Unfortunately, since the tournament is taking a good while, I'm stuck keeping an eye on the idiot, though Rose is keeping me company. Still, I'd rather be out there working off that heavy meal than staring at the passed out moron; it gets boring real fast just making sure he hasn't stopped breathing or actually regained consciousness. I wish Rose was feeling more talkative, but sadly she just wants to toss that catnip mouse around and chase it across the living room. Had to fight off a laugh when she tripped over a lump in the carpet, though I'm not quite sure how a bump that small could cause her to stumble that badly. I still worry about her a lot; she's been through far too much and needs more time to recover, which is why I didn't try and push her to join the family outside earlier. I DID bring in a few still warm leftovers, which she really appreciated. The way she acts reminds me a bit of Dracoris, at least his really childish moments; just wanting to play all day, not worrying about anything else… still say they would be good for each other, but it's not my place to try and pair them up. Besides, I kinda doubt Dracoris is really interested in females, what with how he was completely oblivious to Kenya's less than subtle advances. Hmm… wonder if he's like Blackwind…attracted to males and all…Nah. Still, it would explain why he looks up to his father so much… no, I don't need to even BEGIN down that road, not right now. Not ever. Would be cute, though…ugh, now I have a mental image of that. I'm gonna go play with Rose for a bit to try and clear my head. Write later._

_Okay…right now I have Gloria lying on her side of the bed, giving me a really funny look. *sigh*, I know William was really stressed out by working so hard yesterday and the less than pleasant parts of today, but is switching into that role really necessary? It gives me the creeps knowing that the female Espeon staring at me is actually my quite male mate in a different form… and somehow, I'm slightly curious about it too. She doesn't smell much different, aside from a few gender based things, and she looks just as soft as my gray clod, if not a little more. And those violet eyes really compliment the pale shade of gray/purple her fur seems to have in this light… and why the hell am I noticing such things. For that matter, what is compelling me to look up every so often? The last time Gloria was around, I was angry with her… but now, I'm more curious than anything. Maybe I should just go with it for tonight, and let her just relax and try to ease away the stress… with a female, though? I should really give him a piece of my mind once William comes back… hang on._

_Damnit, I swear he had this planned. Gloria started crying a little bit as she was falling asleep, and of course I just had to find out…stupid curiosity. She… I don't know if it's just a part of an act, or William is trying to make me feel better about his Gloria mode, but she said he has no interest in her…just me. Which of course led to her crying into my chest, as I was the only one around. Right now she's curled up, still watching me through slightly teary eyes…maybe I should just let go of my opinions and really try to comfort her… kinda like I did with Rose, only this time it's someone I love deeply. Hmm… and if I end up doing anything weird with Gloria, could it be considered cheating? I mean, it IS my William, just with a changed gender… ugh, I'm going to find that cursed book and beat him over the head with it for confusing me so badly tomorrow. For tonight, I'm thinking just pretending I had a little too much to drink, throwing out my opinions of Gloria and just trying to make her feel a bit better. Still feels weird considering cuddling another female, but it can't be that bad… can it? I just hate seeing others sad, especially someone who hasn't really done anything wrong… besides meeting with MY mate, that is. And if anyone asks who she is, I'll just feign a hangover and pretend I've never met her…or swing with it to freak them out; just depends on how tonight goes. Well, here's to hoping I don't feel too awkward in the morning._

_November 24:_

_I kissed a female… willingly. It just-I can't believe I did that last night. It really didn't feel any different; other than Gloria was a lot more timid than William, but it still just makes me feel a bit dirty. Then again, waking up with a female Espeon clinging to your chest didn't exactly help that feeling. I feel a bit bad inside, like I really did cheat on William… but, it's really William that I kissed, even though she had a different name… God, I really hate having to think about that, especially at six in the morning. I'm going back to bed, even though I'm sure Gloria is gonna be affectionate. Here's to hoping I don't get in over my head._

_Feeling pretty good, even though Gloria was still around when I woke up around eight. It bugs me that she brought the one damn thing I can't just shrug off against me earlier, but maybe it's for the better I just accept her now. Still… I just can't help but give in to crying, especially when I know in my own heart that they're real. How can anyone look into those violet eyes and say no… well, besides me for a while. My only real concern is that Gloria is more than just an act William is doing… he's not exactly the most stable person/Pokèmon I've ever met, though definitely not the strangest. The old Shadowbane, with her really quiet mood spells and habit of just staring will always hold that title in my book, but I'm getting off topic. Gloria… I'm really starting to wonder just who and what she is. I'm PRETTY sure that the first time she appeared was just meant as a prank, though last night felt different…more like she really is another personality. She's really cute, for being female…I can see a lot of the things that I find very attractive in William's Espeon form in her…ugh, am I actually becoming attracted to another female? Damnit, how does he manage to get me on strange trains of thought like this? Still… that kiss was kinda nice, if not a bit confusing. It felt right to a point, but at the same time…it felt like I was cheating on him. I'll try and make more sense of it after a good breakfast. Mmm… leftovers._

_Ehehehe, Karakof got it good today. William yelled pretty loud, though not nearly like the near screaming fit he had at Dracoris a few months ago, for which my ears thank him. Was still totally worth sitting in on, even though Karakof kept looking to me for some sort of support. I had to go with William, not just because he's my mate, but because whatever the hell that damn Sneasel was doing couldn't have been more important than at least sleeping a few hours in the past week or so. And there's no way in HELL I'm going down there until he cleans things up a bit. Once the shouting ended on both their parts, William forced Karakof to cough up his laptop for an undecided amount of time as punishment… personally, I think the loss of hearing and utter humiliation of being chewed out loud enough to be heard for a few miles would be enough, but it's not my choice. Part of me feels bad for finding it so damn funny, but Karakof deserves it. Maybe now he'll take more important things, such as actually being able to keep up with us in the arena seriously… at least until he gets his computer back. Bloody addict. Well, one good thing came of it; I don't have to deal with Gloria for a little bit. Write later, gonna go out with Shadowbane and get some extra practice in… and talk more about my revenge._

_*sigh* One day of peace, is that too much to ask for? Gloria was the one who helped reheat lunch, much to my dismay. I'll admit it was pretty funny watching her try and figure out how the microwave works, but at the same time her being around makes me feel uneasy. For some reason, I just keep thinking about last night… that soft kiss, and being clung to so tightly. We didn't do anything weird of course; she fell asleep minutes after I let her close. It still felt nice being the one needed… kinda warm and fuzzy, but not the same as when I think about William. And those soft eyes… am I actually falling for her? if I am… I'm either going to talk with William on a very serious level about is, seek counseling, or both; it just depends on how much worse this feeling gets. Right now, Gloria is staring out the window at the falling snow, so I'm safe for a bit. Hmm… Rose cuddling me bothered me, yet Gloria's tight embrace makes me feel both good and bad at the same time; must be because she's an Espeon. Yeah, that's probably why I'm feeling so strange about this whole situation. I can't possibly be developing romantic feelings for a female, especially because I'm firmly devoted to a very male mate…who just happens to be the very female Espeon that's on my mind…fucking William and his head game. I love him with all of my heart, but this is going just a bit too far for comfort. I really don't mind him playing around with genders, nor do I mind… much, that he's acting like he's an airhead female Espeon. I DO mind that it's causing me to doubt myself, and what gender I'm attracted to. Right now I just want some time to think, so I'll write a bit more once I'm not so angry and confused._

_Still cold from lying on the roof for…ugh, four hours. It's around seven right now, which means I missed dinner; must have fallen asleep up there. I'm still no closer to an answer to the damn irritating questions burning at the back of my mind, but somehow being under a few blankets is helping ease it away. Sure, Gloria is probably still around… but, I don't really care about that right now. Not really sure how I got indoors, as the last thing I can remember is waking up in our bed feeling cold and wet… I guess Gloria brought me indoors. For being ditsy, she can be pretty thoughtful; if it was her that brought me in. I'm really getting confused by this whole business; dealing with my mate becoming different Eon's is one thing, but changing genders and pretending to be someone else is another, and it's really worrying me. It's not just that I don't know what to expect next from my mate… it's that I'm starting to doubt what I really look for… be it male or female. I love William, I really do; but, for some reason I'm feeling almost giddy about the one who brought me in being her. It's wrong of me, to even think about another female like that… but, Charis has a male mate, so what's stopping me from liking a female? Well, other than I'm devoted to a mate for life, and simply saying I don't care about males anymore would be total bullshit. On top of that, I'm feeling like some sort of freak for even entertaining such thoughts…I wonder if this is what the little dear went through? Maybe, though I'm sure it worse than me as it was a part of him that he fought against, rather than my own sudden thoughts. *sigh*, Life has it out for me I swe-_

_Feeling a bit better, though very surprised. Gloria came in suddenly, looking really sad. That damn part of me that hates seeing anyone cry kicked in before she even started, not that it did much good. I tried talking to her calmly, but she wouldn't look me in the eyes… nest thing I know, she started up the waterworks. Apparently, my damn feelings weren't one sided, though she felt horrible for even considering moving in on someone else's mate…which makes me quite sure that the personality is just an act, but still. I cried a little with her, mostly because things like that are contagious, but also because it felt good to just let go. That's when things got weird…Gloria pulled a little shift on me, taking on the same serious tone that William has when he's really worried. He… she, apologized for everything… even going so far as promising to never pretend to be Gloria again if I wanted. I had to think about that one long and hard…on the one paw it would mean no more feeling so damn awkward, along with being able to have only my William in our bed. On the other… I like Gloria…not really in THAT way, but more like someone I'd like to get to know a bit better. And, in some strange way…I feel that being someone different, though probably unhealthy for anyone's mental condition, is good for him. William is so much more than just one species, more than just a male in some respects… sure, I really wish he wouldn't make up another persona just to express the female side of himself, but at the same time… God, I'm still so confused. For now, I told Gloria that it was okay if she was around, but just no funny business. She just sniffled a few times, finally looking at me before smiling and walking to Williams' side of the bed and lying down. Right now, she's still sleeping over there… and I'm still questioning how I feel. Need sleep, maybe in the morning I'll be able to think a bit clearer. _

_November 25:_

_Damnit, why does she have to act so cute? I mean, its one thing to be a total ditz; that much I can take with a grain of salt. But… when I woke up, Gloria was curled up and sucking on one of the split ends of her tail. It just… I wanted to find a camera and take a picture of it… which just adds to the confusion I'm feeling. It's hard to keep a level head about someone when they look so cute an innocent…like a big kit, or someone who really does need a friendly body to lean on. Sure, she's a few crystals short of a chandelier, but I can't really hold that against her. And… maybe it's my own damn inability to control myself, but she is kinda attractive-for a female, that is. Okay, I just need to think rationally while she's downstairs helping Dracoris get breakfast cooked. Though in all honesty, it's more like Dracoris will be doing the technical work and helping Gloria figure out how to do things…damnit, why do I keep thinking about this? I'm mated to William, a male; Gloria is… Gloria is… *sigh*, I don't know and that's the problem. Hungry…_

_Right now, Gloria and Dracoris are having a snowball fight, so I'm blessedly alone for the time being. Currently I'm on the roof under a few blankets, trying very hard to organize my thoughts. The last few days have been more chaotic than usual, which is saying quite a bit; between that holiday, Kera coming and going, and now Gloria… I just feel really drained. Hell, I shouldn't really be this way; William was the one doing the hardest work, along with taking on more stress than any of us, but the chaos still got to me. And now… between dealing with someone really… well, she's hard to describe and trying to recover from his last rather mean prank is just… I don't know. I like her, mostly as someone to know better as a possible friend, but also a little more. It's probably because she's an Espeon, but then there's her frailty; that very air headed exterior hiding someone who's very unsure of herself. Almost like I was once, only much less… with it. And she's just so cute, and soft to hold…even a bit softer than my gray clod, though it's hard to admit it. Still, it just feels wrong to even think about her like that; like I'm going behind my mate's back… which is a really tangled situation, only making the feeling even worse. I don't think he's doing it on purpose, so maybe I just need to let go of my own inhibitions and talk with both of them. William shouldn't be a problem to talk reasonably with, but Gloria…I wonder how much of what I have to say she would actually understand. In any case, I just need to stop running myself in circles over this and just get to the bottom it-once I get them back for throwing a snowball at me._

_More leftovers for lunch, though that's mostly because Gloria was having trouble handling how many pots, pans, bowls and other utensils William normally has going at once. I'm feeling a lot better, and not just from having had a good meal. That snowball fight those two dragged me into did a lot of good, though right now my right flank is still a bit sore from one Gloria threw a bit too hard. She's off doing something with Dracoris; hopefully she isn't trying to avoid me because I might be mad. It hurt, sure. But, that's just something you accept when playing. I got her back pretty good anyway, so no hard feelings. Still need to talk with her, though I'm hoping William comes back soon… he's the one I really need to sit down with. Hmm… have I being really stupid about this whole thing? I mean, I'm fine with my own son being with a male mate…it still bothers me a bit, but that's more the thought of him never being able to experience the joys of being a parent. Other than that, their relationship may be a bit out of the normal, but they do love each other… so why fight it? I do know there are many humans, and most Pokèmon for that matter who view that kind of thing as wrong, but screw them. It's weird, but not something that you need to try and eradicate like some disease… though, I do feel that such things are best left quiet. I mean, it's not like I'm going to go around and say my son is mated to another male, nor am I going to say I've witnessed it firstpaw; I really shouldn't have, though. Anyway, maybe if William's okay with it, I can try to make Gloria feel loved…not really in THAT way, but at least trying to put my own feelings aside and try to maker her feel more like a friend, even a real part of the family. We could always use another psychic around here to deal with the damn fighting types, along with getting some of the more tedious things done. And, while I'm being honest with myself… it's gotten me quite curious about two females being intimate. Write later, gonna go out for a bit of exercise._

_There's nothing quite like a long walk in the chilly winter air to help clear your head. Well… a bowl of William's chicken soup is a good substitute, but that wasn't an option. I'm feeling quite a bit better, and since the pain from earlier has dulled to a minor annoyance things are really looking up. Still haven't seen hide or hair of Gloria, but I suppose she's off chasing her tail or something. That bit of exercise helped me come to a decision, though I may regret it later. If William agrees, I'm going to see if Gloria wants to become a bit closer with me… just as friends of course, but I want to be there for her. No one should have to cry like she did last night… it just hurt so much to see those velvety eyes clouded with tears. Plus, it was really nice being clung to like that, once I let go and just accepted it. Maybe that's something Charis sees in his choice of mate, though honestly; Umbreon are not terribly soft. It's due to having a dense muscle and bone structure, though William knows how to soften me up pretty well. Hmm… I really should ask where he learned that; would be nice to return that wonderful favor at least once. Or… share it with a friend. *sigh*, Only a day ago I was frustrated and confused, and now here I am; thinking about what it would be like to be a little more open with Gloria, maybe even hold her close of my own choosing. Hmm… in situations like this, there's only one thing to do; blame Shadowbane. She's usually behind making me feel awkward, though William has been getting a bit playful in that aspect lately too…ugh, just what I don't need; a good friend and my own mate both trying to get under my fur. Write later, I think dinner's almost ready._

_I'm both content and more confused than ever. William was back… or should I say, my mate was male again, which meant having a nice calm talk. To my credit I didn't yell, start getting puffed up or make my normal threats of violence; surprised the hell out of him. For once, I just wanted to have a calm talk. Humans say it takes a big man to admit their feelings, but I bet whoever came up with that one didn't have to deal with a gender and species swapping mate. Still, we managed to talk civilly about recent events; mostly about things such as Derano's situation, how Rose has been doing and other normal things. But, the conversation finally turned to what we both knew had to be discussed, but just didn't want to; Gloria. Hearing that familiar and comforting voice really made saying the things I've thought about and written here a lot easier, kinda like talking to a friend you've known for many years, only a little warmer. I did most of the talking on that point, he just made a few brief comments and urged me to talk; I hate it when he puts the spotlight on me, but I really couldn't argue at that point. Once I had pretty much poured my heart out to him again, he just shuffled a bit closer and wrapped his paws around my chest… whispering in my ear that he didn't mind. I still feel a bit funny; I mean, my mate just said it was okay if I started getting closer to another female, even trying to subtly encourage me…God I hate him sometimes. He planned this whole thing out, though I'm not really complaining. I like Gloria, she's kinda fun to be with… for an airhead, that is. Besides, if you get really technical about things; I'm not cheating on my mate at all, just experiencing another part of who he really is… or she is, in this case. It's kinda like how he kept changing into different eons, only with gender. Going to bed now, I really just want to sleep off the sinking feeling in my stomach._

_November 26:_

_Well, after last night's heart to heart talk I felt so good… couldn't resist my very male Espeon mate, though I know he wasn't about to complain. Feels weird to actually write things like this down, but he's gotten a lot better since our very first time. I guess practice does make perfect, though fighting on a near daily basis for a few months probably didn't hurt. Managed to get my score up to six before breakfast, though he's bringing me something special. He says it's an apology for Gloria causing so much trouble, but I know he's just being sweet. Still, it felt really good to be near him again; like my body and mind were craving it. Write later, breakfast._

_It's around eleven right now; would have written earlier, but between sharing breakfast in bed and going for a short walk I didn't have time. Currently I'm stretched out by the fire, trying to shake off the numbness in my paw pads. Totally worth it; it's been too long since William and I have been alone and just talked; last night didn't count, as we both know the walls have ears around the manor. With the whole confusion of Gloria behind us now, we could just take a leisurely walk together and enjoy the chilly winter air…and cuddle a little under some mistletoe, but that's beside the point. I wish he was here right now, but Dracoris needed help getting lunch worked on…just how much work is it reheating leftovers, anyway? Hmm…only one way to find out. Write later._

_Bleh, it was good a few days ago, but I'm getting kinda tired of eating reheated meals now. It's tempting to ask Dracoris to get me into town, but at the same time I don't want to hurt William's feelings. He put a lot of work into that holiday meal…though now we're all suffering the curse of leftovers. I looked a bit ago, and it should only be another day or so before we polish off the rest; maybe even faster depending on if anyone makes late night raids on it. Kinda doubt it, but that's still a possibility. Or I could get lucky and it goes bad before dinner; kind of a mean thought, but my stomach can't take much more of that stuff. One good thing came of it, though; for the first time that I can remember, there's no rush to be the first to the leftovers of a good meal. Going for another walk, write later._

_Well, I didn't walk very far; too damn cold right now, so I hid out in the greenhouse for an hour or so. It feels kinda eerie to see snow all around the thing while several plants are in full bloom on the inside. Still, the fragrance is very good for relaxation; nothing like a massage, but still nice. Hmm… maybe I should ask if William would do that for me, in exchange for a favor in return, or course. Which reminds me, I still need to finish planning out my revenge with Shadowbane, though that can wait for another day or so. Right now, I just want to enjoy being close to him; no stupid holiday, no Gloria to confuse the hell out of me, no family crisis in the works. Just me and William snuggled together under a few blankets, keeping each other warm. You know, just the simpler side of life. Not terribly hungry, so I'm gonna skip dinner; not sure I could choke down the same leftovers another time today._

_Mmm… God, no matter how many times William treats me to his miracle paws it never gets old. Feeling soooooo good right now…I swear his fur got even softer once he was done. He didn't even want anything in return, other than to hold me close when we go to bed, which is sounding really good right now. Write tomorrow, my gray clod calls._

_November 27:_

_Woke up kinda late, though William held me close until I was conscious enough to speak clearly. Guess that massage did more of a number on me than I thought, not that I'm complaining. Last night was probably the best I've slept in a month, especially because I could feel his rumbling purr until sleep finally claimed me… though I swear it messed with my dreams. I dreamed the manor was being rattled by an earthquake, and William was trying to get everyone out… I think. Don't remember much, which is probably a good thing. Ah well, I'd rather be in the warm reality of his gentle paws than any dream. Write later, breakfast smells good._

_Did some more talking with Shadowbane after breakfast, though it was hard to understand each other, as we were doing some practice sparring in between. Still, she had some pretty good ideas that I could actually use; her style of pranks usually involves conning Dracoris into helping, like the shampoo dye, for example. Still, with the advice I have now, getting a little payback for the cursed book should be fun… though, I hope he doesn't take any of it personally. I mean, he's usually good natured about things, but I still worry. Eh, I have type advantage, so it shouldn't be a problem. That, and it's his own fault for shifting forms around on me; I wouldn't have minded it as much if he wasn't doing it before I woke up, but that's in the past now. Write later, Shadowbane and Thanos are both staring at me._

_Currently lying near the staircase, waiting for the delivery person to get here. William copped out on us and ordered pizza, though it means I don't have to do a thing. I guess nobody can blame him for wanting a small break from feeding the small army that lives here. Hmm… and it comes with an added bonus; a bit of fun scaring the daylights out of the latest delivery victim… nah, it's too cold to stand there with the door open. It's more of a spring/summer activity, though fall isn't too bad here. Thankfully William didn't listen to Thanos, which means that he ordered more than the awful meat lovers those two like. Ugh, the stuff is bad enough for you, but dumping on a few kinds of meat I can't identify just screams late night nausea. Still, it also means there shouldn't be too much arguing once the food arrives; it's roughly one large for everyone, give or take a few slices. It also means I won't be getting too close to William until he's eaten something else or rinsed his mouth off; pizza breath stinks. Write later, doorbell._

_Bleh, I'd forgotten how tasteless fast food was until now. I ate light, mostly because I couldn't make myself choke down the stuff. Maybe the place we order from has new management or something, because I don't remember it being that awful. Oh well, they're one of the few places that'll make deliveries this far up without charging a hefty fee extra. Then again, we could always send someone with Dracoris into town to order and bring it back… which would probably end up being me. That's one of the few times being a Pokèmon sucks; having to deal with human businesses. I'm sure there's ways of bridging the language barrier, but most places still see us as semi-mindless animals, so they don't have much motivation to work toward a solution. Really gets under my fur when some idiot thinks I'm a damn stray in town; I wear a collar and nametag for a reason. *sigh* It's just another minor annoyance that we all have to deal with around here. Well, that and fighting types, but those are much easier to deal with. I need some fresh air._

_A good walk, combined with a soft mate to curl up with after is nice… though, a cup of hot cocoa doesn't hurt in the least. I'm not having second thoughts about getting revenge on him; though, I'm sure it'll come right back once he does something stupid again. But for now, I'm enjoying having him curled up nearby; snoring away… good thing giving him a few good nudges makes him quiet down. It's still hard to accept that the same clod dozing near me is also the very… ditzy female who managed to make me question myself so strongly. I guess… it's just another part of him that I love. Sure, I have feelings for Gloria that are not exactly normal, but at the same time… she needs someone to be there for her, just like I need William there for me at times. Still can't believe I kissed her, though, it felt right in a way, but that might have been the part of me that loves William so deeply taking over. Screw figuring out my feelings right now, gonna take a nap with my gray clod._

_Ehehe, who knew Dracoris had a sense of humor like that… or maybe, Shadowbane conned him into doing something for her again. Either way, when I woke up, William was stretching out… with a few black marks on his muzzle. Dracoris had drawn a very undignified mustache on his fathers face with ash from the fireplace. Took a lot of willpower to not crack up at how ridiculous he looked, but hearing everyone else who has a sense of humor start up was well worth it. It didn't help that William just went along with it, going so far as to fetch the cowboy hat from Karakof's costume and wearing it while cooking dinner. If he had a gun belt that fit his frame I wouldn't have been able to breathe due to laughter, though the hat and 'mustache' alone were doing a pretty good number on me. He got back at us for laughing, though; chili with a touch of that Texas tamato inferno sauce he loves so much for dinner. Right now I still can't feel my tongue very well, though he was nice enough to let us have milk and bread with the meal to cool the worst of the fire. Great chili, though I just know my stomach is going to protest against it in the morning. Write later, paws…_

_Feeling a lot better, though I can't move very well for it; not that I'm complaining. William's currently in the bathroom, trying to scrub the last charcoal off his muzzle before coming to bed, so I'm just writing to pass the time until he's done. Overall it wasn't too bad a day; quite a bit more laid back than it's been a while, though a part of me misses the chaos. You get so used to it being hectic, that the sudden peace leaves you a bit unnerved… I can think of a few things to do in the absence, but as feeling is just returning to the majority of my body, I'm quite limited on activities for now. Wish I could be in the shower with him… I love how his wet fur smells, though the non-dyed shampoo he uses helps. Still, I get to fall asleep with that, and the feeling of being held close, so it's a fair compromise. Hmm… I do wonder though, just what happened to this year? I mean, our lost kits returned home, we've added to our family and even dealt with a few odd human holidays… it's like that awkward time several months ago was just washed away in the madness. Even now, I feel so lucky to have him… he's sweet, caring, and forgiving enough to look beyond the actions of others when deciding on things. *sigh* Here we go with my self pity again… I shouldn't forget the very rocky start our matehood had, but I also shouldn't let it dominate my feelings. I love him with all of my heart, and I know that he feels the same about me; why else would he put up with my need for attention? It's not the intimacy, that's a fact; he's rarely the one initiating it, so either he doesn't think I'm good, or he doesn't care that much about it overall… hopefully it's the latter. Hmm… maybe I should just come clean about that thought too… which I'll do now, as he just turned off the shower. Write more tomorrow._

_November 28:_

_Got up a bit earlier than I normally; couldn't get his snoring down to a tolerable level, so I gave up and went downstairs for some peace. Currently, I'm stretched out on the couch; hiding under a thick blanket and watching the sunlight slowly growing stronger. I would try and get a bit of early breakfast, but that floor is far too cold to walk on this time of morning. Plus, both Shadowbane and Thanos don't like being disturbed; which is a problem, seeing as their room is right off the kitchen. Oh well, everyone should be up in another hour, so I can just wait. Hmm… gonna get a fire started; too damn cold in here._

_Heh, I guess Dracoris got tired of going out to get firewood every time we wanted a little extra heat in here. I found a decent stack of it just outside the door; saved me the trouble of going out and splitting a few in the dim light, which was a relief. Took me a bit to get it started, but that's because the logs were a bit damp; still got it started, though. Feels good… though, I'm the only one up to appreciate it. Ah well, the comfort of not freezing is enough for me right now. Mmm… aside from the slight choking factor the smoke brings up, it smells so good… now I see why humans like sitting around fires in the woods; never made a lot of sense before. I mean, any sensible creature would try to find shelter in the dark, or at least somewhere defendable. But, humans are weird like that. Damnit, now I want some of those puffy things he talked about… marshmallows, I think. Whatever they're called, they sound oddly good right now. But, we don't keep too much in the way of junk food around here; a bit of ice cream in the summer, and more recently a few ice cream pops; probably because they're easier to deal with, and not as much clean-up. They're still good, though a bit too sweet for my normal taste. Write later, gotta dodge the breakfast herd right now._

_Okay, it's official; William spoils us too much with his cooking. After that semi-edible pizza yesterday, his normal power breakfast was a damn piece of heaven to me. He didn't make his Cheri pancakes this time, but it was still a great breakfast; I'm gonna have to do a good amount of exercise to work it off, but eh. Right now, Dracoris is helping with the cleanup… probably hoping to get a few bucks to buy those cards he likes. *sigh* I'll never understand his attraction to funny pieces of paper with pictures of Pokèmon on them; I mean, it's not like he can't just go outside and get the same result. Eh, it keeps him out of trouble and gives him something else to do, so I shouldn't complain. Besides, he's never blown too much money on it at once… unlike a certain ice weasel. Heh, I wonder when William is going to actually look into how much that laptop of his actually cost? Should be pretty entertaining watching him go off about it; I remember when he got that stupid thing. Cerberus lit into him pretty good for wasting so much of our construction money, but Karakof managed to come up with a good reason for it; shame too, would have been funny to watch those two fight. Might get that anyway… Write later, gonna do some exercising._

_Bleh… busy day. It's around eight now; would have written earlier, but I had to run a few errands in town right after lunch. I did pick up a new novel for myself… not by whatever evil human wrote the cursed book, either. Figured try out a new author for once; the last mystery I read was pretty bland, so a change of genre seemed appropriate. I've never read an action novel before, but the summary made it look decent. Then again, with how things to around here, I may not have a chance to do much reading. William said things were finally settling down around here, but judging by the fact that I dropped off a folder with some papers downtown, he just might be looking into a winter gym. Hmm… that wouldn't be too bad, really; a nice, warm building to relax in while waiting for the next challenger sounds kinda nice. Eh, we'll see what comes of it. For now, I'm gonna do a bit of reading; missed dinner, so I'll just get something light in a bit._

_Living furnace tonight. Maybe he's trying to lull me out of some imaginary grumpy mood, or he genuinely wants to heat the bed for us. Either way… he's really sweet for it. He even brought me up some reheated leftovers from dinner, though I had to eat fast before he managed to polish it all off. Eh, I kinda missed our playful tug of wars over the last bits… sounds weird, I know. But, the simplest things in life are often the best; a stable home, a soft place to sleep, and a caring mate to cuddle with; that's all I'll ever need out of life. Well… I can survive on that, but there's always a craving for a bit more; like his cooking, or his massages… just thinking about it makes me shiver with delight… weird as that sounds, too. Oh well, I accepted my own weaknesses for things a long time ago, and I think he's accepted me for who I am as well; it's hard to tell with him. He's stayed with me through quite a few outbursts, and even kicking him out of his own room once… so maybe I'm just being stupid again. I'll worry about it later, right now I'm gonna see if he wants to really warm up the blankets. _

_November 29:_

_Mmm… nothing quite like being able to relax under still warm blankets. I really should get up, but between the warmth, and the comforting smell of his fur still lingering, I just can't make myself. Eh, I can go a bit longer without eating; relaxing and reliving last night is totally worth missing a meal. I'm too content with thinking about him right now… and the scent is lulling me back to sleep… I really should get up. Bleh, but that means getting out of my warm cocoon and facing the cold floor. Hmm… damnit, breakfast smells so good… bah, might as well get up now._

_Well, it was worth it; a bit lighter than yesterday's breakfast, but also a lot more variety. Either he's up to something, or it was a 'clean the fridge' breakfast… probably the latter, judging by how everyone avoided the fish. Oh well, good food is good food in my book; thankfully either Thanos raided the leftover pizza, or William disposed it as hazardous waste. Either way, it meant I didn't have to eat it. Least this time I managed to control myself and not eat too much, which was a very hard task. Those muffins were so good… still warm from the oven and everything. But, I really need to watch my weight; can't pound fighting types chubby, now can I? Hmm… then again, maybe a controlled diet like that could add an extra bit of protection… now I'm just coming up with excuses to fight harder over the last muffin next time. Ah well, gonna read a bit of my new book before a workout._

_Tired… William worked all of us pretty hard today; even Dracoris was caught in the heavy workout, which surprised me. Usually he's allowed to wander into town whenever, but today William had him stay until lunch… what is he up to? Had to drag myself inside before collapsing and taking a nap by the couch; not sure how long I was out, but right now he's cooking lunch for everyone. Still tired… I haven't worked that hard since the gym first opened, though this was a concentrated training, while that was a continual flow of idiots. Least I didn't throw up or collapse out there, though that's probably because I didn't eat too much and it's not very hot outside. Still worked up a sweat, which was a minor problem… one of the few times that being slightly poisonous is bad. Had to keep going, but not too close to Thanos. And the worst part is I didn't get to do any reading. Write after lunch, need a shower right now._

_Feeling a lot better; a half hour of being relaxed by hot water combined with a good lunch can cure just about anything. Right now I'm thinking about doing some reading, but I just can't make myself do it. It's too comfortable on the couch, plus I just want to rest for a bit. Kinda wish William was with me, but he's off taking care of something… didn't bother listening. Oh well, can't have everything… but I can hope. Oh well, at least the afternoon training was volunteer; meaning nobody is doing it. Which reminds me; the lazy Sneasel was actually out there with us, working his tail feathers off… never knew he actually cared about his skill. At the same time, he doesn't have a lot to do right now anyway… bah, least he's not zoning out in the basement for once. Heh, it'd be nice to actually have the whole family… aside from Rose, who can't enter the arena safely, able to fight again. Write later, William just got back._

_Well, my earlier suspicion was right; William did look into a temporary Gym; not sure how it went, as he kept changing the subject every time I asked. Rrh… I'll have to pin him down good and get an answer out of him later, but for now, I'm content to watching him and Dracoris work on dinner. Poor Dracoris… not only did William make him wash up good, but he has to do the most of the actual work; guess he's being taught a bit more about cooking... or he's just being lazy. Either way, it doesn't smell that bad from where I am, though that's because William is hovering nearby, making sure it's doing okay. Poor Dracoris… least William isn't being terribly pushy; big shocker, as the kitchen practically his domain around here. Eh, write later; dinner's ready._

_Still can't get him to spill the beans on what he did in town, though I'm getting closer. He mumbled something about getting geared up for a new season while I liked just the right spots, but that could mean a couple things. No matter, I'll get the details out of him eventually; knowing all most sensitive places on his ears and neck has some serious advantages. Though, getting information out of him isn't the reason I figured it out; it was actually to have a way I could help him relax. Though, judging by how… odd it was a few days ago, he found his own ways of getting over stress. Oh well, he's still purring like a lawn mower from it, so I did a good job… either it's my imagination, or he's actually vibrating the whole bed… I'm gonna go find out, write more tomorrow._

_November 30_

_Bleh… I don't want to get up right now, but it's a choice between staying warm a little longer and having breakfast, which is difficult considering that both are very appealing. Really wish he'd either heat the manor a bit more or something… but, I can't blame him for keeping it a bit colder in here. I caught a glance of the last heat bill with it down; even keeping it cold in here costs quite a bit. Still, I'm likely not the only one who is against waking up to a frigid home every day. Ah well, I'll gripe about it when I'm a bit more awake, and not so hungry. Right now, I'm gonna face the cold floor._

_William dropped a bombshell on us after breakfast… probably because he knew we'd listen better with the distraction of food behind us. He found a temporary gym, and if we want… it can be a secondary home during the winter. It's licensed through the league, which means we'd be under a few of their rules, but he had made it very clear that we do not eat the shit bricks- I mean, poke blocks. It's really tempting… but, this is my home; cold, hard to face in the morning and at night, yes. Still, it's the place I feel the best… and I'm not sure Rose could make the transition. Her comfort and well being come before mine. Period. Oh well, we'll see how it goes; nobody decided either way yet, so the offer is still open. Write later, training._

_Mmm… there's few things quite like a good bowl of soup after a cold workout. Not quite the same as the kind he brought me when I wasn't feeling good, but still worth drooling over. He didn't make that shellder chowder either, for which my stomach is thankful. It was vegetable beef I think… didn't bother taking the time to figure out what was in it; too busy savoring it. So good… he's probably trying to coax us into moving into wherever he's renting in town, but eh. I'm staying here, even if I'm the only one. Rose needs the company and I can't imagine living anywhere else; vacation is fine, but even that gets to me after the first week. *sigh* I'm weird like that… home is where your bed is; the one you know so well, and that has your scent ingrained in it… and your mates, if you're lucky enough to have one. And, home is where the laughter of good times past, the crying and comforting words of tragedy that's been endured… even the shouting of long forgotten fights still echo through the walls. And… this place is where all those things still linger. Write later, gonna have a talk with him._

_Well, everyone's made their decision about what to do. I'm staying, along with Rose obviously, the bitch, and Dracoris. Shadowbane, Thanos, Karakof, and Witchhazel are taking William up on his offer. He's staying as well, though only at night. It's gonna be tough not having him around during the day, but at least I'll have him to cuddle at night. I'm really torn about it, too; on the one paw, I want to follow him every day and be with him, but on the other… I'm needed here. It does explain why William was trying to teach Dracoris a few cooking basics; guess he thought I'd jump at the chance to have a warmer place to life for a while. Heh, he really underestimated my determination on that one. It was a mild shock to find out that the ice weasel was going, but I guess he's really trying to put his newfound ambition to use. Or… he's sucking up to try and get his laptop back faster. Not really sure. Eh, doesn't matter. Write later, dinner._

_*sigh* I wonder how this plan of his is going to turn out. I mean, running a gym from home is one thing, but he's planning on making the trip into town in the morning, and coming home when it closes every day for a few months… I have my doubts about him keeping it up for too long. But, it's his plan not mine… which explains why it's so bad. I love him dearly, but William is not the best thinking mind of his generation. I'm glad he's at least thinking about everyone staying here, though. I just wish he would have found a better solution than running back and fourth; what's so hard about setting up a schedule for fights? He's done it before a bit, so why not switch to that during the cold months? Eh, I shouldn't complain too much, as it might actually work. So long as he doesn't expect me to make the trip every day, it should be fine. I'll go once in a while, but I'm not turning this into just a bedroom home for the sake of some stupid league, or a bunch of moron challengers who think bringing type advantage to every gym fight is a good idea. But, I'll still go with him at least a few days a week; I'm a part of this family, and part of his lineup. Mmm… I need to do something extra special for him before he starts his first trip, and that black fur is driving me crazy. Write tomorrow._

_Azarus Ketchum_


	9. December

_December 1:_

_Waking up to an empty bed is hard, especially because I found the spot he had been in, and couldn't make myself leave it. Hell, I only got up when hunger won over my will to hang onto the only bit of him I'd be near until pretty late tonight… that, and it chilled off, so there wasn't much reason to stay. Add to that knowing that if I didn't get out of bed, either: Dracoris would burn the manor down, he'd pester me until I did, or something even worse. *sigh* It wasn't too bad at least: Dracoris had started a small fire, though it was still only smoldering, before starting breakfast. Though, I'll likely be nominated head cook, as he still hasn't gotten the finer points down… swear I felt a few eggshell pieces in the omelets. Write later; have to help with the dishes._

_Did a bit of training, though the snow really hindered how much we could do. Thank God for fire types: made clearing off the arena a breeze. Would have been better if Cerberus didn't bitch about it, but what can you do? It got done, and that's what matters. Besides, he got to sit out for a while, which is more than enough compensation for having to melt a bit of snow… probably should have asked Padfoot first, though. He might not have complained as much, just to impress her. Don't see it doing any good though: Cerberus blew any real chance of becoming mates with her long ago, what with his dislike of children and such. Doesn't help that his ego is bigger than a Snorlax most of the time. Eh, not my problem. It just doesn't feel the same without William to break up the bickering…_

_Bleh, there wasn't much at the manor to eat, so guess who has to be in town and do some grocery shopping? This is one of the few times I actually hate being able to read and write, as it automatically nominates me to be the one who does all the running around. At least I'm not alone in the chore: Dracoris is the only one who can get me into town, and haul back the usual large loads of groceries, so this bit of misery gets company. I let him run off to that shop he likes, but only for a bit: we have errands to do… and I just wanted a bit of time to myself. Hate cold by the way, though humans are lucky enough to have shoes and socks to keep warm with… I wonder if they make Pokémon sized socks? That'd be kinda weird, but nice in weather like this. Eh, look into it later: need to pick Dracoris up and get that grocery shopping done still._

_*sigh* Couldn't help but make a detour to see how William was doing. The rental gym was pretty nice, though a bit musty. Would have been a nicer visit if I hadn't arrived in the middle of a match, but that couldn't be helped. Makes me miss him more knowing he's nearby, yet still not here. Oh well, he'll be back tonight, and we can spend at least some time together… not nearly enough, but it's better than nothing. At least the grocery shopping itself wasn't too bad; they actually let Dracoris in with me, though it took giving the nearest clerk a nasty glare and making sure out tags were visible. Didn't stop them from watching us, though he knew to stick close… I really wish humans would learn to accept that Pokémon aren't just dumb animals. It'd make doing simple things a helluva lot easier. Eh, made sure to get enough for at least a week, so hopefully William has time to do it next time. Write more later, gonna do some exercising._

_We kept going until dark, and even a bit after. Dracoris took care of dinner, so I stayed out a bit longer… a couple extra rounds of training helped take my mind off the loneliness. It's wearing off now, but watching her play with her catnip mouse is a good substitute… and, since she's not being clingy I feel good. I probably should have helped with the cooking, but I'll just take care of breakfast myself to make up for it. I never can get the pancakes like William does though… great, now I'm pining over him again. Write more later: gonna play with Rose to take my mind off things._

_William came in around 10, looking pretty weary. I warmed something up for him, and let him just rest. Maybe renting a gym was a bad idea… I know he won't admit it, but dealing with challengers all day, on top of travelling back and forth has to be a strain. Hmm… maybe I can figure out how he does those heavenly massages, and treat him to one? Something to think about at least. Right now, I'm gonna let him at least rest for a moment… he looks so cute when he's sleeping… bah, screw it. Calling it a night._

_December 2:_

_Got up extra early, just to see him off. He kept offering to help with breakfast, but a few well placed licks quieted his arguments. I can cook decently on my own, and he deserves to have a small break before heading out to the gym. Besides, it gave me the excuse to treat him to breakfast in bed… would have done a bit more, but we didn't have that much time. Still, he had a good meal and I got to spend a little while with him; so it was worth feeling a bit groggy. I probably should try to get a few more minutes sleep, but everyone else will be up soon anyway. Write later: gonna get started on breakfast for everyone else._

_I must have fallen asleep after finishing the dishes, because I can't remember a thing in-between then and now. That, and I currently have Dracoris curled up against my stomach… he looks a lot like his dad in the right light, though William has paler fur. Good thing I keep my diary nearby at all times, or I'd be caught between boredom and waking him up. Heh, it's still difficult to write though; have to prop it up behind him and write very carefully. Call it a bit of revenge for batting at my pen, but I can't help… most of the times it bumps his skull. Oh well, he's out like a light, so it shouldn't be a problem. Might have to wake him up soon though: my legs are falling asleep. _

_Mmm… cold cut pastrami sandwiches with dill pickles, tomato, lettuce, mustard, a bit of red onion and peppers: now THAT'S a piece of heaven. Sure, I was feeling lazy and didn't want to actually cook something; bite me. Still, it used up the pastrami I bought yesterday, along with leaving enough time to actually enjoy our meal before going out and doing a bit more practice. Should have bought some potato chips, but I wasn't exactly thinking about meal compliments in the store. Having at least one human following you around, even though they 'try' to look busy does dampen my willingness to shop longer. Their loss really: I was going to buy more, but not from a place being that damn rude. I've shopped there for months, and they still watch me like I'm gonna rip something open and just start eating it… total stereotyping, I say. Bah, need to start looking into an alternate store to shop from… or maybe William and I can have a little talk with the manager. *sigh* I'm gonna go outside, before I start pining again._

_Currently trying to thaw myself out by the fire; should have called it quits when the snow started, but the score was tied. Didn't help when Dracoris started throwing snowballs near the end of our final match. Oh well, I got him pretty good… sure, I'm still soaked from the melting snow, and he only took a few good shots to the head, but he cheated; damn barrier. Still, I won the fight and that's what matters in the end. Well… and having a cup of the good stuff to sip by a blazing fire does help. Feels really empty, though… Dracoris is upstairs showering, Rose is watching my pen with a bit too much interest, and the bitch is off doing whatever the hell she does. It's just not quite home without everyone here, though there are times this level of peace would feel pretty good. *sigh* Guess wanting something and having it are two different things. Many times I've wanted to have some real peace in the manor, but now that I have it… I want everyone here. Well, minus Kitsu, but that's another matter entirely. Write later, getting worried that Rose is gonna make a grab at my pen soon._

_Head hurts, and not from drinking or fighting for once. I got bored enough to try and understand that game Dracoris likes… which was a big mistake. The game itself makes some sense, but Dracoris has trouble explaining things in a linear fashion… or in a way normal others can understand, for that matter. Ugh, I got lost when he started trying to explain how the different pieces of cardboard could work together… took a lot of will not to simply call it stupid and walk away. Probably not for the best thing for my sanity, but he was trying… and at least his collection of those things isn't too bad. I caught a glimpse of some of the humans at that shop carrying good sized cases of those cards. How anyone can see pieces of paper as valuable… then again, humans do that normally, so I guess it makes some sense. Write later, have to start dinner._

_Feels weird to eat meals in the living room, mostly because I'm so used to the dull roar in the dining room, and the squabbling over nearly everything. *sigh* It really isn't a home without everyone here. Oh well, no sense in whining over what I can't have right now, is there? Besides, cooking for four is a helluva lot easier than when the whole family is here… and the groceries stretch a lot further. Got to try out a few recipes I found in William' card stock box tonight… not a fan of Whiscash myself, but it wasn't bad blackened. Definitely needed a bit more seasoning, but I can do that next time. Hmm… wasn't that filling either. Ah well, I'll raid the fridge later, right now I just want to rest for a bit, and try not to watch the clock… maybe I'll try to understand that game again… snack first. _

_William got home looking half dead. He didn't say anything, just mumbled before lying down in the living room and falling asleep. Now I'm really worried about him travelling every day… I think he's teleporting back and forth, but even that has to be really taxing for him. I really shouldn't get so worked up: William knows his limits, and hopefully won't push them too far just for the sake of some stupid league thing. I'd really rather he stopped going every day already, but it's not my decision to make… that, and he IS the official leader. Don't they get time off, though? I mean, he's running back and forth every day just to keep the thing open… don't they have some sort of compensation for travel? *sigh* I just worry too much… and I miss having my William here. It's been two days and already I'm bothered by it… that has to be a record or something. The year he was gone didn't bother me like this, but that's probably because we weren't as close back then… or really close at all for that matter. Need sleep, and to feel him by me._

_December 3:_

_Got up early today, still tired from it too. But, I got to spend some time with William before he headed out… and cook breakfast with him. It's the simple things that make even the small amount of time that he's awake and home that matter to me; cooking breakfast, eating a nice meal together, and an extended hug before he headed off. Good thing we made extra, as Dracoris half stumbled downstairs before muttering a quick good morning and following the smell of food to the kitchen. Was worth a quiet laugh at least… though, I think he was trying to see his dad off and sorta failed. Oh well, least I'm feeling a bit better than yesterday morning, though still kinda tired. Gonna take a nap._

_… I think I scared Dracoris good today… was still groggy from my nap and mistook him for William… thankfully his voice snapped me out of it, but still. Made it up to him by offering to get him something to eat in town… though honestly, I was using that as an excuse to see William. Right now he's off at that card shop, probably trying to decide what to buy with the ten bucks I gave him. No, it wasn't a payoff: I gave him the money as a thank you for bringing me into town… and as an apology for accidentally acting a bit creepy toward him. Knowing him it'll just blow over, but I still feel bad. Though, I'm thankful to have snapped out of my daze before anything really bad could happen… write later, I want to visit the library before meeting William for lunch._

_The meal wasn't great, but the company well made up for it. I swear Thanos actually got even bigger over those few days, or maybe my memory is just shot… doesn't matter. Felt really nice to be with family again, even if Karakof was being distant. Guess losing his laptop hit harder than I though. Some kinda creepy human came around before I left. Didn't catch much of the conversation, but by how William reacted it couldn't have been about good things. Hopefully whatever idiots that run the league aren't trying to harass us more, especially after the rather abrupt departure of their representative. Ehe, God that felt good, though Witchhazel got to have the real fun. Still, unless William did something wrong we haven't gone against the rules they laid down… no matter how stupid they are. I mean come on, humans use Pokémon to fight, yet demand that we hold back, and for what? Yes, I know there are some real brutes out there, Thanos being one, but restricting 'official' fighting to four attacks? I still can't stand that stupid rule, mostly because it really hinders what I can do… yes, I'm selfish: deal with it. Oh well, if it is maybe he'll stop making the daily trek and leave someone else in charge… or maybe I'm just that desperate. Write later, gonna head home._

_Nearly got a few ribs cracked when we got home… Rose came running and tackled me when we got back. I didn't have any time to react, or I might have avoided that bone crushing hug of hers… hurts to breathe right now. I guess my trips into town will have to be more announced, or at least make sure she's okay with it… or reserve a room in the hospital for myself ahead of time. She calmed down pretty fast after that, so I guess it was just loneliness… or another nightmare. I hope it's only the former… she's still not at full health, and a bout of nightmares might push her over the edge. And the cuddling… God, that still creeps me out. Still, it was only that one incident before she went back to dragging that plushie around. Come to think of it… she doesn't run away from Dracoris; won't get close still, but she isn't so skittish. Heh, maybe there's still a chance of them becoming friends? Worry about that later; right now, we all need to just relax for a bit, and maybe do something fun. Write later_

_Spam… whatever the hell it stands for doesn't matter. It'll always be shit posing as meat to me, especially after dinner today. *sigh* I should have known it was a bad idea to let Dracoris talk me into getting a couple cans of that stuff. Bleh, it tasted worse than my first attempt at cooking… he likes it for some weird reason, so I gave him mine. Maybe it's just me, as Rose had no problem eating it… then again, anything is probably better than what that horrible human forced her to eat… when she was allowed to eat. Anyway, definitely not eating that stuff again; I'll cook it, but not eat it. Write late: gonna throw my sanity into the fire and try to understand that game Dracoris likes again._

_William looked better than yesterday, but still pretty bad. I had to fight back the urge to get affectionate with him… which was very hard. Sure, I jumped in the shower with him, but that was because I wanted to help him relax, without getting intimate. I DID try to give him a normal massage, though it wasn't great… feeling it and doing it are two different things, after all. He did say he appreciated it, but his eyes were glazed over, so I'm not really sure he was with it. Hell, he nearly fell asleep while I was drying him off… he needs to take it easy. But for now, at least he can rest in his own bed… God he's too cute… *sigh* Not a good time to think about that… I'm going to bed._

_December 4:_

_Heh, William got kinda mad at me for turning his alarm off, but he needed the sleep. Screw the challengers, if he's still dazed they're not going to get a fair challenge. True, a lot of them would love that, but that doesn't matter to me. What does matter to me is that William gets enough sleep to operate on; he tried giving me a few lines about drinking something caffeinated, but that was easy enough to silence. All it takes is a few well placed licks to his ears, and maybe a nibble or two and he falls to pieces. Heh, there are advantages to knowing your mates weaknesses, that being one of them. I'll probably catch it later, but if he's smart it won't be too bad. After all, he's weak to me in other ways… and he'll probably feel better throughout the day from the extra sleep. Still, I wish he hadn't just grabbed a package of lunch meat from the fridge and dashed off… but, he got more rest and that's what mattered most right now. *sigh* Write later, I still have to make breakfast._

_Okay, why is it that when a day starts out pretty good, something has to go and ruin it? Right now I'm trying to hold back my tempter and not yell at my son… which is much harder than it sounds. He… I don't even want to begin trying to figure out where he got that skateboard, nonetheless a helmet that would fit him. Now, I'm not saying its bad for him to find new hobbies, but that type of thing is best for outside, not careening down the staircase. It might have been funny if he hadn't nearly run me down… don't ask me how I leapt that high, because I don't know. Hmm… since he wasn't hurt, I guess laughing at the expression Kitsu had when he went right under her stomach is okay… no, I need to keep serious and deal with this properly. That meaning being calm, and not causing him to lock himself in the dumbwaiter again. He… I either need to keep a closer eye on him, or find somewhere he can be a kid, because I don't think my nerves can take another incident like this one. I was scared when he crashed into the wall… thank God he was wearing a helmet, though it'll take a bit of plaster to fix the dent he left; which will have to be fixed today. Neither of us needs William coming home to that and flying off the handle, least of all Dracoris. Okay, I think I'm calm enough now. Might as well get this over with…_

_Well, once I got him past a near nervous breakdown he had worked himself into, I settled on a punishment. He's grounded for a week, and later we're going into town to purchase some plaster and a patch to fix the hole in the wall. Sure, I'm probably letting him off a bit easy, but something simple and direct makes a lot more sense than yelling my head off at him and making Dracoris feel even worse. That, and I'm trying to keep it quiet until I can talk with William one on one. William… I love him, but his idea of punishment is to shout at the top of his lungs and make sure everyone within a few miles knows what's going on. None of us need that, and Dracoris is very sensitive to things… he already was terrified that his dad was gonna yell at him, and it'd be bad if I let that come true. Plus, having him pay for the repair will make the lesson stick better than deafening him any day. Write later, gonna go into town for a bit. Hopefully the change of scene will help ease this tension._

_Well, it doesn't look great, but what can you do? Neither of us are exactly skilled with home repairs, and the patch he bought was strong but didn't blend well. Oh well, maybe this spring we can paint the dining room again; I'm kinda tired of the off white anyway, it's too dull. I know William will notice, but it shouldn't be hard to keep him under control before explaining things. Still… I wish it didn't look so tacky, it just screams slapdash… not that I'd say that to Dracoris. He tried really hard, and the hole itself is fixed well. It just… stands out, that's all. No matter, the job is done and Dracoris is at least not feeling too horrible. He's still grounded for a week, but only from going into town without supervision; which means he can't go to that shop he likes, only for groceries or the library. Basically, anywhere I need to get to. Hmm… I feel like it was a bit harsh, but he did nearly break his neck with that stunt… where he got the idea to do it is beyond me. Oh well, gonna do some exercising. Write later._

_I'm not sure if he's trying to butter me up, or being sweet… never can quite tell with Dracoris. I came back in after a good hour or so of exercises, and he had finished cooking… well, trying to cook lunch for me. Boxed macaroni and cheese with some of that… evil meat byproduct mixed in. Oddly enough, it wasn't that bad… sure, the cheese tasted pretty odd, but that's what you expect from the processed junk they use in the dry goods packages. But the shocker was the meat stuff… it didn't make my stomach turn to eat. Maybe it was not having it separate, or the macaroni disguised the flavor; whatever it was, lunch wasn't bad. I'll probably have to do some more exercising before bed to work it off, but that's okay. Dracoris is trying, and that's what matters right now. I just wish he didn't look so down… can't be helped, but it just bothers me. Hmm… maybe grounding him is a bit harsh, especially as there's nothing to do around here besides some sparring and relaxing… and the attic could really use a good cleaning. That… and I'm kinda curious about what's up there. Ever since we moved back, there's been a maze of boxes up there from when William left many years ago. I bet even he doesn't remember what's up there anymore. Write later, gonna take a nap and think it over._

_Dracoris scares me sometimes… that's all I can say about what happened. I was on the couch, staring out at the snowfall, and thinking about William when he came up to me. I didn't notice him at first, but that's because my mind was elsewhere… nearly jumped out of my fur when I felt his paw against my side. At first I thought William was back early, but his voice shook me out of it. He… I don't know how, but Dracoris knew what I was thinking. He didn't read my mind, as I would have felt it… it's like he could look at me and know what I was feeling… it was eerie. I feel a lot better because of it, but hearing some of those things from Dracoris was shocking… you'd never suspect that anything besides information about that game he likes, or other silly things lurked behind those eyes… but, he's still a mystery to all of us, I suppose. I'm just glad to have a son like him to lean on… someone who, while I'm not sure how much he understands, still tries to be there for me… for all of us. If only he wasn't lying with his nose under a paw, I could take him seriously. But, that's just how he is… almost sagely one moment, and a kid the next. *sigh* I'm gonna start dinner to take my mind off things._

_Ate a nice meal with Rose and Dracoris, thought Kitsu didn't show up until we were putting away the leftovers. Figures really, she's never been sociable while sober, and since William put a new lock on the liquor cabinet, she's been cut off. It means I don't have to deal with her as much, so it's a nice arrangement for me. Had to swallow my pride, and a bit of dinner that backed up and just let her raid the fridge… why William still puts up with her I will never know. But, as much as it makes me want to puke… she's a member of this family, and should be treated with at least a bare minimum of respect. Never mind that she's stuck her nose into some of our lives more than once, gone on a drunken bender and vanished for nearly a week, on top of things I can only guess at. William keeps insisting on trusting her through it all, even though it's pretty damn obvious she's messed with his life thoroughly. *sigh* No sense in arguing against him, as he's stubborn on his belief that she has her reasons. Write later, gonna finish doing the dishes right now, as I just wanted to vent a bit._

_William got home early, though his mood was less than good. I guess something bad happened at the gym, as he only muttered a hello before going right up the stairs and into the bathroom. I would have followed him… but, something told me that he needed to be alone for a bit. He's still in there, taking a shower as I heard the water running when I went by. Now I'm really worried about mentioning Dracoris' stunt, as if he's already had a bad day, it could be blown out of proportion. Oh well, maybe it's better to tell him now and get it over with. Especially as I'm here and can keep the damage to a minimum… shower's off, so I'll write in a bit._

_*sigh* This argument was a new one. I actually had to hold William back before he ran out of our room and started yelling at Dracoris… which is harder than it sounds. You try grabbing a very riled up Espeon by the scruff with your teeth and holding him still. Anyway, I managed to keep him in our room and explain what Dracoris' punishment is, which took a while as he kept starting to yell at ME about it. Nearly smacked him for it, but I held my temper… mostly… okay, so we got into a fight about it. I'm currently on the couch, trying to keep myself from going back there and continuing… which is a hard thing to do. First off, it's not MY fault Dracoris got the idea that skateboarding through the manor was a good idea. Secondly, why is he yelling at ME about it? I took care of the matter, which included a fair punishment for his reckless stunt, yet William hauls off and starts shouting at me about not waiting for him. If he wasn't down at that damn gym, then maybe he could have been here to be a part of it. So where is he getting off yelling about me taking responsibility!? Ugh, sometimes I want to jus-_

_*sigh* I guess we were pretty loud… Dracoris came downstairs looking like he was about to cry a few minutes ago. Right now he's curled up in a ball, whimpering a bit in his sleep. Now I feel bad all over again…damn William having to start shouting, and me being stupid enough to start yelling back. I just need to sleep, and try to piece this mess together… stupid William…_

_December 5:_

_William was already gone when I got up, and a part of me is glad… yet, I still wish he had stayed for a bit. I want to sit down and have a rational discussion with him, but if he wants to run off and hide in his gym fine by me! Ugh, there are times when his dense nature just makes me want to skin him alive. He… there was no reason to blow up at me like that, yet… we fought. We got into a heated argument over something simple, even resorting to physical violence before I walked away… and he just went back to his gym this morning, didn't even say goodbye, or see you later… probably didn't have breakfast either, but I haven't looked yet. I… he… I'm confused. I'm still really mad, yet want to go right into town and say it was my fault, which it wasn't… God I hate feeling like this. Gonna run a few laps, write later._

_I feel a bit better after some exercise and a good meal, but still… how did things become so bad like that? I tried explaining things calmly, but he flew off the handle and was going to start yelling… that's when I stopped him. From there he started yelling at me about something… I didn't catch most of it, as I was starting to yell myself. From there… it's mostly a blur, but I remember throwing the first blow… I probably won't forget that for a long time… the look of shock and anger, right before he tackled me… next thing I can remember clearly, I was on the couch writing in my diary… *sigh* Great… just great. Well, it's a new milestone for us at least: our first real fight. Not sure if that's really a good thing, but still… I already feel bad again. I shouldn't… it's his fault we got in that argument, not mine… but, I didn't do much to stop it in the end… Damnit, there I go with my self-pity. I really need to stop being a whiny bitch about things, and just fess up to my mistakes. So we had an argument: it's not the end of the world… sure felt like it, but that's mostly because William can yell VERY loud. But, that doesn't mean we can't sit down and figure things out, especially once we get to the root of last night's blow up, as it couldn't be just over Dracoris putting a hole in the dining room wall. Write later, gotta start his punishment._

_That attic REALLY needs the attention. I swear the dust was an inch thick on the floor, aside from where the two furballs had been running around. And even their pawprints had a nice layer of dust in them… it smelled pretty musty to boot, but in a way it was a nice scent. I like it: makes me think of exploring places that have been sealed away for countless years, and I'm the first to set foot in them since they were sealed… bad analogy, but I like it. Anyway, we didn't do much aside from try to clean the worst of the dust from the bare spots and not cause a box avalanche… whoever stored things up there did a horrible job of it. I can see why the furballs found it to be so much fun now: it's a veritable maze of boxes, narrow gaps, shadows, and places to hide. I could smell other signs they had been up here, but either Dracoris didn't notice or chose to ignore it… hard to say which with him, so I said nothing. I think we worked at it for a few hours… it's hard to keep track of time when you're working by a dim light bulb, and what bits of sunlight filtered in through a dirt crusted window, but we at least got a bit of progress. Dracoris didn't complain, not once, though he still looked really sad… I guess hearing his parents arguing because of him did a lot more damage than I thought. Maybe I should sit down and talk with him… it'll have to be later, as the clock just chimed twelve, meaning it's time for me to make lunch. Yay…_

_Taking a break right now, mostly because I want to be lazy and slack off for a bit before returning to the job at hand. Not like Dracoris complained, though he's still acting really down. I… just worry about him, that's all. He's usually somewhere between hyperactive and abnormally cheerful, so seeing him reading a book quietly doesn't really fit him, and it's starting to bother me. Maybe I'm just overreacting about this… after all: he hasn't tried to hide from me, or even done more than act a bit too quiet so far. Hell, he hasn't argued once about how bad it was up there, even though I'm sure it must be bothersome. Oh well, if we keep at it the job should be done in less than a week, which is letting Dracoris off a bit easy, but between the hard work and having to shell out the money for the repair, it's adequate punishment. Better than being dumped in a frozen wasteland, that's for sure… damnit, I just HAD to bring that memory back. That's it: I'm gonna do some exercising to work it off. Write later._

_I should really get up and help Dracoris, but… I overdid it a bit. Probably shouldn't have tried for fifteen laps before warming up better, but live and learn. Does go to show that he's at least sticking with his punishment, rather than using my current state to slack off. He's a good kid, more than a little too impulsive for his own good, but his head is on straight at least. A lot like his father in that respect, though more mature at times, scary as it sounds. William… gah, I can't stay mad at him no matter how hard I try. It's like… a part of me is still really angry from the fight, but it's being drowned out by a need for his touch, his warmth, even just knowing he's there with me. *sigh* I don't want to be the one trying to apologize, though… it wasn't me who started the argument, though I DID smack him first, so we're both in the wrong. Doesn't mean I'm gonna go down there and admit that before he does. He's just as at fault as me, and he also was about to take a load of frustration and tiredness out on Dracoris, who hadn't done anything particularly wrong. So he's at fault more than me, and therefore should be the one who admits being wrong first… that sounded a lot better in my mind. I'm gonna go help Dracoris, if only to clear my head a bit._

_Bleh, it's hard to write when you keep sneezing. Dracoris was sweeping up when I got up there, and unfortunately a lot of it hit me in the face. It's more frustrating than anything, but we got a good laugh out of it… once I could see clearly, that is. Aside from that accident, we got a good amount of work done… though my back is sore from a few boxes of clothes falling on me. I should have been paying more attention to what moving other things would do, but eh. Most of the dust in the clear areas is clean, though the floors still need a good scrubbing, and we even found an old photo album up there… I never knew William looked so scrawny when he was younger. Heh, I'm gonna have fun holding that one over him… once things settle down, that is. We also uncovered a good sized trunk, but it was locked and neither of us could come up with a good excuse to just break the lock. Oh well, we'll just have to keep being careless around it until the lock just happens to break or something. Write later, gonna start dinner._

_Ahh, nothing like a good meal and a hot shower to round off a day. We still have a lot of work to do, but at least some of the dust is cleared out… and that trunk is still nagging at me. I wonder if William even knows it's up there; the thing was buried beneath a stack of boxes, after all. Oh well, we'll figure it out later. Right now what matters is getting some of that junk sorted out, and maybe making it semi-habitable up there. I mean, the window is so fogged with dirt that the sunlight barely makes it in; good thing we had a spare bulb around, or we would have had to do that quite unpleasant job first, just so we could see. And some of what we found was in pretty bad shape… didn't toss any of it out, mostly because we're still just shuffling boxes around and getting the dust out of there. Tossing junk out will come later… though I did drag the album we found out with me. I'm gonna keep it under the bed for now, to keep it out of the way. Hmm… maybe I'll look through it more tomorrow: who knows what kind of blackmail material is in there… or just things to laugh at. It's kinda late… I wonder where William is… hopefully he's not trying to avoid me by coming home really late… least Dracoris is keeping me company, though it also could be he's feeling lonely too. I'm calling it a night._

_December 6:_

_William didn't come home last night, unless he slept on the couch and left before anyone else was up. Maybe he's still mad about our fight… or maybe he's just mad at me for striking him… damnit, I need to get a better grip on myself in the heat of things. Oh well, one of us will give in and make that first apology, so it's kinda stupid to pine over it any longer. It's something to do, but Dracoris needs someone to lean on right now, not someone kicking themselves over trivial things. Speaking of which, I'm gonna start breakfast. Write later._

_A power breakfast, combined with a brisk run afterward is a great way to start the day… aside from nearly freezing my tail off outside, that is. You'd think that running would actually get my body warmed up enough to fight the worst of it off, but no. We went back in after a few laps and I practically had to live in the shower for half an hour JUST so the shivering would stop. Add to that the fact that I'm currently wrapped up in a thick quilt and sipping a cup of cocoa Dracoris made for me, and you have a pretty lousy morning. It was nice of him to make me a cup… though, it did give him an excuse to have one himself, so maybe it wasn't all kindness. No matter, just having someone around who's trying to make me feel better is nice. Sure wish it was William… he knows just how I like it… and we could snuggle a bit, too… great, now I'm pining again. Cold does that to me, along with feeling a bit lonely… Dracoris really does look like his dad in the right light, though a bit thinner. Okay, I'm gonna stop right now before any more random thoughts escape._

_Bleh, we finally broke down and scrubbed the window. And I thought the dust was bad; it took us a half hour to get the window clean, though a lot of that was figuring out how to polish the outside without either freezing from the drafts, or having to actually go out there and work on it. Luckily Dracoris figured out how to keep a good psychic grip on the rag with the window closed, though that took most of the time. Well worth it I'm here to tell you; there's nothing like being able to see by more than a dim light bulb to make cleaning more pleasant. Add to that taking a little time in between to stretch out in the sun, and you have a pretty good change from a sucky morning. Sure, we didn't get that much done yet… but, it's not like we have any sort of deadline to finish. Dracoris usually ends up grounded for about a week, so stretching things out about that long should work well. Need to start lunch. Write later_

_We got a bit more cleaned up, though it probably would have gone better if we weren't stopping to look in every box we moved… along with making fun of some things we found. I never knew that humans could invent such horrible clothing until we found that one box labeled 'disco'… I swear, whatever idiot came up with that idea should never have been allowed to breed. And I have a sinking feeling that the album we found yesterday has photos of those horrible clothes being worn… William is too young for it, though it could be a parent; doesn't matter who it is, as no human could make it look presentable. I wanted to just throw it out, but Dracoris, being the voice of reason he is sometimes simply put in the stack of boxes we've gone through and moved on. Probably for the best, as neither of us need to get yelled at for tossing something important out. Besides, it could make for a good laugh later… get William buzzed and see if he'll try it on. Well, he's ready to work some more. Write later._

_Well, the attic now smells like sitrus cleaner mixed with a lingering mustiness from the boxes. It took us until well past dark, but we got the entire floor scrubbed, along with removing most of the dust. We still have a mountain of boxes to sort through, but that can be done at a slower pace. Poor Dracoris was ready to drop by the time we hauled the buckets down, but… he was smiling, so that's a good sign. Poor kid nearly fell asleep at the table… not like I was far behind him. We worked our tails off today, but it feels good to know that the hardest part is already done. He's already asleep nearby, nose tucked under a paw. I really should get some sleep as well, but I want to wait a little longer for William… if he comes home, that is. *sigh* He looks so content… okay, I'm going to bed._

_December 7:_

_Again, William didn't come home last night… I'm starting to get a little worried now. Either he's that mad, or something happened to him on the way back… I shouldn't think like that, but with how tired he's been, it isn't improbable that he was attacked by some predator, or even worse… a human grabbed him… *sigh* I need to think positive. He's probably just spending a few days at the rental gym and cooling off, that's all. Right now I'm waiting for lazy bones to wake up so we can start breakfast… I should just get him up myself, but he looks so peaceful, and I don't have the heart to shake him out of whatever dream he's currently purring to. *sigh* He's got the right idea, it's too early… gonna get some more sleep._

_Ugh… I thought Rose was afraid of Dracoris… she proved me wrong, though. Nothing like having fifty eight pounds of bone and muscle land on you when you're just starting to fall asleep. Reminds me of the furballs and their wake up pounces, only a lot more painful. Add to the chaos Dracoris piling on… ugh, I'm alone with a pair of nutters… maybe I should just be happy that Rose is getting comfortable around others and cut my losses. It took a minute to free myself from the covers, which gave the two enough time to make a run for it; better believe I would have gotten Dracoris good for it… eh, I needed to get up anyway. Breakfast was good, though a bit lighter than I would have done as payback for their little stunt. Right now I'm kicking back while Dracoris does a bit more sorting; can't make myself get off the couch yet. Reminds me: need to bring in more firewood, and maybe run into town for groceries… which is a good excuse to get some marshmallows. _

_My respect for humans fell a bit today. I can kind of understand collecting a few things over the years, mostly because I've lived with William most of my life. But, some of the crap we tossed out was just pointless… who keeps a bunch of school papers with what I'm guessing were low grades anyway? On top of that, we found some really… well, bad crafts that were probably from when William was younger. Kept those because he might get mad for us tossing something he did himself out; though, William has never seemed that sentimental about his past. Eh, better safe than sorry I figure. Beneath a few boxes of things like that we found more clothes… some really nice ones at that. Hmm… I wonder what my gray clod would look like in a black suit, with a cute little necktie of course. Something to think about later, once he comes home… *sigh* damnit, I'm gonna go for a run to clear my head._

_Ugh, Dracoris and I got a fire started and I'm STILL cold… stupid winter. On the plus side, I no longer want to pine about him being gone, so I guess freezing for about a half an hour was worth it. And since I have Dracoris curled up by me, sipping at a cup of cocoa, I don't feel as bad as I would if he were still working. He's sweet, even though I'm sure that he's just using this as an excuse to take a break. Still, his company is nice to have, and it meant I got help starting the fire, so that was a plus. Wish it was William, but you can't have everything… and just so long as I don't get them mixed up it should be fine. Ugh, I still remember that one morning… no matter. I wonder what other treasures we'll find in the attic, and what else we'll get a good laugh out of? We're… maybe a quarter done with the boxes, less if you count that a lot of them were just shoved aside for being boring. Ah well, the floor and walls are finished, so the hardest part is done… now we just have to open that trunk and find out what's inside. It's probably nothing, but my curiosity is not going to be satisfied until we open everything up there, including the mystery trunk. Hmm… maybe enough force would do it? Think about it later, gonna take a nap._

_Well, after a lunch of whatever we could find in the cupboards, Dracoris and I headed into town for groceries. Not a fun prospect really, as even around noon it was cold enough to see our breath at the manor. Thankfully it was better off the mountain, but not by much… swear I got a few burns on my toes from the salted sidewalks. Bleh, I really need to look into socks, or something to protect my paws. Oh well, we got enough groceries to last a month with just the four of us at the manor, though if anyone comes home it'll go faster. Heh, even got the marshmallows for later… probably after the attic is cleaned as a celebratory thing. Or as something to really make an evening, but that's only if William comes back… I really should have gone to see him, but we were really behind… yeah, that's it. Anyway, Dracoris is back upstairs moving the boxes we've sorted down into the hall, so I should probably go help him. Write later._

_More junk, though nothing quite so trivial as the old homework we found. I swear, whoever dumped some of the stuff up there was either cheap, or actually thought it could be fixed. We tossed out at least two broken lamps, one of which had the wires gnawed clean off, probably by the Rattata we cleared out years ago, and the other was… just too ugly to keep around. Just Ugh, whoever thought a human leg would make for a good lamp needs to be hurt… badly. Aside from that our finds were pretty dull: more boxes of clothes, human kit sized this time, another photo album that I made sure to bring back downstairs, and some rectangular gray things… not sure what they are, but we found a machine with them. Eh, we put that aside for later, as William can probably tell what it is. As for the mystery trunk… we left it alone again. Really tempted to get into town and buy a crowbar, but it's too nice to just smash open. Besides, what if we damaged its contents? Eh, worry about it later, gotta cook dinner._

_Mmm… pot roast. I forgot how nice having something simple is, especially when it doesn't take a large amount of effort to cook. Heh, we all deserve to be lazy some of the time, and since I've done all the cooking… aside from the times Dracoris made breakfast, it was high time to put something simple on and flake out for a bit; that, and something hot on a cold evening is nice. The fact that the beef was discounted because the expiration date was coming up didn't hurt either. Heh, just another strike against humans: can't even take something that's a bit old… then again, I still remember that bad pizza, so bah. Gonna call it a night on cleaning the attic, mostly because I just want to relax for a bit and unwind, but also because it's damn cold up there. That, and Rose has been acting funny and I want to find out why. First it was the pouncing, and now she's really withdrawn… maybe she's just lonely? Hopefully taking an evening and spending time around her will help, though right now she's just staring at me… kinda wish she would stop, actually… it's creepy. I swear she hasn't blinked in at least five minutes. Write later, I need to move._

_It's late and I should be asleep, but every time I start to… I wonder where my William is. Did he get hurt on the way back, or grabbed by someone? Is he still mad at me over our fight? Should I just suck up my pride and go see him right now? *sigh* I just can't stop worrying… he's been gone for two days now, and we haven't heard a thing from him. I really just need to stop worrying and get some sleep, but… I can't. That, and I have both Dracoris and Rose lying nearby for warmth, so it's difficult to move. Least neither of them are trying to cuddle me, especially Dracoris. Rose used to be creepy, but once I started getting used to Gloria, that feeling subsided. But Dracoris… it's not the fact that he's my son, but how much he looks like his dad… I don't trust myself: I'd probably end up sleep deprived and mix them up again… okay, that's it. Bedtime._

_December 8:_

Ugh… Eon sandwich, Azarus flavor. I've had a really warm dream about that once, but it did NOT involve my son and someone I consider a daughter. It's very hard not to panic and start struggling when you wake up with someone clinging to you, worse when you're still groggy and don't recognize who it is. Thankfully I caught site of mismatched eyes before any particular instinct took hold. *sigh* I'm gonna get some more sleep…

_Ahh, a few hours more sleep and a hot meal: that's how a morning should start. Dracoris ate with me, though it was only a slice of toast with jelly as he had finished eating before I was even awake. He even went to the trouble to make something fresh, rather than just keeping whatever was left over warm… which would have been sweet, but I know he was just trying to make up for freaking me out earlier. Oh well, I'm just glad to have a son like him… though, for how much crap he's been through in his life, maybe it's not worth having him be so sensitive. Oh well, maybe I'll try to be more lenient about his punishment… nah, but he does deserve a better thank you than the one I mumbled through my eggs. Worry about it later; right now, I wanna relax a little longer before heading up to the attic. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Rose since the first time I woke up… hopefully it didn't scare her or something. Then again, Dracoris didn't mention anything being off so I guess she's all right. I'll try to see how she's doing in a bit. For now, I need to get upstairs and continue the sorting job. Write later._

_Bleh, we found a box up there with old books in it. Wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't damn musty from being up there so long, but eh. I'll probably bring a few down and read them once they finish airing out; would be nice to have something to read without going down to the library for once. Aside from that the finds were boring; more clothes that looked several decades out of date going by what I've seen in town, some dinnerware that looked nice, and a silver serving tray in desperate need of a polish. Never knew we had anything so fancy around here, what with how… well, cheap William can be. I swear most of the dinnerware we use came from the cheapest place he could find, if the ugly pattern is any indication. No matter, it's not like we need it for anything other than the madness that is meals around here… though, maybe at whatever human holiday is coming up we can use that nice stuff we found today. Speaking of which, I'd better find out what it is and decide if hiding under the bed that day would be a good idea. Write later, gonna start lunch._

_Ehehehe… I thought of the perfect way to resolve things when William comes home. That is, if he starts to fly off the handle again. The only problem will be pulling it off… maybe I can get Dracoris to help? Or Shadowbane, but it's unlikely she'll be back before he is. Worry about that later, right now I just want to kick back and warm up a bit. Tried getting Dracoris to take a break, but he just shook his head and went back to the attic… guess he really wants his punishment to be over. Heh, maybe I should start making heavy cleaning projects a staple for when he does something stupid; at the very least, we could get a few of the more unpleasant jobs done around here for cheap. That is IF he does anything so stupid and reckless again, what with how bad his current punishment is… along with likely hearing some of his dads unjust yelling… I need to see if he'll talk to me about that later. He doesn't seem affected by it, but then again… it's damn near impossible to tell what he's thinking or feeling… not sure how he does it, though. I mean, between being able to read anyone like a damn book at times, along with being a bloody fortress when it comes to understanding what's going on in that skull of his, it can be DAMN frustrating. Oh well, maybe it's better if I just leave him be. After all, if Dracoris is having a problem he'll either try to lock himself away, or come forward with it, so prying isn't really necessary. Doesn't help with my curiosity thou-_

_*sigh* Never a dull moment… currently, Dracoris is lying down and nursing several bruises and I'm switching between writing and applying a few bandages. Swear he's going to really hurt himself one of these days. I don't know what he was thinking trying to move that many boxes at once, as it would have been smarter to just come down and ask for help. Logic one, Dracoris… zero. Thankfully nothing broke, including any bones, so I guess that's something to be happy about. Still, it's rather sad that I have to patch the big baby up after he fell down some easy to see stairs… least we're alone. Though that makes me wonder, where IS the devil fox? I haven't seen her since William headed out, and I could have sworn she stayed… eh, don't care enough to actually look for her. Okay, I'm gonna write later because the Dracoris is squirming too much._

_Well, we won't be doing much heavy work for a bit now. Dracoris didn't break anything, but aside from walking and maybe some strenuous activity, he's going to be out of commission for a few days. Sure, it'd be easier to see a nurse, but neither of us are exactly… trusting of human doctors. No offense to them, but having a pair of foreign hands groping practically every inch of your body, along with the needles… it just doesn't seem worth recovering a bit faster. I'm not against seeing them for serious things, but a few bruises can be treated at home just fine. Hell, if it came down to it, I'm sure we could treat broken bones, though honestly… it'd be only temporary. It's not like that possibility isn't there, but none of us like to think about it. Being a gym leader's Pokémon AND his family is a tough thing, especially when we get a strong of morons who think fighting and bugs are the ticket to success. Idiots, the lot of them! I'm not looking forward to spring, especially as if I remember correctly is when a lot of jackasses are gearing up for the league tournaments, which means they're either going to challenge us as a measure of strength, or try to pad their collection of little pins by taking us down. Fat chance for most of them, but it does mean a lot of extra work for me, which is both fun and annoying. Just depends on if they're using strategy, or brute force. Sadly the latter is more common, especially when the hotshots come looking for an easy win and/or bragging rights. Oh well, it'll also mean having some fun thrashing the bastards who think it's fair to bring all fighting types to a dark gym. Write later, getting hungry._

_Being banged up didn't stop Dracoris in the least, which was a bit surprising. I honestly thought he would take the opportunity to slack off for at least today, or even try for some sympathy; guess that's just another thing I never knew about him. Oh well, I figure another few days and it should be done… though, we still have to open the trunk… hmm… Dracoris' accident gives me an idea. Do it tomorrow though, right now I'm too tired. We went through a good sized stack of boxes and unearthed what I figure is the most interesting thing yet. An old wedding dress, judging by from the lingering scent I think it belonged to William's mother. It made me stop and think for a moment… what if William had left me out there? What if my stupid mistake had cost me everything? Hell, what if he had found a human female… I shouldn't think about it, but it just happened. Least I didn't do anything really stupid like throw it out or cry, but… I feel down still. Along with the dress was a small box… I didn't have to open it to guess the contents: I've read enough books to know… it's his mother's engagement ring. Both of them are still in the box we found along with some other things I didn't have the heart to sort through… damnit, why am I so weak? I shouldn't be so-_

_… Dracoris scares me even more now. He's currently asleep at the end of my bed with his nose under a paw, looking innocent as always. Yet, maybe ten minutes ago that eerie side of him was back… it's like he could just look right through me and see the problem, even shaking loose a few fears that were well hidden. I just… I'm both scared of him and glad to have a son like him… it's frustrating. I've worked hard to hide the last of my doubts, yet Dracoris saw through it all and pulled them back up, even pointing out how baseless they were… damnit, how does he do it? It'd be a great ability to use when William get's really puffed up. Still, maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just being stupid about the whole situation. I don't know really, but somehow having it thrown in my face helped a bit… for now, I'm just going to sleep on it._

_December 9:_

_Stupid nightmare… Dracoris going all creepy-serious last night probably caused it, but… the feelings were already there, so I can't really blame him. Just… I never want to hear William say those things to me… even in a nightmare. Right now it's barely past three in the morning, and I want to sleep, but the chance of that nightmare coming back is making it hard. Bah, I'm gonna get a snack and try to get some more sleep._

_Well, I got one hell of a shocker when I woke up the second time, and thankfully it wasn't because of another bad dream… William was back. Nothing like being roused from a dreamless sleep by someone licking the base of your ear… I almost called him Dracoris before my brain woke up enough to start functioning. Mind you, I tried to give him the cold shoulder for not coming home of letting me know he was okay, but once he started purring and nibbling… I caved. *sigh* For all the emotional ups and downs he's caused, I was still glad to see him again. It just felt nice to know that he wasn't still mad about our fight, though I did have to stop him from lighting into Dracoris again. And he even made breakfast before heading out again… swear I gained a few pounds just looking at it. Ohh, just thinking about it is making my mouth water… so good… gonna have to do some serious exercising to work it off later. Speaking of which, I thing a good run would be nice right now. Write later._

_Damnit, I managed to trip on a buried root and land in a good sized pile of snow, and of course it took me a bit to untangle myself, meaning that I got thoroughly chilled. Right now I'm under a pile of blankets, trying not to crack a tooth from shivering so much and warming up very slowly. Doesn't help that I'm sneezing a bit from having to clean out the ashes before starting a fire. So overall it's been a bad day once William headed out. Oh well, at least I know he's all right and hopefully will be back tonight. *sigh* I wish he would have taken at least one day off, but… I can't have everything. Speaking of missing Eon's, I guess Dracoris wandered off to do more work in the attic. Heh, there's just no stopping him I guess. I hate sneezing, especially when it makes writing clearly a hassle; haven't slipped up badly yet, but it's not easy. Bleh, gonna take a nap._

_Feeling a bit better, though now my body aches a bit. It's probably from sleeping on the floor, though it usually doesn't do it to me… eh, I'll take something later for it. Need to start lunch in a bit, but right now I have Rose under the blanket and clinging to me, so I can't exactly do much. *sigh* And here I thought the clinging was behind us… oh well, it's better than her not being around at all I suppose. It feels… awkward, but almost nice: like a part of me wants her close… not in THAT sense, but the feeling of a warm body against my own is soothing, if not worrisome because of who it is. Rose… okay, I'm going to change topics before this gets any creepier. Okay, now that William is hopefully going to be home more, maybe I can convince him to skip the gym for a day so we can go over what happened a few days ago. I mean, we could just pretend it didn't happen, but then the same feelings could come back and start another fight, one that may end with much worse. Besides, we're both reasonable adults; why shouldn't we work through problems as such? Hmm… I still want to try my idea… eh, another time. Write later, gonna free myself from Rose's death grip._

_December 10:_

_Well, yesterday was an interesting experience to say the least. What Dracoris and I thought was just strong catnip turned out to be something a bit different. William called it… pot, I think; he used some other word, but for the life of me I can't spell it, so that will do. The conversation Dracoris and I had is still hazy, but for some reason we were talking about what a Cubone would look like if it found a different graveyard. Apparently we went on about that for at least an hour, though it could have been more. We also started picking out shapes in the stucco, which seemed like a good idea at the time. What the hell did that stuff do to us? And for that matter, how the hell did we manage to eat a weeks worth of food in one go? Ugh, and then the really weird one… what if William tried to become two things at once… I don't even want to remember some of the weirdness that came of that… though, Mewviper is worth a laugh. I can remember some even weirder topics we went through, but I'm not writing them down… too weird. Still, I'm not going near that stuff again. Hell, I may try to avoid normal catnip from now on… it was kinda fun, but not something I'd repeat in the near future, if only because of the stomach ache afterward. Write later, gonna try to scrounge up something Dracoris and I didn't devour yesterday._

_Well, William took the day off from the gym… probably to keep an eye on me, though I'm sure he just wanted an excuse to get away from the grind. Either way it's nice to have him all to myself for the day, even though he gave me a funny look when I mentioned not being hungry. Should have bitten him for it, but eh… I'll take a bit of awkwardness right now. Still, I wasn't exactly happy with leaving Dracoris to work alone, but he's proven reliable enough… and William confiscated what was left of our bag of fun, so he'll likely get more done. Right now we're relaxing at a small café that allows Pokémon in, though even so I feel a bit uncomfortable in here. I hate being stared at, even if it's just my imagination tormenting me. Eh, we're heading out in a few minutes anyway so I can take it a little longer. Plus the coffee is pretty good, which surprised me… sure didn't smell good. The bagel was pretty good, though a bit bland for my taste. Well, write later. We're heading out._

_Bought enough groceries to last us a month at least, though since I'm sure the gym will be closing down for whatever holiday is approaching it'll last maybe a week. Most of it was raw, which is really getting my hopes up of having William home for more than a few hours… though the gym does need to be taken care of. Still, Dracoris and I need him too, and so does everyone else. We can't just be a full time gym family… well, we could but that would get old pretty fast. Besides, winter is a good time to hole up and relax while a majority of the trainers are in the warmer areas. Hmm… I wonder just how busy they've been? William was coming home pretty tired, so I just assumed it was from long days. Who knows, maybe they were just doing some extra training… nah, he would have mentioned that, or even tried dragging Dracoris into it once in a while. Then again, only William has been coming home… probably because it's damn cold at night and why would anyone sensible leave a warm place to travel through the frigid air, aside from being with someone? You know, I never thought of that before… William taking the time and effort to come home every night to be with me, though sleeping in his own bed could be a strong motivator. Eh, I'll ask him later. Right now I'm trying to ignore the bagel breath and finish this thought… God he's cute when he's asleep… I think a nap sounds good._

_Ate a late lunch, mostly because we were asleep on the floor until Dracoris finally woke us up. He was probably worried more about Rose, because it's not like he couldn't just fix something for himself. Oh well, at least he let us sleep for a while, though my dream was getting pretty good… oh well, I'll just have to make it a reality later, if William is up to it that is. Ehe, I knew there was something more than having him to hold I've been missing… but enough of that for now. Lunch itself was good: a bit fancier than usual, but I think William was having too much fun in the kitchen to do something simple. Then again, lunch has been sandwiches and other simple things for a few days, so anything he made would seem fancy. Still, lemon sauté fillet of Goldeen for a simple lunch seems a bit much. And did he really have to make it look so nice? *sigh* My mate is a nutjob, yet I'm still surprised when he does something weird. One of these days he's going to do something REALLY strange and I won't twitch an ear at it… that'll be the day I stop being surprised by anything. Best not to think about that too much, as he might pick up on it and do something weird just to spite me… speaking of spiteful, I still haven't seen the bitch around. Maybe she figured out that only William really wants her here and left… nah, she's not that stupid. More likely than not she's just been hiding out in the greenhouse to avoid being caught up in the attic cleaning. Speaking of which… I should get back to that._

_I am in serious trouble. It seems that during out little 'trip' yesterday, we managed to smash Karakof's confiscated laptop… along with several empty bottles that he had stored in the attic. The latter isn't the problem… we wrecked an expensive piece of equipment in our delirium. I feel really bad for going along with Dracoris taking full blame, but I couldn't fess up to having suggested it… damnit, that's going to weigh down on me for a while. At least William didn't fly off the handle and yell, though the look he had made up for it. To his credit, Dracoris didn't run off or lock himself away this time, though I can tell he's really hurt. *sigh* I need to tell William my side of it later, but right now I just can't face him… he even started going on about how disappointed he was with Dracoris in our room, though thankfully he kept it low enough that it probably stayed between us. Still, it's hard to tell someone the truth when they're going on and on about how disappointed they are about such a stupid thing happening, ESPECIALLY as I'm the one who threw it. Dracoris threw the bottles because we wanted to see which one would be louder. The bottles won, but that's beside the point. Okay, I need to start dinner so that'd be a good time to try and work up some guts._

_*sigh* Nope, I took the cowards way out and left the full blame on Dracoris. He knows the truth, and yet is taking on the full blame… I want to know why. He's almost done with his current punishment for the skateboard incident, yet rather than rat me out he's taking the blame for something even worse. Hell, knowing William his punishment is going to be pretty severe… nothing unbearable, but between having to replace an expensive piece of hardware and whatever else he decides on… damnit, I need to stop being a coward and just face it. If anything he'll go harder on me as punishment for letting Dracoris cover for me. Right now though… I just can't do it… hell; I can't even look William in the eye without shivering inwardly. Just knowing that he's looking at me warmly, yet don't deserve it… I feel a lot like when he first brought me back from my exile. That feeling of not belonging; of deserving anger, yet receiving warmth… very bad memories. I wonder what he's going to do once I admit it… I'll have to pay for it, that's a given. That's not what's eating away at me… it's what William will do to me for practically lying, letting someone else take the blame, and hiding the truth from him to save my own skin. It may be late, but I'm gonna go for a quick run to clear my head. Write later._

_Friggen cold… doesn't help that I got lost in a snowstorm and had to wait an hour or so before anyone came looking for me. God I hate winter so much right now… I can't feel my toes very well, which is really bothering me. I have a living furnace next to me which is helping, but I'm still shivering pretty badly. *sigh* once this stops maybe I'll tell him. Being caught in the cold gave me some time to think about things. I'm stronger than before: I can face William's anger and accept any punishment he sees fit, which I need to do. Dracoris didn't do anything wrong, and yet I stood by as he took the full blame, even lying about it being his idea to toss it down the stairs… I can't let that bit of bravery leave him in trouble. For now though, I want to just cuddle up with my warm mate and focus on not shivering half the night… write later._

_December 11:_

_Ugh… I don't feel good at all. Right now I'm lying in bed, trying to ignore the stiffness that's taken over. I wish William was here, but no doubt he headed out to take care of the gym… he probably doesn't know how bad it is. *sigh* I shouldn't have gone out for that run last night. I know better than to run around in the winter around here, especially when it's been snowing recently. Oh well, I got myself into it, so it's only fitting that I endure it. Doesn't mean the desire to have someone close to help me through it is going to go away… I'm gonna try to get some more sleep. I want my William…_

_I still feel like crap, but somehow it's a bit more bearable after waking up to the scent of something so nice… and that warmth around me, easing away the worst of the aches in a rush of heat… ohhh, it was so nice… I love it when William surprises me with breakfast in bed, especially when I get to snuggle with the living furnace afterward. I think he's been taking lessons from someone, as I can't remember a time he's been so on the ball about things… or maybe he was here the entire time and I didn't notice? Eh, either way, it's helping me feel better. Sure, it's kinda hard to concentrate when your mate is nibbling your ear quite playfully, but I'll cope. *sigh* It's hard to decide which one's sweeter: making me a bowl of his godly chicken soup, or taking another day off to make me feel better. Both are really nice, though the latter is becoming a battle with myself not to stop writing and nip at him… screw it. Gonna get him back for tormenting me, so long as my body doesn't protest too much._

_An extra hour of rest under heated blankets can do wonders for soreness, though having a very soft and warm pillow to hug doesn't hurt in the least. And he smelled so good… I love his Flareon form, especially that fluffy mane… and the puffy tail teasing my hind legs was nice… okay, so I can't resist hugging him tightly and burying my muzzle in his fur, so what? I wasn't feeling good and the heat was helping the aches… and his soft purr was soothing in its own way; a bit deeper than my favorite one, but still nice to hear again. I felt safe in his paws, which… well, I haven't felt in a while, and only when the sensation of being held close by my mate did I remember how it truly felt. Man, I sound kinda whiny right now… maybe I'm coming down with something more than stiffness? Eh, that'd just mean more special treatment, so it can't be all bad, right? Right now he's downstairs, probably making sure everyone else ate… I don't even know what time it is. *sigh* I'd better get up and start what's left of the day now._

_Bleh, being kinda sick didn't get me out of helping in the attic, no matter how badly I wanted to snuggle a bit more. Oh well, maybe today we can get some answers about the treasures we found… if not a few laughs from it. William slipped out of the house sometime between when I dragged myself upstairs, and when we decided to break for lunch, though hopefully he'll be back later. Weird that he would choose that time to leave, but I have a feeling his little break from the gym wasn't scheduled… damn, I should have done something extra special for him before starting on the attic again. Oh well, there's always tonight if he doesn't come home too tired. Something to look forward to, that's for sure. Now, what did we find in the attic again? Oh right, we moved the final set of boxes down and raided them. Wasn't much of note: mostly clothing, along with a wooden box with some fancy looking silverware in it… and a few more books. The only reason I remember them is because of the title: 'Dungeons and Dragonites'… weird title for a book if you ask me. Sounds more like something the human equivalent of a nerd would read than anything good. Meh, maybe I'll flip through them another time. For now, I'd better get back to looking through the last of the boxes and tossing out the junk. Write later._

_Well, aside from the pile of boxes, a few odd bits of furniture we found buried under all the clutter, the attic is finally cleaned. I swear it smells better in the manor without several pounds of dust sitting above us. And unless William put some new punishment on Dracoris, it means he's free to go back to his normal routine… sadly, I have a feeling William had a little talk with him sometime between two days ago and now. *sigh* I REALLY need to come clean about it… and apologize to Dracoris for not saying anything before. Anyway, I took him into town to celebrate a job well done, along with a good excuse to go for a good walk. Still need those socks… hmm, maybe I'll look into them later… for now, I'm content to split a few donuts with him and relax for a bit. Speaking of relaxing, whatever caused my aching in the morning has gone away, which is a relief. I'm pretty sure it was from being in the cold last night, but for a bit I was worried it was a cold or something. Bleh, I've been lucky so far in that the worse things that have happened to me are combat related, and breaking that trend isn't high on my list of good things. Hmm… I think the owner is getting annoyed with us loitering, so we're gonna head out. _

_Heh, I swear Dracoris nearly choked me when I gave him that ten… who knew being allowed to go back to that shop would mean so much to him? For that matter… why didn't he just head out on his own? I mean, his punishment was over and unless William said something he was free to come and go up until his curfew. Oh well, maybe it's best that I don't think too much about it. Speaking of shops, I stopped in to a clothing store and was chased out… I used to laugh at the old cliché of being chased with a broom, but when you see that thing coming at you it's damn near impossible not to panic and flee. Bastards… every time I start thinking that the humans in town aren't too bad they turn around and treat me like a damn stray! And, much as I hate to admit it… I'm tempted to report that to the PRA. I wore my nametag into town, and come on… how hard is it to notice that I was carrying a small change purse with me? Humans can be so judgmental, yet since they're the dominant race so to speak, I have to play by their rules. Jokes on them though: I found a small shop in downtown that would let me in. It did cost a bit more than I would have liked, but they had a really nice set in my size, which felt odd but beggars can't be choosers. Heh, I should have looked into socks earlier: aside from having to avoid patches of snow, they feel great. No more burning the pads of my paws on the salted sidewalks. Hmm… write later, gonna go pick up Dracoris and get a bite to eat._

_Well… my new purchase got a pretty good reaction out of Dracoris, though why he called me a fox is confusing. Yes, Umbreon are sometimes referred to as foxes, but honestly I see myself more as a mix of feline and canine. Oh well, different views I suppose. Doesn't matter really, I just found it odd, that's all. Anyway, we had a relatively good dinner, though I do prefer eating at home, especially when I'm with Dracoris. Why he likes that hamburger place is beyond me… felt like I burned half my tongue off from how salty it was. Beyond that it's pretty good; wish they wouldn't put pickles on, but I didn't feel like trying to get a special order. That, and when you're dining at one of the few places that let Pokémon actually order with only a funny look, you don't push your luck by making things harder for them. We did stop by the grocery store to get something nice for Rose, mainly because I have a feeling the food from where we ate would be dangerous for her to eat… with how frail she's been, I doubt her body could take the near lethal grease and salt content of their food. And it's kinda rude to bring junk food home to someone who's stuck indoors, though with Rose there's no real telling. It also gave me an excuse to get used to walking in my new socks, which feels kinda weird. I'm so used to being able to feel the ground beneath my pads that feeling the thick cushioning throws me off. Doesn't help that it's hard to walk on tile, though I only fell twice… and the second time was because the tile was extra slick. Ehe, I'm going to have fun at the manor… write later, don't want my pen stolen._

_Mmm… being cuddled is so nice. I could do without the snoring, but it's well worth being able to relax and stretch out against my William. It's a bit early right now, but he came home exhausted; he barely said two words to me before stumbling upstairs and collapsing on the bed. *sigh* He works too hard for that league… maybe in the morning I'll try to get up early and make his day start out special. Right now though, his warmth is making me drowsy. Write more tomorrow._

_December 12:_

_Tired… got woken up at four in the fucking morning by the phone. Didn't catch much of it, but William and Dracoris are running around and shouting downstairs, so I can't get back to sleep. Ugh, if I find out it was the league calling about something-_

_Well this is just great. I pass out and wreck part of the page, along with leaving an ink stain on the sheets only to find out someone nabbed Cerberus last night. Apparently a human broke into the temporary gym, drugged him and fled. Figures the idiot would sleep through it… though I don't know the details. Who knows, maybe Cerberus took a good chunk out of whoever was stupid enough to mess with a Houndoom. Either way, William is still going nuts with that funny looking phone of his, Dracoris went into town to find out just what happened and Rose… I haven't seen her yet, so my guess is she's hiding. I'd go look for her, but right now William is making enough racket to wake the dead, so even if I did find her, there's a good chance Rose would either try to run for a new hiding spot, or attack me in a panic. I kinda want to hide too, if only to avoid being caught in the middle of this whole mess. Just where do humans get off, anyway? It's not bad enough that they bring things that will win a fight simply because the gym uses a specific type… no, decides to steal one of our own, probably because of his odd colorings. I just know this is going to end badly. Write later, we're heading out to find the git._

_Score one for family. Turns out whoever made off with Cerberus didn't get away clean. Shadowbane and Thanos were still groggy from whatever the thief used, though Padfoot and Karakof were faring much better. The weasel was pretty banged up, though from what he says the human had help, but something tells me he doesn't want to admit that a human bested him… once this situation is resolved, I'll have to laugh at him. Beyond that we didn't find much to go on: window broken with funny looking can that made me drowsy, quick struggle between the two who managed to resist whatever that stuff was, and some burn marks Padfoot left. Oh yeah, Dracoris found some blood from the human making a quick run for it, so we have something to go on. Heh, I really feel sorry for whoever was stupid enough to grab Cerberus. Between being a very dangerous fighter, and having a bad temper… I wonder how much of that human we'll find? Eh, write later._

_Damnit, when we do find the bastard I'm gonna beat him good! We didn't have much time for lunch, so William bought a few sandwiches and told us to eat fast. I'm friggen hungry, and having to deal with this situation isn't helping my mood any. I swear Cerberus had better have a DAMN good excuse for being stupid enough to get nabbed… okay, so that's just the hunger talking, but still. I want to go home, but William needs everyone on this problem. And really, family should stick together, no matter how tiring it is. Especially when it's one of our own in trouble. Oh well, I might as well get my bitching out here: knowing Cerberus, he's going to be in an even fouler mood when we find him… if we find him. *sigh* I don't want to think about that, but it's true. We may not find him… I've heard rumors about nabbed Pokémon being slaughtered for one of many reasons. It's just sick… killing just because you like something's fur, or some other part of their body. It's just sick, yet there are other humans who will pay large amounts of money for blood merchandise like that… I'm even more thankful that I ended up with William. I know he wouldn't just let another human take me for slaughter without a fight… write later, gotta get moving._

_No luck yet. We're all taking a breather at the diner Dracoris likes, mostly to warm up, but also to have a proper meal. Searching a cold city on an empty stomach starts fights, which leads to violence and wasting time bickering about stupid things. Hell, it might even make someone give up completely. We haven't found out much, aside from a few humans living around the rental gym being woken up by the commotion. Nobody saw a thing, though with only three of us who can get across to anyone it's been hard. Oh well, maybe a little time to talk things out and come up with a new plan will help… that device William is wearing looks so weird. Oh well, I guess it's better than running around blind all the time. Still wish he would take it outside to finish his conversation, but from the half we can hear it's pretty obvious things are not good. The police here are not being terribly helpful, which doesn't surprise me too much. Between there being things only Pokémon can really find, our family not living in town, and I suspect some hard feelings from when Dracoris was hauled in, we're probably going to be on our own. Figures that when humans are in trouble they hop to it, but when a Pokémon needs help, they drag their feet. Stupid double standard. Well, we're off again._

_Cold, tired, hungry again and still out looking for anyone who knows what happened. I swear William is going to have a breakdown if we keep at this much longer. Unless he stopped when we split up, he hasn't eaten anything all day. Combine that with the lack of sleep, and he's likely to crash soon. We really should just head home and regroup, but William would just slip out and keep looking. *sigh* I can see being worried about family, but the way he's been acting… I think it's more. I met both Cerberus and Padfoot at the same time, but William had been with them for years before acquiring me, so I don't know that much about their past. Doesn't help when both of them are cagey about it… we're family, and yet they want to keep secrets. Then again, all of us have things we don't talk about, so I guess it's understandable. Hmm… maybe once we find him… hopefully alive, I can pester William to tell me the story. Write later, stomach is going numb from lying on a cold bench._

_He finally gave up for the night, which was a relief. Right now everyone is in the living room, either huddled by the fireplace trying to warm up, or already asleep. I wish William would just turn that stupid phone off and rest for a little while, but I'm not about to suggest it. He nearly bit Karakof's head off over something simple, so there's no way I'm gonna approach him until he decides to put it down. *sigh* I just want to get some sleep, but until William is next to me I can't. I worry about him… there's more to his friendship with Cerberus than anyone but he and the missing 'doom know, and I have a feeling it's what's getting William so worked up. Oh well, he just took that earpiece out so I'm gonna coax him to bed. Write later._

_December 13:_

_Had to wake up early, which meant having a very light breakfast before William practically dragged us out the door. I'm worried about Cerberus too, but not to the point I'm going to starve myself trying to find him. *sigh* I should have argued, but when you're groggy from being woken up early, it's hard to walk, much less think of something intelligent to say. Oh well, at least I got some sleep this time, unlike yesterday. I wonder how much sleep he got? Probably not much if how he nearly walked into a closed door is any indication. *sigh* Either I'll have to knock him out myself, or something similar tonight if we don't make any headway on the missing 'doom problem. Write later._

_We got a decently lucky break. The bastards who run the local police department actually came up with a list of suspected underground traders, though the list was a few years old so it could be useless. Still, it's something to go on… wish we could find someone who saw it happen, but that doesn't seem likely. We have something to go on, and since it's only been a day we've got a good shot at finding whoever grabbed him. That'll be nice… have the stubborn canine home so we can all sleep better. Still, it's hard to believe this happened in the first place. I mean, we're all built damn tough, and know how to fight in most situations, yet the oldest among us was grabbed with relative ease… which makes me nervous. If it happened once, what's to say it couldn't happen a second time? I shouldn't think like that, but it's hard to be optimistic when your mate is having a minor meltdown over trying to find him. *sigh* Write later, he just got back._

_Another quick lunch, unfortunately. William said something about a hot tip, so we were forced for the second day in a row to wolf down some snack bits and keep moving, which earned him a few nasty gripes from Witchhazel. Hopefully we find the 'doom soon or William is going to have a mutiny over food. At least his lead was useful: turns out there's been several Pokémon snatched recently, though Cerberus is definitely the rarest of the ones taken. I think it was a few Growlithes taken from a pet story, an Eevee stolen from her yard, a Vulpix pair from someone staying at the center, and something else I can't remember. I do remember that the locations were pretty scattered, so it didn't seem related until Thanos pointed out the pattern: surprised all of us that whatever is in that thick skull of his came up with something useful, but I guess Shadowbane is rubbing off on him. Anyway, all of the Pokémon that have been stolen within the last few weeks are ones that some sickos like for their furs: Houndoom usually isn't sought for that, but Cerberus has a funny color so I guess they thought it was desirable. Or, they were after Shadowbane and didn't have time to make sure they had the right one and made off with the wrong Pokémon. I'd feel sorry for them if they HAD grabbed her… I've seen Thanos mad, and it's damn frightening. Still, whoever made the mistake of tangling with a Ketchum isn't going to do it again… if he or she survives, that is. Truth be told… I don't like Cerberus that much: he's arrogant, stubborn and downright rude sometimes. But, he's family and we stick together, even through the less pleasant things. Write later, heading out._

_We got one hell of a lucky break earlier. A small band of Murkrow came around as we were settling down to have a quick meal in the park. They had information, but we had to trade some food for them: I held my tongue about it, but we could have just pressed them for their information rather than be extorted, but William wouldn't have gone for such an idea. That, and it's not like we could do much to hold them down, aside from knocking them out first. Ah well, having to go hungry for a bit longer was worth what they had to say… which is quite fortunate for them. If they had played us, I would have personally made sure that they repaid what they had taken. But, it turns out they saw a human limp toward a parked van around two on the night Cerberus was nabbed. We now have something solid to go on, though their description was rather sketchy: two of the argued over the color, but at least they agreed on what it looked like, so that was good. They didn't follow, but at least could give us a general direction the vehicle fled, so we're gonna head out after a good rest. I've never seen William look so angry, and it's kinda scaring me… swear he's gonna split that tree in half with just his glare… write later, breaks over._

_Currently we're holed up in the Cherrygrove center because it got too cold to keep searching. Didn't find any sign of Cerberus, but we DID spot a vehicle fitting the description the Murkrow gave us, so that's at least something. Shadowbane and Thanos are doing a bit of searching, mostly because out of everyone, they can take the cold the best. Well, Thanos pretends… but we all know he's only out there because of her. I swear William would be out there if I hadn't convinced him to stay. Heh, we all got a good laugh at the resident nurse's expense when I had to knock him down and make a pretty bold threat to keep him in line… though, if I had been sure that she couldn't understand me, the 'threat' would have been a bit different… no matter in the end. He's here and not going to run off in the dark to keep searching under threat of me gnawing one of his legs off and beating him with it… bad threat yes, but I was hungry at the time. Speaking of which, looks like the cafeteria is serving._

_Well, the two found something in town. Looks like there's a warehouse being used to house Pokémon in cages. It's not a sure thing that it's the same idiot who nabbed Cerberus, but anyone who puts Pokémon in cages is asking for trouble, especially when William finds out. They found it because of a fire, oddly enough… maybe the 'doom broke himself out, or at least have them hell. Eh, there were too many officials around, so Shadowbane and Thanos just came back with news. If anything it's a relief: either Cerberus got away, or at least took them down with him. Either way William is staying here tonight like it or not. We've had a rough few days, and all want some rest. Besides, I still need to tell him the truth… even though I'm really afraid of how he'll react. *sigh* I want to tell him… really I do. But, he might blow up at me because of all the stress… I hate this. I'm tired, still a bit hungry, nervous and confused, all at the same time, and it sucks. Maybe it's better to just get it over with and hope he doesn't get too angry… at least we're in a hospital, so if it comes to that it won't be too far to get treatment. Still, it's hard to do… well, here's to hoping I survive. Write tomorrow._

_December 14: _

Well… I lived through the night. William was pretty mad, but he held back his normal temper… for some reason that makes me worry even more. It would have been better to be yelled at: at least then it would have been over with and I could move on. But no, he just started to say something, before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a moment. Next thing I know he gives me a funny look and says it's all right… I know he's mad. *sigh* why me? Oh well, find Cerberus now, worry about William's anger later. Then again… if he really was mad he wouldn't have been so cuddly last night. Hmm… that gives me an idea. It's gonna have to wait though, as first we need to find the 'doom. Hmm… I wonder what we're gonna have for break-

_Fate, whoever or whatever you are, I hate you. It's around nine now, and who stumbles in looking like he'd been through a war than the bastard we were looking for. William looked relieved to say the least, though all of us are feeling a lot better knowing that he's not being skinned or worse. It also means we can go home once his treatment is done, though it's going to be several hours. Even at a glance we knew he was pretty torn up: a few broken bones from how he was fighting a limp, along with who knows what else that he was trying to hide. Swear only Cerberus can keep that same scowl even through a helluva lot of pain. He's easily the toughest of us, if only because he's too stubborn to admit it hurts. Just wish he had chosen a better time to make his entrance, as the excitement pushed getting breakfast back quite a bit… still haven't eaten in fact. They're all in the waiting room hoping for updates, which leaves me an empty bed and my diary to pass the time. I should just go into the cafeteria and try to find something, but the nurse might get pissy about that and we don't need trouble right now. This sucks… write later, too hungry to wait. _

_Cerberus should be all right, aside from having to be restrained for snapping at one of the Chansey. Serves him right for not putting up that stubborn front when they were giving him a shot. Heh, he won't live down having to wear a muzzle for years… I hope that the nurse couldn't understand any of the string of quite vulgar things he was growling through the mask. Hell, some of those made me feel bad to hear… I never would have thought of using his forked tail like that. And I know for a fact that the last bit is illegal… if I have a nightmare about that, it's coming out of his hide. Still, it was good to hear his voice again. *sigh* I can't believe we came so close to losing a family member: all because we got careless and stupid. Oh well, it turned out okay… though I think William is pretty shaken about this, and not just because of Cerberus. No, I've known him for many years, and throughout it all only one thing has ever gotten him angry enough to kill. Abuse, plain and simple: William will not stand for humans abusing Pokémon, using them like slaves, or killing for the sheer pleasure of it. It reminds me of the day Rose came into our life… the day he killed in cold blood. I didn't think about it much then, as the shock of seeing what that human had done was still fresh, but now… I want to believe that it wasn't my William could be so heartless, but denial won't get me anywhere. Like all of us, within him is the capacity to kill needlessly. I know that human had to be punished for what he did, and there's little chance that he would have gotten more than a fine and his license taken away. At the same time, I don't feel that William was justified to kill him… not like that. *sigh* It's something I may never come to grips with. Write later, William's back._

I feel… weird, to say the least. William came in looking down, so I tried to make a joke about Cerberus and his behavior. He laughed, but it wasn't honest, you know? It was hollow… and then he jumped up on the bed with me and gave me a look I've never seen before… it's been over an hour since then, yet thinking about it still sends a shiver down my spine. It was fear… not just being scared during a scary movie or facing something dangerous, but real fear. At first I thought it was because of how close he came to losing his oldest friend, but when he hugged me… I could feel him shaking. It didn't hit me until he spoke, though… he was worried about me. I tried to laugh it off, but he… he only hugged me tighter. Heck, right now he's curled up by me, still hugging my stomach in his sleep with a sad look on his face. *sigh* I wish he would have just yelled at me… this is both scary and painful. I mean, he's always been a pinnacle of strength for us: we could look to him to be the one in control… or at least the one who didn't give up in hard times. It's because of him I can read and write: he wouldn't let me give up, even when I got so frustrated I tore up the paper. He's been there for all of us, often the only thing keeping us together. And yet, he's just as vulnerable as any of us… it's scary. I should try to comfort him, but he looks peaceful so I'm just killing some time by writing. He said a few things before cuddling up and falling asleep, and I'm trying to remember what they were… something about not wanting to lose me, though how that would happen I don't know. He also apologized for being gone so much recently, even though I know he had the gym to worry about… and something else, but I can't remember it. The shock of him being so sad really did a number on me. Oh well, it probably wasn't important enough to remember anyway. Write later, William is making funny sounds in his sleep.

_We're gonna stay here the night to give Cerberus time be healed. We should give him a few days to fully recover, but I doubt the nurse will put up for him that long. Hell, WE may have trouble putting up with him, but it's not hard to ignore it. Just leave him be and only check every once in a while and he's happy. *sigh* I'm still likely to get stuck on babysitting duty for the brat 'doom. No matter: at least William should go back to normal, though probably shaken for a while longer. As it is he's sticking close to everyone, though mostly me… maybe I should just give in and play the cuddly role, if only for my own sake. Oh well, for now I'm just glad that our family is whole again… though, through all of this the bitch hasn't been around, which makes me wonder… eh, honestly I don't care what she does so long as it doesn't mess with my life. Heck, maybe I did get lucky and she went away… nah, she's not stupid enough to, but I can hope. Write later, gonna get some dinner._

_*sigh* William… he's still acting weird, but getting a bit better. While we were eating William stayed really close to me, not really sharing a seat, but nearly. I like having him close, but it's bothering me a bit: he's being stupid about this whole thing, and I'm getting crushed for it. Oh well, I need to just go with the flow and try to help him get through this; preferably before one of his hugs cracks a rib. Hmm… I know something that might relax him, but that can wait for bedtime. Right now I wish he wouldn't watch my pen with such a devious look… it's bad enough that Dracoris bats at it sometimes. But him doing it too is too much… though it might be a fun game to play at home. Oh well, I'll stop before it becomes too tempting._

_Ehe, I got him nice and relaxed. A nice rubdown, combined with cuddling and some intimacy always does the trick. Wish I was better at massages, but the gesture alone did wonders for him… it only took me a few minutes to reduce the nervous wreck to a purring lump of silky fur. I missed doing things like that with him… though honestly, it's much more fun to be the one receiving the attention. Oh well, I still got to have some fun… hopefully we weren't too loud, though the nurse set us up in a more private section. She probably didn't trust so many Pokémon to be loose, even though we have been behaving quite well… aside from Cerberus, that is. Still, I feel better about a lot of things. William is going to need more time to recover from this whole incident, but at least I can relax him when it builds up. He needs to unwind more now that he's a gym leader, and what better way than to spend an evening with his mate? Yes, I'm being selfish and wanting William all to myself more, but he's my mate damnit. I want to be with him, I want to hold him close at night, be able to smell his fur, feel his heart, know that I'm safe in his paws… is that too much to ask? We've been through so much together… aside from the humans at the breeding center, William was the first one I had ever met. I remember being a bit nervous: mama told us to be careful around humans: some are nice, but some… some like the one that hurt Rose are bad. I got lucky in a way: William was a nice human, he even put up with my bad habit of nipping someone's ear as a greeting. Why I thought that was a good idea is beyond me, but when you're young things are different. He was there for me at my lowest point, the day we were attacked in Cerulean. I lost the fight… and my voice that day. That canine… he took everything from me, yet William didn't turn away. He… I remember that night. I had been in hiding for days, living with the fear of abandonment for being crippled and useless. It was a full moon that night… ironic, isn't it? I came out of hiding because he sat on the couch I was under, mumbling under his breath… what possessed me to jump up there I'll never know, but it was for the better. I was scared when he placed his hands around me, but the warmth… that same warmth I knew so well lulled me into a sense of security. His hands were so soft, like I knew instinctively they would never try to harm me… and then he spoke… 'she said we would be together, that nothing could tear us apart… she was wrong.' I felt so strange then: William was wed to another human named Delia, but they hadn't settled on where to live, so William and I were in Cerulean. That's when my life turned onto the path it is now… those fateful words… 'till death do us part: that's a laugh. Vows and promises, I guess those things don't mean anything after all.' William… I knew he was crying as he said that. I cried a bit too… sadness is one of the things that a human and their Pokémon begin to share, though try telling that to most of the assholes in the world. Anyway, that's when it happened… I felt him pick me up from his lap, turning me so I was facing his face… and he kissed me on the forehead. A simple gesture to most, but it meant everything to me. In that moment I knew, I knew that William would never truly abandon me… though I lost that feeling the day I betrayed him. I was wrong to do that, and I paid a terrible price… yet, that bond… that trust came back. And now here I am: lying in bed with my back pressed up to his chest and stomach, writing in the same diary that went with me to that frozen hell, happy and content. Fate is a serious pain in the ass, especially when it decides to have fun with you._

_December 15:_

_Ugh, the center beds suck to sleep on. Naps are okay, but not a full night of rest. Especially when you're snuggled up to someone and can't lie on your stomach. Oh well, waking up to the feeling of those soft paws holding me close to his even softer fur was worth a little discomfort. If only Shadowbane hadn't decided to come announce breakfast… being so close to him last night left me wanting just a bit more. Oh well, I'll have to wait until we get home I guess. Breakfast itself wasn't bad, though overcooked. I guess having several very hungry Pokémon staring at you makes it hard to pay attention… least nobody was drooling for once. In a way you can't blame them for serving a skimpy breakfast, but just because we refused to touch the shit bricks shouldn't have affected things. I doubt we're the only ones who find those things to be vile. Oh well, no sense in getting worked up over it. Besides, William promised me he'd make something nice when we get home… though, that's probably because he knew I was gonna jump the counter and steal something to eat. Write later, gonna get going soon._

_We're taking a short break in town, mostly because Cerberus has to walk a lot slower because of his injuries. Surprisingly enough he wasn't bitching every few steps, though that quiet growl was getting annoying. I don't quite know why William didn't just teleport us back a few at a time… well, I do know but it's kinda stupid. He's worried about someone grabbing whoever he drops off first in-between jumps. I should have gotten on him about it, but we were all thankful to be leaving the stares behind, so it didn't seem worth it then. Of course, I couldn't have predicted that Cerberus would find a way to be annoying without trying. Damn growling. Oh well, William is off with Dracoris getting us something to eat, so I guess it's not all bad. I would have gone with, but my feet hurt from the walking… and I wanted some time to just relax and write. The table I'm sitting on is cold, but you get used to it. I just hope Rose is doing okay… in the rush I'm not sure if anyone left something out for her to eat, though she's seen me open the refrigerator before so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. And we keep all the bathrooms closed, so that's taken care of… damnit, I should ask William to drop me off at the manor when he gets back. I have to know she's okay. Okay, I need to calm down. Rose is an adult, and fully capable of fending for herself for a few days. I'm sure she's just fine… though I'm going to be worried sick until we get back. Hmm… maybe I can convince William to teleport us anyway? Write later, food's here. _

_Well, it took something like ten minutes of arguing, but I managed to convince William to teleport us in groups back to the manor. I think about the time it came down to how long it would have been on foot is what did it, though Dracoris piping up and noting that he could make the job go faster helped a lot. I hadn't really thought about him being able to do it, which is embarrassing. For how many times I've gotten into town with him you'd think I would have remembered… oh well, they're currently discussing how to do it best, which gives the rest of us time to eat. Bleh, I should have known those two would go to that hamburger place: I swear they're somehow immune to the lethal amount of salt they use there, or at least Dracoris is. If I wasn't so hungry, I'd just give my meal away… oh well, beggars can't be choosers. Plus, I'm sure once we get home dinner will be something much better. *sigh* I just want things to settle down for a little while, maybe even coast out this year without so much chaos. Then again, that's like asking a Gyrados to hold still while you pull a rotting fang: it's not going to happen. Oh well, at least I have family to fall back on… or get really pissed at. I wouldn't trade them for the world, especially William: I'd go through it all again just to be with him, and I'm sure he feels the same. Silly thing to believe, but sometimes the simplest feelings are the most powerful… ugh, I'm stopping before Dracoris' logic rubs off on me any worse._

_Feels so good to be home again, even though we were only gone for a day or so. Even Rose rounding a corner and catching me in one of her death grips didn't spoil it… though I nearly passed out before getting loose. She's still lying next to me on the couch, though thankfully not trying to squeeze the life out of me… I'd forgotten how warm the sunlight through the living room window was. It feels nice, though having black fur, along with a second body next to mine is slowly becoming uncomfortable. Eh, I owe it to her for vanishing like that. Wish it was someone else, but… she needs to be near someone right now, and it's not killing me so I can go with it for a bit longer. *sigh* It's also making me drowsy… gonna take a nap._

_Woke up to a mixed blessing… I felt something gripping my chest. First thought being Rose was having a nightmare, but then I spotted the purple tinged paws, and I knew who it was. *sigh* I like Gloria… heck, in some ways I do love her, but being woken up like that is a bit shocking. Right now she's lying nearby and sulking because I freaked out… I should be sorry, but she scared me. I mean, waking up from a nice nap only to find someone strange clinging to you is a bit rude… okay so I should have known who it is, but the fur coloration threw me off in my grogginess. I'll make it up to her later; right now I just want to relax for a bit and let my reaction sink in a bit more. I wonder where Rose wandered off to. It's not that late, so either Gloria scared her off or she wasn't that tired. Either way, that rather rude awakening didn't help my mood much. Oh well, maybe once the agitation goes back down I can find a way she can make it up to me… definitely won't be cooking, as I have my doubts she could use the stove without setting herself or the food on fire. Heh, an incompetent psychic: never thought I'd live to see that one. Then again, I think that might just be an act… or she's just that dense: can't quite tell with her. Eh, doesn't matter. Mmm… I have an idea that'll make things better. Write later._

_Kinda hungry, but can't be bothered to get up and seek anything out. Right now I'm tangled in the blankets with Gloria, who's dead asleep again. Heh, she really wears out easily… or I've spent too much time in the ring… not sure which. Oh well, I haven't had a good wrestling match like that in a long time, though she cheated with that forked tail of hers… never knew it could grip so tightly. I still won mind you, but that's because Gloria didn't throw everything she had into it… though, that rather intimate kiss came out of left field. Eh, I still won… and my prize is being stuck in a mussed up bed with a sleeping Eon… not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Oh well, I'm gonna be stuck here until she wakes up, someone comes looking for us, or I get fed up and claw my way out: the last one isn't appealing at all, as I like these sheets. So I'm gonna write until I get bored, and then try to free a hind leg to kick Gloria with. I don't mind her at all anymore. Hell, I do feel something for her, and I've said it in my dairy before, but now I'm starting to understand it. I feel close to her, not just because I know it's my William on the inside, but because… she fills a gap in me. Sometimes I hate always being the weak one: having to lean on a stronger mate for support. Sure, I've had that quite recently reversed due to Cerberus being nabbed, but Gloria is different. She needs more than someone to lean on when things are bad… she needs someone to guide her. Even downright tell her what to do at times. She's not stupid, just naïve about things… and I think 'William' letting her down left a gap. *sigh* My mate can cause some of the strangest situations by just existing… aren't I just so lucky? Well, this is getting boring, so I'm gonna try to wake the sleeping bum. Write later._

_Turning in early, mostly because between a good sized meal, lack of sleep over the last few days, and another bout of wrestling with Gloria took a lot out of me. Overall I'm feeling pretty good, mostly because I have a silky body to sleep with in my own bed, but also because our family is whole again. We're not exactly stable all around, but it'd be a tough task to find another family who would protect their own so strongly within human society. Hell, I doubt most packs would keep such strong interspecies connections without some insanely strong alpha holding things together. Oh well, it's silly to worry about it, but for whatever reason I start thinking about things right before going to sleep. Such as how Gloria keeps trying to suck on my free paw… which is both creepy and a little erotic… ehe, her tongue tickles… okay, either she's having a pretty weird dream or she's faking being asleep-_

_*sigh* Gloria… she was faking being asleep, and trying to be a bit extra playful in the process. I just wish she would have asked first, rather than doing that… but, I still gave in. I have to admit, it was a very different experience… kinda ticklish, yet still really nice all the way through… if not a bit unnerving to like it. Damnit, now she's got me questioning things that should be set. I know who I am, I really do… it's just that what we did was really fun… I think William is okay with me spending time with Gloria, though I don't remember offpaw if we actually talked about it. I feel bad about it, but what's done is done… maybe once we discuss it I can find a way to make it right with him. That is IF he's mad at me. I really need sleep, but my damn brain won't shut down just yet, so I guess writing out my problems is in order. Okay, so Gloria was feeling in an extra playful mood and wanted to just tease me a bit. Sucking on my paw was okay, but her tails brushing against my stomach and hind legs was… well, it was bothering me. And now here we are: Gloria is asleep with a soft smile on her muzzle, and I'm stuck awake worrying about things. I think she knows we can't be truly together, but… somehow I worry that it's not going to slow her down. Gloria… for being naïve has the same hard head as William: stubborn and unwilling to let things stand in the way of their goals. It's a good trait in most things, but not this one… I don't want to hurt her, I really don't. Gloria is special: she's innocent, if not unaffected by a lot of life's problems. And I don't want to burst her little world, but I can't let my own, or anyone else's, impulsive moves jeopardize what I have. I love William, and I can't just ignore that when someone else comes along… maybe I should just talk this over with him rather than beat myself up. Write later, gonna try to get some sleep._

_December 16:_

_Got up around nine today, which is saying something. I guess last night's commotion was too much for Gloria, as when I finally was conscious enough to think straight, she was still out like a light. *sigh* I can't stay mad at how cute she is when asleep, which is more frustrating than it sounds. I rightfully should be angry, maybe even furious about that invasion of my personal space last night… yet, it's not there. I can feel some sparks of it, but nothing strong enough to be more than an annoyance. So this is what being violated is like… how did I ever think William would develop feelings for me from this? Did I really let my hormones and emotional shallowness convince me that it would turn out good? *sigh* It was a wakeup call, to say the least… I really did come very close to losing everything for that moment of thrill… I need to do some thinking._

_It's cold on the roof, but the shock is really good for clearing your head. It also makes seeing what you're writing difficult, but eh. I wonder if Gloria doing that to me was a way to teach me what my own actions months ago was like, or if she genuinely thought I'd be accepting of it? Either way, I still feel violated and used… no doubt this is going to come back to haunt me in the near future, but for now I can hide on the roof in a thick blanket and try to collect my thoughts, which isn't going well. I can't stop thinking about how it felt… to be lost to the physical pleasure while the rational part of me was crying out in my mind, yet unheard by my body. It's… unnerving, to say the least. That lack of power… being teased and stimulated by an unwelcome body, yet not being able to push them away… and the guilt it leaves behind, feeling used by someone who may or may not have meant harm by it… *sigh* I need to sit her down and talk this out, which will be hard as she has the attention span of a kit watching a flock of Butterfree… why me? Well, it's now or never. But first, I have to get off the roof in one piece. Write later._

_Lunch was good as always, even though I got conned into helping… Gloria kept crouching down and preparing to pounce on the cutlery as Dracoris and I worked, so we had to kick her out of the kitchen. It would have been nice to have three working in there, but it was better than having her actually attack one of the knives and hurt someone… I swear she was faking being playful to get out of working, though. Either way, it took a bit longer to get everything finished, which resulted in a few complaints. Heh, it's not my fault that knife came within inches Cerberus' tail, I was just distracted by all the grumbling, that's all. Oh well, at least we had a nice meal as a family: even Rose sat at the table on her own chair, though quite close to mine. It would have been better if the two jokers hadn't kept trying to slip whoever was unlucky enough to be sitting by them tamato powder, but we all just ignored it… until poor Karakof ate the wrong piece… I never knew he could run that fast. Oh well, even with that interruption, we had a nice meal as family, which hasn't happened for a while. Now, I think first a nap is in order, and then I'll try to sit Gloria down and have a talk with her… that is if she ever stops playing with my tail._

_Well, I got her to listen for a bit, but she just glazed over when I tried getting down to what was bothering me. I swear she's doing it on purpose, but I can't really tell what's going on behind those violet eyes. I'm going to try again before bed, but maybe I should try a different approach? Gloria isn't terribly bright, or at least pretends to be, so maybe if I approach the matter a bit simpler she'll understand… or I'll go mad trying to get through that thick skull of hers. Or, I just need to let it go and try to find a way to cope with it. Gloria may not understand how what she did made me feel, and she may not be able to understand. I just… I do feel something for her, even though I'm fully devoted to William. It's like… why am I even arguing this? They're one in the same, despite being different genders. William and his abilities are frustrating, especially when they start fucking with my head. Still, is it wrong for me to feel something for her? I mean, William is my mate: the one I've chosen to spend my life with, to never leave or betray. Yet, I can't deny that Gloria makes me feel a little giddy to be with, though part of that I'm sure is just her naïve playfulness rubbing off on me. But, I know in my heart it's something more… she's cute, soft, a bit too playful for me, yet still likeable for it, and so sensitive… it's like her mind is made of glass, beautiful to behold, yet still fragile… I remember when she cried her eyes out because 'William' said they couldn't be together. And, I remember how I felt… and how I feel when she's close at night. *sigh* I'm going to give him a thrashing for making me feel this confused._

_Slept through dinner, though Dracoris left some of it aside for me for when I woke up. Funny thing is, I don't remember falling asleep: just doing some running and training outside to clear my head, and the next thing I know I'm on the couch under a blanket. One of these days I'm going to keep track of how long I've been training, or at least do it in more moderation. It's a bit painful to move, so I'm currently lying in bed and nibbling at my reheated roast beef and vegetables. It's not as good re-warmed, but better than going hungry. Oh well, at least someone is being thoughtful around here. Eh, it being mostly peaceful around here is enough for me… though, I could do without Rose stealing some of my carrots, that's for sure. Eh, I'm not fond of them anyway. Hmm… I wonder where Gloria is? Probably chasing her own shadow downstairs, or pestering someone no doubt. I should go look for her, but between being stiff, Rose leaning on me and 'helping' me with my dinner, and generally not caring that much I'm gonna stay here for now. Mmm… potatoes._

_*sigh* I swear she knows just how to charm her way out of everything. Right now, Gloria is hugging my stomach again, purring quite loudly while I'm writing by booklight. I tried making her understand how what she did last night made me feel, but she just smiled innocently and said she'd try harder to make me happy… whatever that means. I just… I wish she would listen to what I'm saying and not drift off into her own little world all the time. I like her… I can't say it's love, as that feeling I reserve exclusively for William, but there's still something in my heart that yearns for her… crazy as that seems. I think it's a mixture of maternal instinct and a need to be the strong one blending together into a rather uneasy feeling. Or maybe… I do feel something stronger for her. I can't say yet, as I'm still mad about last night. … I'm doing it again. I'm thinking heavily when I should be asleep, or at least settling in. I just… it feels good to try and piece this together right now, so I guess losing a few minutes sleep over it is a fair trade. Okay, Gloria is becoming very important to me, even though she did do something quite inappropriate … and even that I'm having mixed feelings about. If she had asked, or at least let me know what she was planning, then maybe I wouldn't be so angry right now. I don't want to hurt her, but at the same time she can't be allowed to do things like that on whims. It's just not right… and for that matter, I need to talk with William about this whole situation. Okay, I'm going to bed now._

_December 17:_

_*sigh* Never a dull moment around here I'm here to say… I woke up to an empty bed again. Figures that having William or Gloria home was too good to last, though it would have been nice to at least have a warning or something… then again, only she was gone, so I'm confused. If she's gone but everyone else is still home… I'm not going to try and figure it out. Mostly because I'm sure if Dracoris and I don't start breakfast soon, we might be on the menu. Write later._

_No word on what's going on, sadly. Everyone is as clueless as me about William/Gloria vanishing… which reminds me: Kitsu was around last night, though due to some other things, I didn't really pay much attention to it. Hmm… it can't be coincidence that she'd show her two-bit hide suddenly and Gloria being gone all of a sudden… just what is she up to this time? Knowing that lying bitch it's nothing good, that's for sure. Oh well, I shouldn't worry too much about it really. William is a… mostly mature adult, and can handle himself just fine… until he decides that he has to be heroic or helpful, that is. *sigh* One of these days I'm gonna get him to stop trying to be a one Pokémon army, especially now that we're no longer on the road all the time. Oh well, just so long as he has a good explanation for his sudden vanishing act I'll be satisfied. Speaking of him, I need to keep reminding myself to sit down with him and discuss this new Gloria business. I know he's okay with Gloria and me being close, but what she did was… something much harder to shrug off. I love William first and foremost, and very few things can make me doubt that devotion, and Gloria came onto me in a way that bothers me. Hmm… maybe I should just stop worrying about it until he gets back? It's not gonna do me any good to run in circles and beat myself up over this whole situation, and I really want to enjoy a few days of peace before that holiday arrives… Christmas I think, not sure. Where do humans come up with these things, anyway? Eh, write later. Gonna do some exercising to help me think._

_Mmm… nothing like a good chicken salad after a mid morning workout. It's not exactly the healthiest thing due to the dressing, but at least I'm trying to watch what I eat. That, and I just had a Bunnary food craving today. Got some thinking done as well, though most of it was bitching about how cold it was, how lazy everyone else was being, and the like. Though, I did come to a decision about this rather frustrating Gloria incident… I need to sit her down and not leave until she at least understands how what she did made me feel. After that, or before depending on which one of them comes home, I'll also have to sit down with William and try very hard to resist that damn charm he has over me… *sigh* like when we first discussed Gloria. I don't regret being so weak and doing all the talking, but I wish he had been a bit more serious about the whole matter. I swear it's just a game to him, or at least teasing me to no end with the two gender angles is at least. He's very sensitive, but sometimes it's like my rash feelings are just something for him to tease… like getting on my nerves, or even leaving me close to a breakdown, are just things to entertain himself with. I know that's not the case, but at the same time it's hard not to fall into that trap. I love him, I've chosen to spend my life with him, yet… sometimes it feels like there's still a barrier separating us. He's not the most intelligent mate I could have ended up with, but that's just another thing I love about him. He's sweet, caring, and a bit dense at times, but his hearts in the right place most of the time… if only he wasn't so naïve about my feelings. Write later, gotta do the dishes._

_Dragged Dracoris into town to get some shopping done, and to try and figure out what the hell this holiday is about. You'd think that after living with a human for a fair number of years I would remember these things, but we never celebrated this one… Dracoris is excited, but that's not unusual. I just don't get it, though… some fat human in red and white going around in a flying metal cart pulled by 'magical' Stantler… humans worry me sometimes. Halloween was bad enough, what with the pumpkin butchering, sugar crashed Dracoris, and being overly wary about going out… but, this is just stupid. *sigh* I think there's something more behind it, but so far all I've seen is quite tacky decorations, that same fat human with his Stantler, and more than a few whiny human children. It's enough to make me want to shut myself up in the manor and hibernate until January. I'll give the holiday one thing: it might mean William will pull out all the stops on cooking again, as a couple shops we passed displayed various dessert items… one of which looked quite inedible. Still, I know there has to be something good about this holiday, because why else would it have gone on this long? Sure as hell can't be the human children… no matter. Hmm… speaking of cooking, I'd better make sure to run by the grocery story before leaving. Write later._

_Well, I did some reading into this holiday, and lost most of my interest about halfway through. I mean, it's just like a human to create a holiday based around getting things and overeating… the latter I'm not fully against, but it does bother me nonetheless. I'm tempted to pretend I don't know a thing about it and hope it blows over, but if Dracoris' over the top cheeriness is any indication… it's going to be a long end of year. Oh well, might as well enjoy it. Hmm… I wonder if William will be easy to bribe whenever he gets back? I don't know why, but thinking about it has put me in the mood for something sweet, and it's way too damn cold for ice cream. Oh well, just another thing to sit down with him about… whenever he gets back, that is. Hmm… maybe I can get Dracoris to tell me what he knows about this holiday, aside from being excited that it's here. Nah, I'll do that after dinner: hopefully a full stomach will calm him down enough to get some useful information. Speaking of which, I really should get up and start, but I'm too comfortable on the couch… and Rose is dead asleep, so moving will be difficult. Gonna try though, write later._

_*sigh* Okay, this coming holiday IS stupid. Dracoris is mature enough not to buy into the fat human business, but the whole gift giving thing just strikes me as humans running large businesses trying to pick a day to stuff useless crap down other humans' throats under the guise of it being a 'family' holiday. I mean, what the hell does buying useless junk that nobody really needs anyway have to do with bonding? The only thing I can see it doing is making things worse, as everyone is trying to outdo each other, stretching what budget they have to look good, and generally stress themselves out during the cold months over something that's just nonsense. Doesn't mean I'm gonna be a bitch and complain about it outwardly, though griping in my diary is helping quite a bit. Still, hopefully it doesn't catch on too much here: I for one don't think that becoming materialistic is a good way to spend time with family… though, Dracoris probably buys into it. Eh, add it to the list of things to discuss with William… where is he, anyway? No warning, nobody has a clue where he is, and the bitch is gone: three things that are okay alone, but together they make me worry. It can't be the gym, as everyone is still at the manor… oh no, I bet he went after the humans that nabbed Cerberus… I can understand not telling us, but he should know that we're… well, at least I'm beside him through anything. Besides, would have been nice to really let go and use my full strength for once, rather than holding back on the weaker trainers we used to fight. Oh well, he has his reasons for it, and I'll just have to coax them out once he gets back… if he gets back-NO, he'll be fine! William… he's too tough to be beaten by a group of thugs… I hope. *sigh* I'm gonna go for a run to clear my head. Write later._

_Cold… I shouldn't have stayed out so long, but the more I ran the further my worries went. Then I stopped, and it all came back in one lump of pain. On top of that, I had to stop and rest in the friggen cold for a few minutes, which REALLY didn't help my current mood. I'm currently huddled under three blankets, trying not to break a rib from shivering so hard and generally in a very dour mood. It's my own damn fault for not stopping earlier, but once you get really moving it's tough to quit. Kinda like running from your problems in general, but physical rather than emotional. Still, I feel like crap right now, and it's gonna be a pretty rotten night having to sleep alone. I want someone warm to snuggle up to, someone to tell me the nightmares aren't gonna come tonight… but, all I get is an empty bed and a nest of blankets to fight off the chill with. Oh well, at least it smells like her…_

_December 18:_

_I don't feel very good right now… still, tired, and generally miserable. *sigh* I should have learned my lesson the last time I got stuck in the cold, but no. Here I am, lying in bed and trying to make my legs work properly, and trying to fight down the urge to swear VERY loudly. Least nobody has bothered me about what's for breakfast, because right now I'm not above trying to rip heads off… literally. Okay, that's a bit harsh, but I DO feel horrible. I want my William… or Gloria… or anyone warm to hug…_

_… Okay, I guess Dracoris fits the bill of someone warm to hug… though, I would have appreciated some sort of warning before waking up clinging to his chest. He just smiled softly and patted my back, but I still feel really bad about it. I mean, there was a wet spot by where my jaw was, because I was drooling in my sleep… just what the hell was I dreaming about? It's a blur of color and sounds, though I distinctly remember feeling really at ease, which probably is due to the mixture of a comforting scent being close, and the warmth of another body by mine. I really wish that looking into his eyes didn't give me a headache, because maybe then I'd know for sure that I didn't say or do something really stupid in my delirium. *sigh* I'm just glad that if I did, Dracoris is the only one home right now that won't hold it against me, use it as blackmail, or generally make me feel horrible for losing control of myself in a moment of sickness. Oh well… I still don't feel very good, but knowing that I have someone who's willing to look after me is helping. Wish it was William, though… I'm gonna just take a nap… not hungry._

_William got home just after one, and I really should have been happy… but, why the hell did he have an Eevee in his arms? He wouldn't have done something really underhanded, but at the same time… I think jealousy and being sick brought out the worst of me when I saw her… the poor thing took off like its tail was on fire and vanished upstairs. William looked angry, but about the time I nearly threw up he cut his tirade short. *sigh* I know how he feels… being torn between yelling at someone and trying to comfort them. Heh, if it didn't feel so rotten to be sick I might try to turn this against him, but right now I just want to nibble at my sandwich and hope that the painkillers kick in soon. Still, what was with the Eevee? From growing up in a breeding center, I know that most trainer kept Eevee are monitored carefully, as between being very rear in the wild due to trainers, and the problems with abusive humans, they're sort of an endangered species. Of course, things might have changed since then, as it's been maybe… twelve years, maybe more since I first met William. Y'know, I never really thought about how long we've known each other… only that I've had a crush on him most of that time… which is weird, as he was a human when it started. No matter. Now that I think about it, that doesn't explain that Vaporeon pack out at the lake… eh, maybe Eevee were called an endangered species because the evolved forms got good enough at keeping out of sight that their numbers came back. Or, we've been out of the loop of things that long. Doesn't matter in the end, but it's still something to wonder about. As for the Eevee he brought home… I'm gonna get it for scaring her later, I just know it. Write later, William wants to talk._

_Whatever happened yesterday changed him just a bit, and it's a bit scary. He's so… serious right now, while only a few days ago he, or should I say 'she' was being over the top loopy from shock. *sigh* I'm just glad he's home, and hopefully we can finally start putting ourselves back together after the last turbulent week. Speaking of that, once William was done being angry that I scared the kit off… she didn't give a name, but what happened to her was so sad… I'll write it out later, as It's unlikely I'll forget it, and I want other things off my chest first. Oksy, so William actually listened to my problems as usual, but I made sure to get more feedback from him than just a few murmurs and a nibble or two. He… I can believe that he would turn what I did those months ago around on me, but like that? It hurts a lot more to have someone who's only a friend suddenly be so… physical out of the blue, not counting that I have a mate and am VERY devoted to him. In a way I did deserve it… but, he could have at least not made it so unnerving, or at least come forward right after, and not leave me to dwell upon those feelings… then again, he had two weeks to go over what I did to him… I really don't want to think about it, but until it's faced, this problem is going to keep haunting me. As for Gloria and me… it's not surprising in the least that William wouldn't mind, so long as we 'behave ourselves like adults', which pretty much means he doesn't care if I do things with her, so long as she's the only one… I hate him for that. He's just trying to eat his cake and have it too… which is a weird expression. Anyway, at least that matter is behind us… though, the way I felt after Gloria did that is going to make being near her awkward for a while, I just know it. Write later, dinner. _

_ Feeling better, though still not great. I'm in bed right now, trying not to move much to keep the blankets nice and warm… can't feel most of my body well anyway, so it's not really an issue, but still. My stomach settled down, though it's likely that I felt so bad from skipping two meals… note to self: eat something even if you're not hungry, as not eating only makes you feel even worse. Still, I just didn't have an appetite… oh well, it's behind me now and I can rest again. Now, what did William tell me about that Eevee? Hmm… he was tracking down the morons who had nabbed Cerberus, as Kitsu said she had a feeling she could find them: meaning that their capture, or death knowing William, would benefit her in some sick way and she wanted him to do the dirty work. That lead them to the outskirts of Goldenrod, where some abandoned building… an old shipping depot I think he said, had been converted into one of their sick places of business. I can see why he didn't want any of us there… what he must have seen… the smells, the horror of countless lives ended just because their fur was desired by other humans… He wouldn't talk about what happened there, but it's where that Eevee came from. She was stolen from someone, a little girl… he tried to return her, but the child had already been given a new Eevee, meaning that the one he brought home had been forgotten. *sigh* How typical of a human to forget so quickly in light of a replacement, while the ones that were left behind suffer. That's why he brought her here: she needed a home, somewhere she wouldn't be abandoned again. And I hauled off and terrified her… so now, I'm the new bad guy in this situation. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just trying to understand what's going on. _

_It's too damn late to be awake, but I just can't sleep. Currently I'm under the blankets to keep the light from bothering William, which is difficult as it's very stuffy. Oh well, maybe it'll knock me out so I can get some sleep. I just can't stop thinking about our talk earlier; not the one about the Eevee, as I've made my peace on that situation. No, I'm still confused about the whole Gloria problem. I know it's William just being weird… at least I did. I just can't place a paw on it, but there's something… different about how Gloria acted then. It's probably just me being paranoid, but at the same time… she was different. Maybe I'm just imagining them as two sides of the same coin, but isn't that what she is? Just William being someone more carefree to relieve stress? I just don't know anymore… I do know I like her as a friend, and as someone to have near. But, beyond that I'm not sure… I don't care that it's really William, Gloria is still someone different in my mind, and it would be wrong to get too close to her. Okay, I think the lack of oxygen is making me drowsy. Write later._

_December 19:_

_Mmm… pancakes. I really did miss waking up to a friendly nip, only to find out that we're having one of my favorite things for breakfast. It makes the manor smell so good too. It feels nice to start a day relatively normal: squabbling over who gets the last of what, ducking as a loosely psi-gripped fork or knife flies by, and the like. It's just… normal, which we've been short of around here for a while now. Granted, just about anyone else you ask would probably find our definition of 'normal' to be quite twisted, but when your 'family' is a hodgepodge of species, backgrounds, and attitudes toward things, you learn to take things in stride. Then again, I think the smell from downstairs is messing with my head. Only one way to find out. Write later._

_Yep, it was the smell that was messing with me. Heh, that doesn't mean being pacified by a full stomach and a warm patch to lie on is that bad, though. *sigh* Maybe things have calmed down a bit. Cerberus is home, William probably shut the gym down for the season after that incident, and a supposedly peaceful holiday is approaching: it SHOULD be a nice end of year. Which gets me thinking… another year has blown by me, bringing with it quite a bit of chaos, but generally leaving me feeling a little sad. I mean, there's so much I could have done different, so many choices that could have ended better… or worse. Really, it's this time of the year that you start to wonder what really happened… what did you do that brought you to this point? Yes, I'm thinking about something that has no relevancy, but it's keeping me awake. I just wonder about it sometimes… what if I had controlled myself those months ago, what if William hadn't been so forgiving… what if… he never took that first step in healing the wounds my stupidity caused? Would I still be here now, or still lying dead or dying in that frozen hell? It's not a question I want to find an answer for, more something to keep me from making such a stupid mistake twice. *sigh* I give up, gonna take a nap._

_Lunch was a bit light, though after that power breakfast, combined with no real exercise, it's not like anyone was all that hungry anyway. Still, a nice sandwich and a warm glass of cider really caps the day so far. Hmm… maybe this holiday isn't as bad as I've made it out to be. Sure, I'm still against the whole materialism of it, but… I think the warm drink at lunch was in celebration of it… which would also explain the stupid red hat he was wearing. Don't get me wrong, it didn't look that bad on him… I just remember the fat human wearing a similar one, so I automatically found it irritating. *sigh* It still looked good on him, though. As for the whole gift giving nonsense, I'm still not sure how to take that. It just feels like another thing humans came up with to waste money, or show others up by being the most 'generous', which ironically involves trying to find expensive things to give others under the context of being 'in the spirit of the season'. Gag me with a fork, it's just so stupid: give me a warm fire and my soft mate to lie with over junk any day. Oh well, maybe I'll try to find him something nice anyway… not sure what, though. Eh, I'll think of something nice: hopefully it won't be as nerve racking as the nametag I bought him for his birthday. Hmm… jewelry is out, as he's not really in to that kind of thing. Write later, Gonna exercise._

_Rose started acting weird when I came in… even weirder than usual. She was smiling for one, which is odd in itself… but she was talkative… she chattered on for a few minutes before running off to play with her plushie. I know I should feel happy that she's getting better, but something about it didn't seem right. She was TOO talkative and cheerful, even for someone who's had time to heal emotional wounds. I just hope it's nothing serious, like her mind creating a blanket personality to block all memory of what happened to her. I don't know… it was nice to see such an innocent smile on her muzzle for the first time, even though it feels out of place. I just worry about her, that's all… she's the closest thing I have to a daughter at the manor, if not overall. There's Kera, but… it feels like there's still a rift between her and us: what she did growing up is hard to look past, especially with how sudden her change of heart was. *sigh* Rose… I hope she's just getting better… I don't know what I'd do otherwise… I need to do some more running._

_Dinner was soo good… William went all out on it today, rather than just cooking one thing for everyone. The soup was… well, not bad. A tad salty, but still good. Not sure what the green strips were, but they were good… and the tofu wasn't bad, for looking like cubes of yogurt. Still, it was pretty good for what it looked like. And the main course… ohh, just thinking about it is making me drool. Roast chicken breast with a light Cheri sauce, baked potato, and some damn good cookies for dessert. Either he's really getting into the coming holiday, or he's planning on dropping a bombshell on us… I'm hoping for the former. Heh, I wonder if he has any of those cookies left over… no, better not: it's gonna take me a few days to work that meal off, and if I tried to eat more I might explode… so good… *sigh* I should try to move, but it's too comfortable on the couch… and my stomach is protesting to me shuffling around. Totally worth it, mind you. Bleh, gonna drag myself off to bed. Write later._

_Mmm… there's nothing quite like a warm mate lying next to you to wind down a day. Ehe… course there ARE other things that help make that even sweeter, but… I'm the only one here that thinks so. It's been too long, I can say that much… probably shouldn't have been so zealous, but I've been lonely. Not like he's going to complain much… though, that's partially do to him being zonked out. Guess he hasn't built up THAT much endurance yet… shame, too. Oh well, that gives me an idea… there's something I've wanted to ask him about, and maybe this coming holiday could be the right opportunity to broach it? Maybe… right now it's kinda hard to think through the sensory overload… and the warmth of my living furnace holding me close. Gonna call it a night… so soft…_

_December 20:_

_I could really get used to that gentle nip good morning, especially when it leads to a wake up massage… I can't feel most of my body right now, nor do I care that much… it was so nice… I can still feel his paws running down my body, easing out weeks of tension with every motion. Though, that also could be feeling slowly returning, but it's more fun to imagine. I've pretty much decided on his first gift, but that's one for a more… private area. As for what I'm gonna give him in front of the family, I'm still clueless. William is hard to get anything for, because he's really not into that much. The name tag worked because it's something he could use, and it gave me a way to express some things that just… I couldn't make myself say. Oh well, maybe something will come to mind soon. Mmm… breakfast smells good._

_Rose is still acting weird, though not so bouncy cheerful. She's still being far more open than she ever has, even going so far as to ask me a few questions about things… it was weird, to say the least. I had told her about some of my problems a month ago, but she either forgot or was trying to make conversation… which really doesn't explain how surprised she was that William and I are mates. I mean, that's one of the things I'd ramble about while I watched over her, and William and I have been quite close to each other around her… maybe she just didn't bother remembering it. Still odd, but it's not important enough to worry about. What IS important is how she acted around Dracoris… she gave him one of her rib crushing hugs and called him cute… which definitely isn't normal for her. *sigh* maybe she IS subconsciously creating another personality to cope with what happened to her? I hope that's all… I need to clear my head. Write later._

_One of these days I'm gonna find a better way to get past things that are bothering me: it's too damn cold to be doing exercises alone, even WITH time by the fireplace to thaw out. I know what I want, but he's making lunch right now, so I'm just making due with a cup of hot tea and a blanket. Still, I need to ask Rose what's going on before this gets out of control: I'm happy to see her acting friendly and trusting us, but at the same time… I can't shake the feeling that something is happening to her that's not good. Oh well, it's stupid to worry incessantly about it: either I need to sit her down and ask, or at least let her know I'm there if she wants to talk. Speaking of which, I heard the tricksters going over some sort of plan when I got back. They shut up real fast when they saw me, but I caught something about 'getting some real laughs', which will likely be at my expense. I'll think of something ahead of time to head them off… write later, lunch._

I should try to make myself bug Dracoris for a ride into town, but it's too cold to go out right now… at least that's what I keep telling myself. I don't want to go out right now: too comfortable by the fire, I froze once today and don't want to repeat it, and I have William to snuggle up by later. All good reasons to stay home and enjoy another peaceful day. *sigh* I'm also a bit scared to leave, for fear that Rose is going to have another mood swing and try to kill herself, or flip out and become violent… it's really not likely, but at the same time, her recent burst of cheerfulness doesn't feel right. I want to be happy that Rose is coming out of her shell, but at what cost? If she IS making a personality to push down the pain, does that mean I'm losing the Rose I got to know? Is what she's acting like now going to be driven into regression along with her memories? I just… it's like she's dying to give life to a happier self, and it's frightening. I don't want to lose her… Rose… my surrogate daughter: someone who I've come to know, if only the surface of her trauma, or the pain she's already endured in such a short time. I'll never forget that night, the one time she's truly opened up to me about what haunts her. Even with how much it scares me to close my eyes and begin to imagine what it must have been like, I wouldn't trade that Rose away for what she is right now… it's just not real. *sigh* I want my William… write later.

_I'm not hungry right now, even though dinner smells good. Stupid worrying about things is killing my appetite. William was out doing something until just before dinner, so I just curled up under the covers and tried to pretend he was going to be home soon… his scent on the sheets helped a bit, but not really. I shouldn't be selfish and feel he should be around any time I need him, but… it's hard not to. We're mates: equals in a partnership. He has things to do sometimes, just like I do, and I should understand when he's out running errands and such… but, there are times I need him so badly… is it weak of me to feel that way? Am I wrong to be so frail that when things get a little rough, I run off and cry into his chest? I just need him sometimes… he's my guardian: the one I can turn to when the nightmares come, he's the one that can make things better, and even though I did something so stupid once, he still chose to trust me again… he even loved me… which is more than I deserve. *sigh* Luck has been on my side so many times now, it's not even funny. How many times could he have left me behind? Could I have been taken from this life by one of any number of means? I just-_

_*sigh* I feel a bit better… William came in while I was writing, and just… he just knew. He… I don't want to question it, because that might make him stop being so sensitive… he didn't say anything, just held me close, and purred so softly that I could barely hear it. He didn't make me say what was wrong, he didn't try to cheer me up… he was just there. I could feel his paws holding me close, protecting me from the bad thoughts trying to hurt me, shielding me from the world's troubles with a silky embrace. I love him even more now… he's more than just a soft body to curl up with at night, more than someone to share experiences with, more than a just a mate… he's William: confusing as that sounds, it means everything to me. I feel like… when he's around, things can't harm me. He's my mate, my guardian, the one I can look to in the worst times for strength… and I'm glad to have him to call my own. He's back downstairs making me something to eat, though I'm still not that hungry, but I guess it's stupid to skip a meal just because I'm a bit depressed. I'm still craving his gentle touch more than food, but maybe I can have both once he gets back? Write later, I can hear him coming up the stairs._

_There's nothing like a full stomach and a soft mate to ease away bad feelings. I feel kinda funny having to squirm now and then because his paws are blocking my view, but it's well worth it. He's so soft to lean against, and his fur smells so good… I swear it's just the shampoo he likes, but just having his natural scent so close is messing with my head as well. It's like… I'm feeling in the mood for one thing, but another is taking care of it at the same time… which is really confusing to try and think about. I mean, I'm almost to the point of squirming loose and pouncing on him, but every time I decide to he gives me a squeeze in his sleep or flicks his tail and breaks the spell. Oh well, I think it's time to call it a night… I want to see if my dreams are as sweet as being conscious right now is. Write later._

_December 21:_

_I feel really good right now… it's probably just the massage still sinking in, but waking up to William nibbling my ear went a long way too. It was messing with my dreams… for whatever reason, I was being gnawed on by Rattata… I don't know what that was about, and really don't want to know. Still, a funky dream is fair trade to wake up to such a nice sensation… I swear he knows just the right places to drag his teeth across. It's nearly as nice as his paws, though they're miracle workers… can't feel most of my body right now due to them. Oh well, I'll try and return feeling soon: breakfast smells good. *sigh* Or maybe I'll wait here and see if he comes looking for me… can't be bothered to try, and it might lead to him being close for a while… no, too hungry. Write later, gonna get up._

_I had to half-bribe Dracoris to get into town, though in all fairness the money I gave him was for Christmas shopping… what he's going to get is best not questioned. Oh well, I have my own to worry about: it's hard enough trying to figure out what William would like, but I want to get something for most everyone… Kitsu is on my bad side, so screw her. And really, I can't see anyone but William, Dracoris and maybe Shadowbane even caring that much, so it shouldn't be too hard. Okay, I'll just start with the easy ones: Shadowbane… well, aside from a good gift being not getting even for some of the pranks she's pulled… hmm. Well, although I'm probably going to regret it later, maybe a book of gag ideas would work? I'm pretty sure she can read, though nobody has really asked. Okay, that's one down. Now Dracoris… probably either those cards he likes or something similar. And William… I really have no idea. He's hard to get anything for, because there's nothing he would want. Possessions haven't been high on his want list since I've known him, and quite frankly I can't think of anything he would use. Maybe a new collar… nah, the one he has looks nice… and he still has the name tag I bought him, so that's out too. Hmm… family… write later, gonna go look for Shadowbane's gift first. _

_It's too damn cold to be eating lunch outside, but it was a choice between freezing and salt poisoning: the latter I have a harder time recovering from, so here I am. *sigh* I got Shadowbane a book of pranks: '1000 ways to get even' seems a bit harsh for a title, but… I'm sure she can appreciate the humor of it. Besides, I've already read over it once so it'll be hard for her to get me with any of them. Though, now I'm a bit worried that she might try and improve upon a few of them… and, I don't want to think about what those two might come up with based on it… oh well, all in the name of the season, right? As for Dracoris, it's going to be difficult getting it without him finding out, as whenever I come into town with him, he makes a beeline for that shop… and I really doubt any other places would sell those cards around here. Hmm… may have to get William to help me with that. Speaking of him, I'm still lost as to what I'm gonna get… well, I got something as a mutual gift, but that's a bit different. Still, what do you get someone who doesn't really want or need anything? I know he'd be happy with just having everyone he could drag to the manor in together for a special occasion, but I want something personal to give him, you know? Something to help remind him of the occasion… hmm… that's an idea. Write later, gonna go to the library again and thaw out._

_Haven't seen hide nor hair of Dracoris all day, which normally isn't that bad, but it would be nice to get back to the manor and hide my purchases. Oh well, that's just a price I paid for getting into town: waiting for my ride to be ready to head home. Oh well, it just gives me some more time to think out William's gift. I've decided that it needs to be something simple: with all the junk Dracoris and I found in the attic, the last thing he would want is extra clutter. It needs to be something special, though: not so much expensive, as a treasure… not any sort of jewelry, as it's rare for him to wear anything other than his collar, or that silly hat. Well, I'll just have to think about it some more, as right now nothing is coming to mind. Hmm… which reminds me: I'd better get some colorful paper to wrap this stuff in. I saw a few stores in town displaying boxed with red and green paper around them, so I guess that's part of the tradition… seems silly, but humans are weird. *sigh* Just more work to do for some tradition, which if it wasn't for the two clods getting all excited about it, I would just hide under the covers and pretend the day didn't exist. Oh well, I can't curl up under the sheets and ignore everything I don't want to deal with… no matter how much I want to sometimes. At least this one isn't putting me in any sort of danger… other than the looming threat of being hugged to death if my gift for Dracoris goes over well. Well, write later: gonna check that shop he likes, and pick up that colored paper._

_Bleh, barely got into the house without accidentally revealing what I'd bought. Rose was feeling extra playful and tried to tackle/hug me the moment we walked in the door. Thankfully all it took was choking out a plea for help to get released, but it still hurt a lot. Oh well, at least she's not hiding under the couch, or staying out of sight, which is a huge improvement. And, at least Dracoris was there to be a distraction so I could get away and hide the book. Still need to wrap it, but for now it should be fine under the bed… though, I hid the item for William under a loose floorboard just in case… don't want anyone finding THAT. I'll wrap them once I have everything… and I figure out how the hell to do it. Hmm… maybe tomorrow I'll look into that while searching for William's gift… and try to work up the nerve to go to that shop without looking for Dracoris. Just… it's embarrassing to be buying a box of pieces of paper for someone, especially when I STILL have no idea what the appeal to the game is. Oh well, he likes it and that's what matters in the end. *sigh* What to get, though… there just isn't anything that William would want, is there? He has family, someone to be loved by: I remember that one well… it was something he said to me that day… 'Someone to hold, someone to share my life with… was it too much to ask of her? Did I let my desires for companionship dull my sense of judgment, or was it just because of that unforeseeable event that she turned away from me? No… I just put too much hope in young love: we weren't that compatible, yet we rushed into it…'. Yet, he rushed into things again… he chose to let me closer even after I betrayed his trust. It turned out okay, but… what it if hadn't? *sigh* I need to stop doubting things: William cares about me, just as I care about him, and that can't be taken away from us. Hmm… that gives me an idea… I do know something he doesn't have, even though we've had opportunities to do it… a photo. It's simple, yet… I know he would just love it. But, how to do it without him realizing it's a gift… I'll think on it over dinner. Mmm… I smell fish. Write later._

_Mmm… full stomach and a living furnace: I could get used to this. I know that things will probably go back to the tangled mess of training, fighting over meals, and whatever crap life throws at us, but for now I'm just going to enjoy the duel sensation that's threatening to drag me into an early sleep. But, his quiet… I'm not sure if it's snoring, a raspy purr, or some weird mix of the two, but it's keeping me awake. *sigh* That's the only bad thing about his Flareon form… it makes him snore a bit louder than usual. If I he wasn't so warm to be snuggled up to, I'd be tempted to get up and shove him a bit to quiet the sound, but… I can live with it. He smells nice… a little dirty from not cleaning up in a few days, but in a way it adds to the comfort… I'm so used to the smell of unwashed fur that it doesn't really bother me… and it's warmed, which helps a lot. Mmm… it's like having a fluffy blanket curling around you, only warmer. And it moves now and then, which is fine until that cotton puffy tail gets too clo- like that… it's a good thing I like feeling his chest and stomach pressed up against my stomach, or I may have involuntarily given him a pretty good kick right then… note to self: make sure to keep my own tail down… that thing tickles. *sigh* The warmth is getting to me… write lat-_

_December 22:_

_Mmm… I'm starting to really like getting a gentle wake-up nibble in the morning. I was tempted to suggest something a bit nicer to start the day with, but settled for rolling onto my back and nipping his neck… which lead to him nipping me back… too bad we had to stop after a few soft kisses, but Shadowbane and her rather rude comment killed the mood. Oh well, maybe later… hmm… he was suppose to start breakfast, yet I can hear the shower running… maybe it's just someone else cleaning up? I'm going to go find out… if it is him I wanna help, and I could use a quick clean-up myself. Write later._

_Ehe, it's been too long since I snuck in and jumped into the shower with him, though it wasn't as fun this time because he was already an Espeon. Oh well, it still felt nice to have his soft paws scrubbing me down. I swear he insisted on cleaning me first to make it harder, but oh well… probably spent too much time in there, but at least Dracoris covered cooking until we finally finished. Good thing too, as I have a feeling it would have been quite messy otherwise. Oh well, feeling a pound or so lighter combined with making fun of William smelling girly is totally worth the risk. Speaking of breakfast, Dracoris is either getting to be a better cook, or I'm just getting used to it: either way, it was pretty good… a touch salty, but I swear he would lick a block of the stuff if we kept it around. Oh well, it didn't send me into shock or make me want to puke, so I guess it was at a survivable level. Plus, since nobody made a big deal of it, maybe I can bribe/con him into doing a bit more of it around here… though, it'll never replace William's cooking in my book. Eh, just something to think about later. For now, I need to bug him about getting into town again. Write later: need to find my card._

_Well, I'm in town alone for once, which feels weird. Dracoris made a slight scene by almost begging to go into Goldenrod on his own, which surprised me. As far as I know, so long as he's wearing his collar and nametag, he's allowed to travel within most of the Johto area… not sure about Olivine and Cyanwood, but since he can teleport, I don't see why it would be a problem. Just what is he up to? Eh, probably doing a splash of shopping at the bigger department stores… though, what he would need to find there is beyond me. Oh well, it gives me an excuse to work up the nerve to enter that shop and buy his gift… which is quite difficult, I'm here to tell you. I've gone in a few times, but that was just to find him, not to actually purchase anything. Oh well, I'll keep working on that while I relax for a little longer in the warm library. Hmm… and while I'm at it, I need to get a camera and a frame: we probably have one at the manor, but I can't be bothered to look for it. Besides, it's not that big a deal to get a new one with a frame and some film… it adds to the gift. Fresh camera, fresh film and a new frame for our first actual picture together. *sigh* Back to the cold, then. Write later._

_*sigh* I spent too much, but eh, William is worth it. I never knew cameras cost so much; then again, I was looking into the really hi tech ones first, which was a mistake. Oh well, at least he won't come after me for blowing too much on something semi-trivial… makes me wish the frame was a bit nicer, though. Oh well, it's better than getting some dime store piece of junk at least. Still haven't gotten Dracoris' gift yet, as I'm still working up the nerve to go there and buy it… and if anyone laughs, they'll get a piece of my mind… hate being laughed at. Okay, I can do this… after lunch. Which would also involve me leaving my current warm spot near Though, if that guy in red and white keeps ringing that bell, I may have to move on anyway… how humans find a piece of metal clinking to be a nice sound is beyond me. Well, large ones have a nice sound, but that one is hurting my ears. Rrh… must resist my urge to tear that bell out of his hand and hurt him… UGH, I'm going for a walk and to get lunch._

_Okay, two sandwiches, a carton of milk, an apple and a something warm to shut me sweet tooth up and I had enough courage to buy it. I just have to say that those things seem REALLY overpriced: I saw some of the figures on a few behind glass, and just sighed to myself. I hope Dracoris isn't sinking every coin he can get his paws on into this game, because I have no doubt that in a few years they're not going to be worth half what that shop is asking. Oh well, it's not my money to worry about, and he does work hard for it… doesn't stop me from worrying he's in over his head, though. He's a bit too naïve for his own good, and more than slightly prone to becoming obsessive… but, he's also mature enough to know when to call it quits, so why am I worrying? Probably because that junk costs way the hell too much. Oh well, he could be into tech things like the weasel is. Or he could have stayed anti-social and never gone out… which would have been really bad. Eh, I'll just turn a blind eye to the price and hope that he likes it. Speaking of Dracoris, I think it's nearly time to meet him. Write later._

_Got home after dinner, though that's only because Dracoris was an hour late. Nearly chewed him out, but he offered to buy me dinner somewhere other than that hellishly salty place he likes, so we called it even. He had a good sized bag with him, but I didn't get more than a peek inside… which told me nothing. *sigh* Knowing him, it's going to be one hell of a guessing game figuring out what he had to hit Goldenrod to buy. Which reminds me, I need to get my new purchases, along with the one hidden under the bed wrapped tomorrow: I should do it today, but it's too comfy lying next to William. And don't bother looking under the bed, because I didn't hide your gift there… and stop reading over my shoulder-_

_*sigh* I'll get him back later for knocking me off the bed, but once I got over my initial annoyance he made it up to me… soft paws… okay, so he only paid attention to my back, but it still felt really nice. Which lead to us continuing what was interrupted this morning… I never knew he could be so gentle, even though he's nibbled my ears before, a little while ago he was just… different, that's all. I'm not sure what it was that made it seem so much more caring, but I really appreciated it. And he was… well, more dominant about it than usual. Most of the time, I'm the one who's doing the kissing, or making the motions of what I want, but just a bit ago William took the initiative and kissed me first… and not just a tender kiss, he really meant that one. He didn't want to go THAT far tonight, but that kiss was more than enough… and his tail was a bit friskier than usual, too. Note to self: Espeon fur tickles even more than Flareon. The teeth are a bit finer too, which made those delicate bites even more teasing… *sigh* I'm going to have really good dreams tonight, I'm sure: I have William to snuggle up to, a warm feeling in my chest from how much I loved his attention, and being able to have the one who makes my days just a bit brighter to hold while I sleep. Speaking of which, I'm pretty tired, and don't want to bother him with the book light. Write later._

_December 23:_

_*sigh* Too relaxed to get up, yet too hungry to stay in bed… stupid dilemma. Oh well, maybe I can just lay here for a bit, and hope that feeling comes back to my hind legs before everyone else has polished off breakfast. Or, I could just drag myself downstairs, risk breaking several bones rolling down the stairs, drag myself until feeling comes back… nah, I'll just scrounge something up later. Besides, I think the warm spot I took over when he got up is enough for now. Mmm… I could just drift off and not wake up for hours on it… smells nice… but, then I'd be really behind on what I've gotta get done today. Let's see… find something to put the camera, frame and his other gift in, figure out how to wrap it… I'm forgetting something, but just can't place it… oh crap, I forgot Rose. Great… another trip into town. I'll have to do that today… hopefully Dracoris isn't busy. Write later, feeling finally started coming back… stupid pin and needle tingle._

_Well crap, looks like it's going to be a bit before I can get in: the two clods are going to knock down a tree, bring it in here, and string decorations on it. The hat I could shrug off, the fat man is stupid but ignorable, but knocking down a tree and stringing things on it is just too much. Oh well, I'm going along to supervise Dracoris, though I'm more worried about William managing to chop his own tail off… he's not as adept with his psi as he wants to believe. Add in it being cold out and him being far too into the season… and possibly buzzed, as I could smell his spiked drink when I came downstairs… yeah, I'm bringing a first aid kit. No doubt they're going to work on playing with lights and small glass balls when we're done, so I have a feeling I'm cutting it close. *sigh* If only I had remembered yesterday… no sense crying over it now: just suck it up, and do it today. Speaking of which, sounds like they're ready… God, William can't sing._

_Well, right now those two are discussing which out of three trees would be best, so I'm sitting on a blanket we were going to use to haul it back and listening absentmindedly to their conversation. Why it matters how the tree is shaped, or which sides have the most branches is lost to me, but it's fun to listen to two grown adults who are close to giggling with excitement is entertaining. *sigh* I expect it from Dracoris, but William is just too into this whole affair. I guess having a family to spend this holiday with is really that important… or, he's just a nutcase and even believes the fat man is real… never quite sure with him. He's happy, and that's what matters in the end: hopefully this holiday won't have such a dark cloud over it like the last one… thanksgiving I think, had. Which reminds me… I wonder who he's going to try and drag to the manor this time? I really hope he tries to drag Derano out of his den: it's been a while since he's been around, and I kinda miss him… and it's been damn cold for a few months now, and I'm worried that he's having trouble keeping warm enough at night… hmm… that gives me an idea. Well, write later: looks like they decided, and I need to be alert just in case that axe gets loose._

_Well, currently William has that silly hat on, and Dracoris is playing with a string of colored lights… *sigh* Someone up there either has a weird sense of humor, is testing me, or something in between. It also surprises me that we got the damn thing back to the manor and inside without one of them dropping it… that thing has to be heavy. Least they didn't try to con me into helping… though honestly, if they had asked nicely I would have. Doesn't matter at this point really, though they did con me into helping haul a few boxes out of the basement. Which reminds me… we'd better keep an eye on Rose until it's removed: with how she's been acting lately, I wouldn't put it past her to try and play with the small glass balls, or even nibble the cord. Just another hazard of having someone who's becoming mentally regressed in the manor I suppose. Still worries me… nah, she's not that dumb: playful, and clingy yes, but not really dumb. Once Dracoris finishes playing with those lights, maybe I can ask about going into town… though, he'll want to stay and help put all that junk on it, so that's kind of a dead end. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong… why fight the season? I mean, William is happier than I've seen him in a while… aside from at night, that is… thank God for black fur. Anyway, Dracoris is all but bouncing off the walls with excitement, and I haven't heard so much as a surly growl or gruff comment from anyone in days… guess I'm the only one being sour about it. Okay, gonna go see if I can help, and try to stop being such a stick in the mud. Write later._

_Damnit, now I wish I'd already given William his gift: Dracoris managed to get tangled in the lights… it didn't help that William was laughing his head off as he tried to get loose, only managing to get wrapped in them worse. And to cap it off, William just HAD to plug the impromptu rope in, leaving a frustrated Espeon lying tangled in glowing lights… yep, just another normal day here. We all had a good laugh about it, though Dracoris was a little sour about us taking so long to get him out, but once we got him loose he just shrugged it off and untangled the mess it made. Ahh well, least we didn't listen to Shadowbane and leave him there until after lunch. Speaking of which, it was a bit lighter than normal, but that's because William wanted to get to that decorating. I'm not complaining that much, as he gave everyone a couple of cookies he baked as an apology for only making a few sandwiches. Bologna on rye with lettuce, tomato, mayo, a few slices of pickle and a shot of pepper, but still lighter than he normally makes. Speaking of which, I'm still working on mine… I think he made mine thicker on purpose. Not that I'm complaining, just noting it as it seems convenient that I'd be busy with my lunch while they're working on those colored lights: guess they thought I'd make a comment, or something. Oh well, better to just enjoy the meal and show, than worry about it too much… makes me wonder what else is going to screw up today? Write later, gonna finish eating and see if Dracoris will take me into town._

_Bleh, it's a bit late to be out, but at least I found something for her. I feel a bit bad that it's really not that much, when I got William and Dracoris really pricy gifts, but… *sigh* maybe she won't be really disappointed… I hope. I also got William a card for his gift, though I'm also worried about that… I just can't help it: when I'm writing something for him, I just blurt out the first things that come to mind, and it would look horrible if I just scratched it off. So I'm just going to give it to him and hope he doesn't laugh too hard at it… or that I can hold myself together if he does. I still need to get them packaged up, but I have tomorrow for that: right now I'm sitting in that burger place Dracoris likes and waiting for our food to come. Heh, paying for a meal is pretty cheap to get into town, especially as it took him away from more holiday activities… though, I swear he already knew why I wanted to be in town. Write later, food's here._

_Took a bit of effort to sneak my purchase in, though thankfully Dracoris distracted William long enough for me to book it upstairs and hide Rose's gift with Shadowbane's. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he's trying to find out what I got him. He's like some of those little kids I've seen in town, getting all excited over this holiday… I guess it's better than him being neutral, or not wanting to do anything… and it meant him making some really good cookies, so I guess putting up with him being extra nosy is worth it. Right now he's lying by the fire, and talking quietly with Dracoris… if that sneak is trying to find out what I got him… nah, he's not that bad. Mmm… nothing chases away a salty aftertaste like a few soft cookies and a glass of milk. _

_William hit me with a good surprise before settling down: he's going to ask Derano… if not drag him by the ear to the manor for Christmas… I swear he's trying to find something to top my gift, but at the same time I know having at least some extra family home means a lot to him as well. Heh, the look on his face when I hugged him was priceless: sort of a mix between surprise, pain, and happiness… it's a fitting look for him. Still, I haven't seen Derano since Thanksgiving, and even that was only for a few moments… I hope he's doing okay. Isn't it a mother's right to worry about her children, even after they've grown? I just… a part of me wishes he would have stayed. But, Derano needed to be independent of everyone… that, and I have a feeling the manor brings up some pretty bad memories for him. Oh well, he'll be back in a few days, so I can get my mothering out then. Which means I'd better search out that blanket soon. I really like it, but he needs it more than anyone here… and it'd make me feel a lot better knowing that he has a way to keep warm at night. Speaking of staying warm at night… write tomorrow._

_December 24:_

_Mmm… breakfast in bed, combined with some quality snuggling time is how a day should start. It's already past ten o clock, but it only feels light eight. It's surprising that nobody came in to pester us about breakfast, but either William told them to go away before they knocked, Dracoris took care of it, or I was too out of it to noice… could be any of them, really. Still, having a few extra hours of time with him was nice… swear he acted kinda funny, but maybe I'm just being paranoid. Now that I think about it, what the heck is ebay? He mumbled something about that just before waking up, which is the time he gave me a really funny look and hugged me extra tight… eh, he was probably having a nightmare or something. Note to self: ask what that word means later. Hungry…_

_Okay, whatever kind of nightmare he was having was probably holiday related: ebay is a human thing where you can buy and sell just about anything… damnit, now I don't want to into town alone. I REALLY hope that a few of those entries were jokes or bad labels… selling Pokémon isn't legal, is it? Well, aside from breeding centers; from what my mother told me, humans have to go through a lot of work to buy from there, not flip on a computer and just purchase one. *sigh* It just goes to show that there will always be horrible things in the world. But, why William would mutter that word in his sleep… okay, I definitely need to pester him about it. Shouldn't take more than a few well placed nibbles to get it out of him… hmm, I'll do that later. Right now I just want to relax and try to push away the lingering doubt about what I saw on the screen away. Ah crap, that reminds me: I still have to wrap my gifts… bleh, do it after lunch. Mmm… soup._

_It's official: I now hate this holiday almost as much as I do that one in October. The latter only wins because of the stereotyping of dark types, and Umbreon's in particular, but having to deal with both colored paper AND tape is in a close second. Fur and adhesives don't mix, especially when you're trying to hold a section down with one paw, get the piece in place with your other free paw, and push it down with your nose. But, it's done and I don't have to mess with that horrible stuff again: threw it out the window to prove a point and everything. Which also brings up another point: why the hell do we put them under a tree? Doesn't that just leave them open to being shaken and prodded? No matter, they're wrapped… well enough and I don't have to worry about anyone finding my gifts, which is a relief I'm here to tell you. It'd be hard to explain Williams… speaking of William, he's still being extra friendly today: he even made my favorite soup, despite it being really out of season… eh, he's just being sweet I guess. *sigh* write later, I need to go shut the two caterwaulers up._

_It's not only Dracoris who can't sing… William just HAD to bring out a CD of 'festive' music, which sounds pretty crappy if you ask me, and of course the pair had to try and sing some of them. *sigh* I love them both to death, but they cannot sing… I swear someone from the Shadow paws was howling before I threw a pillow at them. There are better ways to celebrate a holiday than causing others to go deaf, such as cookies. I'm not really hungry, but now I'm craving a snack… better not, though. It's too cold to really exercise long enough to burn it off, and I can wait until dinner to satisfy my sweet tooth. That reminds me: I overheard the two tricksters muttering about gifts, but of course they've learned to be cryptic, so I'm even more suspicious about it. If they set something to explode, spray dye, or some other prank there's going to be hell to pay. Oh well, it's only another days wait, so it can't be THAT bad… can it? Write later, gonna take a nap._

_Fish for dinner… bleh. I don't mind it that much, but the recipe William used was pretty bad, especially as I have a feeling he substituted a few ingredients… stupid holiday causing the grocery store to close early, leaving us with whatever we had in the manor. Ahh well, maybe he's just saving what we have for tomorrow… though, he could have just made sandwiches again, rather than a really blah meal… eh, food is food. The fact that it tasted a bit burned, and seasoned poorly is just something you live with… and, none of us wanted to hurt his feelings. Especially seeing as tomorrow is a day to spend with family, and insulting someone's cooking is a great way to put a serious damper on the moment. Anyway, it's been a thankfully quiet evening, aside from Dracoris coming downstairs a few minutes ago with half a roll of tape binding his forelegs… I didn't even ask. At least it proves that I'm not the only one who has trouble with tape, though I have a feeling Dracoris was screwing around and it got out of hand… still funny, though. Poor kid had to slide down the stairs to get any help, though why he didn't just teleport himself down… no, even he isn't that strange… well, maybe he is. Anyway, we all got a good laugh from William cutting him loose from the tape, and then getting an answer out of him. *sigh* Dracoris makes my head hurt, as his logic is beyond warped. He was trying to imitate a stunt he saw in a book… I really don't want to start supervising his reading, but if he tries another stupid stunt, I might have to. Write later, gonna pester William about that ebay thing._

_*sigh* Sometimes I worry about him… and then there's times I want to laugh until my sides hurt. This is one of the latter. William had a nightmare about me… how did he put it? Recalling him into his ball, and selling him on that ebay thing to buy Christmas gifts. Now, aside from the fact that I'd sell the bitch long before I'd sell him, I think the whole season of greed thing finally broke his mind. It took me a bit to calm him down after getting that out of him, though admittedly, it would have gone better if I wasn't laughing the entire time… just the idea that I would sell him is too funny. Threaten to donate him to a research lab, sure, but not sell. Right now he's curled up under the covers, tail over nose… I should be asleep myself, but I just can't sleep. I'm kinda worried about Derano… is he okay with coming home tomorrow? Speaking of Derano, I still need to get that blanket out of the basement… eh, do it in the morning: should be enough time before everyone does the whole gift giving bit. I wonder how he's been doing so far, what with this being a damn cold winter and him living right by the lake… a mother never stops worrying about her children… so this is what my mother was talking about. No matter how old they get, you still want to treat them like the tiny balls of fluff you raised. Write later, William is making really weird sounds, and it's worrying me. _

_December 25:_

_Christmas… sure, I've been griping about it for days now, and still don't really like the idea behind it. But, I can't say no to being awoken by William's gentle paws. I swear he was trying not to wake me up, but still… I feel really good right now, despite having to help with breakfast. I just can't be grouchy after that… he knows all the right places to nip, lick and nuzzle… okay, so I gave him an early Christmas present, but he gave me one as well: waking up from a good dream to an even better morning… and I was in the mood. Still, it's been good so far. We're waiting for Dracoris to get back with his older brother before giving out gifts, which means I should head down to the basement and get that blanket… but I'm too comfortable snuggled by William. Ahh well, it'll be another half hour or so before they get back, so I can just move in a little while… and quit reading over my shoulder, or do you want me to bite? Write later, gonna get that blanket, and prove that I'm serious. _

_*sigh* There's nothing that tells you about others quite like what they consider tasteful gifts. Shadowbane and Thanos are even worse than I expected… a very off color fake eye for Shadowbane from Thanos, and in return he got a one year subscription to a beer of the month club. If I didn't know them better, it would have come off as insults. And when Shadowbane made that comment about 'looking like Dracoris', I nearly choked. I swear Thanos made sure to get just the right color… dark green, like Dracoris' odd eye. That doesn't mean I'm letting them off the hook for what they got me: nearly smacked her in the head for it, but that would have been more ammo… an anger management book. I'll get her for that. William just blushed something fierce and covered up whatever they got him, so it's gotta be good. Karakof… his gift from them was both ironic and deserved: 'Idiot's guide to Pokémon battling', audio version. He gave them a sour look, but thanked them anyway. Dracoris' was the nicest… until he got his head stuck in it. And even that wouldn't have been so bad, but he didn't even pay attention to the problem: he just flopped on his back and started munching away at the candy inside… my son is an idiot. Yay. Dracoris got some other nice things: the box of those cards he likes from me, a single one that left him speechless for a minute, before tackling and nearly squeezing the life out of his dad, a couple of music CD's… not sure who Dream Theater is, but apparently it's a good group by how happy he was. And of course, the candy tin that's still stuck on his head… *sigh*. Derano was thankful for the blanket, and that TM William got him… which explains why Dracoris went to Goldenrod alone. Guess he didn't want me knowing about it. He's looking a lot better than the last time I got a good look at him, but that's also not saying much. William was thrilled with the camera, though the look he gave me when he saw the thing below the frame makes me worry… ah well, that'll come around in time. I'm really annoyed that his first picture was a shot of the entire family… well, the family that was home at least. But, it's his gift and he's going to use it how he wants to. The gift he got me… I know I made a scene because of it, but he… he somehow knows just what to give me. A new diary, real leather with a lock, and a new pen… he even wrote a little note inside the cover… 'To Azarus: just a little something to put all the feelings you can't share in so they'll be safe. But, don't forget that I'm always there for you as well.'. He's sweet… damnit, now I want to start using it right now. Rose loved the plushie, though I'm sure it'll never take the place of her Zangoose. It's still cute to see her carrying the new one around by the scruff. Hmm… oh yeah, the lazy weasel got one other thing: another disk for that game he got in trouble over from Dracoris. How he knew what one Karakof didn't have is beyond me… best not to ask questions. And for that matter, didn't his laptop get smashed when Dracoris and I were buzzed on that pot stuff… that would explain why the weasel was so sociable, though. Guess William got him a replacement. Write later, lunch is ready._

_Just as I thought yesterday, William was saving up ingredients to go all out for lunch today… just damn is all I can say. A full meal: salad, main course and dessert… I guess William was trying to make up for Derano missing out on Thanksgiving, or it's another one of those cooking holidays. Either way, it was so good… probably gained a few pounds from it, but I could care less. It felt good to eat as a real family again, even though we're not really complete… eh, having Derano home for a little while is more than enough. Speaking of Derano, he seems uncomfortable being back, though that could be due to Dracoris all but clinging to him. *sigh* I just hope he doesn't avoid us because of it… nah, I think it's more the feeling of being around family all of a sudden doing it. Living alone, or nearly alone, does that to you… I have firstpaw experience, after all. Still, I should try to make him feel a bit more welcome… once Dracoris isn't bouncing off the walls because his big brother is back. *sigh* Speaking of which… I'd better make sure they're not at each other's throats yet. Write later._

_That kid has some screws loose… even more than I suspected. He got his head stuck in the tin again, on purpose no less. *sigh* I was torn between grumbling and laughing, so I compromised and asked William to take a good shot of it for an album. Which reminds me… he's been zealous with that thing ever since putting the film in: I swear he's going to burn through the roll I got him before the day is up… a lot of them are of family, but he did make sure to take a few of just us. I hope he doesn't use the one I think he's going to for his frame… I really don't want THAT picture haunting me any time soon. It's his choice of course, but I really don't want to wake up and having to hide a blush… okay, better think about something else. Nah, I'll just take a nap by the fire. Write later._

_Mmm… waking up to your mate holding you close feels nice. It's even nicer when he's being playful, though I'm quite thankful that nobody was around to see it. And just what the hell is mistletoe, anyway? He said it was some sort of holiday tradition to kiss under it, but I think he wanted to anyway and it made for an excuse. Would have been nicer if he didn't take a photo of it… at least I think he was the one doing it. The camera was just hovering there… but his eyes weren't… damnit! *sigh* I'm going to hurt whoever put Dracoris up to it. It's more on principle than being insulted: If William was the one who wanted the picture, I wouldn't mind. But, someone else taking photos like that bothers me… sorta. It's the invasion of privacy, which is a very rare thing around the manor that gets to me. Oh well, no sense in getting too worked up about it: I can just make sure the photo doesn't get loose and it should be fine. On a different note, Derano finally warmed up to everyone, though I swear there's still something bothering him… call it a mother's instinct, but I just know he's hiding something. I'm not about to pry, but it's nagging at me… eh, if he wants to talk about it he will. At least I know he won't freeze to death in his den, which is more than a small comfort I'm here to tell you. I've been out there at night, and it's DAMN cold; worse I'm sure by the lake. Still wish he would stay here, but it's not my choice to make. Write later, dinner is on… still kinda full, though._

_Ugh… I don't feel very good. Ate too much again… couldn't resist his cooking… hopefully I don't throw up or something. Right now I'm lying on my side by the fire, fighting back the urge to whine about my stomach hurting out loud. Shouldn't have had dessert… or half the main mean I did for that matter. *sigh* Note to self: don't let your brain do the thinking when you're still full from lunch, it doesn't end well. Aside from me stuffing myself to the point my stomach is actually distending, it's been a good holiday. Food, family, and a loving mate: that's all I need out of life… well, a nice book to read once in a while is nice too, but that's not really a necessity. Hell, I'd take a warm home and a loving mate over family… no offense to them, of course. There's just a line I draw between wants and needs: family is a strong want, but now that I have a mate, it's a need to have him… that sounded so much better in my head. Eh, I blame being stuffed for it. Bleh, I probably should try to drag myself up to bed soon, though I'm just waiting for the fire to die out before trying to move. Hmm… maybe I'll just sleep down here tonight… nah, I want to end this day right. Write later, gonna haul my bloated self to bed._

_*sigh* William gave me a really funny look when he put his other gift away, though I was too out of it to question further… and I swear he's hugging my stomach to make fun of me. If I wasn't so tired I'd try to shake him loose. But, he is kind of warm… Write lat-_

_December 26:_

_Bleh, no breakfast for me… probably would explode if I tried. And I swear it messed with my dreams: something about wrestling… William mentioned chubby wrestlers once, yet I don't remember what they were called. Ehh… still too tired to care. Got woken up by Dracoris blasting one of his new CD's, which sounded pretty good, but not at six in the morning after a long night. I wish William was still here, but he had to go start breakfast. Which means I should try to drag myself downstairs soon, if only to make an appearance and find something to help me wake up. Then again, there's still a warm spot he left behind… eh, I'll just go shower and wake up. Write later._

_A warm shower does wonders for your mood; I'm here to tell you. It only took a half hour to go from sleepy and grumpy, to kinda cheerful. Stomach is still protesting, but that's because I took the stairs a bit too fast and cramped up… never again. Speaking of feeling better, I really should find out what kind of music Dracoris got yesterday. It's a lot better than the stuff I've told him to turn down, that's for sure… then again, maybe being only half awake made it sound better. Either way, it didn't sound half bad really: kinda mellow, but with enough of a beat you can get into it… so long as it doesn't cause him to try and sing along, and it's all good. Figure that out later. Didn't eat breakfast… okay, I had a slice of toast with jelly: couldn't resist that. Probably won't eat until lunch, if then. Well, I'm gonna go for a quick run. Write later._

_Ugh… never run with a protesting stomach. I managed to throw up after only a few laps around the manor… I feel better after it, but it smelled awful… good thing I was outside when it happened. I just hope nobody goes by that tree for a few days… guess that's what I get for stuffing myself yesterday. Oh well, Shadowbane suggested an herbal tea, and for once her ideas didn't result in me getting pranked… the world may end soon. It helped a lot, though the stuff didn't taste great… I blame my sweet tooth for that, though. Too used to sugary, or at least sweet tasting things, not so much bitter. Then again, being able to stretch out by the fire and rest helped too. Kinda wish William was here, but he's off doing something… come to think of it, I haven't seen him since breakfast. *sigh* I think Shadowbane is the only one I've seen since then, which is really odd… was I out that long, or are they just busy? Figure it out later, right now I feel like a nap. Write later._

_Mmm… warm fire and a warm mate: that's how waking up after a nap should be. I could have done without Rose clinging to me as well, but beggars can't be choosers I guess. Still, I'd rather wake up as the center of an Eon sandwich than alone, and since Rose wasn't giving me one of her death grips, it wasn't unpleasant… wait, she was near William without freaking out… nah, she's just getting comfortable around family, I'm pretty sure of it. And I can't deny that the feeling of being snuggled up to like that didn't make me feel good… not in THAT way, but more like a motherly feeling. It's something I wish I could have had with Kera… but, she was always so independent, and stubborn. I really blame myself for how things happened… I should have tried harder to get to know her, find out why she was always so bitter… I know now, but it's a dead point. *sigh* I really shouldn't be thinking about it right now, but it just came up… I see a lot of things in Rose, many of which I would have loved to have in Kera… but, she chose her own path through life, and I guess… in the end, everything will happen how it must. Doesn't mean I don't worry about her. I worry about all of my children equally, as they're always in my heart… damnit, that sounded corny. Why the hell does it sound good in my head, and come out horrible on paper? Screw it, that's just how I feel. Kera, Charis, Derano, Dracoris, and now Rose… they're all in my mind, and heart. Fate brought them into my life in different ways, but they're all my children nonetheless. And I won't stop worrying about them until the day I pass away… not a happy thing to think about, but it's also true. And if you're reading my diary again, I'm seriously going to smack you with it. *sigh* Write later, I've got a little errant to take care of._

_Dinner was good, even though I made sure to eat only a bit. Don't want to risk making myself sick again. Still, getting back to the normal quality of meals around here was nice, though I swear he skipped making a salad out of laziness, but I'm appreciative of not having Bunnary food to deal with. Just a simple chicken pilaf with a side of green beans and carrots. *sigh* I'd forgotten how nice the basic meals were, aside from sandwiches, but even that doesn't quite hit the spot like sitting down to a reletivly calm meal with family. Sure, being one of the few at the table who can use a fork is rather… awkward, but when your family is mostly canine, you learn to take things like that in stride. It does remind me of that cliché joke I remember from a few of those leaner books… the Poochyena or Growlithe being fed vegetables by some human child. Odd to think that the role is all but reversed here. Then again, I swear this 'family' is a walking, griping contradiction to what most humans would see as normal: our trainer is more often than not in a form that can't do anything to us, and even when he IS a human, I swear that instincts and habits have rubbed off on him to a point that he can't really be a full human anymore. Add to that the fact that even if humans DID try to live here, the inability to understand all but Witchhazel would probably drive them up the wall. Yes, I'm being arrogant about it: it's not every day you can say that you live in a very strange balance of two worlds. Hell, there are times I wonder what life would have been like if I had been sold to someone else. Probably nothing like this, as most humans see Pokémon as their personal property, or at best just animals to be 'buddies' with and train. Makes you wonder how the world ended up this way, you know? I mean, not to be arrogant, but Pokémon are a hell of a lot stronger than a human, and even with their metal balls to catch us, I really doubt they could hold off a true war. Probably not a good thing to think about, but it's a bit late and I'm bored. Hmm… I'm kinda hungry. Write later._

_Ehe, nothing like dragging a little something for a near midnight snack up to bed. Sure, I'm eating it on the floor with my book light under the bed, but it's better than waking up William and having to share. I'd forgotten that we had some Cheri pie in the fridge from Christmas. Really could use a bit of cream to top it off, but I'm not about to complain. *sigh* Again, I feel so lucky to live like this. Sure, fighting in the gym is hard, and sometimes a damn pain in the ass. But, it's done for both the one I respect and gladly call my trainer… you know, I really never thought about our situation that way. At times William is my trainer: a human who has raised me to be a strong fighter, to bring him and myself victory over other strong opponents. Yet, he's also a part of my family, and a loving mate. No matter what he looks like, that simple truth can't be taken away from me. Then again, try explaining that your mate is also your trainer and NOT in a bad way… now I feel a bit bad about wanting that from him. Still, I'd rather risk the hatred and insults of the world than give up what I found in him. Love endures, especially when it has strong roots to grow from… okay, either he put something in the filling, or being up at stupid times does something to me. Eh, don't care enough to figure it out. Write later, gonna finish my snack and go to bed._

_December 27:_

_*sigh* I thought the wake up scares were over… William decided to pull another of his form shifts before I woke up: nothing like waking up to a thick tail curling along your stomach. It didn't help that his tail fin was nearly touching my muzzle… swear he's just begging to get attacked one of these mornings. Anyway, other than a rather rude and slightly chilly wake up call, it's been a decent day. Kinda wish breakfast had a bit more variety, but I'm not about to complain about Cheri pancakes, bacon and hash browns. Hmm… he didn't make toast either, which is unusual. Eh, maybe he's just not up to cooking for a ravenous group today. Maybe I'll ask him about it later, or nip it out of him if that fails. For now though, I think a good run is in order. Write later._

_I'm going to kill those two, even if it takes everything I have! Setting a snare trap in the snow is NOT funny, especially when I'm the victim. It took a lot to not tear into William for laughing as he got me down, but that's probably the reaction they were hoping for. *sigh* Maybe I should read that book before using it as a blunt object to bludgeon them with… nah, waste of a perfectly good book. I also wonder what they were hoping to accomplish, aside from pissing me off? It's not like them to set a dangerous prank for no reason… aside from the bucket, but the chances of that doing damage are pretty low. Enraging an already grouchy fire type? Sure, but not really dangerous overall. Then again, was it even them? Shadowbane looked genuinely concerned about me, though she could easily be lying through her teeth… no, that's not like her. Hmm… that's weird… hopefully we don't have some stupid human hunting near the manor. Then again, if one is, that means we get to rough him up for trespassing… ehe, that might be fun. Why a hunter would be out here is beyond me, especially as between us and the shadow paws, most of the hunted species are either taken or scared off… unless food isn't what they were after. Write later, I'm suddenly not feeling so good. _

_I feel weird right now… I was clinging to William like a terrified kit for nearly an hour, and even then I couldn't stand to be away from him for very long. Heck, I'm curled up against him right now and trying not to start shivering, even though it's not that cold in the manor. I just need to be near him right now, and to know he's there to protect me… I really never thought about the danger of one of our own getting hurt. Even when Cerberus was nabbed, my focus was on myself, and how his disappearance interrupted my comfort… now I know what it's like to be in danger. *sigh* I hope it's nothing… especially as it's pretty lucky he heard me yelling my head off out there. If I had been further out on my run… I don't want to think about it. I just want to stay warm with my mate, and hope that it was just an accident, or Shadowbane pranking me. Write later._

_*sigh* Nothing like a good meal, and some quality snuggling time to make you feel better. I'm still feeling weird, but at least the shaking has gone away… mostly. Better a tremble than a full vibration I guess. I just… I don't know how I feel, really. Kinda nervous, but still sure of myself… and also worried about what happened out there. Maybe it's just a full stomach talking, but I feel a lot more confident in our safety here. I mean, aside from William, all of us are skilled fighters, easily more than a match for some wannabe poacher looking for a quick score. On the other paw, what if it was just a test, or a diversion from the real danger? Just something to try and work out once I can make myself let go of William. He's so soft though, and really warm… *sigh* I'm gonna take a nap. Write later._

_Waking up to a different species is one thing, but being groggy from a nap and staring at another entirely… well, sort of someone different. Gloria was back, looking cheery as ever. I swear William is either worried about something, trying to make me feel better, or just screwing around with my head. Even with the shock, that look in her eyes was comforting… sort of that naïve charm at work once again. Of course she opened her mouth and ruined the moment, but before that… no, I'm just too shocked to think clearly, that's all. She was just as happy as I remember the last time she was around, but something tells me there's more to it this time… I swear she wouldn't really look me in the eye. Eh, could be the chaos of the day messing with my head. Her being around meant Dracoris and I were on cooking duty, as we're not sure if she'd set herself on fire by accident yet. That, and I just don't feel comfortable with her near sharp objects and fire. And it's also because I feel the kitchen is a more… private area: sort of a domain only a few of us are allowed to work in. Selfish? Yes. Do I care? No. *sigh* Hopefully I wasn't too mean about it, but the kitchen is my domain when William isn't home. Speaking of which, dinner went over relatively well, considering Dracoris and I scrounged up stuff to make pasta… not the fanciest meal, but it's simple and quick to make. Besides, I doubt anyone is going to complain about having a hot meal on a cold evening. Write later, gotta do the dishes. _

_I really wish it wasn't so damn cold out right now. It's a clear night, and I'd love to do some stargazing… but, a few hours of relaxation aren't worth freezing to death in my book. Hmm… maybe I'll just haul a few blankets up there and force myself to come down before it gets too bad? Or, maybe I should just curl up in bed with that book Shadowbane bought me, just to make use of it aside from a blunt object. It'd be worth seeing the expression on her face if I started applying whatever nonsense it tries to teach the reader… nah, stargazing sounds better. It's not common to get a really clear night in December, and I don't want to waste this one… I wish my living furnace was here, though. Oh well, can't have everything. Write later, gonna go find some blankets._

_Cold… I must have fallen asleep up there, as I woke up shivering with Gloria holding me close and giving me a really concerned look. Funny thing is, just knowing she had gone up there to check on me made me feel a bit better. She's asleep right now, and I'm trying my best not to wake her up with my book light. She's really cute at night, what with how she sucks one of her tail tips like a kit… and that fur just begs to be snuggled up to… *sigh* I've felt kinda funny like this being near her before, but I just brushed it off. Now… now I'm not sure how to react. William is my mate for life, yet Gloria… I don't know what I feel sometimes, that's all. She's naïve, impulsive, cute for a female, really sweet when she tries to be, and just… I don't know, just someone I feel something for. It doesn't help the matter that I know my William is behind it all. I need to just go to bed and hope not to have any weird dreams, but I'm just not tired yet. Write later, gonna get a snack._

_December 28:_

_Weird morning, to say the least. I woke up with Gloria still around, and clinging to me in her sleep… honestly, I thought it was William until I got a look at her eyes, and wished I hadn't. *sigh* Cheerful I can take, dense I can take… but, flash of sadness before realizing I was awake just hurt. She tried putting on her normal cheer, and it did take a bit of work to get her to stop pretending, but I managed. Turns out she was feeling left out of things around here, and had a nightmare about everyone abandoning her… nobody should be left behind, even those who have acted inappropriate. I know… I'm one of them. It took a lot to get the whole story out of her, but Gloria and William share the same weakness for the base of their ears being licked, which helped a lot. She was lonely… after William 'rejected' her, which simply meant he decided that they couldn't be together as he's my mate, she pulled away from others. Yet, she came onto me a little while back, which also finally was answered… she really does like me in 'that' way… not just a weird attraction or being clingy, but as someone that makes her feel safe… *sigh* William is getting an earful for this one, I swear. It'll have to come later, as I spent the morning getting the story out of Gloria, and cheering her up afterward. Even with that, I can't shake the lingering feeling that she's not telling me something… eh, worry about it later. Late breakfast calls._

_Late breakfast/early lunch sucks. Mostly because it involves having to scrounge something up from the fridge or cupboard and heat it, though the latter is more a nuisance than anything inedible. Add in having to find something for a picky eater, and you get a pretty grouchy Umbreon… it took a lot to not snap at Gloria, or anyone else for that matter, but finding a hidden slice of pie in the fridge went a long way. *sigh* I really should hide something dry and crunchy under my floorboard one of these days for times like this: old leftovers suck. Ahh well, a tolerable meal and a nice fire to lie by are helping ease away the irritation… I'd better make sure to have some money on hand for Dracoris. I think his weekly allowance is coming up, which might help explain why he was so willing to split some extra firewood without an argument. Eh, he works for it and doesn't demand anything, so I probably shouldn't worry. Hmm… that reminds me; need to run into town and get that film worked on. It's cold out, though… and lying by the fire is nice… aside from Gloria batting at my tail that is. *sigh* Going into town is a bit more appealing now… write later, gonna go bug Dracoris for a ride._

_Bleh, ended up with Gloria tagging along. Don't get me wrong, I like having someone to talk with, but it was rather… awkward to keep an eye on her at the library. And seeing as she doesn't have an ID tag, she stuck close to me just in case the local authorities thought she was a stray. Honestly, I think she stuck close for a different reason, but I wasn't about to question it. Anyway, we have to wait a while for the film to be processed, so Dracoris, Gloria, and myself are having a quick bite to eat in the park… okay, so Dracoris and I are eating while Gloria plays with a couple of Growlithe nearby. I swear that even William can't fake things that well… she's genuinely having fun with the little canines. It also means that I have a little time to think without the semi-constant whine or question from Gloria. Hmm… I still owe Dracoris a bit of money, but most of what was left in my hiding space went to lunch, so I'll have to run by the bank later. He seems a bit fidgety about things, but… when you realize that the one you call dad is currently female, and playing like an eight month old with a pair of canines… nah, that's too mundane to rattle him. Probably just the cold bothering him, that's all. Write later, we still have a few errands to run._

_Picked up a few new books from the library, though they're by authors I don't know so I'm being a bit skeptical on it. Still, it's been too long since I kicked back and read a good book. And, winter is a great time to do it: a nice book, something hot to drink by the fire, and knowing that you don't have to go outside for anything in particular; THAT'S how a day should be in the cold months. Ahh well, I'll worry about that tomorrow. I also did a bit of grocery shopping, which was a rather fun experience… it took a nasty glare, and a casual threat before the jerks at the local market stopped following us. Ugh, I can't understand why they insist on pissing me off: I'm paying for what I pick up, I'm not putting my damn paws all over the produce, or opening things like a stray. Damn humans and their prejudice… yes, I'm probably the same way back, and I know how it feels on both ends of the spectrum. Doesn't mean I like having to tolerate it while picking out good produce, or deciding on which cuts of meat look the tender. But, when you're a Pokémon trying to exist in a human setting, less than subtle glances and being followed are the least of your worries. *sigh* At least I have William, pain in the ass as he can be, to come home to. Write later, I think Rose and Gloria are about to team up and steal my pen. _

_Mmm… roast beef with steamed green beans, carrots, real mashed potatoes and milk: that's how a family dinner should be. Minus the argument over who has to help clean up at least… *sigh* I swear Dracoris really does act his age when it comes to chores. Doesn't help that he was arguing with Gloria one bit… it's very hard to tell who's the mature one in cases like that. Ended up doing it all myself just to shut them up, for which I'll get William back on a later date. Right now I just want to relax after having to both make dinner and clean up after it: very tiring work, when you consider that my family is about twelve Pokémon large. Not to mention that I can't exactly hold any of the dishes… ahh well, it's done now and I can relax for the night with a good book. It also helps that Gloria and Rose are currently playing a game of tag in the living room… I don't feel right about it, though. Gloria is new to her, and yet Rose isn't afraid, or even nervous… I'm just being paranoid. Damn it, I forgot to pick up the finished photos, and it's too late to run in tonight… do it tomorrow I guess. Right now, I'd better make a break for it before they drag me into the wrestling match._

_*sigh* I knew there was something else to Gloria's mood shift this morning, but it took her being worn out from playing to get it out of her. Apparently, she spent Christmas alone… now, even for a fictitious character that William made up to piss me off with, I feel bad for her. I mean, even for someone he's pretending to be, it's not nice to be forced to spend a holiday alone… okay, so I was overly emotional about that: bite me. Still, even for being an act… I can't stand to see her cry, or anyone for that matter… I guess it's a mix of the motherly instinct and a long forgotten loneliness welling up, but I… well, I made her a promise. Long story short, I'm the one who's going to be there when she needs someone, not really like a mate as William is mine for life, but more like a really good friend… thankfully she fell asleep before any ideas came up in that vacant skull of hers, but… a part of me wonders about things. Another female, a cute one at that being so close… *sigh* I'm going to smack him good later for making me wonder about things like this. Write later, I'm going to bed before any more ideas come to me._

_December 29:_

_I don't feel great right now, but my mood… and stomach are getting better. I had a nightmare about that snare trap, and the sadistic… thing that set it… I don't want to write it down, because it'll keep that memory alive… but, I'll put a bit of it down. Just… I remember feeling like I was hanging, and then… then a voice… I felt cold, from fear or the area I don't know… and then, just as I woke up I could feel something sharp against my neck… thinking about it makes me want to cry. At the same time, right now I'm feeling… kind of like when I'm with William, but he's not here… Gloria is. *sigh* It's really hard to explain, but Gloria… I think she has that same warm aura that William does, only feminine… probably because it's my William in there, just a different gender… that didn't come out right. Fine, I felt really comforted by Gloria holding me close, happy? She's really gentle beneath the denseness, and I'm glad she was the first one I saw upon waking up from the nightmare… William would have been nicer, but she's a close second. Write later, I think something's burning._

_*sigh* Gloria was trying to make me breakfast, and managed to burn the toast… at least she didn't catch herself, or anything else on fire. It's going to take some time to get the stench of blackened toast out of the manor, but her heart was in the right place. I let her help me with starting breakfast for everyone to help her feel better, though honestly… she only did the simple tasks: cracking eggs, getting out ingredients and the like. She didn't mind, though. Just being able to help out probably made her feel important… kinda like a kit, only more dumb than naïve. Yes, I'm seeing some things in her that I like in William, but he is and always will be my mate. Gloria… is just a close friend, and someone I feel a kinship with, that's all. Breakfast was good: no toast, as none of us wanted the stench to spread, but we DID have cheese and ham omelets, hash browns, orange juice, regular pancakes with razzberry syrup, and milk. All in all, it was a nice power breakfast for everyone. Mmm… I don't even care that it's gonna take a few hours of hard exercise to work it off: totally worth it. Write later, gonna bug Dracoris about picking up the photos._

_Heh, they came in all right: most were pretty good, but a few were in bad lighting… oh well, it was his first experience being at that height with a camera I'd imagine. Still, the shot of almost everyone together came out great… though, that means William will probably use it for his picture frame. *sigh* I shouldn't feel jealous that a shot of everyone would mean a lot to him, but… I hoped to be that something special for him. No sense in pining over it. The rest of the shots were pretty good… I made sure to hide the one of him lying on top of me, as I don't need Shadowbane getting her sneaky paws on it anytime soon. Got a great one of Derano and Dracoris sitting side by side, just like the brothers they always should have been… he looked so happy in that shot. And ehe, I made sure to put aside at least one of Dracoris with his head stuck in the candy tin: it was something a kit would do, and yet he did it twice… I think he liked it. And, I also set aside the one of William and myself under that green stuff… mistletoe I think. Eh, the green stuff that he said lovers are supposed to kiss under. I would have done it anyway, but maybe that green plant was supposed to mean something… never did find out. Eh, doesn't matter in the end. The rest were just various shots of the family: Cerberus once again trying to win over Padfoot, Thanos and Shadowbane lying side by side near the fire, Rose playing with her new Eevee doll. And who could forget Karakof looking rather… undignified as he started up his new laptop and started up that game… I'll never understand his attraction to it. *sigh* Family isn't always the one's your born to, it's also those who you choose to let into your life. Write later, need to help with lunch._

_Still don't have my William back, but as much as I'm fighting myself… Gloria is nice to have around. She's someone soft to lie next to, and… I kind of like having someone to hold for a change. William… he's been a lot cuddlier in the last few weeks, but still distant in some respects. Gloria on the other paw… she's timid, nervous, yet all but melts when I pull her close… it's like a weird mirror image of my William, only not… *sigh* I don't know how the hell to explain it. She just is, I guess; something that makes me wonder if even William is fully in control of at this point. Eh, she's just a feminine, more than slightly dense version of my William… whom I have to admit, is becoming harder to resist… William is my mate for life, and I will not do anything to damage that bond. It's hard to do, though… especially when temptation is only a few inches away… I need to talk with William as soon as I can… or knock him upside the head with a blunt object for doing this to me. Both are quite appealing right now, especially as I'm having trouble keeping my head clear. Write later, gonna go run a few laps around the manor and get some fresh air._

_I ended up staying out there until dinner was ready… guess I lost track of time, which is odd. I remember it being light out on the first lap, then the next time I think about it, it's already dark. Must have been too into my practice to notice. I'm still unsure of what I'm feeling when it comes to Gloria, but I know it isn't love… hard as that is to say. But, it's better than leading her on with false feelings, only to dump her like he did… *sigh* Is he testing me, or has William really lost control of his own creation? I can't tell… and that worries me; I look into her eyes, and that sparkle is there, but is it still him behind it all? He has to be… Gloria was just a character he invented to relax… I hope. *sigh* Now I'm going to worry until I see those soft gray eyes again. William… for how much I love him, for everything I would endure just to feel his gentle touch, he really can rattle me. I just want to be by my male mate, and try to forget this entire day happened… but, I know that's not going to happen. Write later, Gloria's waking up._

_I feel a bit better, though hearing Gloria talking so intelligently gave me the creeps. At the same time… he, well she apologized. Again, I might add, as 'Gloria' has done this once before: I think it was back during her first appearances, though I could be wrong. Still, 'she' felt bad for being so confusing, though unlike the last time, I didn't hesitate with a response. I had to be honest… Gloria was starting to mean something in my life. I like her as a bit more than a friend, but nothing like the devotion I have to William… 'she' understood, which helps a lot… *sigh* I'm still confused, but at least the cheery Gloria is back. How do I feel about her… I like her, that's for certain. Beyond that, it's hard to say. Maybe I'm still looking at this wrong. Gloria is William, just as William is Gloria: two sides of the same coin… hard as that is to swallow, it's true. Would that mean feeling something for her, even letting her close could be seen as cheating on him? Probably, as Gloria is someone different that the one I've devoted myself to… yet, I wonder if that's how he would see it. *sigh* Being confused by what passes for normal around here is one thing, but having your mate play mind games on you is something entirely different. Maybe I should try to talk things out with her, rather than agonizing over the problem myself? Write later, gonna see if Gloria is awake still, and if she is that she's in a talking mood._

_… I feel good, but a little confused. Gloria… well, we got some talking done, and a few other things… never knew Gloria knew that much. I also feel even worse for her, as I wormed more out of her than I bargained for. She… was in several hard matehoods, if you can call being treated like dirt matehood, and until meeting 'William', couldn't break out of the cycle. *sigh* And… well, it's also left her wary around males. I suppose having all the ones she'd been around using her as little more than a pleasure outlet would do that. Still, she's… caring I guess, if not a bit dominating for her physique. And I just KNOW she's had experience with females, or at least seen it… wouldn't put it past the horrible males that are out there. I can't get over how she acted either… it was almost like she'd been pent up for a while, but until I asked… she's never acted 'that' way around me, or anyone else for that matter. I'm not arguing it… it was kind of fun to have someone else in control… the way her tail moved… flicked… being held down by her mental force, so gently, yet firmly… I REALLY hope my whimpering didn't get noticed… I'd never live it down. Ahh well, it was nice to be at her mercy, though… I still prefer William. For one, the emotional bond is different, as Gloria is and never will be my mate. For another… she's a tease. *sigh* It felt so good… swear she either had a third split in her tail, or was using her mental strength on me… and ooh, how she finished up… I never knew that could feel so good. Then again, I guess if one-way works, the other does too. She wouldn't let me try, which was disappointing: something about me feeling good being enough for her. Kinda drowsy, but I want to get some more thoughts out before turning in. Well… Gloria is something else, that's for sure. I feel bad for pseudo-cheating on William, but somehow I have a feeling that this could be seen as one of those human… kinks… fetishes… not really sure how to explain what happened an hour ago. Oh well, it was really nice, and Gloria is happy… she's sucking on the tip of her tail with a silly grin… wonder what she's dreaming about? Well, I'm gonna turn in; the allure of good dreams is too much for me._

_December 30:_

_*sigh* William was back, and I was… mostly happy for it. It would have been really nice to spend at least another morning with Gloria, but it's really not my decision to make. Anyway, I get to take a break from making breakfast, which was a damn relief: have to do the dishes in exchange, but cleaning up the plates and pans is a small job compared to getting everything ready. That, and I really want to have his cooking again… Dracoris and I can do a passable job, but there's just something about how he does it that makes it so damn good… and he's never shared the recipe for his cheri pancakes, though I haven't tried my ways yet… another time, though. Write later, breakfast is done._

_I'm going to kill him… no, that's not harsh enough. I'm going to nail his paws the floor, skin him alive, pour salt on his skinless body, and then kill him. That little bastard set his camera to take timed pictures… he won't tell me where it is, though I'm going to beat it out of him once I find him. It was NOT FUNNY to take pictures of that, no matter how 'interesting' they could be. *sigh* Sometimes his little antics are amusing, even cute… but, this one goes FAR beyond what I'd consider funny. Last night was a private matter, not something to take photos of for 'later reference', whatever that means. Does that mean Gloria's story was just a ruse to get on my soft side… no, she's too naïve to do that. And, I really doubt she could have pulled off that hurt face and voice so well, along with the crying. Still, skinning William is on the top of my to-do today list, JUST to make sure he knows NOT to do things like that. First though, I need to plan this out… write later, gonna do some thinking in the attic._

_Still no sign of the dead Eon walking, which is good and bad. Good, as it means he has a little longer to think about what he did before I kill him, and bad because my blood lust is going down. So, drop the salt: nailed paws, skin, kill… that works I guess. Still, it's a matter of how to get him in that position, what with his ability to teleport away… hmm… I think he's still linked to that ultra ball. Could work, though activating the return mechanism will be hard. William… he'll be expecting me to go straight for blood, so maybe that could work… hmm. *sigh* I should just charge him the moment his paw touches the interior: hide in the shadows and start my work that way. No… that's no fun: I want vengeance, not mindless killing… the ball might work good, thought that means going up and getting it. I know mostly where they are, though it's possible that Dracoris misplaced them while we were cleaning. Eh, look for it later. Right now, lunch sounds good._

_Sandwiches for lunch, as Dracoris wasn't home, and I just couldn't be bothered to cook. *sigh* If he hadn't pissed me off, we could have had a decent meal… well, if I hadn't scared the fur off him that is. Which means I'm punishing myself for his asshole move. Figures I'd end up hurting myself while trying to get him… maybe I'm going about this wrong? NO! He took pictures of ME during a very PRIVATE matter, and THEN had the gall to mention it not long after we were done eating. What was he thinking, that I'd be pacified with food and not care? Or that I might find it funny… that sounds like him: laugh up something that really hurt my feelings, along with bringing out a blood lust I'd forgotten about. There are times he just pushes his luck to the breaking point, and then flees before things get bad. I just… I can't believe he'd be that insensitive: even William should know that things in our bedroom stay there… maybe he really wanted to use his new camera… but, he could have just taken some nice pictures with it, not produce… what's the word for it? Smut… eh, close enough: smut of me with Gloria of all things. What's next, get a motion camera and start making dirty little videos? I need a nap, and then I'll find his ball._

_Still no sign of him, though now I have his ball minimized and held just under my chest. Good thing it has black stripes, as that makes it easier to conceal… wonder if he'll see this one coming? And for that matter… I don't want to kill him as badly now. Nailing his filthy paws to the floor and maybe beating him for a bit should suffice. He'll try to run, but I noticed that there's a small delay, so a nice Shadow ball or bite will keep him from doing it. He deserves worse, but… the longer I have to wait and plan, the more my rage fades… I want to stay mad at him, too. He did more than just mess with me, he… he violated the sanctity of our room… no, it's not cute or erotic. I feel threatened that he would disregard my feelings just to collect 'reference material'. And now I'm just waiting him to return, so I can give him the punishment he's earned. *sigh* How do things end up like this? And for that matter, why does he keep making stupid mistakes that he should know would set me off? I'm willing to try and overlook some of his stupid ideas, but this… what he did goes beyond forgiving. William… why must it keep coming to this, the two of us fighting over something that could have been avoided? I just don't know… the anger I felt this morning is starting to fight with how much I care about him, and losing… I still want to hurt him badly for what he did, but killing him… I'm past that now. Write later, gonna go help with dinner._

_It's getting late, and I'm more worried than angry, which is quite frustrating. He's either hiding out somewhere to wait me out, doing something else… or maybe he was injured… nah, he's not stupid enough to pick a fight with anyone but me. Even then, I'm not sure he knows just what pissing me off will do. *sigh* Now I miss him… stupid anger, and not being able to hold onto it for more than several hours. I'm still mad, just not enough to anything more than yell at him… if that. Does he even know how much it hurt me? Does he even care? William… we've been mates for less than a year, and already I've entertained horrible thoughts about him, and even resorted to primal violence over something… is this what finding your someone is like? We've been really happy being together… at least I think he's been happy… damnit, I don't need to start doubting him: I'm angry, not unsure. Still, comparing the good times to the bad shows that we get along well. He just has a habit of doing really stupid things and pissing me off, that's all. And… there's a part of me that like that about him. He's dense, if not stupid, yet still caring beneath it. And of course, he puts up with my outbursts in his own way… usually running for his life, and coming back once I've cooled down. Write later, I'm not feeling very good right now. _

_December 31:_

_Ugh, just when I think he understood how I feel, he opens that trap of his and pisses me off again! Here we are, I'm feeling good that he's back after a night of sleeping alone, he's apologetic about invading my privacy like that: things are going good. Then, he just HAS to ask if I want to see the damnable things. He actually got them printed! I nearly murdered him on the spot for it, but I managed to control myself… mostly. Ehe, grabbing him with my teeth by the scruff, keeping just enough shadow energy flowing through him that he couldn't teleport away, dragging him into the attic, and throwing him out a window by his ears is better than outright skinning him alive. Painful, and probably very cold, but he'll live. I probably shouldn't have used the minor down time between letting go of his scruff and throwing him to tug his ears like that, but I was really angry… *sigh* What really makes it hard to just put behind me now is that I'm sure once he's conscious… he'll either forgive me outright, or we'll get into a small argument before making up. I don't know how he can do it: not only did I scream at him yesterday and threaten to kill him, I threw him out the third story window today… yet, I just know he's not going to up and leave me, or kick me out for being violent… I can't understand it, and that fact is driving me up the wall. Maybe breakfast will help. Write later._

_Well, William had his big blow up over the window tossing, and I have to admit… he didn't rail into me like I was expecting. He just… he gave me this funny look and asked if another toss would help me get over the whole situation. Either he hit his head really hard on the ground, or Shadowbane gave him a quick line to throw me off track with. It worked, but that's beside the point. I'm just glad we could sit down and work things out… the photos were gone, so I guess between my nap after breakfast and waking up with William staring at me, he disposed of those filthy pictures. It's one of the reasons I didn't blow up at him a second time. It's also because he really looked sorry for what he did, and not just a 'sorry, can we make up and smooth over'… more of a 'sorry for what I've done, can we talk it out' attitude… *sigh* and I gave in to it. I'm not sure how long we sat by the fire, but it wasn't until Shadowbane started pestering us about lunch that we quit… so maybe an hour at least? We just talked: no real topics, just talked about whatever. It felt really nice to just sit down and do something simple like that. We usually have some sort of plans, something to do, or are being intimate… never just talking about things. It's amazing what you find out when you do, though… he was afraid I'd want to leave him for what he did: a silly fear, but one that I guess has some basis. And I didn't know that he liked to dance; it never came up while we were on the road… now I kinda wish I wasn't a quadruped. Eh, just something I learned today. Heh, and he got a few things out of me… it's embarrassing that he liked that I named Rose after my mother. And, I ended up talking about my brothers… that brought up a few hard questions: how do you explain to a human- okay, a human/Pokémon hybrid what growing up in a breeding facility is like? I mean, it's not like there's a lot in common with that and how humans live. I think he understood how I can talk so flippantly about my only blood relatives, but… at the same time I think he might do something crazy or stupid to find Derias and Kyner. Mmm… pie._

_We sat down and sorted the Christmas photos out finally, and I noticed something that's scaring me… Rose's eyes seem discolored. I tried blowing it off as the lighting, or the film having a bad spot, but every shot with her was the same… I hope she's all right. The change is really minor, but around the edges of her eyes, the normal deep red is turning pink, like the color is being bleached out or something. William showed it to Kitsu, but she brushed it off as faulty human technology: should have told her off for that, but I held my tongue in the interest of keeping the moment of peace we're having right now. I just can't shake the feeling that it's something more than just faulty film. Rose is asleep right now, or I'd try and check her eyes… damnit, why can't anything go right for us? Is there some asshole up there that finds making our lives harder just as things are brightening is funny? *sigh* I'm just overreacting again… I need to calm down and think things out. Well, tomorrow is the last day of this year, and it's kind of scary as well: a year of chaos, pain, tragedy, love, lust, happiness, and new family members all coming to a close, giving way to a fresh year. The unknown lying just around the corner for us. It's both frightening and comforting at the same time. Not knowing what lies in store for us in the new year, yet knowing we'll have each other to face it with… I think I'm over what William did now. It still stings that he would do it, but the urge to hurt him for it is gone. Write later, paws…_

_Mmm… it's been too long since we shared a quiet moment like that… I swear he's gotten even better with those paws of him: it took an hour before I could even feel my legs, and even longer before I could walk again. He got me back for hogging the pie by teasing me with the fork. *sigh* Turnabout is fair play: I hate that expression so much now. I just know he was having fun teasing me while I couldn't move… he didn't sit there and just eat in front of me, but he DID hog the good stuff. I'll get him back later… maybe. It was kind of fun to just lie there and wait for him to feed me… damn, that sounds really weird now that I think about it. Ahh well, it's good to be back to whatever others would call our definition of normal finally. I just hope that Shadowbane and Thanos aren't planning any of their usual tricks for the end of the year: it'd be nice to have a pseudo holiday that they don't 'spice up' for once. Hmm… I wonder; what ARE we doing for it? I'll have to ask William once he wakes up… he looks so cute curled by the fire, and I'm loathe to disturb the scene. Maybe this year will end nicely… an adorable mate curled up by the fire, just begging to be snuggled, those horrible photos disposed of, and a raging snowstorm outside… yep, it's time for a nap. _

_Well, today was the last day of the year, but with the above average chaos… and being caught between anger and confusion…it didn't occur to me, nor did anyone say a thing. So, we're going to celebrate tomorrow in our usual style, as it's apparently a big deal for humans to celebrate the date moving forward. If it's anything like the last bash we had here… I foresee Karakof getting drunk, Shadowbane being obnoxious, me either ending up drunk, or messed up enough to have trouble remembering what happened, Cerberus being a git until Padfoot worms some fun out of him, Witchhazel either being there for the food, or to keep peace, Dracoris enjoying himself immensely, and Rose… I don't know what she's going to do. Eh, worry about it then. Hmm… a bash also means a run into town for food, drinks, and likely liquor… the last one I could do with, but what's the fun of having a large party and not having something spiked to enjoy it with? And, I like drinking: waking up with a splitting headache and the taste of vomit isn't fun, but I like the taste of a mixed drink. *sigh* It's also a good excuse to just unwind and be a family… without worrying about that gift giving stuff from Christmas. Well, tomorrow is also the last time I'll write in this diary… which feels weird, but that can come later. Right now, I sense a warm stomach that needs to be snuggled._

_January 1:_

_Mmm… woke up with the living furnace holding me close. There's nothing like having a big, fluffy mane to bury your muzzle in to make your morning really nice. I just love the way his warmed fur smells, and he's so soft… it's like hugging a big fuzzy pillow. I swear he did it to butter me up, but I don't care… he was too warm and soft to get annoyed with. I even did something extra special to celebrate the last day of this year with him: which reminded me that I failed my challenge… eh, there's always tomorrow I guess. Still, that's the first time we've gone that far, and it felt… weird. Not bad weird, just… not something I'd ask for again. Oh well, once is enough… though, now I have to find out what it feels like with the others, and maybe in other ways. Eh, once is enough to make a nice morning of it. *sigh* Speaking of morning, I'd better get downstairs and start helping with breakfast._

_Well, Dracoris and I, seeing as William decided to stay fluffy for a little while longer… jerk…. Anyway, Dracoris and I headed into town to for supplies. Sure, he was distracted and I let him go off to that shop he likes for a bit, but there's no real hurry: the party is set for around four or five, and it's barely ten right now. Hmm… nobody had any useful suggestions, so I guess we're flying blind on what to get. Basic chips and something to go with them is good. Drink wise… better get something softer for those who don't like liquor… and Dracoris, who's not suppose to drink anyway. Maybe something sweet to ring in the year… warm or room temperature… nah, ice cream sounds good right now. We're partying in the living room, so eating something cold won't be that much of a problem. Maybe a cake… *sigh* I foresee a lot of exercise to ring in the New Year after this party. Totally worth it, but still. Hmm… I guess Dracoris and I are on our own for lunch. Bleh, I'm sure he wants to eat at that burger place… I guess suffering minor salt poisoning is worth the fun afterward… maybe I'll call the center ahead of time and request a stomach pump… write later, gonna go to the library before lunch._

_Ugh… I swear they added extra salt to our meals… I don't feel too good. *sigh* Thank God I know psychic… there's no way I could have hauled as much as I did without it. We got enough junk food to last us nearly a week… or a full-length party, depending on how ravenous everyone is. We got back a bit early, so right now Dracoris is messing with his new purchases… I still can't understand what appeal those pieces of paper have for him. You'd think living with a family who fights other groups so much would be enough combat… eh, it's a safe hobby, and one he enjoys so why argue? William is practically bouncing off the walls while putting up some rather… tacky decorations… and that stupid hat he refuses to take off. A Flareon wearing a cone with a little metallic tip thing is disturbing, not to mention that he's trying to wield a hammer in his jaws. *sigh* Maybe that hope of a quiet new years was too much to ask for… okay, I give up: I'm helping him before he either smashes something, or sets the handle on fire._

_Well, we're nearly set up. It took a bit of coaxing to make him drop the hammer, though I think he was trying to sucker me into a game of tug o war… not happening, but still. At least he kept it simple: a few remnants from Christmas, including the tree that nobody has been bothered to remove, a kinda tacky banner that says 'Happy New Year' over the fireplace, and more of those stupid hats… over my dead body am I wearing one. *sigh* Shadowbane and Thanos have them on, though… I think it's more because they bother me than anything else. Yes, I'm being a stick in the mud: they're idiotic, and I see no reason to wear one-_

_Okay, if Dracoris wasn't my son, I'd beat him senseless right now… he snuck up on me and stuck one of those damned hats on me. Mind you, I tore it off and threw it into the fireplace, which earned me a sour look from William, but it's on principle I won't wear them. *sigh* Hopefully he doesn't give me a cold shoulder over it… it's just a hat, not something we need to ring in this coming year. Now, booze on the other hand is important: Karakof is working on getting the hard drinks ready… I have a feeling I'm going to need them before the night is over. No sign of Rose, though I have a feeling she's still asleep… good thing Dracoris is distracted with this funny paper gizmo, or he might start shuffling through music to find something appropriate. Hmm… come to think of it, the bitch isn't around either: guess the idea of everyone acting like a family made her realize she's not welcome… *sigh* I can't write that without feeling a bit bad. I don't like her one bit, but that's no reason to feel good about her not being here. Besides, I could probably convince Dracoris to dump one of the hats on her, and get a good laugh out of it. Well, we're starting soon, so I've gotta help with the final setup. _

_*sigh* Dracoris has really weird taste… it's been half an hour, and this one song is still going… six degrees of something or other: can't remember the rest. It's decent, but really becomes a grind to listen to. Hmm… maybe I can get him to change CD"s after it… something fast would be nice. Aside from that, things are going good: Rose made a brief appearance for food, but retreated when the loud music started… she's probably in her room still… I feel bad that she was frightened, but… maybe it's better that she avoids the crowded living room. *sigh* I'll look in on her again in a few hours. Beyond that, things are going good: that root beer stuff Dracoris suggested is going over well, especially with the ice cream mixed in. I've had two myself… they're good. Scary enough, the two tricksters are behaving themselves… aside from gorging on chips and dip, that is. Still, no explosions, colorful remarks, pranks, tricks, or anything else that was in that book I gave them. Hell, they're even staying with the crowd, rather than going off for a bit to discuss whatever passes between them… now I'm worried. Are they planning something big, or just taking the day off? *sigh* Best not to dwell on it. _

_Rose is doing okay, and at least she ate something that I brought her… just a plate of fruit and a bit of cake, but it's something. It took a lot of effort, but I made sure not to stare too long at her eyes… they're just a bit paler now, and it's worrying me even more. I'll have to get Kitsu to look at her soon. Anyway, Shadowbane and Thanos came up with the horrible idea of karaoke: I swear that's a human term for 'butchering songs', if William is anything to go by. I love him, but God his voice is horrible… Shadowbane on the other paw… just wow. Maybe it was the real singer on the recording blending in, but she and Thanos were pretty good. Humans would only hear a mixture of howls, but… it's like that song just clicked with them. Hmm… they had to have planned that one: no way in hell would the idea of making some of us sing come up out of the blue… and thank God Karakof wasn't drunk enough at that point. His bad bar songs are entertaining, but he sounds horrible too… *sigh* I'm staying by the table until it stops, as William or Dracoris might try to make me try it. That, and the cake we bought is really good: chocolate with a nice strawberry filling. Mmm… maybe holidays aren't so bad, aside from dealing with the stupidity in-between. Hmm… looks like the weasel just hit his limit… he's dancing and singing really off key now. My ears hurt._

_Ugh, it's nearly midnight right now and we're winding down a bit. Not enough to break up the party, but enough that I can get to what I wanted: reading through this diary and seeing what I wrote over the months. *sigh* How is it that I could go from being such a whiny, self-pitying little bitch to finding love with the one I hurt? Maybe fate doesn't hate me that much… or, I'm just that damn lucky. Either way, I wouldn't trade this last year for anything, even a happier matehood: it's not the best, but… it's what I have, and I'm damn appreciative of it. Hmm… and thinking about it, that book I tried to read… no, she wouldn't… SHADOWBANE!_

_Azarus Ketchum_


End file.
